Peep Show Quotes
Jeremy: Oh my god! It's wheels within wheels! I've been invited inside, with the bean counters and the water boarders!
Mark: (At some point he's going to find out what goes in sausages.)
Mark: (At some point he's going to find out what goes in sausages.)
TV Show: Peep Show
[The fire alarm goes off at JLB]
Jeremy: ..what's?
Mark: Fire alarm.
Jeremy: Oh god, look at you. Frightened little mouse.
Mark: It's a fire alarm Jeremy!
Jeremy: Oh yeah, right, like there's a fire! There's never a fire, Mark, it just doesn't happen! I mean, maybe in a film, but...
Mark: So what? There's never been a fire, anywhere?
Jeremy: Not in an office, in England. God, you're pathetic! Ooh, fire! Please don't burn me or my posessions! I'm so important and flammable!
Mark: Is this a test?
Security Guard: No, not a test.
Jeremy: Come on, Mark! Fucking hell, get your elbows in! It's all gone backdraft!
Jeremy: ..what's?
Mark: Fire alarm.
Jeremy: Oh god, look at you. Frightened little mouse.
Mark: It's a fire alarm Jeremy!
Jeremy: Oh yeah, right, like there's a fire! There's never a fire, Mark, it just doesn't happen! I mean, maybe in a film, but...
Mark: So what? There's never been a fire, anywhere?
Jeremy: Not in an office, in England. God, you're pathetic! Ooh, fire! Please don't burn me or my posessions! I'm so important and flammable!
Mark: Is this a test?
Security Guard: No, not a test.
Jeremy: Come on, Mark! Fucking hell, get your elbows in! It's all gone backdraft!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I thought I might do a skit with Dobbie.
Jez: Oh, I get it! The smell of the grease-paint, the swish of the curtain, the rub-job in the dressing room.
Jez: Oh, I get it! The smell of the grease-paint, the swish of the curtain, the rub-job in the dressing room.
TV Show: Peep Show
[Discussing both being fired]
Jeremy: They've really screwed us, man!
Mark: They've screwed me, they've diddled you at best.
Jeremy: They've really screwed us, man!
Mark: They've screwed me, they've diddled you at best.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Well, got Dobbie, but there goes the Nazi gold, back in the vault with all the Rembrandt's')
TV Show: Peep Show
[Mark and Jez see Elena at the supermarket]
Mark: She is very attractive. But brown rice and Pop Tarts? Camomile tea and economy vodka? That's a car crash of a shopping basket.
Mark: She is very attractive. But brown rice and Pop Tarts? Camomile tea and economy vodka? That's a car crash of a shopping basket.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (He actually thinks he has suave spermatazoa. He characterises his sperms!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Mark, just because today was the first time you have ever, ever, EVER successfully arranged a date with a woman, does not suddenly make you Alfie, ok?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Why do you insist on seeing the anus as some sort of human USB port, just waiting to have all kinds of hardware plugged into it?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jeremy: Just because I'm dealing a little bit of drugs it does not make me a drug dealer!
Mark: Yes it does.
Jeremy: Oh god. Come Mr Taliban, tally my bananas!
Mark: Yes it does.
Jeremy: Oh god. Come Mr Taliban, tally my bananas!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Dobby: the anxious self-hating man's crumpet. But probably best if I never ever say that to her.)
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: (Oh my God, there's a baby in there, about the size of a croissant. A terrifying, life-altering croissant-baby!)
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: Oh and I saw the porn she was looking at! Man, it's hot! She's got great taste, it was the most fantastic porn I've ever seen.
Mark: Isn't it just the usual dead eyed men fucking dead eyed women in a desperate world of pain?
Mark: Isn't it just the usual dead eyed men fucking dead eyed women in a desperate world of pain?
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: I don't want to tempt fate, but I think everything is going to be totally great forever.
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: Oh dear, he's having an episode. Should I... put my hand on his arm? No. That sets a precedent.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: I don't want to take another wank bullet. What, am I some kind of wank shield!?
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I think we can count our friendship pretty much over from now on.
Jez: Oh, don't be a cock!
Mark: I'm not a cock, but the cock has certainly crowed... thrice.
Jez: When? What are you talking about?
Mark: It means you've betrayed me, it's the New Testament. You cock!
Jez: Oh, don't be a cock!
Mark: I'm not a cock, but the cock has certainly crowed... thrice.
Jez: When? What are you talking about?
Mark: It means you've betrayed me, it's the New Testament. You cock!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: I don't think I wiped off that porn you recommended.
Jez: I didn't recommend it Mark. I'm not Timeout.
Mark: Yes you did - you gave it five stars!
Jez: I didn't recommend it Mark. I'm not Timeout.
Mark: Yes you did - you gave it five stars!
TV Show: Peep Show
Mark: That's the single nicest thing Jez has ever done for me and it's completely ruined my life.
TV Show: Peep Show
Jez: It's a great boiler, it's just got a very idiosyncratic control panel. It's like the Jesus and Mary Chain of central heating control systems, difficult to get into initially, but then- so much to explore!
TV Show: Peep Show