Boston Legal Quotes
Alan: Mindful that abroad, people expect shock and awe when Yankees arrive on the scene, we shall leave you with two small but lasting words...
Denny: Denny Crane, eh.
Denny: Denny Crane, eh.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Clark Brown: Now I'm going to do the interrupting. If Nothing Else I pride myself on being conscientious fact finder.
Denny: Oh Brother
Judge Brown: Mr. Crane, did you say something?
Denny: It's a stupid law. Overturn it, be a man.
Shirley: Mr. Crane was trying to be helpful, apparently he did not succeed.
Judge Brown: We will hold an evidentiary hearing at 2: 00. We will first hear from the Mayor and then, Miss Schmidt, if you choose, we will hear from your client. Until then, we are adjourned.
Denny: Put on a dress
Judge Brown: 2: 00!
Shirley: (To Denny) What are you doing?
Denny: I know this Judge. I know where his buttons are.
Shirley: Research shows, Denny, it's not wise to antagonize the people whose favor you're trying to court!
Denny: Oh, come on Shirley. You still antagonize me and we both know what's really going on, don't we?
Shirley: You sweet man. It's been a long time since anyone's hit my button. I doubt you'd even know where to find it!
Denny: Just a matter of time, Shirley, just a matter of time. (To client, who's sitting right next to them) This doesn't involve you, man, it's sexual.
Denny: Oh Brother
Judge Brown: Mr. Crane, did you say something?
Denny: It's a stupid law. Overturn it, be a man.
Shirley: Mr. Crane was trying to be helpful, apparently he did not succeed.
Judge Brown: We will hold an evidentiary hearing at 2: 00. We will first hear from the Mayor and then, Miss Schmidt, if you choose, we will hear from your client. Until then, we are adjourned.
Denny: Put on a dress
Judge Brown: 2: 00!
Shirley: (To Denny) What are you doing?
Denny: I know this Judge. I know where his buttons are.
Shirley: Research shows, Denny, it's not wise to antagonize the people whose favor you're trying to court!
Denny: Oh, come on Shirley. You still antagonize me and we both know what's really going on, don't we?
Shirley: You sweet man. It's been a long time since anyone's hit my button. I doubt you'd even know where to find it!
Denny: Just a matter of time, Shirley, just a matter of time. (To client, who's sitting right next to them) This doesn't involve you, man, it's sexual.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: When a man turns 40, he begins to take measure of himself. I must admit I don't like what I see.
Tara: You're turning 43.
Alan: If you don't mind, I'm trying to appear vulnerable to facilitate my snorkeling up your thighbone later.
Tara: Alan? You boyfriend. Me girlfriend. You have a season's pass.
Alan: You're ruining the conquest part, which is all it's really about for me.
Tara: You're turning 43.
Alan: If you don't mind, I'm trying to appear vulnerable to facilitate my snorkeling up your thighbone later.
Tara: Alan? You boyfriend. Me girlfriend. You have a season's pass.
Alan: You're ruining the conquest part, which is all it's really about for me.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: How can you ban red meat?
Dominick Ryan: Well, they've got a whole campaign, they're going to go with it. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.
Dominick: Is there anything we can do?
Shirley: We'll get an immediate TRO.
Denny: I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley: The word is "muster", Denny, but you're right - the law lacks condiments.
Dominick Ryan: Well, they've got a whole campaign, they're going to go with it. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.
Dominick: Is there anything we can do?
Shirley: We'll get an immediate TRO.
Denny: I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley: The word is "muster", Denny, but you're right - the law lacks condiments.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Chelina Hall: Schmidt! Called?
Shirley: Chelina? I called you three hours ago! Where have you been?
Chelina: Patriots parade.
Shirley: The Patriots parade was last week!
Chelina: Three Super Bowls. Four years. I'm still on parade.
Shirley: Chelina? I called you three hours ago! Where have you been?
Chelina: Patriots parade.
Shirley: The Patriots parade was last week!
Chelina: Three Super Bowls. Four years. I'm still on parade.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Donny Crane: We're talking about emotions of the heart.
Denny: Objection. Sounds like a girly man.
Donny Crane: [angrily] Move to strike!
Denny: That's better.
Denny: Objection. Sounds like a girly man.
Donny Crane: [angrily] Move to strike!
Denny: That's better.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Lori: And what exactly is your defense?
Alan: Something like let him go even though he did it.
Lori: Jury nullification?
Alan: Best I can tell, though Shirley hasn't really filled me in.
Shirley: Talking about me?
Alan: Yes Shirley. If you so enjoy keeping me in the dark, you really should give me a try…in the dark.
Alan: Something like let him go even though he did it.
Lori: Jury nullification?
Alan: Best I can tell, though Shirley hasn't really filled me in.
Shirley: Talking about me?
Alan: Yes Shirley. If you so enjoy keeping me in the dark, you really should give me a try…in the dark.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: First of all, the idea of giving representation to that thug…
Denny: Alan, c'mon, we hate all our clients. It's good to hate, allows us to overcharge and still sleep at night.
Denny: Alan, c'mon, we hate all our clients. It's good to hate, allows us to overcharge and still sleep at night.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Catherine: Piper: All I'm saying is if you killed two people and if you're as alone as you say, there couldn't be a
TV Show: Boston Legal
Bernard Ferrion: Under normal circumstances I'd agree.
Catherine Piper: But?
Bernard Ferrion: I'm Jewish.
Catherine Piper: Bernie, there has never ever been a Jewish serial killer.
Bernard Ferrion: Son of Sam? David Berkowitz?
Catherine Piper: He was adopted. Genetically, he's one of ours.
Bernard Ferrion: Well, what are you saying?
Catherine Piper: I am saying that if you're out there murdering people, on some level, you must want to be Christian. Would you let me take you to church?
Catherine Piper: But?
Bernard Ferrion: I'm Jewish.
Catherine Piper: Bernie, there has never ever been a Jewish serial killer.
Bernard Ferrion: Son of Sam? David Berkowitz?
Catherine Piper: He was adopted. Genetically, he's one of ours.
Bernard Ferrion: Well, what are you saying?
Catherine Piper: I am saying that if you're out there murdering people, on some level, you must want to be Christian. Would you let me take you to church?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Assistant Attorney General Doug Beecham: What if somebody wanted to get frozen to avoid the draft?
Denny: Let him move to Canada, freeze his balls off. [Judge James Billmeyer looks at him] Denny Crane!
Denny: Let him move to Canada, freeze his balls off. [Judge James Billmeyer looks at him] Denny Crane!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Lori: Wait, this firm is actually going to help Milton Bombay be put on ice?
Catherine: Oh, come now Lori. You of all people should know it's not so bad to go through life as a popsicle.
Catherine: Oh, come now Lori. You of all people should know it's not so bad to go through life as a popsicle.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: I know you recently retired. Is this...
Milton: And please do not proffer psychological counsel. I came in here in search of legal and intellectual acuity.
Shirley: And you sought out Denny?
Milton: And please do not proffer psychological counsel. I came in here in search of legal and intellectual acuity.
Shirley: And you sought out Denny?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: Milton, I consider you a friend. Actually I don't, I find you a bit boorish...
TV Show: Boston Legal
ADA Jackson: No cell phones allowed in here. How'd you get by with that?
Alan: I told the guard we're waiting for a last minute call from your conscience. Collect.
Alan: I told the guard we're waiting for a last minute call from your conscience. Collect.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Tara: Nymphomania?
Shirley: Anything you can find. And we'll need to line up an expert who can testify, possibly as soon as tomorrow.
Brad: It's not a real disease. It's an excuse offered up by sex perv sickos.
Shirley: Yes, Brad. Thank you for that.
Lori: It's also a sexist diagnosis, as well as bogus. If a man was running around trying to schtup everything he could, we wouldn't say that he had a disease. We would just call him…
Denny: [entering, uttering his signature line] Denny Crane.
Shirley: Exactly.
Shirley: Anything you can find. And we'll need to line up an expert who can testify, possibly as soon as tomorrow.
Brad: It's not a real disease. It's an excuse offered up by sex perv sickos.
Shirley: Yes, Brad. Thank you for that.
Lori: It's also a sexist diagnosis, as well as bogus. If a man was running around trying to schtup everything he could, we wouldn't say that he had a disease. We would just call him…
Denny: [entering, uttering his signature line] Denny Crane.
Shirley: Exactly.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: I'm not about to go to Texas and not ride the mechanical bull, Chelina. That would be like going to Los Angeles and not sleeping with Paris Hilton.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: I promise you. By the time I finish tomorrow, those judges - every last one of them - will rise up and say "Never mind executing Ezekiel Borns. Let's kill Alan Shore instead."
TV Show: Boston Legal
Chelina: Hey! Pretty boy. How'd you like to go to Texas?
Alan: I'd love to. I haven't had my shots.
Alan: I'd love to. I haven't had my shots.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: He is ultimately a benign man who we all happen to care about, including you. I think what you really mean to do is voice your concern unofficially.
Lori: I'm making an official complaint. If there's forms to be filled out please have them sent to my office. [walks away]
Shirley: You little bitch.
Lori: I'm making an official complaint. If there's forms to be filled out please have them sent to my office. [walks away]
Shirley: You little bitch.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: [talking about Bernard] He seems to take particular delight in all of this. Does he not, Catherine?
Catherine: We all do. It's fun to see pretty people fall.
Alan: Your little boyfriend is twisted. Trust me when I tell you, he's not finished killing.
Catherine: We all do. It's fun to see pretty people fall.
Alan: Your little boyfriend is twisted. Trust me when I tell you, he's not finished killing.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Harvey Cooper: Mr. Shore, This, this woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!
Judge Cooper: Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.
Denny: Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...
Alan: Denny...
Judge Cooper (To Denny) Silence!
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) The eye!
Judge Cooper (Whispered) Quiet!
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!
Judge Cooper: Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.
Denny: Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...
Alan: Denny...
Judge Cooper (To Denny) Silence!
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) The eye!
Judge Cooper (Whispered) Quiet!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: You know, I hate to break up the tea party but...
Malcolm: Careful, we're still a bit thin-skinned on that one. Such a waste of proper tea.
Malcolm: Careful, we're still a bit thin-skinned on that one. Such a waste of proper tea.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.
Kelly Nolan: I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
Denny: I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.
Kelly Nolan: I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
Denny: I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: My God, you're even more striking in person.
Kelly: Who is this man? And why is his face about to explode?
Alan: Kelly Nolan, this is Denny Crane. Success has caused his head to swell.
Kelly: Who is this man? And why is his face about to explode?
Alan: Kelly Nolan, this is Denny Crane. Success has caused his head to swell.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: Not everything is about money, Shirley. Sometimes sex counts, too. It used to count with you. One minute you couldn't get enough of me, the next you lose interest. What happened, Shirley? I need to know.
Shirley: They invented color television.
Denny: You and me. In my office. Gimme 2 minutes.
Shirley: If you could last 3 I might consider it.
Shirley: They invented color television.
Denny: You and me. In my office. Gimme 2 minutes.
Shirley: If you could last 3 I might consider it.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Kelly: [to Denny] How 'bout you go back to your office? I'll have a pair of my pants delivered. You can try and get in them on your own time.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Peter Harding: And how are we supposed to understand what she's saying?
Malcolm: Well, we have her affidavit. Plus as it happens, I speak cello.
Malcolm: Well, we have her affidavit. Plus as it happens, I speak cello.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony mid episode]
Denny: Is the show over already? You look beaten.
Alan: I just caught Tara laughing with another man.
Denny: Are you sure they weren't just...kissing or something?
Denny: Is the show over already? You look beaten.
Alan: I just caught Tara laughing with another man.
Denny: Are you sure they weren't just...kissing or something?
TV Show: Boston Legal