Peep Show Quotes
Jeremy: Brilliant Mark. My mate and your woman have just gone off to fuck each other. What are we gonna do now? Go and make a tent in the living room and eat Dairylea? Is that what you want? Because that's what's gonna happen.
TV Show: Peep Show
[discussing their marriage of convenience]
Nancy: You realise its only going to be an administrative procedure?
Jez: The happiest administrative procedure of our lives!
Nancy: You realise its only going to be an administrative procedure?
Jez: The happiest administrative procedure of our lives!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Maybe it'll go really well and I'll have a double wedding with Jeremy on Friday. Oh god. She's coming over. Must... Think... Words... Funny words.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (This is just not normal. Someone has got to do something. He's just going to stand there doing nothing like Jeff's the invading Chinese army. They're women, that old get out. Oh god, it's got to be me.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Great. The woman you love has been single for only a few seconds and you've already found her a nice new boyfriend. Nice job, Mr Fucking Stupid.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: She's got trouble written right through her. Like a stick of Brighton rock.
TV Show: Peep Show
Super Hans: Where might you find a diphthong?
Mark: It's an element of speech.
Super Hans: Where might you find one?
Mark: In a word?
Mark: It's an element of speech.
Super Hans: Where might you find one?
Mark: In a word?
TV Show: Peep Show
[as Jez walks up the aisle]
Mark: (I tried. I failed. Got to let him make his own mistakes. Just like Dad with me and the strimmer.)
Mark: (I tried. I failed. Got to let him make his own mistakes. Just like Dad with me and the strimmer.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Got to stick it out. Keep being charming to Sophie, stay cold and unfriendly to Karen, without breaking social convention.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Brilliant. Probably looks like I was going to punch him, when actually I was going to use the Buddhist as a human shield).
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Public humiliation. Welcome to my world, Jeff. Although personally I wouldn't have picked that dress to cry on.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Do you think maybe, if I plead and plead and plead, she'll forget all about it and things will go back to like before?
Mark: Honestly?
Jez: Quite honestly. Not brutally honestly.
Mark: Then... yeah, absolutely.
Mark: Honestly?
Jez: Quite honestly. Not brutally honestly.
Mark: Then... yeah, absolutely.
TV Show: Peep Show
mugger1: y'allright mate!
Mark: you...alright...?
mugger1: can we lend your phone mate?
Mark: (hesitation)don't you have you own phones?
mugger2: i just need to make a call see?
Mark: (laughs nervously) neither a lender nor a borrower be!
mugger1: you think we're are a pair of shit houses???
Mark: god no! you see it's my work's, it's a blackberry....
mugger1+2: give us your phone! give us your wallet!
mugger1: or we will fucking do you!
Mark: ( do me? are they going to rape me? or kill me? i hope they kill me then rape me...i kinda win...) -hands over phone-
mugger2: you got anythin else?
mugger1: what else?
Mark: (rummages in pockets and wallet)my travel card? ( that's right, Mark, help the muggers...what do you want, approval??)
mugger1: (both laugh at Mark's picture) alright...now piss off!
Mark: ( confused ) ( I thought it was at least the muggers who had to run away...the victim flees whilst -)
mugger1: FASTER!...FASTER!
Mark: (oh this really does leave sour taste!)
Mark: you...alright...?
mugger1: can we lend your phone mate?
Mark: (hesitation)don't you have you own phones?
mugger2: i just need to make a call see?
Mark: (laughs nervously) neither a lender nor a borrower be!
mugger1: you think we're are a pair of shit houses???
Mark: god no! you see it's my work's, it's a blackberry....
mugger1+2: give us your phone! give us your wallet!
mugger1: or we will fucking do you!
Mark: ( do me? are they going to rape me? or kill me? i hope they kill me then rape me...i kinda win...) -hands over phone-
mugger2: you got anythin else?
mugger1: what else?
Mark: (rummages in pockets and wallet)my travel card? ( that's right, Mark, help the muggers...what do you want, approval??)
mugger1: (both laugh at Mark's picture) alright...now piss off!
Mark: ( confused ) ( I thought it was at least the muggers who had to run away...the victim flees whilst -)
mugger1: FASTER!...FASTER!
Mark: (oh this really does leave sour taste!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: "You've got to toughen up. This is the 21st century. You've seen Mad Max haven't you? That's what's going to happen!
Mark: Mad Max isn't necessarily going to happen.
Jez: You're still living in your Hitchhiker's Guide world where you'll go around in your bathrobe and have a nice cup of tea.
Mark: Mad Max isn't necessarily going to happen.
Jez: You're still living in your Hitchhiker's Guide world where you'll go around in your bathrobe and have a nice cup of tea.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (They're alright with hitting but apparently there's a massive taboo against Stabbing)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: About Stu (He's a monk, he's gonna have fifteen years of spunk backed up. How am I supposed to compete with that?)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Yeah. Take that Stu, you lump of monk. God didn't protect you from my big fist.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: (Still drinking alone, what's the big deal? If I drink a bottle of vodka and a man's there does that somehow make it alright?)
[Stu appears]
Stu: Hey man, I'm really parched, you mind if I have a swig of something?
Jeremy: Whatever.
[Stu drinks from the milk jug]
Jeremy: (God, that's what a man should look like. Look at that body. Those arms.)
Stu: Listen man, I know you still have feelings for Suze and that's fine. So, it's really nice to meet you, and...no hard feelings. Yeah?
Jeremy: Yeah
[Jeremy stands up to shake Stu's hand, but pulls back at the last moment and wiggles his fingers in front of his face and laughs]
Stu: What does that mean?
Jeremy: You know what it means Stu, by how it makes you feel! That's what it means. [Stu begins to walk away] Welcome to big school!
[Stu appears]
Stu: Hey man, I'm really parched, you mind if I have a swig of something?
Jeremy: Whatever.
[Stu drinks from the milk jug]
Jeremy: (God, that's what a man should look like. Look at that body. Those arms.)
Stu: Listen man, I know you still have feelings for Suze and that's fine. So, it's really nice to meet you, and...no hard feelings. Yeah?
Jeremy: Yeah
[Jeremy stands up to shake Stu's hand, but pulls back at the last moment and wiggles his fingers in front of his face and laughs]
Stu: What does that mean?
Jeremy: You know what it means Stu, by how it makes you feel! That's what it means. [Stu begins to walk away] Welcome to big school!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Look at me; I've got a girlfriend. A proper girlfriend reading a best-seller about child-abuse. I go out and have croissant. I'm just a normal functioning member of the human race and there's no way anyone can prove otherwise.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[Super Hans nonchalantly flings Merry's laptop across the room]
Jez: Super Hans!
Super Hans: Oh, what? Oh, 'cause it's a computer you think it's made of spiders webs and magic? It's just a metal box Jez, they're indestructible.
Jez: Super Hans!
Super Hans: Oh, what? Oh, 'cause it's a computer you think it's made of spiders webs and magic? It's just a metal box Jez, they're indestructible.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I suppose doing things you hate is just the price you pay to avoid loneliness.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: "If you build it, they will come". That's my market research.
Mark: Your market research is Field of Dreams? I mean, a man who made a baseball pitch in his garden for ghosts? That's your role model?
Mark: Your market research is Field of Dreams? I mean, a man who made a baseball pitch in his garden for ghosts? That's your role model?
TV Show: Peep Show