Cheers Quotes
Norm: [Rebecca's] taken to replacing the beer nuts to these little candy hearts that say "Hold me," "I'm yours," "Lovey dovey." Hey "Free beer."
Woody: Oh no Mr. Peterson, you fooled me once.
Woody: Oh no Mr. Peterson, you fooled me once.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: Hey Sam, can I ask you something?
Sam: Another etiquette question?
Woody: Yeah last one. What do I do if Kelly's mom tries to go to bed with me?
Sam: Kelly's mom? I'm shocked and more than a little impressed.
Sam: Another etiquette question?
Woody: Yeah last one. What do I do if Kelly's mom tries to go to bed with me?
Sam: Kelly's mom? I'm shocked and more than a little impressed.
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: Well I have to say the mechanical bull is like the most useless thing put in a bar.
Cliff: Now, Norm.
Norm: Present company excepted.
Cliff: Now, Norm.
Norm: Present company excepted.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: All right now, everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute.
Norm: Why? You're in a hurry?
Frasier: No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.
Norm: Why? You're in a hurry?
Frasier: No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: I'm just going to the men's room to check my hair.
Carla: I already checked. It's not in there.
Carla: I already checked. It's not in there.
TV Show: Cheers
Robin: What about a friendly game of pool?
Sam: No, I never like to nail a guy twice in one afternoon.
Carla: You haven't lived.
Sam: No, I never like to nail a guy twice in one afternoon.
Carla: You haven't lived.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: You know it just isn't fair. I came because I wanted to be one of the guys and all I'm doing is sitting on my duff watching other people do things.
Norm: Welcome to NormWorld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.
Norm: Welcome to NormWorld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: Dr. Crane says if I can get undressed a little at a time in a place where I feel safe and secure pretty soon I can get naked anywhere.
Sam: Makin' progress huh Wood?
Woody: [now shirtless] You bet. I'm still scared, cold, and self-conscience. That's all I'll get out of it. But I did pick up an extra $50 in tips.
Sam: Makin' progress huh Wood?
Woody: [now shirtless] You bet. I'm still scared, cold, and self-conscience. That's all I'll get out of it. But I did pick up an extra $50 in tips.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: So, tonight, when I got out in front of that audience, I ripped off every stitch of clothing. I looked around and I thought, "Why am I the only one who's naked?"
Sam: Well, maybe nobody noticed, Wood.
Frasier: Oh, they noticed, Sam.
Woody: As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience, "Hey, look! He's the only one who's naked!"
Norm: Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.
Sam: Well, maybe nobody noticed, Wood.
Frasier: Oh, they noticed, Sam.
Woody: As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience, "Hey, look! He's the only one who's naked!"
Norm: Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: Gary's just playing with us, like a rat and mouse.
Sam: That's cat and mouse, Woody.
Woody: Sam, a cat and mouse don't play together. They're mortal enemies. They don't even know the same games. Think before you speak, Sam.
Sam: That's cat and mouse, Woody.
Woody: Sam, a cat and mouse don't play together. They're mortal enemies. They don't even know the same games. Think before you speak, Sam.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: Sorry. No suds tonight, Norm. You are still our designated driver, remember?
Norm: I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?
Norm: I know that. You know that. But did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: Carla, this psychic business is just a crutch to avoid reality. It's very easy for people to get hooked on this hocus pocus. Before you know it this woman will be holding your hand once a week, charging you $100 an hour, and filling your mind with all sorts of confusing jargon.
Carla: And how is that different from you?
Frasier: Well [pause]...I can prescribe drugs.
Carla: And how is that different from you?
Frasier: Well [pause]...I can prescribe drugs.
TV Show: Cheers
Lilith: Well kudos to Carla. It's healthy after a time to curtail one's grieving and recommence interest in the opposite sex. I know if my Frasier were taken from me in an unforeseen tragedy I would certainly date again after an acceptable period of bereavement.
Frasier: That gives me a warm fuzzy.
Lilith: There'd be no sense in being overly emotional, darling. You'd be dead and rotting in a box.
Frasier: Woody, can I have another beer and would you check on the robot over there and check if it's thirsty.
Woody: Hey Dr. Crane, that's your wife. Don't talk about her like that. What can I get you Dr. Sternin-Crane? Another quart of Valvoline?
Lilith: Oh won't you people stop it? I am not a robot!
Frasier: That gives me a warm fuzzy.
Lilith: There'd be no sense in being overly emotional, darling. You'd be dead and rotting in a box.
Frasier: Woody, can I have another beer and would you check on the robot over there and check if it's thirsty.
Woody: Hey Dr. Crane, that's your wife. Don't talk about her like that. What can I get you Dr. Sternin-Crane? Another quart of Valvoline?
Lilith: Oh won't you people stop it? I am not a robot!
TV Show: Cheers
Gary: Fine, eight years of humiliating you weenies is enough. I'm going to find a tougher gang to humiliate.
Woody: You can look all over Boston, you won't find any weenies tougher than us.
Woody: You can look all over Boston, you won't find any weenies tougher than us.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: [Terri] sounds like the perfect roommate. But I don't know. The thought of having a girl for a roommate, well I've got a real problem with that.
Norm: Your girlfriend wouldn't understand, huh?
Woody: Now I've got two problem.
Sam: I get it. Your mom would disapprove.
Woody: Make that three problems.
Frasier: What? Do you have religious scruples?
Woody: Oh great four problems.
Sam: What was your original problem?
Woody: Well I like to sit on the couch and leave the top button of my pants undone after a good frozen meal.
Norm: Your girlfriend wouldn't understand, huh?
Woody: Now I've got two problem.
Sam: I get it. Your mom would disapprove.
Woody: Make that three problems.
Frasier: What? Do you have religious scruples?
Woody: Oh great four problems.
Sam: What was your original problem?
Woody: Well I like to sit on the couch and leave the top button of my pants undone after a good frozen meal.
TV Show: Cheers
Woody: I don't think Kelly would mind. If I'm not sleeping with her why would I be sleeping with somebody else?
Carla: Wait a minute. You've been going out with Kelly for over a year and you're not sleepin' with her?
Woody: Of course not. That's the sort of this you wait to do after you're married. Right, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Well you keep believing that, Woody.
Carla: Wait a minute. You've been going out with Kelly for over a year and you're not sleepin' with her?
Woody: Of course not. That's the sort of this you wait to do after you're married. Right, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Well you keep believing that, Woody.
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: Well I guess I better go call Vera back.
Cliff: What are you talking about? She didn't call.
Norm: Yes, she did. Yesterday. Something about a flat tire, interstate. What the hell's the number of that call box?
Cliff: What are you talking about? She didn't call.
Norm: Yes, she did. Yesterday. Something about a flat tire, interstate. What the hell's the number of that call box?
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: I cannot believe that Robin would use me like this.
Sam: Yeah I know. He seems like such a decent guy. It's not like he ever, you know, cheated on any of your friends on a business deal. No, no actually he did, didn't he? Well at least you never caught him with another woman. Oh shoot that happened too. Well maybe this is the very last bad thing he does. Yeah that's it.
Rebecca: Gee Sam, you think so?
Sam: Yeah I know. He seems like such a decent guy. It's not like he ever, you know, cheated on any of your friends on a business deal. No, no actually he did, didn't he? Well at least you never caught him with another woman. Oh shoot that happened too. Well maybe this is the very last bad thing he does. Yeah that's it.
Rebecca: Gee Sam, you think so?
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: I know how we should celebrate. Why don't you just take me right on top of the bar like you did in the old days?
Sam: I never did that.
Carla: Then who was that guy? Oh that was the manager of the bar where I worked before this. Hey can anyone give me a ride to The Broken Spoke?
Sam: I never did that.
Carla: Then who was that guy? Oh that was the manager of the bar where I worked before this. Hey can anyone give me a ride to The Broken Spoke?
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: I love [Robin] and I'm just about ready to lose him. Have you ever thought what it would be like to be without Vera for 20 years?
Norm: Oh my God.
Rebecca: See you'd miss Vera.
Norm: I thought you said beer.
Norm: Oh my God.
Rebecca: See you'd miss Vera.
Norm: I thought you said beer.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: Wait a minute, Sammy. Look. Rebecca just said she was leaving here and never coming back.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh man, this is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
[Everyone in the bar mumbles]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew it was taking a long time but we thought that eventually you two would be doing the horizontal hokey pokey.
Norm: I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: It's the end of an era.
Sam: Yup, I guess that's it.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: This is about us.
Sam: What about us?
Rebecca: Sam, we have been friends too long to let it end this way. And I just came back to say that I'm sorry I ran out earlier in a huff. And that I knew you weren't coming on to me. And when you said I wasn't good that it wasn't just some trick to get me back into bed it was because you were being honest because I am a lousy lover.
Sam: No, sweetheart you're not.
Rebecca: Sam, it's alright. It's not like I haven't heard it before.
Sam: You're a fantastic lover.
Rebecca: I'm a dud and I know it. Robin just didn't realize it because he's English.
Sam: Listen. I wouldn't say you were good if you weren't.
Rebecca: No, no Sam that doesn't wash. You've been after me for three years and you finally got me. I mean if I was even adequate I know that you would've run out there and told every bozo in the bar.
Sam: You don't think I was dying to do that? It was making me crazy. It's just that I thought I would be betraying our friendship. I've never had a friend before.
Rebecca: You have lots of friends!
Sam: No, no I've never had a friend before.
Sam: What about us?
Rebecca: Sam, we have been friends too long to let it end this way. And I just came back to say that I'm sorry I ran out earlier in a huff. And that I knew you weren't coming on to me. And when you said I wasn't good that it wasn't just some trick to get me back into bed it was because you were being honest because I am a lousy lover.
Sam: No, sweetheart you're not.
Rebecca: Sam, it's alright. It's not like I haven't heard it before.
Sam: You're a fantastic lover.
Rebecca: I'm a dud and I know it. Robin just didn't realize it because he's English.
Sam: Listen. I wouldn't say you were good if you weren't.
Rebecca: No, no Sam that doesn't wash. You've been after me for three years and you finally got me. I mean if I was even adequate I know that you would've run out there and told every bozo in the bar.
Sam: You don't think I was dying to do that? It was making me crazy. It's just that I thought I would be betraying our friendship. I've never had a friend before.
Rebecca: You have lots of friends!
Sam: No, no I've never had a friend before.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: I've just been feeling a bit edgy these days.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
Woody: Why's that Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Lilith in her own compulsive little way made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.
Norm: And what did you say?
Frasier: I told her she looked just fine.
Norm: Rookie mistake. So what kind of punishment are you getting?
Frasier: I'm not getting any.
Norm: Oh you got off easy.
Frasier: No, I'm not getting any.
Norm: No, you're getting off easy.
TV Show: Cheers
Rebecca: It doesn't mean I will never see you guys. I can still come in as a customer. Of course with work and all I can't stay for 10 to 12 hours at a stretch like you guys.
Norm: That's okay. You can be in the part timers club. They sit over there.
Cliff: And when you're ready to commit you'll let us know.
Norm: Yeah like Phil there. He's right on the verge.
Norm: That's okay. You can be in the part timers club. They sit over there.
Cliff: And when you're ready to commit you'll let us know.
Norm: Yeah like Phil there. He's right on the verge.
TV Show: Cheers
Frasier: I would like to nominate as the stupidest creature on earth: the one who awakens each day to drive through gridlocked traffic, to sit in a window less office breathing recirculated air, then returns home and collapses into a stupor, only to do the same damn thing all over again every day until he dies.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
Norm: Looking forward to that vacation, hey Frase?
Frasier: You bet. We're going to Maui.
TV Show: Cheers
[Carla walks into the bar wearing a parka]
Sam: What's with the getup?
Carla: It's Indian Summer, Sam. I need these clothes for protection.
Sam: Protection from what?
Carla: The eyes of men.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Carla: Every time I've conceived a kid it's been during Indian Summer. It's when I'm at my most fertile, Sammy. I cannot let any man touch me, talk to me, or see me or I'll be shooting out kids like a Pez dispenser.
Sam: What's with the getup?
Carla: It's Indian Summer, Sam. I need these clothes for protection.
Sam: Protection from what?
Carla: The eyes of men.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Carla: Every time I've conceived a kid it's been during Indian Summer. It's when I'm at my most fertile, Sammy. I cannot let any man touch me, talk to me, or see me or I'll be shooting out kids like a Pez dispenser.
TV Show: Cheers
Carla: When the mercury hits 95, I can't be responsible for my actions. Oh who is that hunk over there? In the uniform with the cute buns? [Cliff turns around] Oh my God, it's Clavin. This is worse than I thought. Has he always had that mustache?
TV Show: Cheers
Norm: Your ma's in town?
Cliff: Yup.
Norm: Why don't you pick her up?
Cliff: No, Normie that would set exactly the wrong tone for this visit. I know why she's here. She wants to move back in with me. But she can just forget it. I tell you. She's not going to be running my life like she did when I was in my mid-30s. No siree sir.
Woody: I don't get it, Mr. Clavin. I thought you liked your ma a lot.
Norm: A whole lot.
Frasier: Too much to be healthy really.
Cliff: Yup.
Norm: Why don't you pick her up?
Cliff: No, Normie that would set exactly the wrong tone for this visit. I know why she's here. She wants to move back in with me. But she can just forget it. I tell you. She's not going to be running my life like she did when I was in my mid-30s. No siree sir.
Woody: I don't get it, Mr. Clavin. I thought you liked your ma a lot.
Norm: A whole lot.
Frasier: Too much to be healthy really.
TV Show: Cheers