Entourage Quotes

Ari Gold: I thought you already were his manager. Because believe me I would not put up with this much **** from anyone who wasn't.
Eric: Yeah, I know I am, but I want to do it for real, you know? I want to have the conversation, lock it in.
Ari Gold: So you come to me for advice. I'm gonna ****ing cry. All right, here's what you do. You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn't need me that much.
Ari Gold: Of course he doesn't need you. You're ****ing worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari Gold: The point is that he is an insecure ****, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.

TV Show: Entourage
Ari Gold: Got Milf?

TV Show: Entourage
Eric: [talking to Vincent, after a director does a rewrite on the Queens Boulevard script] He's got you blowing a guy on page 26!

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Lloyd: [after Ari is fired from the Agency] You will bounce back from this Ari Gold.
Ari Gold: I drove to work in a 80 thousand dollar mercedes, im driving home in a prop car from the fast and the furious, I just don't see it.

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Shauna: It's like prom; you get your date a corsage and she gives you a hand job.
Turtle: Who the **** wants a hand job?

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Turtle: [after E announces that Sloan wants to have a threesome with him and Tori] I am so whacking off to your girlfriend tonight.

TV Show: Entourage
Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot with no guts.
Ari: Geez, you're gonna spin off this planet. I love it!

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Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That's the answer!

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Vince: That's what good actors do, they listen. Right, Johnny?
Drama: What?

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[The guys are talking about their "first time."]
Turtle: Sure, Eric... you had to beg for pussy on prom night.
Eric: Yeah, but I begged my GIRLFRIEND, Turtle... not some $40 hooker who declined my mother's credit card.

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Jessica Alba: [welcoming the guys to a party] Bar's over there. Girls: everywhere.

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Eric: The only person you ever loved is yourself.
Drama: What's not to love? Especially

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[Justine Chapin and Vince are flirting in a club.]
Justine: You're gonna have to work for it.
Vince: I got into this business so I wouldn't have to work.

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The Sherpa: The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: You afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on Drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right? [shouts] Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fucked up.

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Ari: You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's mother fucking clients, but in your case I'm going to make an exception. I'm going to take everyone: your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers. When I'm done with you, you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.

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[E has noticed Emily being rather cold to him while visiting Ari's office]
Eric: [to Ari] What's wrong with her?
Ari: From now on, you ask for my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know about that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. I could have told you this would end badly. Now I got to fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: Don't fire her.
Ari: Alright, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.

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[Drama auditions for a role in CSI: Minneapolis]
Drama: You look familiar.
Audition Producer: You auditioned for me a couple of years ago.
Drama: Oh, yeah, yeah. How did that go?
Audition Producer: [pauses] You know...
Drama: Yeah, you can't book 'em all.

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[Ari has Vince and 'E' in his office; he's about to tell them about a new movie project.]
Ari: You're ready?
Eric: Let's go Ari. We're ready, c'mon!
Ari: [points to Eric] This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow.
Eric: I'll shove my elfin foot up in your ass!
Ari: You missed me, didn't you?
Vince: Ari! C'mon!
Ari: All right! You're ready? AAAQUAMAN!
Vince: Aquaman?
Ari: Aquaman, baby!! It is Spiderman... underwater. Boooom!

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[Eric and Ari argue over Vince's choice of playing the lead role in Medellin and find out the top prospect for the lead.]
Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic.
Ari: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Eric: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
Eric: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain't on the list.
Eric: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari: You do Aquaman, you stupid fuck!

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Drama: Let me get this straight. She convinces you to get these extravagant accommodations and then she bails?
Eric: She didn’t bail, she got sick. Before the date, unlike your girls, that get sick when they arrive.

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Eric[to Vince]: Forget that girl. The only reason she was with me was 'cause I'm your manager.
Turtle: So? Do you know how much pussy I got in this town that I didn't deserve?
Drama: All of it?

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[Mrs Ari has caught Ari trying to slip away from the house]
Mrs Ari: Where are you going, Ari?
Ari Gold: I have a meeting.
Mrs Ari: At the Playboy Mansion? [looks at pajamas sticking out of Ari's slacks]
Ari: Playboy Mansion, strip clubs, whorehouses, I go where the meetings are. It's my fucking job.
Mrs Ari: I want three weeks in the south of France with the children.
Ari: Oh my God baby, [kisses her] of course you can go.
Mrs Ari: With you. And if you're not home by 2AM, I'm gonna be standing at the gate screaming "Ari Gold, super agent, forgot his Viagra."
Ari: [contemplates threat] Sounds good.

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Drama: [to the bouncers at the Playboy Mansion] Can you call me a cab?
Patrick: Try using your thumb down on Sunset.

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Drama: I think we should turn the pool to face south. Very Feng Shui.

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Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric during a marriage counseling session] There better be a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, it's a fucking iceberg, Ari.
Ari Gold: What?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Fuck you. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: No ,I heard it from Josh Weinstein, jerkoff. Now, why don't you get your hand off your dick and go call somebody.
Ari: [talking to Lloyd over the phone] I don't care if he's in the Arctic shelf. Get James Cameron on the phone, get Dana Gordon on the phone, tell her assistant that if she does not call me back, I'll fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.
Lloyd: Do you really want me to say that?
Ari: Improvise, Lloyd. I'll there in 90 seconds, find out who covers Warners. If all of this isn't take care of, I'll choke you out with a strap-on!

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[The doorbell rings at Vince's new house]
E: Who is it?
Man: Delivery. [E opens door to reveal Bob Saget] Hey, welcome to the neighborhood.
E: Bob Saget.
Saget: [sees Vince pass by and gives goods to E] Hey there, Aquaman himself. Been reading about you all morning. [shakes hands with Vince] I live right next door Vin. I'm a big fan. So are my daughters, but do me a favor: don't fuck 'em. Don't you ever fuck my daughters.

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Ari: Sounds like you might too. But I’ll tell you what, Domino’s is hiring. Why don’t you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati. Now that, is comedy.
Eric: Yeah, and getting dragged through your office, in front of your entire staff by a guy half your size, Now, that's tragedy [hangs up phone]

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Ari: Chang Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.
Ari: That's right, baby.

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[At an X-Box Fight Night tournament, Turtle submits his fake urine sample for drug testing.]
Turtle: Where do I take the test?
Attendant: The what?
Turtle: The drug test. I jacked two bottles of water in the car for this, so can we just get over with this please?
Attendant: This is X-Box, loser, not the Olympics. We don't get drug tests. If we do, we'd be out of business, idiot. [gang heckles Turtle]
Drama: Sucker!
E: Nice, Turtle.
Turtle: [laughs and holds sample] What the fuck do I do with this now!!?
Vince: Drink it.

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[Lloyd has connected with Dana Gordon, whom Ari wants to talk to.]
Lloyd: I have Dana Gordon.
Ari: [during push-ups] Weird, huh? I used to do push-ups like this on top of Dana Gordon. True story.

TV Show: Entourage