Glee Quotes

Mr. Schuester: (enters his home and takes off his scarf and coat and grabs something from his fridge then enters his living room)
Sue: Hey Will.
Mr. Schuester: (shocked) How--How did you get in here?
Sue: Oh, I had key made ages ago.
Mr. Schuester: (staring in astonishment)
Sue: Do you like your tree?
Mr. Schuester: Uh, it's-it's beautiful. What's going on? What's with all the presents?
Sue: Well you remember that old meanie who stole of those stuff in the choir room? Well she's sorry.
Mr. Schuester: Really? Well what made her change her mind?
Sue: I don't know. Call it a Christmas miracle and we'll leave it at that. Now I know a lot of these gifts are for orphans or something but I got you something special. (gives Will a present) It's okay. It's not going to explode.
Mr. Schuester: (takes the present, opens it and takes out a razor)
Sue: I thought you'd like to put us all out of our misery and shave off that Chia Pet.
Mr. Schuester: (smiles) Thanks, Sue. The tree really does look great.
Sue: Well Santa had some helpers. (blows her whistle)

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Rachel: No one should be alone on Christmas, Mr. Schuester.
Sue: Too much talking, lady. Come on, let's get some Christmas up here.

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Will: I thought you hated the holidays.
Sue: Nah, I just hate you.
Will: Merry Christmas, Sue.
Sue: Merry Christmas, Will.

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Sue: Brittany, please remind me how I single-handedly put cheerleading on the map.

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Finn: Funny, Karofsy, how you call everyone gay all the time. But you never seem to have a girlfriend.

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Strando: We're dudes. It's weird. Getting all hot and bothered about singing a Ke$ha song.
Puck: Maybe it won't so weird when I go Tik Tok on your face.

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Sue: I try to make a habit of not touching carnie folk. But, fella, I'll take it.

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Will: Do you trust me?
Beiste: You're not gonna try and kiss me again, are you?

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Tina: Oh my God. Artie!

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Artie: [wheels into the choir room covered in slushie] It was awful.
Finn: [furious] That's it! Screw rehearsal!

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Rachel: As offended as I am by their presence here, I won't let anything get in the way of a performance.

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Brittany: I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled.

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Sue: Any of you take German? I may have to read the owner's manual.

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Finn: Can we not fight for just one day? It’s already hard enough not to kick you in the nuts every time I see you.

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Puck: [to Rachel] You ready?
Rachel: [takes her mouth guard out of her mouth] LET'S KICK SOME ASS!!

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Tina: Did we win?

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Kurt: Why hasn't Finn told me anything about this? We live together. I bring him a nice glass of warm milk every night just in hopes that we'll have a little lady chat.
Blaine: Warm milk? Really?
Kurt: It's delicious.

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Karofsy: So this is what the ladies lounge looks like on the inside

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Sam: This is the choir room. Now put up your hands cause you and I are gonna dance.

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Puck: [on Lauren] Maybe it's because she's constantly insulting me like my mom.

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Lauren: Stare at me again and I'll break your nuts.

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Barista: What can I get you?
Blaine: A Medium Drip, and a Grande Non-Fat Mocha for this guy, and maybe I can get him to split one of the Cupid cookies.
Kurt: You know my coffee order?
Blaine: Of course I do.
Barista: That'll be $8.40.

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Blaine: Don't even bother dummy, it's on me.

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Kurt: [to barista] I do believe I have a new favorite holiday. [laughs]

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Mr. Schuester: Okay guys, I've got one word for you.
Brittany: Is it love? I'm totally going to graduate now!

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Finn: And just like a famous athlete I want to give to a charity. You guys. So I'm setting up a kissing booth for a dollar a smooch and donating the proceeds to glee club to help us-
Mercedes: Don't even act like you want to help this glee club out. You just want to kiss a bunch of girls.
Santana: I've kissed him, and can I just say? Not worth the buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs.
Finn: Do you ever get tired tearing other people down?
Santana: No, not really.
Finn: 'Cause you always seemed to be meddling in everyone else's business.
Santana: Oh please. You guys love me. I keep it real and I'm hilarious.
Lauren: Actually, you're just a bitch.

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Santana: [turns to Lauren] Whoa! Okay, I'm sorry. You just got eyes for my man.
Puck: Okay, first of all, I'm not your man.
Quinn: And Finn is right. All you ever do is insult us. Three weeks ago, you said you were disappointed that I didn't have a lizard baby.
Tina: Five minutes ago, you said Mr. Schue belonged into a twelve step program.
Mr. Schuester: Wait, what?
Santana: You're addicted to vests.
Rachel: The truth is, Santana, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Okay maybe you're right. Maybe I'm destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical of Willow, but the only job you're gonna have is working on a pole.

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Santana: Fine. [gets up and leaves]
Mr. Schuester: Santana.
Brittany: [comforting Santana] Maybe try rocking back and forth. People do that in movies.
Santana: [crying] No 'cause I just try to be really, really honest with people but I think that they suck, you know?
Brittany: Yeah.
Santana: No one gets it.

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Finn: Brush and floss time. Gotta keep up the oral hygiene if I’m gonna satisfy all of you.

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Blaine: If he and I got married, the Gap would give me a 50 percent discount.

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