Boston Legal Quotes
Denny: When a beautiful woman says, 'get me off', you 'get her off', Shirley, it's as simple as that.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Schadenfreude. From the German words, Schaden and Freude, damage and joy. It means to take spiteful, malicious delight in the misfortune of others. We used to dismiss this as simply an ugly side of human nature, but it is much, much more than that. Recently a Stanford professor actually captured Schadenfreude on a brain scan. It’s a physiological medical phenomenon. When we see others fall it sometimes causes a chemical to be released in the dorsal striatum of the brain which actually causes us to feel pleasure. If you watch the news or read the papers, which of course you don’t because the Judge said not to, but if you did, you would see the undeniable delicious joy of the media and the public over Kelly Nolan’s plight. I have no doubt that you want Kelly Nolan to be punished. She married for money, she had an affair, she carried on naked in the pool with her boyfriend. She’s cold, materialistic, unlikable, and it might bring you all pleasure to see her go to jail. But as for evidence to establish that she committed a murder beyond all reasonable doubt? It just isn’t there. The only possible route to a guilty verdict here is Schadenfreude.
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony mid episode]
Denny: Is the show over already?
Denny: Is the show over already?
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: This isn't meaningful; practicing law and drinking scotch at 9 o'clock in the morning. Well, ok, maybe the scotch is meaningful.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Shirley: I make over a million dollars a year, and I'm in a basement looking for a dead midget.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: You're one of those environmental lawyers?
Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong with that?
Denny: They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today it's a salmon, tomorrow it's, "Let's not dig up Alaska for oil because it's too pretty." Let me tell you something - I came out here to enjoy nature. Don't talk to me about the environment.
Alan: All reality, none of it scripted.
Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong with that?
Denny: They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today it's a salmon, tomorrow it's, "Let's not dig up Alaska for oil because it's too pretty." Let me tell you something - I came out here to enjoy nature. Don't talk to me about the environment.
Alan: All reality, none of it scripted.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: God likes to fish?
Denny: We need to go to the woods and touch ourselves...get in touch with ourselves.
Denny: We need to go to the woods and touch ourselves...get in touch with ourselves.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge Sean O'Byrne: I find it insulting to be lectured by an American about the environment.
Denny: Watch it, judge, we're a superpower. Don't make us add you to the Axis.
Denny: Watch it, judge, we're a superpower. Don't make us add you to the Axis.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Environmentalist: Excuse me. Are you Denny Crane?
Denny: Yes I am, and I am not your father.
Denny: Yes I am, and I am not your father.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Judge: Mrs. Piper, you wish to address the court?
Catherine Piper: Just...is it possible to request the Robert Blake jury?
Catherine Piper: Just...is it possible to request the Robert Blake jury?
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Denny wakes up to find Alan in his bed.]
Denny: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!
Alan: I don't know!
Denny: What do you mean you don't know?!
Alan: I...got scared! I thought I heard a bear outside!
Denny: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!
Alan: I don't know!
Denny: What do you mean you don't know?!
Alan: I...got scared! I thought I heard a bear outside!
TV Show: Boston Legal
[Denny and Alan are out on the balcony at the end of the episode looking at a photograph}
Denny: I shot my first steelhead!
Denny: I shot my first steelhead!
TV Show: Boston Legal
Congressman Raymond Jacobs: May I ask, Denny, how do you feel about gun control?
Denny: For Communists.
Congressman Jacobs: What about banning assault weapons in the private sector?
Denny: As soon as you say it's OK to ban assault weapons, my friend, even in the private sector, you make it easier to take guns away from hunting, then personal protection. Soon the military and the police are without firearms.
Denny: For Communists.
Congressman Jacobs: What about banning assault weapons in the private sector?
Denny: As soon as you say it's OK to ban assault weapons, my friend, even in the private sector, you make it easier to take guns away from hunting, then personal protection. Soon the military and the police are without firearms.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: When God strips you of your talent, He should at least have the decency to strip away the memory of having had it.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: My New Year's resolution...is to appreciate my friends every day and catch more fish.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Catherine: [to Alan] Thank you. Baretta said that to his attorney. It brought him luck.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Prosecutor: Law and order isn't simply something on television four nights a week.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: I can't be sure, but in the middle I think I actually felt smoke coming out my ass.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Alan: Catherine, may I ask why would you seek to befriend this man?
Catherine: Well, I felt at his core he wasn't evil. I also thought I could help him by introducing him to Jesus Christ, our Savior.
Alan: Was he open to that?
Catherine: Not terribly. He thought it would make him look like a bad Jew.
Catherine: Well, I felt at his core he wasn't evil. I also thought I could help him by introducing him to Jesus Christ, our Savior.
Alan: Was he open to that?
Catherine: Not terribly. He thought it would make him look like a bad Jew.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Denny: I heard about Tara. I feel you're hurt.
Alan: What's most upsetting, Denny, is I don't hurt.
Denny: So I don't have to hug ya and tell ya I'm there for ya and all that crap.
Alan: We can skip it.
Alan: What's most upsetting, Denny, is I don't hurt.
Denny: So I don't have to hug ya and tell ya I'm there for ya and all that crap.
Alan: We can skip it.
TV Show: Boston Legal
Congressman Jacobs: Raymond Jacobs, you handled my first divorce 15 years ago. My wife's name was Lois.
Denny: I remember.
Congressman Jacobs: Why wouldn't ya. You slept with her.
Denny: Only after the divorce was final.
Denny: I remember.
Congressman Jacobs: Why wouldn't ya. You slept with her.
Denny: Only after the divorce was final.
TV Show: Boston Legal