Leave it to Beaver Quotes

Eddie Haskell: Gee, Mrs. Cleaver...

TV Show: Leave it to Beaver
Judy Hensler: All right. Sit down and shut up! You're gonna learn this stuff if I have to shove it down your throat! And just where do you think you're going... Beaver Cleaver?
Beaver Cleaver: Thanks anyway, Judy. But I'd rather go through 3rd grade a hundred times than listen to your ugly voice for one minute!

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
Richard Rickover: Hey, Beaver, your mom is ok. How did she ever get so pretty?
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I don't know. I think she was that way when my father got her.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [with family at kitchen table] Dad, can I have twenty cents for flowers for Miss Landers?
June Cleaver: What's the occasion?
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: She's sick.
June Cleaver: Oh, that's too bad. Is she going to be out long?
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Well, I guess so - we're spending four dollars. When she was sick with the flu, we only spent two-fifty.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
Wally Cleaver: Boy, Beaver, wait'll the guys find out you were hanging around with a girl. They'll really give you the business. Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: But gee, Wally, you hang around with girls and the guys don't give you the business.
Wally Cleaver: Well, that's because I'm in high school. You can do a lot of stuff in high school without getting the business.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
William 'Uncle Billy' Cleaver: [after Uncle Billy and Beaver arrive home] Theodore, I'm not finished with you yet.
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Oh, I thought you were. On account of you didn't say anything to me in the car. [Uncle Billy takes his hat off then walks further in the living room with an angry look]
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Well, gee, Uncle Billy, I didn't do anything so terrible. All I did was help a guy get in the movies.
William 'Uncle Billy' Cleaver: I'm not saying it's the first time it ever happened. When I was a kid, I crawled under my share of circus tents. But it's the setup of the thing that gets me hot under the collar.
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: The setup?
William 'Uncle Billy' Cleaver: Yeah. Your mother and father went away on a weekend, they left me here in charge. Now I tried to make it fun for you boys. I let you do as you want, come and go as you want, and I trusted you. But you took me for some kind of a pushover. Thought you could get away with anything.
Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: But, gee, Uncle Billy, I...
William 'Uncle Billy' Cleaver: Don't "Uncle Billy" me. And don't give me any more of your lame excuses. Young man, you go up to your room. I'm very disappointed in you.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[pre-credits introduction]
Ward Cleaver: When you're young, there are some thing you have to learn. How to catch a baseball. And good table manners don't come too easily. But when you're a boy, losing things is one of the few lessons you don't have to learn. And that's our story tonight on "Leave it to Beaver."

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[at a backyard funeral]
Larry Mondello: These here are Beaver's pigeons, which he named after his two teachers, which the cat ate, so he buried them.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Beaver and Larry are having a picnic at Friends Lake]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Hey Larry, how come food tastes better when your eatin' it outside?
Larry Mondello: I don't know. Maybe 'cause if you drop something, nobody's gonna' holler at ya' for gettin' dirt dirty.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Eddie's mother is concerned about him taking a summer job on an Alaskan fishing boat]
Agnes Haskell: It's such a rough life and Edward's so sensitive.
George Haskell: Sensitive? He's about as sensitive as an armadillo.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Entry in Beaver's diary]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Went to school. Ate lunch. Saw dead cat. Came home.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Fred has walked to the Cleaver's to catch a ride to work with Ward]
Fred Rutherford: I hate to mention it, but this neighborhood's getting a little on the rough side.
Ward Cleaver: Oh?
Fred Rutherford: Yes. Coming down the block just now, a kid yelled, "Hey skinhead" at me.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[June has prepared a lovely dinner of barbecued pork ribs]
Ward Cleaver: Well, you boys are very quiet tonight. What are you thinking about?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs.
June Cleaver: Beaver, please.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[repeated line]
Ward Cleaver: Beaver, your mother and I are very disappointed in you.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[repeated line]
Ward Cleaver: Oh, fine!

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[repeated line]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Gee Wally, that's swell.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Richard has lost the three dollars his mother gave him to have the families laundry washed]
Richard Rickover: I wish I was old enough to cry.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Yeah, now the only place you can cry in public is in the theater when its dark.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[the boys have set a trap for Lumpy and are trying to lure him out of the house ]
Wally Cleaver: [shouting] Lumpy! Hey, Lumpy! C'mon out, Lumpy!
Fred Rutherford: Gwendoline, what's that?
Gwen Rutherford: Sounds like somebody calling.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: [shouting] Lumpy, dumpy, the big fat hairy ape!
Fred Rutherford: Must be for Clarence.
Wally Cleaver: [shouting] Hey, Meathead! Meathead!
Gwen Rutherford: Might be for you, dear.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[to Beaver]
Wally Cleaver: What a dumb thing to do. I bet you wouldn't have done anything like this if Mom and Dad were here.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Wally's in love]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: What's the matter with you, Wally?
Wally Cleaver: Whatta' you mean what's the matter with me?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: You look like that time you ate all those rotten eclairs you found in the trash behind the supermarket.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Ward has arrived home from work and is reading the mail in the living room, unbeknownst to June and Wally who have just come down the stairs]
June Cleaver: Now Wally, I want you to go in the living room and pick up those orange peels that you left on the coffee table. If your father comes home and sees them he'll be in a terrible mood all through dinner.
Wally Cleaver: Yeah, I don't want him hollerin' at me again. [June sees Ward in the living room, who has overheard their exchange]
June Cleaver: [sheepishly] Hello Dear. I was upstairs, I didn't know you were home.
Ward Cleaver: Oh yes, the monster has returned to his cave.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver
[Ward has opened the car door for June to enter]
June Cleaver: Thank you dear. It's so sweet of you to be the thoughtful husband after all these years.
Ward Cleaver: Your very welcome. Besides the neighbors might be watching.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: Ah, June, Gilbert's always talking about his parents. Have you ever met them?
June Cleaver: Oh, I see her at the supermarket every once in a while. She seems like a calm sensible person.
Ward Cleaver: You can't really go by that. You might look the same way to her.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: Beaver, you know what Larry was doing was wrong. You could have stopped him.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Gee, Dad, I have enough trouble keeping myself good without keeping all the other kids good.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: How'd the fishing go Beav?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Great Dad. We didn't catch any fish, but Larry and I saw a man slip on a wet rock and heard everything he said.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: I'm going to change my clothes and finish painting those trash cans myself; the boys ran out on the job.
June Cleaver: Well dear you can't blame them too much, they went over to see the big fire at the lumber yard.
Ward Cleaver: Fire?
June Cleaver: Yes, they couldn't resist it, and after all they are just boys.
Ward Cleaver: Tom Corton's lumber yard?
June Cleaver: Yes, it's been on the radio. Why, they've called out fire companies from all over.
Ward Cleaver: Well it must be quite a fire.
June Cleaver: Yes, it must be.
Ward Cleaver: June, I wonder if you'd go out to the garage and put those brushes in some turpentine, I won't be too long. (Rushes out the back door.)
June Cleaver: Once a boy always a boy.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: It's that friend of Beaver's. You know, the one who always talks like he was just frightened by something.
June Cleaver: Whitey Whitney?
Ward Cleaver: That's it.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: Let's face it, June, Wally and Eddie have been friends for four or five years now - nothing's ever really happed.
June Cleaver: But Eddie has that look about him that makes you think something's always about to happen.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: Sometimes I wish I had stayed single and raised silver foxes.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver

Ward Cleaver: Wally, believe it or not, I was your age once.

TV Show: Leave It to Beaver