Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Giles: I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat. [everyone stares at him] I'm alone on that one, huh?
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat. [everyone stares at him] I'm alone on that one, huh?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: 'Have a nice summer', 'Have a nice summer'. This girl had no friends at all.
Giles: Once again I teeter at the precipice of the generational gap.
Buffy: 'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.
Giles: Once again I teeter at the precipice of the generational gap.
Buffy: 'Have a nice summer' is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: So, are you saying she's invisible because she's so unpopular?
Buffy: That about sums it up.
Cordelia: Bummer for her. It's awful to feel that lonely.
Buffy: Hmm. So you've read something about the feeling?
Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
Buffy: That about sums it up.
Cordelia: Bummer for her. It's awful to feel that lonely.
Buffy: Hmm. So you've read something about the feeling?
Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: [practicing to ask Buffy to the Spring Fling dance] Y'know, Buffy, Spring Fling just isn't any dance. It's a time for students to choose, um... a mate and then we can... observe their... mating rituals and tag them before they migrate- just kill me!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Master: [during an earthquake] Yes! Yes! Shake, Earth! This is a sign! We are in the final days! My time has come! Glory! Glory!
[The earthquake stops]
The Master: [to Collin] Whaddaya think? 5.1?
[The earthquake stops]
The Master: [to Collin] Whaddaya think? 5.1?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: [about the prophecy] Well, there's gotta be some way around it.
Giles: Listen, some prophecies are-are a bit dodgy. They're-they're mutable. Buffy herself has-has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass.
Angel: Then you're reading it wrong.
Giles: I wish to God I were. But it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.
Giles: Listen, some prophecies are-are a bit dodgy. They're-they're mutable. Buffy herself has-has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass.
Angel: Then you're reading it wrong.
Giles: I wish to God I were. But it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: (about the prophecy in which she will die) So that's it, huh? I remember the drill. One slayer dies, the next one's called. I wonder who she is. Will you train her? Or will they send someone else?
Giles: Buffy... I...
Buffy: [wimpering] Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? [as Angel steps close to her] Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit.
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple. I quit. I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop The Master from taking over.
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: [enraged, throwing books at Giles] The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Giles: I don't suppose I am
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? You think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember. Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
Giles: Buffy... I...
Buffy: [wimpering] Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? [as Angel steps close to her] Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit.
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple. I quit. I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop The Master from taking over.
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: [enraged, throwing books at Giles] The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Giles: I don't suppose I am
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? You think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember. Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Master: You're dead.
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Master: Where are your jibes now? Will you laugh when my Hell is on Earth?
Buffy: You're that amped about Hell? Go there!
Buffy: You're that amped about Hell? Go there!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Principal Snyder: The first day back. It always gets me.
Giles: Yes.
Principal Snyder: I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Giles: I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?
[Giles sees Jenny and starts talking to her ignoring Snyder]
Principal Snyder: Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. You think they're thinking about learning? Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a bumbling idiot. I try to teach them the important things in life. Discipline. Respect. Punctuality. I might as well be talking to myself.
[Snyder doesn't notice that Giles has left]
Giles: Yes.
Principal Snyder: I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Giles: I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?
[Giles sees Jenny and starts talking to her ignoring Snyder]
Principal Snyder: Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. You think they're thinking about learning? Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a bumbling idiot. I try to teach them the important things in life. Discipline. Respect. Punctuality. I might as well be talking to myself.
[Snyder doesn't notice that Giles has left]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
[The others look at each other.]
Buffy: (to Xander) Was that an insult?
Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
Cordelia: I see your point.
Xander: I woulda gone with Stooges.
Cordelia: Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?
Willow: Uh, yes! Our own personal demons.
Xander: Uh, such as, as, as lust and, uh, thrift!
Buffy: I would have to go with Stooges also.
[The others look at each other.]
Buffy: (to Xander) Was that an insult?
Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
Cordelia: I see your point.
Xander: I woulda gone with Stooges.
Cordelia: Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?
Willow: Uh, yes! Our own personal demons.
Xander: Uh, such as, as, as lust and, uh, thrift!
Buffy: I would have to go with Stooges also.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: She's possessed!
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
Giles: Possessed by what?
Willow: Aaaaa possessing thing!
Giles: [sarcastically] Well, that narrows it down.
Xander: Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened.
Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
Giles: Possessed by what?
Willow: Aaaaa possessing thing!
Giles: [sarcastically] Well, that narrows it down.
Xander: Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened.
Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: [scoffs] I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close which is good cause I don't really like you that much. But you have been known to save the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you a piece of advice.
Buffy: Which is?
Cordelia: Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: [scoffs] I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close which is good cause I don't really like you that much. But you have been known to save the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you a piece of advice.
Buffy: Which is?
Cordelia: Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Jenny: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains.
Jenny: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Are you jealous?
Angel: (laughs a bit) Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid.
Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him?
Angel: Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success.
Angel: I am not jealous.
Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous?
Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing.
Angel: (laughs a bit) Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid.
Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him?
Angel: Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success.
Angel: I am not jealous.
Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous?
Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: (digging in the grave yard as the girls watch) Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
Giles: (stopping, almost breathless) Hear, hear.
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
Giles: (stopping, almost breathless) Hear, hear.
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies.
Willow: Is it an army if you just have three?
Buffy: Zombie drill team then.
Willow: Is it an army if you just have three?
Buffy: Zombie drill team then.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl?
Xander: (bitterly) You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this.
Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
Xander: (bitterly) You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this.
Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
Willow: All the time.
Cordelia Chase: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to...
Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here.
(Cordelia is taken aback, rolls her eyes and leaves.)
Xander: So where were we?
Willow: Wondering why we never get dates.
Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is?
Willow: All the time.
Cordelia Chase: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to...
Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here.
(Cordelia is taken aback, rolls her eyes and leaves.)
Xander: So where were we?
Willow: Wondering why we never get dates.
Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Big Ugly: This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.
Spike: You were there? Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion actually was there, it would've been like Woodstock.
Big Ugly: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and then I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
[Big Ugly rushes Spike, who punches him out without even looking]
Spike: [to Collin] So, who do you kill for fun around here?
Collin: Who are you?
Spike: Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.
Collin: Can you?
Spike: [glancing at Big Ugly] A lot faster than nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag... [scoffs] Who am I kidding? I love to brag!
Spike: You were there? Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion actually was there, it would've been like Woodstock.
Big Ugly: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and then I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
[Big Ugly rushes Spike, who punches him out without even looking]
Spike: [to Collin] So, who do you kill for fun around here?
Collin: Who are you?
Spike: Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.
Collin: Can you?
Spike: [glancing at Big Ugly] A lot faster than nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag... [scoffs] Who am I kidding? I love to brag!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.
Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
Willow: Wow. Two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that's still like 400 dates with 400 different... [Awkward beat.] Why do they call it a mace?
Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
Willow: Wow. Two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that's still like 400 dates with 400 different... [Awkward beat.] Why do they call it a mace?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. [tuts.] You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!
Xander: [to Angel] I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!
Xander: [to Angel] I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on people! This isn't a spectator sport!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on people! This isn't a spectator sport!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: [destroying Collin] From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual, and a little more fun around here!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
Giles: It's as if you know me.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
Giles: It's as if you know me.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [about Ted] So far, all I see is someone who supposedly has a good job, and is nice and polite, and my mother really likes him.
Xander: What kind of a monster is he?
Xander: What kind of a monster is he?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
Xander: Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
Xander: Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Devon MacLeish: What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to A Summer Place. I can't discuss it here.
Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!
Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn't have to talk.
Oz: Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to A Summer Place. I can't discuss it here.
Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!
Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn't have to talk.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer