WKRP in Cincinnati Quotes

Andy Travis: OK, let me ask you this. Can't we do a cheap-o commercial? I mean, hire professional musicans, but maybe, sing the jingle ourselves?
Venus Flytrap: Can anyone around here sing?
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Any jerk can sing. These are the copy points that you gotta work in to it. OK, now: A: All weather floral arrangements.
Venus Flytrap: What does that mean?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: That's a plastic flowers.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: B: Maintenance-free artificial turf.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Plastic Grass.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: C: They accept all major credit cards.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: That would be your plastic money.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Plus, six convenient locations, open weekends, all night hot line, group discount rates and free parking.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Hey Big Guy, have you ever heard a Scum record?
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: This may amaze you, Herb, but no.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Yeah well, I wrote down the lyrics to one called "Love is Murder", you wanna hear it?
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: What choices do I have?
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Yeah. [reads]
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: "Love is murder, murder is love, I'm a rock'n'roll hoodlum with a black leather glove. Knock me down, baby, step on my face, I'm a fool for ya baby, let's blow up this place." Kinda catchy, huh?

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Jose Rodriguez: You see? In my country it would be a fistfight!

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Les Nessman: [Ivan is flirting with Bailey after a press conference on Soviet pork production in Cincinnati] Let's just stick to pigs, comrade.
Ivan Popasonaviski: [still locked in a gaze with Bailey] Press conference over, Howdy.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Venus Flytrap: What do you suppose he's up to?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Carlson? I don't know. You should have been here for the big wig promotion.
Venus Flytrap: What happened?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, naturally, it didn't work, and we ended up with a warehouse full of wigs. Carlson, he couldn't figure out how to get rid of 'em until the Guatemalan earthquake.
Venus Flytrap: Say what?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, the Red Cross called out, you know, for blankets, clothes, anything. So Carlson, out of the goodness of his heart, shipped these destitute earthquake victims in Guatemala three thousand blonde stretch wigs. You know, I still have this picture in my mind of quake victims stumbling through the rubble - all looking like Dolly Parton.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
[Venus is showing off his flashy wardrobe]
Venus Flytrap: I only came downtown to have one of my suits serviced.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I'll bet a suit like that stays in the shop most of the time.
Venus Flytrap: I got suits I can't get parts for.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Herb: Morning, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Morning, Herb.
Herb: Any calls?
Jennifer: No.
Herb: Messages?
Jennifer: Nope.
Herb: Mail?
Jennifer: None.
Herb: Okay, how about lunch?
Jennifer: No lunch either.
Herb: Dinner?
Jennifer: Busy.
Herb: Okay, how about later, my place?
Jennifer: You're married, Herb.
Herb: Oh, yeah.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Johnny: All right, Cincinnati, it is time for this town to get down! You've got Johnny... Dr. Johnny Fever, and I am burning up in here! WHOA! We ALL in critical condition babies, but you can tell me where it hurts, 'cause I got the healing prescription here from the big 'KRP musical medicine cabinet! Now I am talking about your 50,000-watt intensive CARE unit, babies! So just sit right down, relax, open your ears REAL wide and say "Give it to me straight, doctor, I can take it!" I almost forgot, fellow babies... BOOGER!

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Andy: I have only been in this town for two weeks. I'm living in an apartment that doesn't have any furniture. I've been fighting with your mother. I've been fighting with-with-with Les, I've been fighting with Herb. I don't even know where my laundry is, sir.
Mr. Carlson: Oh, settle down.
Andy: Frankly, sir, I'm...I'm just as tired of all this as you are.
Mr. Carlson: Yeah. Heh. Well, I guess so. Listen, for whatever it's worth, I don't know where my laundry is either.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
[Jennifer's radio is playing gentle classical music]
Mr. Carlson: Hey, is that us?
Jennifer: No, this is us. [changes stations]
Johnny: Hang onto your brains, fellow babies, this is Doctor Johnny Fever and have I got a contest for you! First prize is, you don't have to die! Second prize, a pocket comb!

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Herb: Uh, Les, this is Herb speaking. Now, I just want you to know that...if you jump, I'll jump too.
Les: Thanks, Herb.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Les: In the top story of the day, General Wallace Nasami, head of the emerging nation of Nibia, denied his new government was a dictatorship and promised free elections as soon as each citizen of the small country learned to play a musical instrument.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Mr. Carlson: Who's she?
Jennifer: Bailey Quarters.
Mr. Carlson: She work here?
Jennifer: Uh-huh.
Mr. Carlson: I like her.
Jennifer: I know. You say that every time you meet her.
Mr. Carlson: I do?

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Herb: Boy, where have you been?
Jennifer: Out with other men, Herb... letting them have their way with me.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Johnny: Right now I'd like to describe some of the incredible action that's going on down here. A man we believe might be a customer has just come from freshening up, and it looks like he's... leaving. No, wait a minute, he's paused there, maybe he's going to chat with Del Murdock, personable owner of Del's Stereo and Sound... yes he is, maybe he's going to buy something, and he's...no, no, he's pulled out a gun...uh, for any policemen who might be listening, apparently we're being held up here at Del's Stereo and Sound...

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Del: I've been checking around. I don't see how you guys can do these commercials so cheap.
Johnny: Oh, you'll understand when you see the response you get.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Dr. Monroe: My, uh, studies establish without a shadow of a doubt, that children are, by adult standards, insane. And more than a little immature!
Johnny: And that's bad?
Dr. Monroe: Well, sure.
Johnny: Well, so what should we do about it?
Dr. Monroe: Round the little guttersnipes up.
Johnny: So, tell me, Doctor. Wh-where did you receive your degree?
Dr. Monroe: In Long Beach, California, Doctor.
Johnny: Long Beach State College.
Dr. Monroe: Oh, ho-ho. No, no, no, no. From a man at the Casa de Soma Apartments.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Bailey: Jennifer, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna cry.
Jennifer: Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey: Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer: That's the way men do it.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Les: It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. It's flying something behind it, I can't quite make it out, it's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From ... W ... K ... R ... P!! What a sight, ladies and gentlemen, what a sight. The ‘copter seems to be circling the parking area now, I guess it's looking for a place to land. No! Something just came out of the back of the helicopter! It's, uh, a dark object. Perhaps a skydiver. Plummeting to the earth from only two thousand feet in the air. A second, a third! No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, this is just terrible! The crowd is running around pushing each other! Oh, my goodness! Oh, the humanity! People are running about! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Honestly, folks I don't know how much longer... the crowd is running for their lives.
[The radio transmission cuts off.]
Johnny: Les? Les? Les, are you there? Les, isn't there... Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les. Uh, for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Mr. Carlson: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Les: This is news, Sternworthy.
Howard Sernworthy: Which makes it all the more surprising that you're here.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Jennifer: Mr. Carlson, I have to go to lunch now.
Mr. Carlson: O-Okay, fine.
Mrs. Carlson: Uh, Jennifer. Who answers the phone when you're at lunch?
Jennifer: Usually I just leave it off the hook.
Mrs. Carlson: You think that's wise?
Jennifer: I don't know. It was Mr. Carlson's idea.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Mr. Carlson: Every time my mother comes for one of these little quarterly reviews, she always leaves with a piece of me in her purse.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Bailey: What's he like on a date?
Jennifer: Very gallant. Later he took me to this intimate little place. I had a martini, and Les had a hot chocolate. Then he took me home.
Bailey: Oh. Did he come up to your apartment?
Jennifer: Oh, I invited him. But on the way up the stairs his knees sort of gave out. But he took a rain check.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Johnny: I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Venus: You never went to college.
Johnny: Hey man, I went through Princeton!
Venus: I'll bet.
Johnny: I did. It was in a car. A squad car, actually. Very, very educational.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Jennifer: Mr. Carlson.
Mr. Carlson: What?
Jennifer: You're being childish about this.
Mr. Carlson: I am not. Boy, is this gonna make my momma mad.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Johnny: [Horrified] Look man, I've been in jail in Mexico. My father called me what's-his-face for seventeen horrifying years. My second wife tried to kill me with a Ronco Vegematic! My mother and I were in a tornado once. We were in a mobile home, and I think God must really hate mobile homes, Andy, cuz tornadoes always attack them first. They get very mobile.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Herb: [reading] "What to do in case of an enemy attack in Cincinnati." Who's going to attack us, Dayton?
Les: Maybe.
Herb: Well, if they come down here, we'll kick their butts.

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati
Andy: Mr. Carlson, we have got big trouble.
Mr. Carlson: Uh oh, mother's on her way!
Andy: It is not your Momma. It is worse than Momma.
Mr. Carlson: Worse? What could be worse than Momma?

TV Show: WKRP in Cincinnati