Frasier Quotes
Dr. Myshkin has arrived to examine the clock, and Frasier asks Daphne to bring in the caviar
Daphne: Oh, I am so sorry. Here I am, dawdling with the laundry when it's ten minutes into Caviar Time(!)
Daphne: Oh, I am so sorry. Here I am, dawdling with the laundry when it's ten minutes into Caviar Time(!)
TV Show: Frasier
Niles and Mel are heading out to dinner
Frasier: Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles: nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate soufflé.
Mel: Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do!
Frasier: Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles: nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate soufflé.
Mel: Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier urges Niles and Lilith to behave as they used to towards each other: by trading insults
Niles: Well, I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice cream headache.
Lilith: You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole!
Frasier: Was that so hard?
Niles: Well, I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice cream headache.
Lilith: You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole!
Frasier: Was that so hard?
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne: Beautiful job carving that turkey, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma.
Niles: Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: No one's going to sell me on anything. Those exercises only helps people who lack self-awareness. I, for one, am...[winces in pain] God Almighty!
Niles: [sarcastically] Well, no wonder you're stressed; you've got a whole universe to run!
Niles: [sarcastically] Well, no wonder you're stressed; you've got a whole universe to run!
TV Show: Frasier
This is a pivotal moment
Daphne, relieved that she misunderstood Frasier's musings earlier, is giving him a massage. He is very drowsy after taking the tranquilisers
Daphne: When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me", he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?
Frasier: (half-asleep) Oh, that…he meant Niles.
Daphne: [shocked] What?!
Frasier: Niles…he's crazy about you.
Daphne, relieved that she misunderstood Frasier's musings earlier, is giving him a massage. He is very drowsy after taking the tranquilisers
Daphne: When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me", he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?
Frasier: (half-asleep) Oh, that…he meant Niles.
Daphne: [shocked] What?!
Frasier: Niles…he's crazy about you.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles questions whether Frasier needs as many musicians as he has
Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more"?
Frasier: Ah, but if less is more, then just think of how much more "more" will be!
Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more"?
Frasier: Ah, but if less is more, then just think of how much more "more" will be!
TV Show: Frasier
Roz is in Café Nervosa when Frasier runs into Lorna
Roz: So, are you going to ask her out?
Frasier: Oh right, Legs Lenley and Crane the Brain(!) In my dreams!
Roz: So, are you going to ask her out?
Frasier: Oh right, Legs Lenley and Crane the Brain(!) In my dreams!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Listen, I'm sorry to uproot you like this, it's just-
Martin: No, it's all right. I'd rather clear the decks for a date than for one of your theme parties. Though I am kinda sorry I missed "An Evening With Moe Howard."
Frasier: That was Noël Coward!
Martin: No, it's all right. I'd rather clear the decks for a date than for one of your theme parties. Though I am kinda sorry I missed "An Evening With Moe Howard."
Frasier: That was Noël Coward!
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne is complaining that even being engaged doesn't guarantee a date on Valentine's Day
Daphne: Donny had to fly out to Florida. His grandmother. She'd do anything to come between us.
Martin: What'd she do this time?
Daphne: She died.
Daphne: Donny had to fly out to Florida. His grandmother. She'd do anything to come between us.
Martin: What'd she do this time?
Daphne: She died.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is embarrassed that Emily just kissed him and is now about to leave.
Niles: You're embarrassed?! They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!
Niles: You're embarrassed?! They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier does not want Chuck Ranberg to stand in for Roz, on account of his amusing speech impediment
Roz: Hey, Chuck. How's it going?
Chuck: Oh, tewwible, Woz! My wife was in the Cawibbean and she weft me for a Wastafawian!
Roz: Hey, Chuck. How's it going?
Chuck: Oh, tewwible, Woz! My wife was in the Cawibbean and she weft me for a Wastafawian!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin has suggested that Frasier refuses to restrain Mary because she is black; Frasier denies it
Niles: Oh, come now, Frasier. You can't deny a certain measure of guilt, living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world.
Frasier: Niles, owning the CD of "Ella sings Gershwin" does not qualify you as a soul brother!
Niles: Oh, come now, Frasier. You can't deny a certain measure of guilt, living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world.
Frasier: Niles, owning the CD of "Ella sings Gershwin" does not qualify you as a soul brother!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: We have the Wine Club tonight. I'm sort of counting on him to help me become "corkmaster."
Roz: But you'll still keep your secret identity as Frasier Crane, right?
Roz: But you'll still keep your secret identity as Frasier Crane, right?
TV Show: Frasier
[Wine Club members address Niles, the new corkmaster, to the tune of Rule, Britannia.]
Hail, corkmaster,
The master of the cork,
He knows which wine goes with fish or pork!
Hail, corkmaster,
The master of the cork,
He knows which wine goes with fish or pork!
TV Show: Frasier
[Niles is asking where Martin is.]
Daphne: He's with Donny. They went to a tractor pull.
Niles: (as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her a questioning look)
Daphne: As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor, and see how far they can pull it through the mud.
Niles: (as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her another questioning look)
Daphne: The answer to your next question is, "beats the hell out of me!"
Daphne: He's with Donny. They went to a tractor pull.
Niles: (as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her a questioning look)
Daphne: As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor, and see how far they can pull it through the mud.
Niles: (as though understanding) Oh...
(gives her another questioning look)
Daphne: The answer to your next question is, "beats the hell out of me!"
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Lilith was insufferable, but she's got a new boyfriend. Some twenty-eight year-old named Marcel. He's a contortionist with the Cirque du Soleil.
Niles: She's dating French circus folk?
Frasier: Yes, well, he's actually perfect for Lilith. He has no apparent spine and she can wrap him around her finger.
Niles: She's dating French circus folk?
Frasier: Yes, well, he's actually perfect for Lilith. He has no apparent spine and she can wrap him around her finger.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Say, you know my agent, Bebe, said she might be stopping by. Have you heard anything?
Daphne: No, and I hope she's not staying for lunch, I'm afraid we're fresh out of live mice.
Daphne: No, and I hope she's not staying for lunch, I'm afraid we're fresh out of live mice.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: I take it negotiations aren't going so well?
Bebe: You remember that insulting figure you said you'd never accept?
Frasier: Uh-huh.
Bebe: They haven't come up to it yet.
Bebe: You remember that insulting figure you said you'd never accept?
Frasier: Uh-huh.
Bebe: They haven't come up to it yet.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Oh, come on in, Niles. Bebe's just bringing me up to speed on her depressing news about my contract negotiations.
Bebe: Don't worry, dear. I just need to find a way to throw a scare into them.
Niles: Have you tried turning into a bat?
Bebe: I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.
Bebe: Don't worry, dear. I just need to find a way to throw a scare into them.
Niles: Have you tried turning into a bat?
Bebe: I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles is showing Frasier and Roz a rotund woman eating bear claws outside Café Nervosa
Roz: Big deal. So she's overweight; you don't need to point it out! It's rude.
Frasier: It's childish.
Niles: It's Maris!
Roz: Big deal. So she's overweight; you don't need to point it out! It's rude.
Frasier: It's childish.
Niles: It's Maris!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is still complaining about the caricature on the way home from the restaurant
Frasier: Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic?!
Martin: So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
Frasier: It makes me look like I discovered fire!
Frasier: Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic?!
Martin: So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
Frasier: It makes me look like I discovered fire!
TV Show: Frasier
Niles and Frasier take their seats at Stefano's, underneath the new portrait
Frasier: Well, there it is. Frasier Cranium!
Frasier: Well, there it is. Frasier Cranium!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is very cross at the state of his kitchen after Simon used it
Daphne: Yes, I guess they got some take-out.
Frasier: It looked like a Kung Pao bomb went off!
Daphne: Yes, I guess they got some take-out.
Frasier: It looked like a Kung Pao bomb went off!
TV Show: Frasier
He then erupts when he discovers a nude Simon in his bed
Martin: Oh, that poor guy probably just needed a nap. It's the jet lag. Couple of days and he'll be on our time.
Frasier: A couple more days, he'll be on our sidewalk!
Martin: Oh, that poor guy probably just needed a nap. It's the jet lag. Couple of days and he'll be on our time.
Frasier: A couple more days, he'll be on our sidewalk!
TV Show: Frasier
Roz is not keen on Frasier's suggestion that he accompany her to Daphne's wedding
Roz: Frasier, I can't go with you. I mean, going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
Frasier: Niles and I did not go to the prom together!
Roz: Frasier, I can't go with you. I mean, going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
Frasier: Niles and I did not go to the prom together!
TV Show: Frasier
[Daphne has found out about Niles' long-time attraction to her.]
Frasier: [furious] Somebody blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut! Who was it? Dad? Roz?
Daphne: You.
Frasier: What?
Frasier: [furious] Somebody blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut! Who was it? Dad? Roz?
Daphne: You.
Frasier: What?
TV Show: Frasier
The final words of the episode, as Daphne and Niles prepare to leave the wedding together in the Winnebago
Niles: Fasten your seat belt, Daphne.
Daphne: Fasten yours, Niles!
Niles: Fasten your seat belt, Daphne.
Daphne: Fasten yours, Niles!
TV Show: Frasier