Seinfeld Quotes
Jerry: Oh, it's "Risk." It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.
TV Show: Seinfeld
[Talking about George's toupee]
Kramer: Its a perfect match.
Jerry: Are you kidding? I can spot that bird's nest two blocks away.
Kramer: Its a perfect match.
Jerry: Are you kidding? I can spot that bird's nest two blocks away.
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I love these people. You can't ask 'em questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office. When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: How 'bout those Knicks?
Doorman: Oh, I see. On the sports page...
Jerry: Yeah.
Doorman: What makes you think I wasn't reading the Wall Street page? Oh, I know, because I'm the uneducated doorman.
Doorman: Oh, I see. On the sports page...
Jerry: Yeah.
Doorman: What makes you think I wasn't reading the Wall Street page? Oh, I know, because I'm the uneducated doorman.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: [dressed as a doorman] Hey, hey, wait a second. You live here?
Mr. Green: Of course I live here! I've lived here for twenty years. Now if you don't let me in, I'm going to call the police and have you arrested!
[Jerry lets the man pass.]
Jerry: [yells] You think you're better than me?
Mr. Green: Of course I live here! I've lived here for twenty years. Now if you don't let me in, I'm going to call the police and have you arrested!
[Jerry lets the man pass.]
Jerry: [yells] You think you're better than me?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jimmy: You know, Jimmy is pretty sweet on you.
Elaine: [thinks that Jimmy is another guy] Aaaaaahhh! He is?
Jimmy: Oh, yeah! Jimmy's been watching you. You're just Jimmy's type.
Elaine: Ahh! Really?
Jimmy: Jimmy's new in town. Jimmy... doesn't really know anyone.
Elaine: Oh! Well, I'd like to get to know him.
Jimmy: Jimmy would like to get to know you.
Elaine: [thinks that Jimmy is another guy] Aaaaaahhh! He is?
Jimmy: Oh, yeah! Jimmy's been watching you. You're just Jimmy's type.
Elaine: Ahh! Really?
Jimmy: Jimmy's new in town. Jimmy... doesn't really know anyone.
Elaine: Oh! Well, I'd like to get to know him.
Jimmy: Jimmy would like to get to know you.
TV Show: Seinfeld
[Jerry finds a copy of Penthouse in Dr. Whatley's waiting room.]
Jerry: He's a doctor! I mean, it's supposed to be like a sterile environment.
Jerry: He's a doctor! I mean, it's supposed to be like a sterile environment.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Estelle: Georgie, I'm a divorcee.
George: No, you're not a divorcee. You're just separated. You're — you're a "separatee."
Estelle: Well, I'm out there, George.
George: No, you're not out there.
Estelle: I am, too!
George: You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
George: No, you're not a divorcee. You're just separated. You're — you're a "separatee."
Estelle: Well, I'm out there, George.
George: No, you're not out there.
Estelle: I am, too!
George: You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: ...every proctoligist's story ends in exactly the same way: "Million to one shot doc, a million to one!"
TV Show: Seinfeld
Katie: Jerry, I don't want you to freak out.
Jerry: I'm freakin' out! I am freakin' out!
Jerry: I'm freakin' out! I am freakin' out!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Elaine: [to the busboy] Oh, thanks very much. The soup was really good.
[The busboy gives her a blank stare and walks away.]
Jerry: What are you telling him for?
Elaine: What?
Jerry: He's the busboy. You think he cares about the soup?
Elaine: Yeah, why? Wouldn't he want the soup to be good?
Jerry: Elaine, it's all this guy can do to keep from killing himself. You think he's back there, talking to the chef, going, "Hey, they like the soup! Keep it up!"?
[The busboy gives her a blank stare and walks away.]
Jerry: What are you telling him for?
Elaine: What?
Jerry: He's the busboy. You think he cares about the soup?
Elaine: Yeah, why? Wouldn't he want the soup to be good?
Jerry: Elaine, it's all this guy can do to keep from killing himself. You think he's back there, talking to the chef, going, "Hey, they like the soup! Keep it up!"?
TV Show: Seinfeld
George: I watched "Beaches" on cable last night... give me a break.
Bette: Get some talent. Then you can mouth off.
Bette: Get some talent. Then you can mouth off.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: [on the phone] A turkey sandwich, a side of slaw... You want white meat or dark?
Bette: White meat.
Kramer: Yeah, white meat. And if I see one piece of dark meat on there, it's your ass, buster!
Bette: White meat.
Kramer: Yeah, white meat. And if I see one piece of dark meat on there, it's your ass, buster!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Susan: I just want you to know that I love your son very much.
Estelle: You do?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: Really?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: May I ask why?
Estelle: You do?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: Really?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: May I ask why?
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: Well, you know, we were having dinner the other night, and she's got this strangest habit: she eats her peas one at a time. You've never seen anything like it. It takes her an hour to finish them. I mean, we've had dinner other times. I've seen her eat corn niblets, but she scooped them.
George: She scooped the niblets?
Jerry: Yes. That's what was so vexing.
George: She scooped the niblets?
Jerry: Yes. That's what was so vexing.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: Look at this, Jerry; dropping paper on the ground. That's littering.
Jerry: Maybe you better call the cops and turn me in.
Kramer: Maybe I will.
Jerry: Maybe you better call the cops and turn me in.
Kramer: Maybe I will.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Susan: If you don't want to marry me, George, just say so. [crying] Say so.
George: Still marry. Still marry.
Susan: No, you don't love me.
George: No. Still love. Still love.
Susan: My parents told me you were too neurotic and that I was making a mistake.
George: No, no, no. No mistake, no mistake!
George: Still marry. Still marry.
Susan: No, you don't love me.
George: No. Still love. Still love.
Susan: My parents told me you were too neurotic and that I was making a mistake.
George: No, no, no. No mistake, no mistake!
TV Show: Seinfeld
Kramer: You know you hurt the Maestro's feelings.
Jerry: Oh what, because I didn't call him "Maestro"?
Kramer: That's right.
Jerry: Ya know, I feel a little funny calling somebody "Maestro."
Kramer: Why?
Jerry: Because it's a stupid thing to be called.
Kramer: Jerry, he's a conductor.
Jerry: Oh, conductor. He conducts the Policeman's Benevolent Association Orchestra.
Jerry: Oh what, because I didn't call him "Maestro"?
Kramer: That's right.
Jerry: Ya know, I feel a little funny calling somebody "Maestro."
Kramer: Why?
Jerry: Because it's a stupid thing to be called.
Kramer: Jerry, he's a conductor.
Jerry: Oh, conductor. He conducts the Policeman's Benevolent Association Orchestra.
TV Show: Seinfeld
Jerry: New shirt?
George: Yeah. You like it?
Jerry: No, not particularly.
George: Why, the color?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Too flashy?
Jerry: Yeah, it's burning my retina.
George: Yeah. You like it?
Jerry: No, not particularly.
George: Why, the color?
Jerry: Yeah.
George: Too flashy?
Jerry: Yeah, it's burning my retina.
TV Show: Seinfeld