Cheers Quotes
Diane: Bennett Ludlow is a wonderful catch.
Carla: There's some things he doesn't know about me.
Diane: Well a little mystery is good for a marriage. What haven't you told him?
Carla: Well I haven't been completely honest about my kids.
Diane: What haven't you told him about your kids?
Carla: That they live.
Carla: There's some things he doesn't know about me.
Diane: Well a little mystery is good for a marriage. What haven't you told him?
Carla: Well I haven't been completely honest about my kids.
Diane: What haven't you told him about your kids?
Carla: That they live.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: There are two mysteries going on here. First, Carla's been seeing this very classy guy. Second, your pal has been avoiding you two like the plague. Of course that's the lesser of the two mysteries.
Frasier: Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know dating a common barmaid.
Sam: You're dating a barmaid.
Frasier: Well she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Sam: Oh that's right. She was a lunatic.
Frasier: Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know dating a common barmaid.
Sam: You're dating a barmaid.
Frasier: Well she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Sam: Oh that's right. She was a lunatic.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: How come you're not going on that fishing trip, Coach?
Coach: I don't like the smell of them.
Carla: Yeah, fish stink.
Coach: No, the guys. Out in that sun all day, stuck in the muck. Who needs it?
Coach: I don't like the smell of them.
Carla: Yeah, fish stink.
Coach: No, the guys. Out in that sun all day, stuck in the muck. Who needs it?
TV Show: Cheers
[the gang took Frasier on a snipe hunt; he returns and wants them to go out again; Diane takes him into the office]
Diane: There's no such thing as a snipe hunt. They played a childish prank on you.
Frasier: I know that.
Diane: What?
Frasier: Good Lord, Diane. A man does not crouch in the woods for two hours without having a revelation or two.
Diane: So this is part of a plan and I unwittingly helped you.
Frasier: Yes.
Diane: Frasier, how devious. But, why didn't you tell me?
Frasier: Well, I couldn't trust you; you'd have thought it was too cruel.
Diane: Oh, are you kidding? I would've helped. Frasier, this is so unlike you.
Frasier: No, but it's what guys do, darling… we screw each other to the wall. Boy, it's great to be one of the gang, I'll tell you.
Diane: There's no such thing as a snipe hunt. They played a childish prank on you.
Frasier: I know that.
Diane: What?
Frasier: Good Lord, Diane. A man does not crouch in the woods for two hours without having a revelation or two.
Diane: So this is part of a plan and I unwittingly helped you.
Frasier: Yes.
Diane: Frasier, how devious. But, why didn't you tell me?
Frasier: Well, I couldn't trust you; you'd have thought it was too cruel.
Diane: Oh, are you kidding? I would've helped. Frasier, this is so unlike you.
Frasier: No, but it's what guys do, darling… we screw each other to the wall. Boy, it's great to be one of the gang, I'll tell you.
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: Carla, I don't think you should be engaging in strenuous activity when you're with child.
Carla: If I didn't do things with child, I'd never leave the house. The only thing I ever did without child resulted in one.
Carla: If I didn't do things with child, I'd never leave the house. The only thing I ever did without child resulted in one.
TV Show: Cheers
[The guys in the bar are ogling the Playboy models]
Diane: Oh, this is disgusting. What kind of culture do I live in where they are the ideal woman?
Coach: Well, gee, Diane. You've gotta admit: they are beautiful.
Diane: Coach, take away all their make-up, all their expensive haircuts and those bodies... and what have you got?
Carla: You.
Diane: Oh, this is disgusting. What kind of culture do I live in where they are the ideal woman?
Coach: Well, gee, Diane. You've gotta admit: they are beautiful.
Diane: Coach, take away all their make-up, all their expensive haircuts and those bodies... and what have you got?
Carla: You.
TV Show: Cheers
Coach: [about Sam] I never realized what a brain he is. I study all the time — he sleeps in the classroom. He never takes a note and still he gets the great grades. No wonder he's Miss Purdy's favorite.
Diane: Miss Purdy?
Coach: Yeah, our beautiful school-teacher.
Diane: And Sam is her favorite?
Coach: Well, uh, I can't say that; but, uh, Sam's the only one I ever saw her kiss.
Diane: They kiss?
Coach: Yeah. I saw them smoochin' in the parking lot. I was putting up a notice there on the bulletin board.
Diane: With probing tongues?
Coach: No, Diane. With a thumbtack and my thumb.
Diane: Miss Purdy?
Coach: Yeah, our beautiful school-teacher.
Diane: And Sam is her favorite?
Coach: Well, uh, I can't say that; but, uh, Sam's the only one I ever saw her kiss.
Diane: They kiss?
Coach: Yeah. I saw them smoochin' in the parking lot. I was putting up a notice there on the bulletin board.
Diane: With probing tongues?
Coach: No, Diane. With a thumbtack and my thumb.
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: Oh, my God. The thing I feared most has happened.
Carla: Your Living Bra died of boredom?
Carla: Your Living Bra died of boredom?
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: As long as I'm carrying this bag there's one thing that will never touch these lips.
Carla: You mean there's something that wants to?
Carla: You mean there's something that wants to?
TV Show: Cheers
[To help a sick Cliff, Norm offers to deliver the rest of the mail on Cliff's route]
Cliff: Ah, Norm, you're not trained. You're not qualified.
Norm: What qualified? You drop ‘em in a slot. A chimp could do it.
Cliff: You're kiddin', no way. They did a study at the University of Michigan – chimps were 32% slower. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were better with customer relations and everything...
Cliff: Ah, Norm, you're not trained. You're not qualified.
Norm: What qualified? You drop ‘em in a slot. A chimp could do it.
Cliff: You're kiddin', no way. They did a study at the University of Michigan – chimps were 32% slower. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were better with customer relations and everything...
TV Show: Cheers
[A "Jacqueline Bisset" is coming to Boston; Sam needs her to marry him to win the bet]
Sam: I guess I ought to wear something kinda nice – my best outfit. Say, Diane, when you dream about me what am I wearing?
Diane: An anthill.
Sam: I guess I ought to wear something kinda nice – my best outfit. Say, Diane, when you dream about me what am I wearing?
Diane: An anthill.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: Hey, wait. I got an idea.
Diane: You mean you actually conceived something besides a child.
Carla: Whoa... a bitter and unprovoked attack. I like it.
Diane: You mean you actually conceived something besides a child.
Carla: Whoa... a bitter and unprovoked attack. I like it.
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: Yeah, Cliffy had himself the "Ton O' T-Bone". For less than four bucks you get 24 ounces of USDA Choice "bef".
Cliff: Bef? No, you mean beef.
Norm: Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffy. That stuff is "bef". You see it's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic – what – meat-like substance.
Cliff: Ah, no.
Norm: What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complainin' about the "loobster"?
Cliff: Bef? No, you mean beef.
Norm: Beef? Don't be ridiculous, Cliffy. That stuff is "bef". You see it's a Hungry Heifer trademark for a processed, synthetic – what – meat-like substance.
Cliff: Ah, no.
Norm: What do you expect for four bucks? You see me complainin' about the "loobster"?
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: Sam is developing an interest in the Impressionists.
Frasier: Hmm.
Diane: Hmm, what?
Frasier: Hmm, this is suspicious. I think it's part of Sam's grand design to win you back.
Diane: Oh, not this again. It's starting to sound like a broken record.
Frasier: Oh, now you're saying that I'm redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over!
Frasier: Hmm.
Diane: Hmm, what?
Frasier: Hmm, this is suspicious. I think it's part of Sam's grand design to win you back.
Diane: Oh, not this again. It's starting to sound like a broken record.
Frasier: Oh, now you're saying that I'm redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over!
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour Dr. Frasier Crane.
Nick: Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick: No, but you're not the first person to ask me.
Nick: Doctor of what. Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Have we met? You wouldn't, by any chance, be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick: No, but you're not the first person to ask me.
TV Show: Cheers
Nick: [about Carla being pregnant] Hey you got a guy, Carla?
Carla: No, I swallowed a beach ball. For your information I am not seeing anybody. But the guy who knocked me up and ran this time is ten times classier than you.
Carla: No, I swallowed a beach ball. For your information I am not seeing anybody. But the guy who knocked me up and ran this time is ten times classier than you.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: It looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky.
Norm: Well I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: It looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky.
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: [Commenting on Sam and Diane's former relationship] Hey would you two mind if we move on to something a little more interesting than your star-crossed romance?
Carla: Come on, Norm. What could be more interesting than another gripping episode of "Young and the Chestless"?
Carla: Come on, Norm. What could be more interesting than another gripping episode of "Young and the Chestless"?
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Sam, Diane and I are going to Europe.
Sam: Europe? Overseas?
Diane: Well we were going to go to the local one but it's all booked up.
Sam: Europe? Overseas?
Diane: Well we were going to go to the local one but it's all booked up.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Listen to me. I'm sincere about this, I like you two and I want to see you both happy.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: After all just because the two of us didn't travel well-
Diane: When did we ever travel?
Sam: Are you kidding me? We went through hell together.
Diane: Well it helps that you knew the language.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: After all just because the two of us didn't travel well-
Diane: When did we ever travel?
Sam: Are you kidding me? We went through hell together.
Diane: Well it helps that you knew the language.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Cliff, you look terrible. Was today Sears catalogue day?
Cliff: And that's not all, Spiegel's catalogue came out the same day. Yeah, it's a phenomenon that happens once every 27 years when both marketing strategies are in the same equinox.
Cliff: And that's not all, Spiegel's catalogue came out the same day. Yeah, it's a phenomenon that happens once every 27 years when both marketing strategies are in the same equinox.
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: Oh, Frasier, a letter from Cheers. No, wait... it's a Lillian Huxley's resume and a note: "Ha, ha! You're out of here forever!" Always nice to hear from Carla.
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: There's a lovely young thing. Perhaps I should just go and make my move.
Carla: Yeah go ahead and faint.
Carla: Yeah go ahead and faint.
TV Show: Cheers
Diane: I'm sorry, Sam. What was I saying?
Sam: You don't know either? We gotta have a rule around here-when you speak at least one of us has gotta be listening.
Sam: You don't know either? We gotta have a rule around here-when you speak at least one of us has gotta be listening.
TV Show: Cheers
Cliff: I hate answering machines. I never know what to say to them.
Carla: Gee and you're such a whiz with people.
Carla: Gee and you're such a whiz with people.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Well do you think I should go through with this?
Norm: I think that you and Diane are lovely special people, Sam. Alone. Separately. You know individual. Together frankly, you stink. To the casual observer you're running off to Italy would have to seem stupid beyond reason.
Sam: I'm goin'.
Norm: That's what I'd do.
Norm: I think that you and Diane are lovely special people, Sam. Alone. Separately. You know individual. Together frankly, you stink. To the casual observer you're running off to Italy would have to seem stupid beyond reason.
Sam: I'm goin'.
Norm: That's what I'd do.
TV Show: Cheers
Sam: Woody, this is Carla Tortelli.
Woody: Hi ma'am.
Carla: Ma'am? What's that supposed to mean?
Woody: I believe it's a term of respect.
Carla: No wonder it sounded so weird.
Woody: Hi ma'am.
Carla: Ma'am? What's that supposed to mean?
Woody: I believe it's a term of respect.
Carla: No wonder it sounded so weird.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Sam, I've come to a very important decision. I've just taken stock of myself.
Carla: It's not exactly AT&T, is it?
Frasier: I'm going to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. In order to do that I've got to hit rock bottom first.
Carla: For you, that's three flights up.
Sam: Carla, you want to see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt.
Carla: It's not exactly AT&T, is it?
Frasier: I'm going to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. In order to do that I've got to hit rock bottom first.
Carla: For you, that's three flights up.
Sam: Carla, you want to see if anyone in the back has open wounds to salt.
TV Show: Cheers
[Woody is shy when a woman tries to pick him up]
Sam: Maybe she came on too strong. Some guys don't like that.
Cliff: Well, I know how the lad feels. In the, uh, mating ritual I like to be the aggressor. ‘Course, uh, I don't mind the woman giving me a clear signal that I caught her eye.
Carla: You mean like sticking a finger down her throat?
Sam: Maybe she came on too strong. Some guys don't like that.
Cliff: Well, I know how the lad feels. In the, uh, mating ritual I like to be the aggressor. ‘Course, uh, I don't mind the woman giving me a clear signal that I caught her eye.
Carla: You mean like sticking a finger down her throat?
TV Show: Cheers