Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes

Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!
Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?
Cordelia: Get in line.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Something's definitely changing them.
Willow: A spell?
Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?
Principal Snyder: [to Oz] You've got great hair.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff- never mind.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SAT's tomorrow.
Joyce: Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: Why are you guys so hyper?
Willow: Hey, speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?
Xander: Let's see. Killing zombies, torching sewer monsters, and, no, that's pretty much the same old Buffster.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?
Buffy: It was an accident.
Xander: What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [About Angel] You'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?
Xander: I don't need an excuse! I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason!

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: Guy like that, with that kinda glove, could kill a whole mess of people.
Xander: Said the same thing to Buffy myself. Weird how she didn't seem to care. [aims to take his next shot]
Faith: Buffy knew he was alive. [Xander shoots; Faith glares] I can't believe her.
Xander: She says he's clean.
Faith: Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out. [Xander looks at her] I say I deal with this problem right now. I say I slay.
Xander: [beat] Can I come?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: I'm pathetic, illiterate. I'm Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
Xander: That's right, and the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined score in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: That's not it. It's just... You belong at-at a good old-fashioned college with keg parties and boys, not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a Chaos demon! Have you ever seen a Chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting... She only did it to hurt me. So I said, "I'm not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine!" And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!" And then she said... she said we could still be friends. [leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder.] God, I'm so unhappy!
Willow: [tentatively pats his knee.] There, there.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back to making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh, yeah, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. [Buffy looks at Angel, he shrugs] You know, I'm really glad I came here. I've been all wrong-headed about this. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place. I'm gonna find Dru, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her, until she likes me again. [Grins happily] You know, love's a funny thing.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: No luck reaching Cordelia?
Xander: I've left a few messages. Sixty, seventy... but you know what really bugs me? [to Willow] OK, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.
Willow: Darn tootin'!
Xander: And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault.
Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: [about Willow and Xander] No, no, no way! I wish us into Bizarro-land and you guys are still together? I cannot win!
Vamp Xander: Probably not, [changes to vampire face] but I'll give you a head start.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Vamp Willow: Hmm, Buffy. Oooh. Scary.
Vamp Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Cordelia Chase. What did she wish for?
Anyanka: I had no idea her wish would be so exciting! 'Brave new world.' I hope she likes it.
Giles: You're gonna change it back. I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing.
Anyanka: Wrong! This is the real world now. This is the world we made. Isn't it wonderful?
[Giles snatches her glowing necklace and breaks free of her grasp, then grabbing a heavy object from his desk, raises his arm to smash the amulet.]
Anyanka: You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is any better than this?
Giles: Because it has to be.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!
Anya: Done! [nothing happens, Anya is confused]
Cordelia: That would be cool!
Anya: Done! [again nothing happens]
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: So, you doing anything special?
Buffy: Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?
Willow: Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: I was a man once.
The First: And what a man you were. A drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
Angel: I was young. I never had a chance to..
The First: ...To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy is standing by the Christmas tree, helping her mother to decorate it.]
Joyce: So, Angel's on top again?
Buffy: What?
Joyce: [holding up Christmas decorations] Angel? Or star?
Buffy: Oh. Er, star.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The First: I'm not a demon, little girl, I am something you cannot even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin. Beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You’ll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being. Every thought. Every drop of hate.
Buffy: All right, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?
The First: Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas will be his wake.
Buffy: No.
The First: You have no idea what you're dealing with.
Buffy: Let me guess. Is it... evil?
The First: [transforms into a fearsome demonic form, then vanishes] DEAD BY SUNRISE!

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel: I can't do it again Buffy. I can't become a killer.
Buffy: Then fight it.
Angel: It's too hard.
Buffy: Angel please, you have to get inside!
Angel: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream, you know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.
Buffy: I know what it told you, what does it matter?
Angel: [yelling] Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you. And I know it will cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. I'm weak. It's not the demon that needs killing in me, Buffy. It's the man. Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!
Buffy: What about me? I love you so much, and I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help. And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard... and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. [whispers] I can't.
Angel: Buffy, please. Just this once, let me be strong.
Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because ... [Snow falls, blocking the sunlight.]

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Amy: Oh my God!
Oz: Kids?
Xander: Why was your mom there?
Buffy: More bad, she picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit.
Willow: God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you? [Buffy looks at her] That really wasn't the point of the story, was it?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mrs. Rosenberg: You're upset, I hear you ...
Willow: No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion!
Mrs. Rosenberg: Oh, Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness!
Willow: Mom, I'm not acting out, I'm a witch! I can make pencils float! And I can summon the four elements! Okay, two, but four soon. And I'm dating a musician!
Mrs. Rosenberg: Oh, Willow.
Willow: I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings! Do you see any goats around? No! 'Cause I sacrificed them!
Mrs. Rosenberg: Willow, please...
Willow: All bow before Satan!
Mrs. Rosenberg: I'm not listening to this.
Willow: Prince of Night, I summon you! Come fill me with your black, naughty evil!

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Angel finds Buffy during patrol.]
Buffy: Hey. How are you?
Angel: I'm all right. I think I'm better than you right now. [indicates playground shrine] I heard about this. People are talking. People are even talking to me.
Buffy: It's strange. People die in Sunnydale all the time. I've never seen anything like this.
Angel: They were children. Innocent. It makes a difference.
Buffy: And Mr. Sanderson from the bank had it coming? My mom said some things to me about being the Slayer. That it's fruitless. No fruit for Buffy.
Angel: She's wrong.
Buffy: Is she? Is Sunnydale any better than when I first came here? Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The bad just keeps coming back... and getting stronger. Like the kid in the story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
Angel: Dike. [Buffy looks at him.] It's another word for dam.
Buffy: Oh. Okay, that story makes a lot more sense now.
Angel: Buffy, you know there's still things I'm trying to figure out. There's a lot I don't understand. But I do know it's important to keep fighting. I learned that from you.
Buffy: But we never...
Angel: We never win.
Buffy: Not completely.
Angel: Never will. That's not why we fight. We do it because there's things worth fighting for.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Uh, wait, wait a minute. Uh... Uh, there is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents.
Buffy: And in some language that's English?
Oz: Fairy tales are real?
Buffy: Hans and Gre... Hansel and Gretel?
Xander: Wait. Hansel and Gretel? Breadcrumbs, ovens, gingerbread house?
Giles: Of course! Well, it makes sense now.
Buffy: Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course that place is nowhere near this place.
Giles: Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and, and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by, not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes.
Buffy: Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch.
Giles: And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly.
Xander: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm still spinning on this whole fairy tales are real thing.
Oz: So what do we do?
Xander: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go trade my cow in for some beans ... [silence] No one else is seeing the funny here.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: I came by to tell Buffy to stop all of this craziness and found you all unconscious ... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
Giles: Wake up in a c... ? Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[After a vampire rolls down a slide in a playground...]
Buffy: Wow! That was really funny looking! Could you do it again?
Vampire: I'll kill you for that.
Buffy: For that? What were you going to kill me for before?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer