Men Behaving Badly Quotes
Deborah: What are you thinking?
Tony: I was just wondering what colour your bush is.
Deborah: What?
Tony: I was just wondering what car rubbish is.
Tony: I was just wondering what colour your bush is.
Deborah: What?
Tony: I was just wondering what car rubbish is.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Dorothy: You really are a yob aren't you Gary?
Gary Strang: On the contrary, I think I'm remarkably sensitive.
Dorothy: Oh, that must be why you refer to Luciano Pavarotti as "that fat git".
Gary Strang: On the contrary, I think I'm remarkably sensitive.
Dorothy: Oh, that must be why you refer to Luciano Pavarotti as "that fat git".
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Dr. Alexander: Why are we here?
Kevin: Because you're Sarah's dearest and closest friends.
Billy: Well, that's just sad.
Kevin: Because you're Sarah's dearest and closest friends.
Billy: Well, that's just sad.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary Strang: [to a near-blind Tony] So washing your contact lenses in Fuzzy Peach shower gel isn't a good idea, then?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Tony: [trying to get Deborah to sleep with him, she is into astrology at the time] I must lie down here in conjunction with you . . .
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[An idea to get customers into the pub]
Tony: Karaoke!
Ken: [Dubiously] Japanese Suicide Night?
Tony: Karaoke!
Ken: [Dubiously] Japanese Suicide Night?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Optician: What about contact lenses?
Tony: Ooh, no, no. I couldn't have something up against me eye. You know, right there, staring at me.
Optician: I would imagine it's no more uncomfortable than wearing a condom, say.
Tony: How d'you wear a condom on your eye?
Tony: Ooh, no, no. I couldn't have something up against me eye. You know, right there, staring at me.
Optician: I would imagine it's no more uncomfortable than wearing a condom, say.
Tony: How d'you wear a condom on your eye?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Dermot: You've left it a bit late, haven't you? She's probably off to see this new bloke now.
Gary: No, she saw him last night.
Dermot: That must be why she was looking so knackered.
Gary: If you must know, they were up late playing chess
Dermot: Is that what she told you?
Gary: What's that supposed to mean?
Dermot: No, you're probably right actually. When you first start seeing someone, you can't stop playing chess with each other, can you? You meet to go to a movie, have a quick game of chess before you go, rush home afterwards have another game of chess. Possibly in the shower, when you're all soapy. Then in the morning, you play with each other's pieces again. Even if you've woken up in the night and whopped your bishop out. Then you see her bending over to do her shoes up, and you can't resist giving her a right good chessing before she goes to work.
Gary: No, she saw him last night.
Dermot: That must be why she was looking so knackered.
Gary: If you must know, they were up late playing chess
Dermot: Is that what she told you?
Gary: What's that supposed to mean?
Dermot: No, you're probably right actually. When you first start seeing someone, you can't stop playing chess with each other, can you? You meet to go to a movie, have a quick game of chess before you go, rush home afterwards have another game of chess. Possibly in the shower, when you're all soapy. Then in the morning, you play with each other's pieces again. Even if you've woken up in the night and whopped your bishop out. Then you see her bending over to do her shoes up, and you can't resist giving her a right good chessing before she goes to work.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[talking about pain thresholds]
Gary: I mean, look at the fuss women make about child birth. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you'd be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of Paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.
Gary: I mean, look at the fuss women make about child birth. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you'd be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of Paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Dermot: Bye, Graham, nice to meet you. Must have a game of chess some time.
Graham: Sorry, I don't play chess.
Gary: What?
Graham: I don't play chess.
Gary: Oh, you "don't play chess"?
Graham: No, I don't
Gary: You, don't play chess! HOW DARE YOU NOT PLAY CHESS WITH MY DOROTHY!
Graham: I'm sorry?
Gary: GET OUT OF MY FLAT, THE PAIR OF YOU!
Graham: [to Dorothy] Is he always like this?
Gary: GET OFF TO YOUR POXY HOSPITAL, AND DON'T PLAY CHESS TOGETHER! GET OUT!
Graham: Sorry, I don't play chess.
Gary: What?
Graham: I don't play chess.
Gary: Oh, you "don't play chess"?
Graham: No, I don't
Gary: You, don't play chess! HOW DARE YOU NOT PLAY CHESS WITH MY DOROTHY!
Graham: I'm sorry?
Gary: GET OUT OF MY FLAT, THE PAIR OF YOU!
Graham: [to Dorothy] Is he always like this?
Gary: GET OFF TO YOUR POXY HOSPITAL, AND DON'T PLAY CHESS TOGETHER! GET OUT!
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: Let's face it, Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is that if you're both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: Does this office have to sound like an episode of Little House On The Prairie?
Anthea: Well, we're a bit like that, aren't we? Little Office On The Prairie.
Gary: Don't be twee, Anthea.
Anthea: Well, we're a bit like that, aren't we? Little Office On The Prairie.
Gary: Don't be twee, Anthea.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[on the way to the countryside]
Dorothy: Maybe I should move down here.
Gary: Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk.
Dorothy: What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
Gary: That's a bit unfair. Oh, look at those lovely hedges... so what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
Dorothy: Maybe I should move down here.
Gary: Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk.
Dorothy: What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
Gary: That's a bit unfair. Oh, look at those lovely hedges... so what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[on his daffodil present to Deborah being thrown away]
Tony: Excuse me! That was a present.
Ray: Oh, yeah, right, I could tell it was from you, it was scrawny, served no obvious purpose, and neither of us liked it.
Tony: Well, I'll have it back then, please.
Deborah: Why?
Tony: I wanna do some cuttings.
Deborah: How can you do cuttings from a dead daffodil?
Tony: You make incisions in the green, middle, stick-y bit, put it in the airing cupboard, couple of days, hey-presto... tulips!
Tony: Excuse me! That was a present.
Ray: Oh, yeah, right, I could tell it was from you, it was scrawny, served no obvious purpose, and neither of us liked it.
Tony: Well, I'll have it back then, please.
Deborah: Why?
Tony: I wanna do some cuttings.
Deborah: How can you do cuttings from a dead daffodil?
Tony: You make incisions in the green, middle, stick-y bit, put it in the airing cupboard, couple of days, hey-presto... tulips!
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[after finding Tony's stash of porographic magazines]'
Jill: Does that really turn you on?
Tony: How can that possib... yeah, it does actually.
Jill: How can it?
Tony: She's naked.
Jill: Yeah, but she's obviously freezing to death, she's sitting on a fork-lift truck feeling exposed, and stupid, and like a piece of meat. How can that turn you on?
Tony: Well, she's naked, look at it.
Jill: Does that really turn you on?
Tony: How can that possib... yeah, it does actually.
Jill: How can it?
Tony: She's naked.
Jill: Yeah, but she's obviously freezing to death, she's sitting on a fork-lift truck feeling exposed, and stupid, and like a piece of meat. How can that turn you on?
Tony: Well, she's naked, look at it.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: Look, Deborah, you're a girl...
Deborah: No. I was a girl, now I'm a woman.
Gary: How does that work then?
Deborah: No. I was a girl, now I'm a woman.
Gary: How does that work then?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: Do you know what hurts the most?
Tony: ....Getting your balls caught between two bricks - got to be.
Gary: No, no - do you know what hurts the most about Dorothy and her new bloke?
Tony: Oh sorry, no, what?
Gary: She says she's in love. She never said that with me.
Tony: Oh mate, she doesn't love him. Perhaps he's just better with his knob.
Tony: ....Getting your balls caught between two bricks - got to be.
Gary: No, no - do you know what hurts the most about Dorothy and her new bloke?
Tony: Oh sorry, no, what?
Gary: She says she's in love. She never said that with me.
Tony: Oh mate, she doesn't love him. Perhaps he's just better with his knob.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: Do you wanna come in?
Dorothy: I'd better not.
Gary: Don't worry, we found out where that faint musky smell came from. It was Tony.
Dorothy: No, I'd just rather be somewhere a bit more neutral.
Gary: Switzerland?
Dorothy: I'd better not.
Gary: Don't worry, we found out where that faint musky smell came from. It was Tony.
Dorothy: No, I'd just rather be somewhere a bit more neutral.
Gary: Switzerland?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: I've been a Vulcan for 25 years.
Sylvia: Vulcan? Don't you mean "vegan"?
Gary: What, with these ears? [laughs]
Sylvia: Vulcan? Don't you mean "vegan"?
Gary: What, with these ears? [laughs]
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Tony: [drunk] So, how did you happen upon Les' watering hole? I mean two girls in a pub, by themselves. To me that spells: D - A - N - G - E - R
Girl In Pub: To us it spelt: M - A - R - L - B - O - R - O
Tony: [drunk] Middlesbrough?
Girl In Pub: To us it spelt: M - A - R - L - B - O - R - O
Tony: [drunk] Middlesbrough?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: [drunk] Bed? Bed's for sleepy people! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco!
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Gary: [drunk] Time, gentlemen, please! Haven't you got homosexuals to go to?
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Tony: [drunk]I am kneeling... I am kneeling... on the floor... outside the pub...
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Deborah: Why do I have to live above two drunk morons?
Tony: [drunk] You don't! Who says you do? Just stay here in your flat.
Tony: [drunk] You don't! Who says you do? Just stay here in your flat.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Dorothy: Rearrange these words to form a sentence: Tony, and, Gary, are, morons, witless.
Tony: Morons are witless, Tony Gary... and?
Dorothy: Nearly.
Tony: Morons are witless, Tony Gary... and?
Dorothy: Nearly.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Deborah: Who wanted the painkillers?
Tony: Oh, me, ta.
Deborah: What's wrong?
Tony: Toothache, little son of a bitch tosser down at the back...
Deborah: Did you see the dentist?
Tony: Mmm, yeah.
Deborah: What did he say?
Tony: I can't remember it was in 1986.
Tony: Oh, me, ta.
Deborah: What's wrong?
Tony: Toothache, little son of a bitch tosser down at the back...
Deborah: Did you see the dentist?
Tony: Mmm, yeah.
Deborah: What did he say?
Tony: I can't remember it was in 1986.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
Tony: Maybe I should go on this creative writing course, I was always dead good at poetry at school. "I wandered lonely, as a clown, that flows on high o'er shoes and grass, when all o' the once I spied a crow, a hostess of goldy daffs"
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly
[after pulling out a tooth and blood pouring from his mouth, Tony calls the hospital]
Tony: Eyo? An I beak u Goyothy, pease? Goyothy. Gee, Oh... No, Gee, ike in Gog. Gee, Oh, Jee. Jee, ike giraffe. Yeah. O! Dorothy, oo arole, le e eplain! Dorothy! Dorothy!... Eyo, Dorothy. I ust pulled by ooth out. I ondered if oo ould ing e some ainkillers om the ospiyall affer oor hift. Yeah. I'm in uite ayot o pain. Yeah. I eel a bit faint, yeah. I ink I'll ave a i down. Yeah, bye.
Tony: Eyo? An I beak u Goyothy, pease? Goyothy. Gee, Oh... No, Gee, ike in Gog. Gee, Oh, Jee. Jee, ike giraffe. Yeah. O! Dorothy, oo arole, le e eplain! Dorothy! Dorothy!... Eyo, Dorothy. I ust pulled by ooth out. I ondered if oo ould ing e some ainkillers om the ospiyall affer oor hift. Yeah. I'm in uite ayot o pain. Yeah. I eel a bit faint, yeah. I ink I'll ave a i down. Yeah, bye.
TV Show: Men Behaving Badly