3rd Rock from the Sun Quotes
[Dick meets his replacement for the first time]
Dick: You! You're gorgeous!
Dick: You! You're gorgeous!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Dick is locked in an invisible box and feels the walls]
Dick: Oh my God! He's turned me into a mime!
Dick: Oh my God! He's turned me into a mime!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[after learning that the "family" are returning to their home planet]
Dick: I wish I had a machine that could freeze time...
[Mary looks at him questioningly]
Dick: Unfortunately, I left it in my other jacket.
Dick: I wish I had a machine that could freeze time...
[Mary looks at him questioningly]
Dick: Unfortunately, I left it in my other jacket.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Tommy: You work at the university.
Evil Dick: [smugly] Ah, so I run the university.
Tommy: Well, not so much run as teach a physics class.
Evil Dick: I'm a teacher? Were all the janitor's jobs taken?
Evil Dick: [smugly] Ah, so I run the university.
Tommy: Well, not so much run as teach a physics class.
Evil Dick: I'm a teacher? Were all the janitor's jobs taken?
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Evil Dick: You see, I am building the greatest incubator these puny humans have ever known. And when it is completed, I will spawn my own private army of —
[The crew stares at him apprehensively]
Evil Dick: Of... fuzzy Easter chicks.
[The crew stares at him apprehensively]
Evil Dick: Of... fuzzy Easter chicks.
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Evil Dick: Watch the destruction my little device wreaks on the world you love so well.
Dick: [outraged] What have you done to our toaster?
Dick: [outraged] What have you done to our toaster?
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Dick: Oh, Mary! You have to get away from here!
Mary: You want me to try to escape?
Dick: Yes!
Mary: [pretending to struggle] Oh, let me go, let me go! How's that?
Mary: You want me to try to escape?
Dick: Yes!
Mary: [pretending to struggle] Oh, let me go, let me go! How's that?
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Dick wants to tell Mary that he's an alien, but the others forbid it]
Sally: Well fine, but let it be on your own head!
Tommy: Which will probably be sitting next to our heads on a tray somewhere in New Mexico!
Sally: Well fine, but let it be on your own head!
Tommy: Which will probably be sitting next to our heads on a tray somewhere in New Mexico!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Harry: [to people who haven't yet seen a movie] Attention, ticket holders! At the end of the movie, when the President turns out to be an alien and he barbecues all the Congressmen, don't believe it because aliens hate barbecue!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Tommy: You're gonna be like some sort of alien Martin Luther King?
Harry: Exactly. Because I, too, have a dream. And in that dream I'm naked on a ferris wheel.
Harry: Exactly. Because I, too, have a dream. And in that dream I'm naked on a ferris wheel.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Sally: The worst part is I'm still a virgin!
Mary: Oh my God, you're a virgin?
Sally: Yes, it's horrible!
Mary: No, it's perfectly all right for you to save yourself for the right man.
Sally: Like you did for Dick?
Mary: [a shocked look on her face, after a long pause] Yes.
Mary: Oh my God, you're a virgin?
Sally: Yes, it's horrible!
Mary: No, it's perfectly all right for you to save yourself for the right man.
Sally: Like you did for Dick?
Mary: [a shocked look on her face, after a long pause] Yes.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Tommy: People change for their lovers all the time. For example, I stopped wearing Old Spice and August stopped telling me to stop wearing Old Spice.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Mary consoling Sally after her break up]
Mary: . . . I like you Sally.
Sally: I didn't know you liked me
Mary: Well I do, you're strong, opinionated, intelligent young woman, unpredictable at time, a little scary, but hell that's you.
Sally: That is me, I like me too, but why didn't Mr. Randall?
Mary: Well he's just not the right guy for you, but you'll find someone, I mean just look at you: those legs, that hair...
Sally: Please I've been dragged through the muck enough today!
Mary: Just chop this up to experience.
Sally: Thanks Dr. Albright, you're so nice. I always thought you were such a bitch.
Mary: Oh I am. But hell, that's me.
Mary: . . . I like you Sally.
Sally: I didn't know you liked me
Mary: Well I do, you're strong, opinionated, intelligent young woman, unpredictable at time, a little scary, but hell that's you.
Sally: That is me, I like me too, but why didn't Mr. Randall?
Mary: Well he's just not the right guy for you, but you'll find someone, I mean just look at you: those legs, that hair...
Sally: Please I've been dragged through the muck enough today!
Mary: Just chop this up to experience.
Sally: Thanks Dr. Albright, you're so nice. I always thought you were such a bitch.
Mary: Oh I am. But hell, that's me.
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Tommy: Harry, I need a ride.
Harry: Nope.
Tommy: You know, I outrank you.
Harry: In that case... no, sir!
Harry: Nope.
Tommy: You know, I outrank you.
Harry: In that case... no, sir!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Harry is watching "Looney Tunes" and Tommy wants a ride from him]
Tommy: I'll tell you what: if the Road Runner wins this next one, you take me, but if he doesn't... I'll never ask you again.
Harry: Okay, you're on. I've seem this next scheme before and it's far too brilliant to fail twice.
Tommy: I'll tell you what: if the Road Runner wins this next one, you take me, but if he doesn't... I'll never ask you again.
Harry: Okay, you're on. I've seem this next scheme before and it's far too brilliant to fail twice.
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Dick: What's the point of having a democracy, if everybody's going to vote wrong?
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Dick: I'm banned? Well guess what, Tommy didn't even want to come to this robot-factory-outlet. I made him. Me! Me! Me! Now I'm putting him back into a real school, where he can be himself. Not a school where kids are judged on how well they test or much they know. Where they aren't judged at all! Where they have the freedom to stay faceless and nameless. From K through twelve, carrying their diplomas straight through the golden arches, and on into their waiting McJobs! C'mon, Tommy, we're going home.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Mrs. Dubcek wants the aliens to babysit her grandson]
Mrs. Dubcek: He's had his nap and he's just been changed.
Sally: What was he before?
Mrs. Dubcek: He's had his nap and he's just been changed.
Sally: What was he before?
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Mrs. Dubcek: He's got teeth coming in.
Harry: Well, don't worry; we'll sign for them.
Harry: Well, don't worry; we'll sign for them.
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Dick: [explaining Thanksgiving] It's a national holiday.
Tommy: What, like Big Giant Head Day?
Dick: Similar...except that no one gets thrown into the sun.
Tommy: What, like Big Giant Head Day?
Dick: Similar...except that no one gets thrown into the sun.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
[Tommy picks up two pool balls, holds them in the air and then drops them so they land back on the table]
Tommy: Excuse me, this game's not three-dimensional, is it?
Tommy: Excuse me, this game's not three-dimensional, is it?
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Tommy: Okay, could you give me an example of what's funny?
August: I thought the movie Emma was very funny.
Tommy: What was so funny about it?
August: It was full of irony.
Tommy: Okay, so irony's funny?
August: Yeah, because you say one thing while the opposite is actually true.
Tommy: Oh, like when you said Emma was going to be a really great movie when it actually sucked out loud?
August: I thought the movie Emma was very funny.
Tommy: What was so funny about it?
August: It was full of irony.
Tommy: Okay, so irony's funny?
August: Yeah, because you say one thing while the opposite is actually true.
Tommy: Oh, like when you said Emma was going to be a really great movie when it actually sucked out loud?
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Harry: I lost more than a coat, Tommy. I lost a friend — a buddy — a companion who kept me warm when it was cold and warmer when it was kind of too hot to be wearing a coat.
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Harry: Thank you for seeing me, Father. I didn't know where else to turn.
Priest: Well, that's why they pay me the big bucks.
Priest: Well, that's why they pay me the big bucks.
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Dick: Welcome to Rusty's. How may I serve you?
Customer: How do you make your burgers?
Dick: Excellent question. First, a clamp comes down onto the cow's head, forcing it onto a conveyor belt, where a prod is inserted into the cow's rectum, electrocuting it.
Customer: Gimme two.
Dick: Thank you, and remember: at Rusty's, E-coli is not on the menu.
Doug: Stop saying that!
Customer: How do you make your burgers?
Dick: Excellent question. First, a clamp comes down onto the cow's head, forcing it onto a conveyor belt, where a prod is inserted into the cow's rectum, electrocuting it.
Customer: Gimme two.
Dick: Thank you, and remember: at Rusty's, E-coli is not on the menu.
Doug: Stop saying that!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun
Officer Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
Tommy: Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?
Tommy: Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?
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Dick: You were good: you had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
Tommy: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Dick: Romeo and Juliet is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!
Tommy: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend, is that too much to ask?
Dick: Romeo and Juliet is a Shakespearian tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!
TV Show: 3rd Rock from the Sun