Married with Children Quotes
Kelly: He'll be here. When my daddy says he'll do something he... no, that's my friend Marsha's daddy. But when my daddy puts his mind to something, he... no, that's Carolyn's daddy. Well, my daddy dear, he knows he's still number one, oh girls just want to have fun. No, that's Cyndi Lauper's daddy. Hmm.
Jackson: What about your daddy?
Kelly: Obviously, he's not here.
TV Show: Married with Children
Kelly: Remember, attraction is a three-way street. Or is it a one-way tunnel? Hmm, in any case, I do know it's a four-lane highway, but it takes two to use the car-pool lane. I guess what I'm trying to say is, what the younger generation has learned is that there's nothing for us to watch on CBS, and you've got to be yourself. A man has to love you for you, not some costume. He's gotta love who you are.
TV Show: Married with Children
Bud: Kelly, go get changed into your sleaziest dress.
Kelly: Which one?
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: Al, how am I supposed to do my job and yours? I tell ya, now I know how Hillary feels.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need BATTERIES ANYMORE.
Al: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DIEHARD.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: I tried to get Al to fix the driveway a long time ago. But his philosophy is why improve a home you're only going to live in anyway?
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: I want sex.
Al: So do I, but I see no reason to drag *you* into it.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: Kelly, its time we had a little talk. There is a thing men will want you to do when you get married; it's called work.
Kelly: I'm scared; hold me, Mom.
Peggy: Once you do it though, you'll never have to do it again and there will come a time when your husband comes home smellin' like beer and wantin' some lovin'; you'll follow that fat butt up the stairs because you'll know that no matter how disgusting the next five minutes may be, it's still better than work.
Kelly: Thanks, Mom; you're so wise.
Peggy: Well, you can't sit on a couch twenty hours a day and not learn something.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: No TV, Al, we're talking.
Al: You're my wife. I will not talk to you while I have a TV.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: Sooo... we've certainly learned a lot about each other. We have no opinions on politics, religion, science, starving people, nuclear holocaust or recycling. The only thing we seem to feel strongly about is we both hate that painting behind Jay Leno.
TV Show: Married with Children
Peggy: What would you like?
Al: A nice juicy steak, medium rare, with little brown potatoes on the right side of the plate, ketchup on the left, where some people waste space with vegetables. And for dessert, a roast beef.
TV Show: Married with Children
Jefferson: Can I stay here a while? I don't want Marcy to know I'm not at the Unemployment Anonymous meeting.
TV Show: Married with Children
Reporter: Scientist are still sifting through the nuclear hole that used to be the Republic of France.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: [doorbell rings] Peg, could you get that? It's probably the 'Homeless: It Could Be Worse' Tour.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: [Marcy has appeared at the Bundy's door with a raw chicken] Congratulations, Marcy. I didn't even know you were expecting.
Marcy: [walking past Al] Peggy, my oven is on the blink. Can I use yours to warm my giblets?
Al: [to Jefferson] I thought that was your job.
Jefferson: No, my job is to stuff the bird every night.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: [one of Jefferson's friends has just done the "pull my finger gag"] And I thought I ran with a cool crowd in high school.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: Ah, Peg. You're down here. Damn. Then I was dreaming you ran off with the dwarf down at the bookstore, and I was living in sin with a Playboy centerfold and her eight friends who could speak but chose not to.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: I don't want more people in this house. I want less. I want my life back, dammit. I want my youth. I want my hair. I want... this room. It's really nice... Are you thinking of moving out, son?
Bud: No, Dad.
Al: Damn. Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: I hate those complaint boxes they put in at the mall. A woman comes in the shoe store today, so huge she's protected by 'Green Peace', and ask for a size-4 shoe. So I asked her if she wants to eat them there or take them home, and she has the nerve to complain about my performance.
Peggy: Honey, I complain about youre performance all the time... you don't care. Sometimes you don't even wake up.
Al: Well unlike sex with you Peg, this is important to me.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: I work in a shoe store, I make less than minimum wage, and yet I'm not happy to be home.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: It's not that I couldn't be happy without you, Peg. It's just that I couldn't be happy. Perhaps that is the true Bundy Legacy.
Peggy: I thought the true Bundy Legacy was underwear with just an elastic band.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: Leave me alone, Peg. The Bears are playing the Rams... and if you lose to the Rams, you get kicked out of the league.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: Now wait a second Peg, the kids are here. If you want to have sex, they'll have to leave. And if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: Okay, Peg. I tried to use our ATM card, I stuck it in, it spit it out... and it laughed at me.
Peggy: Sound familiar? How many times have I told you, Al, you gotta stick it in the right way. And you know, pressing the right buttons wouldn't hurt either.
TV Show: Married with Children
Al: Those articles that say married couples have sex every month are just sensationalistic lies perpetrated on the public to sell magazines. It's hooey I tell you, hooey.
TV Show: Married with Children