Homicide - Life on the Street Quotes

Lewis: You didn't pay your taxes?
Munch: I paid my taxes; my accountant just failed to file them.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: Mike, do you know anybody in the IRS?
Michael Giardello: IRS?
Lewis: Don't go there.
Munch: I'm lookin' for information on an IRS agent. Address, phone number, marital status.
Michael Giardello: You want me to dig up some dirt on an IRS agent?
Munch: Isn't there some super-secret federal database that you could access?
Michael Giardello: What are you, nuts? You don't mess with the IRS.
Munch: But you're FBI, you could say I'm toe to toe with these guys.
Michael Giardello: I could. The question is, why would I?
Lewis: Leave it alone, Munchkin.
Munch: It's not like I'm gonna stalk the guy, Mike, I just need an edge.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: What's that on your tie there? Is it...pesto sauce?
Griscom: You wish.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
[The squad was making a list of hip Jews, and Sammy Davis Jr. came up, although some said he was hip just because he was black]
Falsone: So you're saying all black people are hip?
Lewis: Name one who ain't.
Falsone: George Washington Carver.
Michael Giardello: Please. How many things can a white man do with a peanut?
Munch: Shelled or unshelled?
Falsone: I got one. Meldrick Lewis.
Munch: Well, he is black.
Bayliss: Yep.
Michael Giardello: But not particularly hip.
Bayliss: Nope.
Lewis: What you talkin' about Willis?
Sheppard: Point taken. I guess Sammy Davis goes back on the list.
Lewis: No no no, hold on, let's just stop the game right here. I can be accused of a lot of things, but falling off the cutting edge is not one of 'em. Terri- am I down or am I down?
Stivers: What?
Lewis: Am I hip? Tell these fools.
Stivers: Uh, you have your moments.
Lewis: Moments?
Stivers: I don't know, maybe, you try too hard.
Lewis: I'm not playin' no more.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Naomi: Boss wants to see you. Stat.
Bayliss: Stat? Been watching those wretched medical dramas again?

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: [referring to Michael] Little Gee.
Munch: Chip off the old boulder.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Griscom: So many bodies, so little time...

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gee: [to woman] Are you a lawyer? I hate lawyers.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Falsone: There are moments when I actually begin to believe.
Stivers: Believe what?
Falsone: That we work for God.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Stivers: John Munch without a newspaper? That's like a drug dealer without a pager.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Falsone: [to Kellerman] You work for the dollar, I work for justice.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Danvers: [to Kellerman] I remember when the truth mattered to you more than your paycheck.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: Kellerman's a dog. A Jack Russell terrier. He sinks his teeth in your butt and won't let go.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gharty: I have bought enough damn spatulas.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: Resentment is like you taking poison and hoping the other guy's gonna die.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: If a Jamaican drug dealer falls in an alley and there's no one there to hear him, does he make a sound?

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: No way, no how, nobody's gonna beat my partner down like that, take her weapon, and use it to shoot up my lid. I ain't gonna hear that.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: I'm Homicide. I'm workin' on a murder of a young brother who was killed this afternoon in an alley off the Heights. Now, I know what the talk is. I know a lot of people 'round the way are sayin' that maybe the police did this, maybe the police killed that boy. Well, I'm here to tell you right here, right now, I think that just might be true. And because I think that might be true, me and my partner was up on a house on Homeland Avenue lookin' for a witness, we were lookin' for somebody to tell us what might've happened to Paxton Smart. And if that witness up and puts in a police officer for killin' that young brother then so be it. That's what we was workin' on when my partner got her ass kicked and her gun took. That sister was beat by a black man. And she's up in a hospital right now, coughin' up blood. Now one of two things can happen here. Number one, that gun comes back. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but tonight. And number two, we ain't never gonna see that weapon again. And if that's the case, every policeman in the world is gonna come down to lower Park Heights, and y'all gonna wish you had never heard of Baltimore, Maryland. That gun comes back to me, or my crew is gonna give y'all crew a real reason to riot. Hear me, I want that gun.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: [to Sheppard] I got you covered. [Hands her her gun]

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Griscom: I have a discretionary slush fund.
Munch: I would kill to have a slush fund.
Griscom: How do you think I got mine?

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: Life should come with a money-back guarantee- if not completely satisfied, return unused portion for a full refund.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gee: I'm short detectives!
Bayliss: Translation, "Where are we on Cullen?"
Gee: Very good Bayliss, you speak Shift Lieutenant.
Bayliss: Well, I've had practice.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: A spoon.
Munch: I hate to disappoint you, Meldrick, but that's not the murder weapon.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: I killed a suspect.
Gee: The suspect drew his weapon first?
Bayliss: Yeah.
Gee: The suspect fired first?
Bayliss: Yeah.
Gee: The suspect attempted to use deadly force and you responded. It's a clean shoot.
Bayliss: I killed a man.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: I am a cop.
Lewis: Yeah. And, you know, for my money, you're a pretty damn good cop.
Bayliss: Yeah, but not a very good Buddhist.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: What I have is, I have a second in time. I have a split second in an abandoned building with a gun in my hand and every instinct is telling me who I am at that moment. That's what I got left and that's all I got left...and I'm a homicide cop.
Lewis: [sighs] Well, since you're no longer a Buddhist, you gotta look at the bright side, huh? You can have a couple of brewskis.
Bayliss: No, thanks.
Lewis: Oh come on, you can have one beer.
Bayliss: No. Beer ain't the answer either.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: [to Ballard] Observe. [To crowd]] All right, now, here's the dealio. The low bottom dog that tore this bar up and robbed everybody in it, he killed one man, and he cut another one. Now, before you all start thinking maybe you gotta protect this young brother from the criminal injustice system, let me point somethin' out. The mook that perpetrated this crime was a white man. Now I know in my heart that somebody is gonna come forward that maybe saw that getaway car. [Boy raises hand] My man.
Boy: What's up with that country-ass hat?

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Carey: I like my pizza basic, that way you know what you're getting.
Michael Giardello: A basic pie.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: Seven years ago, I walked in here with a filebox and a lot of idealism. I had a clear vision of justice and morality. And no matter what has happened to me, whatever's happened around me, I still have that.
Gee: Maybe. But on this job I've seen people change, and sometimes for the worse. And those who change the most are the ones who don't admit it.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Falsone: We need to talk to you about your daughter-in-law, Joanna.
Woman: Go ahead, tell me.
Falsone: It's not the kinda thing you want screamed through the door.
Woman: She dead?
Falsone: Yes.
Woman: Okay, thanks, goodbye.
Falsone: No, Mrs. McQueen, we need to ask you about her death. You see, she was murdered.
Woman: Murdered?
Falsone: Yes.
Woman: Stupid bitch.

TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street