Seinfeld Quotes
Kramer: Hey Jerry, you ever wear silk underwear?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: Put that on the top of your list.
Jerry: No, not for me. A little too delightful.
Jerry: No.
Kramer: Put that on the top of your list.
Jerry: No, not for me. A little too delightful.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Oh, isn't that weird that George and Jane haven't had sex yet, but they're spending a weekend together?
Jerry: I know, George is pretty pleased about it. It's like she signed a letter of intent.
Jerry: I know, George is pretty pleased about it. It's like she signed a letter of intent.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: The New York Yankees?
George: The New York [turns Yankees hat around] Yankees!
Jerry: Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza!?
George: The New York [turns Yankees hat around] Yankees!
Jerry: Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza!?
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: SHUT YOUR TRAPS AND STOP KICKING THE SEATS! WE’RE TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE! And if I have to tell you again, we’re gonna take it outside and I'm gonna SHOW you what it's like, you understand me? Now shut your mouths or I’m gonna shut 'em for ya! And if you think I'm kidding, just try me. Try me! Because I would LOVE it!!!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Ms. Rhode Island: I'm watching my weight.
Jerry: I'm watching my height. My doctor doesn't want me to get any taller.
Jerry: I'm watching my height. My doctor doesn't want me to get any taller.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Look, if you think I'm just going to step aside and do nothing while you defile this woman, you're crazy.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: (singing) There she is, Ms. Ameri...
Jerry: Oh shut the (car horn beeps) up!
Jerry: Oh shut the (car horn beeps) up!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Your Nana is missing because she's been passing those bum checks all over town and she finally pissed off the wrong people!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [referring to George] It's a shame his parents didn't get divorced thirty years ago. He could've been normal.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Jerry, you stand on the threshold to the magical world of sensual delights that most men dare not dream of.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: You're in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle. So you think to yourself, "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: [singing] Everybody's talkin' at me... can't hear a word they're sayin'... just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car...
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Jerry: Come on, put the top up, it's November.
George: I feel Alive, Jerry!
Jerry: Come on, put the top up, it's November.
George: I feel Alive, Jerry!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: I'll have the turkey club without the bacon.
George: And I'll have the bacon club without the turkey.
George: And I'll have the bacon club without the turkey.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: Can I have a big salad?
Waitress: A big salad?
Elaine: You see
George: [irritated] Just tell them what you want. They'll make it for you.
Elaine: It's a salad, only bigger, with lots of stuff in it.
Waitress: I can bring you two small salads.
Elaine: Could you put it in a big bowl?
Waitress: We don't have big bowls.
Elaine: All right, just get me a cup of decaf.
Waitress: We have Sanka.
Waitress: A big salad?
Elaine: You see
George: [irritated] Just tell them what you want. They'll make it for you.
Elaine: It's a salad, only bigger, with lots of stuff in it.
Waitress: I can bring you two small salads.
Elaine: Could you put it in a big bowl?
Waitress: We don't have big bowls.
Elaine: All right, just get me a cup of decaf.
Waitress: We have Sanka.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Secretary: As you can see, my references are impeccable and I think I'd be a real asset here. My only concern is: I take care of my mother. Will there be many late nights?
George: I can't imagine any.
George: I can't imagine any.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: You got no waist in that thing.
George: And your arms look like something in a kosher deli.
George: And your arms look like something in a kosher deli.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Lets face it. I'm stuck with the non-laugher and that's that.
George: We will come up with something.
Jerry: [sullen] Yeah, sure we will.
George: All right, see you tomorrow.
George: We will come up with something.
Jerry: [sullen] Yeah, sure we will.
George: All right, see you tomorrow.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains. I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends... No, I'm not ready for it.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Lois: Would you be able to come all the way downtown during rush hour again?
Jerry: Well, I'd have to be Superman to do that, Lois.
Jerry: Well, I'd have to be Superman to do that, Lois.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Lois: So, you were the fastest kid in school.
Jerry: Faster than a speeding bullet, Lois.
Jerry: Faster than a speeding bullet, Lois.
TV Show: Seinfeld