Eureka Quotes

Dr. Irvin Thatcher: The Question remains, Fusion or Fission.
Dr. Irvin Thatcher: Fishing? Certainly not, haven't been fishing since I lived on Lake Erie.
Dr. Irvin Thatcher: You think that's eerie?
Dr. Irvin Thatcher: How do you explain Quasar Energy Paradox?
Dr. Irvin Thatcher: Or baldness among musicians?

TV Show: Eureka
Henry Deacon: [while giving Jack's car back] She's all yours. Try to keep her on the ground.
Marshall Jack Carter: Yeah. On the ground, huh?
Henry Deacon: [Dead serious] No, really.

TV Show: Eureka
Jim Taggart: [about the GD computer] It fell victim to one of the classic blunders; never go up against an Australian when DEATH is on the line!

TV Show: Eureka
Marshall Jack Carter: I'm a human guinea pig.

TV Show: Eureka
Zane Donovan: Guys, we're picking up heat signatures down the hall from you
Nathan Stark: Where exactly?
Douglas Fargo: In the... In the morgue.
Marshall Jack Carter: I swear to God, if this thing turns into a zombie attack, I am quitting.

TV Show: Eureka
[the henchmen brings the captured soldier to Jean as he grabs and aims his revolver towards his head]
Jean: Okay. I'll give you one chance to survive. It's a simple quiz... But, get one wrong and it's over. Got it? [the soldier nods]
Jean: When you wipe your ass, is it front to back or back to front?
Soldier: Huh?
Jean: [angrily shouting] Do you wipe front to back or back to front? It's two simple choices!
Soldier: Front to... back...
Jean: [throws the soldier to the floor] Ha! No way... A man, does it back to front! [Jean shoots and kills the soldier]

TV Show: Eureka
[While driving.]
Zoe Carter: Listen-- dog.
Jack Carter: No, you listen, home girl--
Zoe Carter: [pointing] No, dog!

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: How long've you been in the tow business?
Henry Deacon: Oh, I don't do this for a living, I do this for fun! I just always liked fixing things. I was an engineer, back in the day.
Jack Carter: As in trains?
Henry Deacon: Space shuttles.

TV Show: Eureka
Beverly Barlowe: Will your wife be joining you?
Jack Carter: My wife? Oh, uhm. [holds up hand with ring] Not likely. We're separated.
Beverly Barlowe: Was it the sex?
Jack Carter: Excuse me?
Beverly Barlowe: Well, it's a common problem in long term relationships. People get bored, they want to experiment sexually, and they don't know how to express their needs.
Jack Carter: Well, not that sharing my sex life with a total stranger doesn't sound like loads of fun, uh, at the moment my needs are a nap and a shower.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: Deputy, where is the sheriff?
Jo Lupo: You wanna know where the sheriff is? He's out on police business. Which is where I should be, instead of baby-sitting Felon Spice here.
Zoe Carter: Hey!
Jo Lupo: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll stop doing your job, and start doing mine.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: What're you doing out of your cell?
Zoe Carter: I'm getting take-out for me and Jo. Turns out we have a lot in common.
Jack Carter: Like what?
Zoe Carter: Like fighting an oppressive patriarchal society to express our feminine power.

TV Show: Eureka
Allison Blake: I still don't get it. Susan committing suicide. I mean, I know it sounds callous, but I don't care how bad things are, once you have a kid, you don't get to just... check out.
Jack Carter: Well, my daughter Zoe said pretty much the same thing when I told her I was being transferred to Eureka.
Allison Blake: Taking your life and taking a job are hardly the same thing.
Jack Carter: In this town? Not so sure.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: It's not like we have a standard form to "undead" you.
Jo Lupo: Ahem.
Jack Carter: Tell me you're kidding.
Jo Lupo: 924/B. In triplicate.

TV Show: Eureka
Nathan Stark: There was an electrical problem with the computers, and then I saw something. A figure.
Jack Carter: Are you saying someone was in your office?
Nathan Stark: Not someone. Something. It wasn't entirely corporeal.
Jack Carter: Corporeal?
Nathan Stark: Physical. There and not there at the same time.
Jack Carter: Are you saying you saw a ghost?
Nathan Stark: Sheriff. Director of research of the most advanced scientific facility in the world doesn't see ghosts.

TV Show: Eureka
Nathan Stark: So, you sleeping with her?
Jack Carter: Excuse me?
Nathan Stark: You said I'd gotten the wrong impression. I assumed you were talking about my wife. Not that I have any right to ask--
Jack Carter: You're right, you don't.
Nathan Stark: You're not. But you'd like to.
Jack Carter: I'll let you know if I get anywhere. With the ghost, I mean.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: Tell me Henry, you're a scientist, do you believe in ghosts?
Henry Deacon: Well, I believe in energy. When somebody dies, that energy has to go somewhere. So, theoretically I suppose it's possible.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: I went back to check on my own, personal files, and they've been classified. I mean, my files.
Allison Blake: (grinning) It's not my fault that there are things about yourself that you're just not cleared to know.
Jack Carter: Yeah, I'd hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I'd have to kill me.

TV Show: Eureka
Zoe Carter: I was up all night reading Shakespeare!
Jack Carter: Uh-huh. You're really into this school play, huh?
Zoe Carter: Yeah, you know, um, I think drama club is really helping me find myself emotionally. I feel like I'm really starting to fit in.
Jack Carter: How many classes do you get to skip for rehearsal?
Zoe Carter: Last period every day, including geometry. Love drama.

TV Show: Eureka
Jo Lupo: My mom used to make my costumes.
Jack Carter: You used to do theatre?
Jo Lupo: Believe it or not, Carter, I didn't have childhood dreams of becoming a commando.
Jack Carter: So you went from being told to break a leg, to actually breaking them?

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: I figured it all out. I know what you're up to.
Jason Anderson: In regards to...?
Jack Carter: I know that you have a device that can... create a wormhole, or, uh, bend time, or make you invisible... or a wormholing, time-bending, invisibling device, that shields you from the mind.
Nathan Stark: Yes, he said "invisibling".

TV Show: Eureka
[Jack struggles with Jason Anderson, though the others manage to pull him back]
Jack Carter: [points] There. That's the device that invades your mind.
Jason Anderson: It also starts my car. [shows ordinary car-keys]

TV Show: Eureka
[The group are watching a very loud movie.]
Jo Lupo: [screaming] What's wrong with you people? Turn it down!
Spencer Martin: What? Why?
Jo Lupo: Your neighbors are complaining about the noise.
Spencer Martin: Which neighbors?
Jo Lupo: The state of Idaho! Turn. it. down.

TV Show: Eureka
Spencer Martin: Wow. I mean, that is like...
Douglas Fargo: Unbelievable. Yet... believable.
Vincent: Definitely.
Jim Taggart: Like being there.
Jo Lupo: I've gotta go. Hey, you guys keep it down, okay?
Jim Taggart: We'll walk you out. You know, in case of alien invasion. Stranger things have happened.
Jo Lupo: Right.

TV Show: Eureka
Allison Blake: So everyones okay?
Jack Carter: Oh no... they're freaking bug nuts! (to soldier) Restraints now!

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: Okay who gave Fargo a gun?

TV Show: Eureka
Dr. Carlson: You’re not Sheriff Cobb.
Jack Carter: Ah, no. Sheriff Cobb retired. I took his place. (awkward pause) There was a town meeting, and, uh, uh, everything. I gave a speech.
Dr. Carlson: I don’t get out much.
Jack Carter: Yeah, I’m gathering.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: But since I’m here, what is your emergency, exactly?
Dr. Carlson: I need to get to work.
Jack Carter: You called 911 to bum a ride?

TV Show: Eureka
Dr. Thatcher: If you want sex, reverse the hex.
Nathan Stark: Sheriff, at any point when you picked him up, the car ride, the long walk down here, did you happen to notice this guy's not all there?
Jack Carter: Yeah, there may have been signs.

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: Put the gun down, Dylan.
Dylan: Why? So I can go to jail for the rest of my life?
Zoe Carter: Damn straight!
Jack Carter: Not helping!

TV Show: Eureka
Jack Carter: Okay, let’s say someone literally is speed-freaking. What signs would I look for?
Henry Deacon: Besides running at 600 miles an hour?

TV Show: Eureka