South Park Quotes
Stan: Great job, you killed Kyle!
Kenny: [muffled] You bastard!
Cartman: Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!
Stan: Why the hell not? It's just like calling the sky blue!
Kenny: [muffled] You bastard!
Cartman: Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!
Stan: Why the hell not? It's just like calling the sky blue!
TV Show: South Park
Australian Outback Guy: [examining dirt] I think he came through here recently.
Cartman: [imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, I think the same thing.
Government Agent 1: Well where the hell is he? We have to get him back to the lab!
Dr. Mephisto: He can't function out here in our time!
Australian Outback Guy: Calm down, calm down!
Cartman: [imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, calm down, calm down, you sons of bitches!
Cartman: [imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, I think the same thing.
Government Agent 1: Well where the hell is he? We have to get him back to the lab!
Dr. Mephisto: He can't function out here in our time!
Australian Outback Guy: Calm down, calm down!
Cartman: [imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, calm down, calm down, you sons of bitches!
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: [about the frozen man they found] His name is Steve!
Stan: His name is Gorak!
Frozen Man: My name is Larry.
Stan: His name is Gorak!
Frozen Man: My name is Larry.
TV Show: South Park
[Mr. Mackey is chastising Craig for continually coming to his office. Without warning, Craig shows him his middle finger]
Mr. Mackey: HEY! Did you just flip me off?!
Craig: [lowering his middle finger] No.
Mr. Mackey: Yes you did, I saw you!
Mr. Mackey: HEY! Did you just flip me off?!
Craig: [lowering his middle finger] No.
Mr. Mackey: Yes you did, I saw you!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Ah! A snake!
Kyle: No, dude, that's a branch.
Stan: Oh. Ah! It's a snake!
Kyle: No, dude, that's the same branch again.
Kyle: No, dude, that's a branch.
Stan: Oh. Ah! It's a snake!
Kyle: No, dude, that's the same branch again.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Ahhhhhh!
Miss Stevens: Stan, what is it?
Stan: Snake! [points to a snake, everyone gasps]
Pablo: Oh yes, this is what we call a coral snake. Notice the red markings. Quite an amazing creature.
[Stan screams and runs away]
Pablo: What's the matter, little boy?
Cartman: He's a little wuss, what's it look like?
Stan: I'm just scared of snakes.
Pablo: Now, now, you must remember. This snake is more afraid of us than we are of it.
[snake chokes Pablo to death]
Miss Stevens: Oh, my God!
[snake starts to eat Pablo]
Cartman: Yeah, that snake is pretty scared of us, all right.
[snake continues to eat Pablo]
Miss Stevens: Jesus Christ! Is he dead?
[snake excretes remains of Pablo]
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: My guess would be yes.
Miss Stevens: Oh, no! God, no! Now don't panic, children.
Cartman: [hitting coral snake with a stick] Bad! That's a bad snake! [runs away as the snake starts chasing him]
Miss Stevens: Stan, what is it?
Stan: Snake! [points to a snake, everyone gasps]
Pablo: Oh yes, this is what we call a coral snake. Notice the red markings. Quite an amazing creature.
[Stan screams and runs away]
Pablo: What's the matter, little boy?
Cartman: He's a little wuss, what's it look like?
Stan: I'm just scared of snakes.
Pablo: Now, now, you must remember. This snake is more afraid of us than we are of it.
[snake chokes Pablo to death]
Miss Stevens: Oh, my God!
[snake starts to eat Pablo]
Cartman: Yeah, that snake is pretty scared of us, all right.
[snake continues to eat Pablo]
Miss Stevens: Jesus Christ! Is he dead?
[snake excretes remains of Pablo]
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: My guess would be yes.
Miss Stevens: Oh, no! God, no! Now don't panic, children.
Cartman: [hitting coral snake with a stick] Bad! That's a bad snake! [runs away as the snake starts chasing him]
TV Show: South Park
Kelly: [to Kenny] Lenny, can I tell you something?
Kenny: Uh-huh?
Kelly: I think I like you.
Kenny: Really?
Kelly: Yes, I think we communicate really well.
Kenny: Wow, that's great!
Kelly: No, that's not great.
Kenny: That's not great?
Kelly: Yes, I live on the opposite side of the country, and when this choir tour ends we'll never see each other again and I'm only going to get my heart broken I just can't get feelings for you. I just can't, Lenny!
Kenny: Awwwww!
Kenny: Uh-huh?
Kelly: I think I like you.
Kenny: Really?
Kelly: Yes, I think we communicate really well.
Kenny: Wow, that's great!
Kelly: No, that's not great.
Kenny: That's not great?
Kelly: Yes, I live on the opposite side of the country, and when this choir tour ends we'll never see each other again and I'm only going to get my heart broken I just can't get feelings for you. I just can't, Lenny!
Kenny: Awwwww!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Mister! You gotta help me, I'm starving to death!
Worker: What are you doing out here, little boy?
Cartman: I was with my class, and we got all lost in the rainforest and I need some food; I'm fading fast.
Worker: Lost in the rain forest? Oh my Lord! Where are all the others?
Cartman: Food! I have to have food! [collapses]
Worker: Oh my God! Get this child some food quick!
Cartman: [lifts his head up] Chicken wings.
Worker: Chicken wings!
Cartman: [lifts his head again] Medium spicy.
Worker: What are you doing out here, little boy?
Cartman: I was with my class, and we got all lost in the rainforest and I need some food; I'm fading fast.
Worker: Lost in the rain forest? Oh my Lord! Where are all the others?
Cartman: Food! I have to have food! [collapses]
Worker: Oh my God! Get this child some food quick!
Cartman: [lifts his head up] Chicken wings.
Worker: Chicken wings!
Cartman: [lifts his head again] Medium spicy.
TV Show: South Park
Kelly: Oh, stop! I wanna go home! I hate the rainforest!
Kenny: [stops and hugs her] Come on, it'll be all right.
Kelly: Oh, Lenny, hold me. Oh no, I can't get attached to you. Oh, but I do like you. But I'm only going to get my heart broken.
Kenny: [frustrated] Oh, FUCK YOU!
Kenny: [stops and hugs her] Come on, it'll be all right.
Kelly: Oh, Lenny, hold me. Oh no, I can't get attached to you. Oh, but I do like you. But I'm only going to get my heart broken.
Kenny: [frustrated] Oh, FUCK YOU!
TV Show: South Park
Kelly: Lenny, if we make it out of this, I wanna be your girlfriend, even if we live on either side of the country, I don't care. [moves over to cuddle Kenny. Kelly attempts pick her nose, which proves difficult because she is tied up]
TV Show: South Park
Kelly: Okay, Lenny, in order to keep up our long-distance relationship, we have to call each other every other day.
Kenny: Okay. [lightning bolt strikes him]
Kelly: Lenny! No!
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Kelly: What? Who killed him?
Stan: Uh, they did.
Kelly: Who's "they"?
Stan: You know, they.
Kyle: They're, they're bastards.
Kelly: Well, don't just stand there, help him.
Kyle: Help him?
Kelly: Argh! [pounds on Kenny's stomach] Breathe! [gives him CPR] Breathe! [pounds on his stomach some more] Breathe you son of a bitch! [Kenny coughs]
Kyle: [shocked] Whoa, dude!
Kenny: Okay. [lightning bolt strikes him]
Kelly: Lenny! No!
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Kelly: What? Who killed him?
Stan: Uh, they did.
Kelly: Who's "they"?
Stan: You know, they.
Kyle: They're, they're bastards.
Kelly: Well, don't just stand there, help him.
Kyle: Help him?
Kelly: Argh! [pounds on Kenny's stomach] Breathe! [gives him CPR] Breathe! [pounds on his stomach some more] Breathe you son of a bitch! [Kenny coughs]
Kyle: [shocked] Whoa, dude!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Ms. Stevens, you have a bug on your back.
Ms. Stevens: Oh, could you swat it off? [turns around to reveal giant fly on her back]
Stan: No...
Ms. Stevens: Oh, could you swat it off? [turns around to reveal giant fly on her back]
Stan: No...
TV Show: South Park
Cartman (Whacking a Three Toed Sloth with a stick) Bad! That's a bad three toed sloth!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: That's the fifth store we've been kicked out of. Why is it so hard to get an erection?
TV Show: South Park
Stan: What are you doing, Dad?
Randy: Stanley, I think it's best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me.
Stan: No, he's not. He can't even get an erection!
Randy: Heh heh heh! Really?
Randy: Stanley, I think it's best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me.
Stan: No, he's not. He can't even get an erection!
Randy: Heh heh heh! Really?
TV Show: South Park
Mayor: Marsh, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! Find the cause of spontaneous combustion or else!
Randy: Or else what?
Mayor: Exactly!
Randy: Or else what?
Mayor: Exactly!
TV Show: South Park
Priest Maxi: Now, let us pray. Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free agency and Steve Atwater to the Jets, still, we hope our beloved Broncos can bring home another Super Bowl championship, and once again bathe in the glory of your light. Amen.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: I'm gonna be Jesus!
Kyle: You're too fat to be Jesus!
Cartman: Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew?!
Kyle: Stan should be Jesus.
Cartman: Either I'm Jesus or else screw you guys, I'm going home!
Kyle: You're such a fat baby!
Cartman: Well, I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross by yourselves.
Kyle: All right, all right, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
Cartman: Stick and stones may break my bones, but I'm Jesus and you aren't.
Kyle: You're too fat to be Jesus!
Cartman: Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew?!
Kyle: Stan should be Jesus.
Cartman: Either I'm Jesus or else screw you guys, I'm going home!
Kyle: You're such a fat baby!
Cartman: Well, I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross by yourselves.
Kyle: All right, all right, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
Cartman: Stick and stones may break my bones, but I'm Jesus and you aren't.
TV Show: South Park
[Randy's dream]
[The Most Popular Man In South Park. Hands move him over the crowd]
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Woman: Make love to me, Randy. Please!
[The Most Popular Man In South Park. Hands move him over the crowd]
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Woman: Make love to me, Randy. Please!
TV Show: South Park
Chef: I got something to tell you.
Cartman What?
Chef: You're not gonna like it.
Cartman: What?
Chef: It's really gonna piss you off.
Cartman: What?
Chef: Okay. This is a dream. You still on that cross!
Cartman: [wakes up] Goddammit!
Cartman What?
Chef: You're not gonna like it.
Cartman: What?
Chef: It's really gonna piss you off.
Cartman: What?
Chef: Okay. This is a dream. You still on that cross!
Cartman: [wakes up] Goddammit!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [to Stan and Kyle] When I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you both right in the nuts!
TV Show: South Park
[after Randy tells the crowd how to save themselves]
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Old Woman: [in a wheelchair] Make love to me, Randy. Please!
Crowd: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Man: We love you, Randy.
Old Woman: [in a wheelchair] Make love to me, Randy. Please!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Officer Barbrady, get me off this cross!
[Officer Barbrady looks at Cartman, who is crucified]
Officer Barbrady: Ooh, a T... T...for turtle. [walks away]
[Officer Barbrady looks at Cartman, who is crucified]
Officer Barbrady: Ooh, a T... T...for turtle. [walks away]
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!
Chef: Damn right, Garrison!
Chef: Damn right, Garrison!
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Excuse me, we're looking for Chef.
Woman at front desk: Chef?
Kyle: He's a big guy with a beard.
Stan: And a chef's hat.
Kenny: And a real huge dick.
Woman at front desk: Oh, the black guy.
Stan: huh?
Woman at front desk: Chef?
Kyle: He's a big guy with a beard.
Stan: And a chef's hat.
Kenny: And a real huge dick.
Woman at front desk: Oh, the black guy.
Stan: huh?
TV Show: South Park