Peep Show Quotes

Jez: ('Abandon self-cherishing, love only others'. Yeah well Mr. Dalai Lama, I suppose you've got to be a suck-up if you haven't got your own country.)

TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: There's only so much happiness in the world and they're hoarding it all!
Mark: That's not how happiness works! (It completely is.)

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Mark: What do I know about love and happiness? I know you have to play dirty, my friend.

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Mark: (Yeah, fuck carrot and stick, he's making the stick out of carrot.)

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Mark: (Careful, there's man love and there's business love, and never the twain shall meet.)

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Mark: (Yeah, you won't be so cocky Jeff, when I come into the office with a Kalashnikov and 200 rounds of ammunition. I'm probably exactly the kind of person who could end up doing something like that.)

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Mark: Dancing? Y-yes... dancing... I love... dancing... (It makes me look like a coma victim being stood up and zapped with a cattle prod.)

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Jez: (God, this is such a mess. It's fantastic.)

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Jez: Maybe I should send her a bit of ear. Or a finger. Just to show I'm really serious.

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Mark: (I've walked into my own personal nightmare. Must remain non-uptight for Sophie. Even if they make me play trust exercises with their genitals.)

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Jez: (Jesus, Mark's such a honky. I'm definitely the alpha-est male here. He's probably here for community service. He looks like he's actually getting a bonk on. I'm definitely king of the hippie jungle.)

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Mark: Look, Jez, what I'm trying to say is, for better or worse, the sixties happened and now sex is fine. But can't we take the best of that--the nice music, the colors, the I Have A Dream, et cetera--but not have to face the ... squalor?

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Jez: Who needs romance when you're doing it up the bum?

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Nancy: You can't imagine your mum having sex with a black man? That's pretty racist, Jeremy!

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Mark: (I wonder which of my treasured possessions they'll be putting in each others anuses tonight.)

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Mark: (God it's so easy being a freak. No wonder they're ten a penny.)

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Nancy: This place is amazing, Gwyn. How can you afford it all?
Gwyn: Well I guess I've just been very lucky. Money's an energy and lots of it has always flowed towards me. Particularly after my parents died.
Jez: Cosmic.

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Jez: (You're not going to out-hippie me you fucking hippie.)

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Mark: (God it's happening. It's Woodstock. It's Altamont. It's My Lai.)

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Mark: (I'm Louis Theroux. I'm Louis Theroux with his wry smile at the orgy.)

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Mark: (Sure, an orgy sounds great, but you're basically just multiplying the number of people you're not going to be able to look in the eye afterwards.)

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Jez: (This is good. This is like watching a porno, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard-on, and I want to cry.)

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Mark: We have something special. Not my words, yours. We can't throw that all away just because I ... spy on you ... can we!?

TV Show: Peep Show
[Jez approaches an acquaintance from school]
Jez: Gog!
Gog: Jeremy! What are you doing here?
Jez: Wouldn't you like to know, you big prick!
[Jez twists Gog's nipple]
Jez: Remember that time we made you wank off Percy's dog for a fiver?

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Mark: (He hasn't got any massage oil. He's trying to make me obsess about massage oil. And it's worked!)

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Jez: Is that? ... Oh my god it is! It's Gog!
Mark: Who's Gog?
Jez: It's Gog! In school, if you had to sneeze, you'd run up and do it in his face.

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Super Hans: I'll tell you what, this crack is really more-ish.

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Gog: Hey, you know what I fancy right now? A kebab. Will you go down and get me a kebab?
Jez: [pause] You want me to...
Gog: I want a kebab.
Jez: What ... really?
Gog: [laughing] No-o! Why, were you gonna go and get me one?
[Everyone laughs at Jez]
Jez: No...
Gog: I can't believe you were gonna go and get me a kebab!
Jez: I wasn't!
Gog: [Stops laughing] Well, I want one now.
Jez: Right... really?
Gog: [laughs again] No-o! I'm shitting you, Jez! Jesus!

TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Jeremy, what is Super Hans doing?
Jeremy: [observes Super Hans] He's honking on his crackpipe.
Mark: Crack! Jeremy! I have company!
Jeremy: Relax Mark, everyone does drugs nowadays. "Look at Me, I'm Mark. I'm dying on a street in an Advert in the 80s."

TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: What we really need to do is create a powerful sense of dread.
[Plays a long, low note on the keyboard]
Super Hans: See, the longer the note... the more dread!

TV Show: Peep Show