Gin Tama Quotes

Okita: You know, you're just an idiot who can't fool anyone [mattaku damasenai otoboke]. Abbreviating, a madao.
Hijikata: Now get stripped!
Hasegawa: [narrating] In the end, wherever I went, I was a madao.

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Gintoki: You idiot! Don't blame all of your problems on your shades! It's the same as tripping in the middle of the street and blaming the pebbles!

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Gintoki: Hey old man, make him [Hasegawa] something his Mama would make.
Oden stand owner: How should I know what it is?
Gintoki: When I say "something Mama would make", I meant some tasty cookies! Ain't that obvious?
Oden stand owner: What kind of mother's that?!

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Okita: [boarding Hasegawa's taxi] You see that guy in the tuxedo? The one who seems to be looking down on people? Hit him with enough force not to kill him, please.

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Gintoki: I'm so bored... Can you make the ride for free?
Hasegawa: Stop joking around. I'm making a living off of this.
Gintoki: Whatever. Just take me past the horizon.
Hasegawa: What are you, my bride?
[Hasegawa starts the car.]
Gintoki: So, how's the new job?
Hasegawa: It was fine until you came around.
Gintoki: Not long before you were at the gates of death. Now you're looking way better.
Hasegawa: Stop bothering me. Nothing's changed. I've got a new job, but no purpose in life. I still can't see anything ahead of me.
Gintoki: Well, ain't that the same for everyone? If you look for it persistently, soon you'll find it.
Hasegawa: Nah, I don't think so. You and me are the only demotivated people in this anime.

TV Show: Gin Tama
[Hasegawa decides to turn back to get a doctor for a woman in labor.]
Prince Hata: You've got to be kidding me!!! First you tear off my lure, and now you want to return?! Are you serious?! I have to see a panda today, no matter what!!!
Hasegawa: C'mon now, you'd rather see a panda than helping Earthl people out? A human baby's pretty cute, you know.
Prince Hata: What do I care?!? Why should I feel anything for a bunch of malnourished, rancid monkeys?! Why should I give a damn to what happens to one or two human babies? Just who do you think I am?!!
Gintoki: [grabbing the Prince by his face] Who do you think you are? You're just an agent.
Hasegawa: You'd better stop. What do you think you're doing to the Prince, you bastard? [Gintoki glares at him.] I see, Your Highness. You'll be glad to see a panda, right? Now that I remember, there's one close by.
Prince Hata: Eh? Really? Where?
Hasegawa: Just look in a mirror in the morning!!! [punches the Prince through the rear window.]

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[Kagura and Hasegawa are sitting at the park again.]
Kagura: Hey, mister. It's been a while since we've met. Why'd you come back?
Hasegawa: Oh, it's because I was fired again.
Kagura: Why were you fired again?
Hasegawa: Well... I decided to follow my principles. But I'm not upset, 'cause even though I ain't of much use, I've decided to live my life the way I want.
Kagura: What do you think you're doing, unemployed and joking around with a girl? [starts leaving.] C'mon, Sadaharu. See ya, old fart who lives the way he wants without getting anything [massugu ikitemo da inashi-na jinsei-na ossan]. Or madao, to shorten it.
Hasegawa: [smirks, as Kagura leaves.] Somehow, that still doesn't quite sound good.

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Otose: I don't give a damn if you're the number one inventor in Edo. For all I've seen, all you do is scrap metal. It's time we from Kabuki-cho dealt with you. [blows smoke from her cigarette.] Alright boys, your turn now.
[Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi step in with a boombox and loudspeakers.]
Shinpachi: [on a microphone, with heavy feedback] Well, first of all, I'm Shinpachi Shimura from Kabuki-cho. Pleased to meet you all.
[Gintoki and Kagura turn on the boombox. Otsuu's "Your Dad is an XX" plays loudly as Shinpachi sings along, off-key, making everyone cover their ears.]
Otose: Enough! Make him shut up for God's sake! Why the hell is he so noisy?! It feels like our noses are ringing!
Gintoki: The best way to stop a bothersome guy is by bothering him! If someone is never defeated, then he'll never understand others' pain!
Otose: It's you who don't understand it! My eardrums are about to explode!!!
Gintoki: What are you talking about?! It's Shinpachi who's suffering the most here! He's the one who has to sing and show the world how tone-deaf he is!

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Hiraga: Hey, Saburo! Stop wasting time and throw them outta here!
Saburo: [holding Gintoki by the head] Understood.
Hiraga: Whaaa? Uh-uh-hey, wai--
[The robot throws Gintoki at Hiraga.]

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Gintoki: One cup of tea, please.
Saburo: Understood.
Hiraga: Saburo! Why are you obeying him?! Get me outta here!
Gintoki: Hey, these things you make are actually pretty useful, old man. Can I have one of these walking trashcans? [Saburo pours hot tea on Gintoki's head.] Ouch! That hurts!!
Hiraga: [laughing] Serves you right! Saburo can only understand a few words. And he'll attack whoever insults or attacks him. [to Saburo] Well! Now that you've learned, untie me now! Make it quick, you pile of junk! [Saburo punches him.]

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[Yamazaki hands Hijikata an oden box with most of it eaten.]
Hijikata: What the...
Yamazaki: I was in a hurry, so I accidentally tripped and fell on my way. I am terribly sorry. I realize my carelessness.
Hijikata: Yeah? Well I think that sauce around your mouth was even more careless.
[Yamazaki tries to run away, but Hijikata beats him up.]

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Gintoki: So, this was all your doing, Takasugi.
Takasugi: My doing? Don't make me laugh. I just saw what he wanted and offered a hand. I know of his suffering. After all, the dark beast of revenge lies within me too. "Let's avenge our comrades!", "let's give the enemy a taste of our suffering!", "let's kill them!", "let's kill 'em all!"... These words keep ringing in my ears, nonstop. Can you hear them, Gintoki? ...No. I'm sure you can't. Someone like you, who left it all behind due to blissful indifference, could never understand it.
[Gintoki grabs Takasugi's blade, causing his hand to bleed.]
Gintoki: Takasugi, if you underestimate me, then you're in trouble. I, too, am breeding a beast.
Takasugi: [thinking] I... can't move...
Gintoki: Not a dark one, but a white one. And its name... is Sadaharu! [throws a punch]

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Kondo: [dramatically] Oh no! My famous Kotetsu sword is broken! That cannot be!!! Toushi... My Kotetsu... Impossible!
Hijikata: Shut up! This is no time to talk about it!
Kondo: But I'm still paying its benefits... It can't be!

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Saburo: [last words]O-old... man... I... li-liked you better... covered up in oil... happy... pl-playing with your... machines... li-like a kid... covered up in mud... but still... playing... happily... th-that's how I... liked...[deactivates]

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Hiraga: Why... Why must it always end like this?
Gintoki: Well, I'm sure it's enough for you to live on through old age.

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Katsura: Anyone can show his fangs if it is to protect something. But you, without anything to protect, are nothing but a wild beast, Takasugi.
Takasugi: Being a wild beast is okay by me. I don't need or want to protect anything. All I want is destruction. To break stuff until this beast stops moaning.

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Shinpachi: [holding a plush doll that looks like Elizabeth.] For some strange reason, I feel like I've seen this plushie before, but where? [checks the tag, which reads "Space Monster Stefan".] Uh? If this is a lucky charm, why did they write "Space Monster" on this tag? Hey, sir...
Skull-faced street vendor: Run away!

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[Otae stabs the plush doll with a naginata, nearly missing Shinpachi.]
Shinpachi: S-sister! What are you doing?! You were gonna kill your own brother?!
Otae: Oh. It's you, Shinpachi.
Shinpachi: Stefan... There's a hole in Stefan's belly!
Otae: Don't come home at a time like this. You got me confused.
Shinpachi: N-not to come home? How can you say that to your dear little brother?
Otae: [with a deep, angry tone.] Damn it. Do you realize all the trouble I've been through while you were away?
Shinpachi: Sister, your personality changed completely! What's going on?
Otae: [grabs the plushie with enough force to tear it apart.] What's going on, you ask? The more I recall it, the more furious I get!!! [rips open the plushie.]
Shinpachi: Aah! Stefan! Wasn't he supposed to be part of this episode's plot?!

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Gintoki: Eh? An underwear thief?
Shinpachi: Yeah. It seems it happened while I was at the Odd Jobs, she had her underwear stolen twice.
Waitress: [while Shinpachi speaks.] Whose coffee and chocolate ice cream is this?
Gintoki: Mine.
Kagura: The veal fillets are mine!
Shinpachi: Can you do anything about it?
Gintoki: [eating his ice cream.] What are you talking about?
Shinpachi: I just told you, a panty thief!
Gintoki: Oh, panty thief?
Shinpachi: That's right! While I was living at the Odd Jobs, her underwear was stolen twice! Aren't you gonna do anything?
Gintoki: [still eating the ice cream.] Do anything about what?
Shinpachi: [exasperated] I'm telling you! The thief who's stealing underwear! Panties! [everyone in the restaurant suddenly turns their attention to Shinpachi.]
Gintoki: [nonchalantly] Oooh, a panty thief, right?
Shinpachi: Are you even listening?

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Gintoki: I heard that, a long time ago, people wore no underwear beneath their clothes. Craftswomen, girls walking around the street, little girls, even princesses...
Shinpachi: Isn't it all the same? If you wanted to give examples, you should've given a broader age gap to nclude old women, adult women and young girls.
Gintoki: You dumbass! We're not talking about underwear, panties or wearing nothing! If we were talking about lingerie, we should talk only about young girls!
Kagura: Hey, only old men say "panties" these days.
Shinpachi: Eh? Are you serious?
Gintoki: You can't say "scantily clad" either.
Shinpachi: Nobody says that these days.
Gintoki: One thing you should never say is "thong". That word robs the girls from their shyness and deprives men from their joy.
Kagura: Well, I'm wearing a tie-up thong! [Gintoki and Shinpachi get startled.]
Gintoki: You liar! That's a lie!
Kagura: I'm not lying. I've been wearing the same garments for years now. But now they're so wasted, there's only the cord left.
Shinpachi: What kind of underwear is that?
Kagura: In a way, you may say it's excellent garment.
Gintoki: They're not worth a cent. Take 'em off.

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Gintoki: Regardless, our ancestors never paid no mind to underwear, nor did they wear it. In other words, one could do whatever they liked. Even the princesses were valiant like generals under their kimonos!
Shinpachi: That's actually not a bad contradiction.
Gintoki: Even when they seemed docile on the outside, they still were like a shogun on the inside. Or barbarians in-- [Otae interrupts him by punching his face.]
Otae: [deep, serious voice.] I don't want you to bother me with your "no underwear" theories. That darned thief stole my favorite "battle panties", the pervert!
Gintoki: "Battle panties"? You planned to fight somebody?
Otae: Exactly. I may need my full strength to settle the score. Never judge a book by its cover.
Gintoki: [still with Otae's fist buried on his face.] And what will that get you? Would it satisfy you to get revenge in a duel to the death just to recover something you lost? Is that acceptable, if only to recover your panties?
Otae: [with an evil smile.] It's not just the panties. I'll catch him and make him bleed.
Shinpachi: Sister...!
Gintoki: That's not something a civilized, panty-wearing girl would say. I'd say that's the kind of thing you'd expect from a naked hunter from centuries ago.

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Kagura: Panty thieves are every woman's enemy! I'm willing to lend you my strength for this cause, master [Otae]!
Otae: [in her usual gentle tone.] Oh my, Kagura-chan. [back to the deep, vengeful tone.] Well said. Come on, let's drink to celebrate this sisterly relationship.
Kagura: [also with a deeper voice.] Okay.
Shinpachi: W-wait! You'll end up killing somebody!

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Shinpachi: We're done for. They [Otae and Kagura] just assembled an axis of evil.
Gintoki: Leave 'em. Think about it. Isn't the culprit clear by now?
Shinpachi: Eh? Who could it be? [suddenly glares downward. The scene pans to show Kondo lying under the table.]
Kondo: [whispering] Uh? I've been discovered? Couldn't be... But, uh... They must've spotted me. Ah! I've been caught! What's that?! You think I'm the thief?! [tries to stand, only to bang his head against the table.] A samurai of my class would never lower himself to steal women's panties!
Gintoki: A samurai would never live his life stalking people either.
Kondo: Even if I was a stalker, I'd never be a panty thief! I'll sue you, bastards!
Shinpachi: It's you who should be sued here.

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[Kondo has told Gintoki and Shinpachi about the Loincloth-Masked Thief.]
Gintoki: Oh. So that's they story behind these panties. I always thought they were a gift from Santa.
Shinpachi: Santa giving you panties? This isn't even Christmas time for God's sake!!!
Gintoki: Shut up! The Santa Claus of Kabuki-cho works all year!
Kondo: [laughing] It comes to show how unpopular you are with girls! You're pathetic!
Shinpachi: Yeah, I see. There's a proof that you, too, aren't popular with girls sticking out just like a sore thumb. [indeed, Kondo has a pair of panties halfway outside his coat. He notices and quickly covers it.]
Kondo: Agh! This... This isn't that thief's doing!
Shinpachi: Then you're even worse than the other guy...

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Gintoki: [holding his panties with enough strength to almost tear them apart.] He's nothing but a pervert, but acts like a heroic thief! I cannot believe it... I just can't! [tears the panties.] How should he know I wasn't popular with the girls?!
Kondo and Shinpachi: Ah! The panties!!!

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Gintoki: Here's the 35th Annual Panty Thief Capture Project! [everyone - Otae, Kagura, and many of the Shinsengumi members - celebrate.]
Shinpachi: [deadpan] "35th"? "Annual"?
Gintoki: And, along with you people, we have here the self-appointed director, Mr. Isao Kondo, to give us his opening speech. [Kondo steps up.]
Kondo: Well, the Shinsengumi is here to guard and protect the peace of the city. And what is peace? It is to make sure the people will live happily and free from disturbance! To assure the felicity of anyone under our care, we've sworn to make an even better peace! [Otae giggles, he blushes slightly.] That is why, Shinpachi-kun, protecting your sister's underwear is also in the Shinsengumi's mission!
Okita: Oh, that's just like the boss to use such an excuse. What a genius.
Kondo: Hey!!!

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Shinpachi: By the way, what is the whole Shinsengumi doing here?
Okita: For revenge. Right, Hijikata-san?
[the crowd opens up, revealing Hijikata knelt on the ground behind them.]
Okita: It turns out someone's been stupid enough to send one of these pitiful panites to Hijikata-san. [shows the panties, which Hijikata promptly slashes to ribbons.]
Hijikata: He's a dead man.
Shinpachi: [thinking] H-he's really gonna kill him!

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Gintoki: Listen up! This is the Surrounded-by-Girls Panty Thief Capture Plan!
[everyone applauds, except for Shinpachi and Hijikata.]
Shinpachi: What do you mean, "surrounded by girls"?

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Otae: [holding up a pair of sparkly, fuchsia panties.] I'll use my "battle panties" as bait! They're strong and energetic, just like being punched by a cat!
Kondo: Punched by a cat... [blood spurts from his nose as he falls over.]
Gintoki: Hang on, that's too much. No man would resist that. All of them would be drawn in.
Otae: Hmm... [holds up a pair of beige panties with a teddy bear's head printed on it] How about these then? If I had to describe them, I'd call them a "crimson knockout".
Kondo: Crimson knockout... [more blood spurts from his nose and he falls down again.]
Gintoki: No, no, no. That would attract all perverts.

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Shinpachi: Couldn't you think of her brother, who's seen so much of his sister's underwear that he's grown desensitized to it? Kind of like a romantic scene that causes constipation when you watch a drama with your family.
Kagura: And thus, a kid climbs the mountain towards maturity.
Shinpachi: You! Stop jumping to conclusions!
Okita: Seeing your sister's panties is no big deal. Hijikata-san once caught his dad wearing a bra.
Gintoki: I see. The impact from that incident was what made him "cross the street".
Hijikata: No it wasn't!
[suddenly, Otae interrupts them all with a horizontal naginata slash.]
Otae: [furiously] I'm staking my life for my panties! If you got enough time to talk, you got time to work too, lazy-asses!
Everyone: [frightened] Uh... yes!
Kagura: Sister, you're sooo cool!

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