M*A*S*H Quotes
(at show end)
Mulcahy: (talking about a patient): Is he going to be all right?
Hawkeye: Well, we could be bombed, there could be an avalanche, or Frank could operate on him again.
Frank: Twerp.
(Hawkeye turns and points to the South Koreans)
South Koreans: You tell him, Ferret Face.
Mulcahy: (talking about a patient): Is he going to be all right?
Hawkeye: Well, we could be bombed, there could be an avalanche, or Frank could operate on him again.
Frank: Twerp.
(Hawkeye turns and points to the South Koreans)
South Koreans: You tell him, Ferret Face.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Colonel Spiker (about Hawkeye): No respect for the uniform.
Potter: Well, he's never in it anyway.
Potter: Well, he's never in it anyway.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank (dictating his will): To Major Margaret Houlihan...my little soldier...I leave all my clothes.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sergeant Zale: I know a lot of state capitals. I'll show you. Ask me the capital of Cleveland!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
PA Announcement: Attention all personnel. Attention. Tonight's movie is Kansas City Confidential. This will be of special interest to anyone who missed it when it was shown every night this month.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: Hello? Louise, it's me, Frank.
Radar (Whispering to Frank): Frank Burns.
Frank (To Louise): Frank Burns.
Radar (Whispering to Frank): Frank Burns.
Frank (To Louise): Frank Burns.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar (reading aloud what his mother is saying in her home movie): "I love you, Walter."
BJ: Gee Dad, talkies.
Mulcahy: Who's Walter?
Radar: Oh, that's my given name.
Hawkeye: Give it back.
BJ: Gee Dad, talkies.
Mulcahy: Who's Walter?
Radar: Oh, that's my given name.
Hawkeye: Give it back.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son and he dresses a lot like my wife.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: Make sure no one goes into my tent.
Radar: I wouldn't do that, Ma'am.
Margaret: SOMEBODY does.
Radar: Maybe it's rats.
Margaret: You think RATS have been trying on my undies?
Radar: Some of them rats are weird.
Radar: I wouldn't do that, Ma'am.
Margaret: SOMEBODY does.
Radar: Maybe it's rats.
Margaret: You think RATS have been trying on my undies?
Radar: Some of them rats are weird.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger: My mother had those. Had a premonition about Pearl Harbor.
Radar: Did she tell anybody?
Klinger: She didn't have it 'til December 9th.
Radar: Did she tell anybody?
Klinger: She didn't have it 'til December 9th.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (speaking to a pregnant Korean woman): By the way, I'm a doctor and I can tell you for certain that you're pregnant. And we know what causes that nowadays too.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Meat? Where'd you get meat? This is fantastic! Wait...where's the dog? (Sees the dog come in) This is fantastic!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Colonel Coner: Our losses were insignificant.
Hawkeye: How many kids in an insignificant?
Hawkeye: How many kids in an insignificant?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank (after seeing the garbage dumped on the Colonel): I had dreams like this all through puberty!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: Corporal Klinger's a corpsman. He's a good soldier. He'd prefer to be a good civilian, toward that end he dresses, uh--
Hawkeye: In dresses.
Colonel Carmichael: Bucking for a Section 8?
Potter: The man does his job; I'll give him that. I'm not saying I'd want an entire company of Klingers.
Hawkeye: Unless, of course Christian Dior attacks Pearl Harbor.
Hawkeye: In dresses.
Colonel Carmichael: Bucking for a Section 8?
Potter: The man does his job; I'll give him that. I'm not saying I'd want an entire company of Klingers.
Hawkeye: Unless, of course Christian Dior attacks Pearl Harbor.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Corporal Owens: I don't want to go back to the fighting.
BJ: Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.
BJ: Sounds serious. You may be coming down with mental health.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ (about Hawk's chicken leg): Where'd you get that?
Hawkeye: The Petrified Forest.
BJ: ...They still open?
Hawkeye: The Petrified Forest.
BJ: ...They still open?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: Minding my own business is a full-time job. In my spare time, it's my hobby. I can't divide myself emotionally. I couldn't break my word to Peg, and not because God will send me to Hell without an electric fan or because it's not the right thing to do. I simply don't want to.
Hawkeye: You've got a lot to learn about messing up your life.
Hawkeye: You've got a lot to learn about messing up your life.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Put out that cigarette, there's a lot of ether in there.
Sergeant: Hey, I'm a sergeant, fella!
Hawkeye: And I'm a captain, fella! Which means if we're blown up, I'll fly higher than you! So put it out!
Sergeant: Hey, I'm a sergeant, fella!
Hawkeye: And I'm a captain, fella! Which means if we're blown up, I'll fly higher than you! So put it out!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street, and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(A soldier loads the toilet seats into a truck)
Frank: If I get splinters, I'll have your stripes.
Soldier: I'm a private.
Frank: Don't pull rank on ME!
Frank: If I get splinters, I'll have your stripes.
Soldier: I'm a private.
Frank: Don't pull rank on ME!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (hearing an explosion): Is today the Fourth of July?
Margaret: September.
Hawkeye: Just a wild hope.
Margaret: September.
Hawkeye: Just a wild hope.
TV Show: M*A*S*H