NCIS Quotes
Ducky: Do you suspect foul play?
Gibbs: Well, you know me, Ducky. I suspect everything.
Ducky: Yes, that's an admirable trait for an investigator. And also, I suspect, the reason your three marriages ended in divorce.
Gibbs: Really? And all this time, I thought it was because I'm a bastard.
Gibbs: Well, you know me, Ducky. I suspect everything.
Ducky: Yes, that's an admirable trait for an investigator. And also, I suspect, the reason your three marriages ended in divorce.
Gibbs: Really? And all this time, I thought it was because I'm a bastard.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: [yelling] What?!
Gibbs: [pulls the phone from his ear, looks at it, puts it back to his ear] Yikes, Abby. What did McGee do now?
Abby: Put his size 10 shoe in his size 12 mouth.
Gibbs: [pulls the phone from his ear, looks at it, puts it back to his ear] Yikes, Abby. What did McGee do now?
Abby: Put his size 10 shoe in his size 12 mouth.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: Are you wishing you were a computer geek?
Tony: I'd rather be homeless than be you, Probie.
Tony: I'd rather be homeless than be you, Probie.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: You just ruled out both suspects.
Abby: No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs: Gibbs.
McGee: Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
Gibbs: McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
Abby: No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs: Gibbs.
McGee: Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
Gibbs: McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
TV Show: NCIS
Niles: Wow, I'm amazed you found that.
McGee: Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
Niles: Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
Gibbs: He wanted us to look for a body.
McGee: We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
Niles: Man, I got to meet this woman.
McGee: She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
Niles: She Goth?
McGee: Uh-huh.
Niles: I love Goth.
McGee: Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
Niles: Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
Gibbs: He wanted us to look for a body.
McGee: We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
Niles: Man, I got to meet this woman.
McGee: She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
Niles: She Goth?
McGee: Uh-huh.
Niles: I love Goth.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Gibbs: Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
Gibbs: Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: [referring to Ducky's elderly mother] Her last words to me were either "I'm gonna slit your throat" or "kiss your moat." I couldn't tell 'cause she was slurring.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: The homicide detective, that completes the team.
Ducky: You're forgetting the medical examiner.
Jimmy: Oh, that's you!
Ducky: You're forgetting the medical examiner.
Jimmy: Oh, that's you!
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: Mother, this is Caitlin. [Ducky's mother spits at Kate] Mother, we talked about this. She is here to protect us!
Mother: Show me your knickers.
Kate: Ma'am?
Mother: Underwear, missy! I can always tell a woman's intentions by her panties.
Tony: It's always been my philosophy.
Mother: Show me your knickers.
Kate: Ma'am?
Mother: Underwear, missy! I can always tell a woman's intentions by her panties.
Tony: It's always been my philosophy.
TV Show: NCIS
Kate: You're relieved, Tony.
Tony: Oh, thank you. [pointing to the dog] This is Contessa, she likes it rough.
Tony: Oh, thank you. [pointing to the dog] This is Contessa, she likes it rough.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: I enjoy going to the dentist.
Kate: What could you possibly enjoy?
Abby: A little pain is a good thing, Kate.
Kate: What could you possibly enjoy?
Abby: A little pain is a good thing, Kate.
TV Show: NCIS
Gibbs: What did the urine tell you, Abby?
Abby: Oh all kinds of stuff, we had a really good talk.
Abby: Oh all kinds of stuff, we had a really good talk.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: What do you got, Abs?
Abby: [to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Gibbs: Humor him.
Abby: [to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Gibbs: Humor him.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: There were traces of cocaine in the box.
McGee: So Tony was right, he was dealing drugs.
Abby: Maybe not, the traces were microscopic so it could just be from hiding money.
[McGee looks confused.]
Abby: He calls himself a federal agent.
Gibbs: U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.
McGee: I thought that was an urban myth.
Abby: Give me a bill.
McGee: Huh?
Abby: Give me a bill!
[McGee hands her a bill.]
Gibbs: A hundred?
McGee: Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.
Abby: You are such a boy scout.
[Abby rubs bill on paper.]
Abby: Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others. Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to a level that can be detected by drug dogs.
[Abby goes back to work, without giving back the bill.]
McGee: Um, Abs?
Abby: Yeah?
McGee: Forgetting something?
Abby: No.
McGee: So Tony was right, he was dealing drugs.
Abby: Maybe not, the traces were microscopic so it could just be from hiding money.
[McGee looks confused.]
Abby: He calls himself a federal agent.
Gibbs: U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.
McGee: I thought that was an urban myth.
Abby: Give me a bill.
McGee: Huh?
Abby: Give me a bill!
[McGee hands her a bill.]
Gibbs: A hundred?
McGee: Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.
Abby: You are such a boy scout.
[Abby rubs bill on paper.]
Abby: Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others. Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to a level that can be detected by drug dogs.
[Abby goes back to work, without giving back the bill.]
McGee: Um, Abs?
Abby: Yeah?
McGee: Forgetting something?
Abby: No.
TV Show: NCIS
[Tony and Kate are having a food fight]
Gibbs: Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.
Kate: Frozen peas?
Gibbs: Nope. In the can.
Gibbs: Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.
Kate: Frozen peas?
Gibbs: Nope. In the can.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: At least I don't hang out with married people.
Kate: [to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Abby: Absolutely they can.
Tony: Without having sex?
Abby: Oh no, they'll have sex.
Kate: Abby?!
Abby: What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
Kate: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
Gibbs: [steps in] Good question, Kate.
Kate: [to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Abby: Absolutely they can.
Tony: Without having sex?
Abby: Oh no, they'll have sex.
Kate: Abby?!
Abby: What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
Kate: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
Gibbs: [steps in] Good question, Kate.
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: [reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."
McGee: Kill?
Kate: Murder?
Tony: Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!
Gibbs: I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!
McGee: Kill?
Kate: Murder?
Tony: Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!
Gibbs: I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: [referring to the poison ivy covering half his face.] So, honestly how do I look?
Abby: Um... Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to, uh... ease the burden of your own self-loathing?
McGee: I'd prefer the lie.
Abby: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.
Abby: Um... Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to, uh... ease the burden of your own self-loathing?
McGee: I'd prefer the lie.
Abby: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. [The dog growls and tries to bite him.]
Kate: Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.
Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
Kate: I know.
Kate: Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.
Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
Kate: I know.
TV Show: NCIS
Tony: Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game...
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
TV Show: NCIS
Abby: We'll figure it out together, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Oh please, call me Jimmy
Abby: I just did.
Jimmy: Oh please, call me Jimmy
Abby: I just did.
TV Show: NCIS
McGee: (walks in on Abby and Palmer super glued together) Palmer, what the hell are you doing?
Abby: You know, you didn't have to yell at him. Jimmy is terrified of you now.
McGee: He is? Cool.
Abby: You know, you didn't have to yell at him. Jimmy is terrified of you now.
McGee: He is? Cool.
TV Show: NCIS
Ducky: The knife missed her vital organs so the wound, in and of itself, was not fatal.
Gibbs: She didn't bleed to death.
Ducky: Exactly. Her body contained four liters of blood, so there was no exsanguination.
Gibbs: Ducky...
Ducky: I'm sorry, it's such a lovely word, exsanguination, I can't help saying it. (laughs nervously as Gibbs just looks at him.) Moving on...
Gibbs: She didn't bleed to death.
Ducky: Exactly. Her body contained four liters of blood, so there was no exsanguination.
Gibbs: Ducky...
Ducky: I'm sorry, it's such a lovely word, exsanguination, I can't help saying it. (laughs nervously as Gibbs just looks at him.) Moving on...
TV Show: NCIS