Columbo Quotes
Lt. Columbo: Now you're inheriting the property and all, so I'd like you to be there too. I could run you over. My car's right here. It's French, very rare.
Abigail Mitchell: Uh, yes. Oh, I can see why.
Abigail Mitchell: Uh, yes. Oh, I can see why.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: [to group of murder mystery fans] I like my job. Oh, I like it a lot. And I'm not depressed by it. And I don't think the world is full of criminals and full of murderers because it isn't. It's full of nice people just like you. And if it wasn't for my job I wouldn't be getting to meet you like this. And I'll tell you something else. Even with some of the murderers that I meet, I even like them too. Sometimes like them and even respect them. Not for what they did, certainly not for that. But for that part of them which is intelligent or funny or just nice. Because there's niceness in everyone. A little bit anyhow. You can take a cop's word for it.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Oh, wait a minute. Let me see that shoe. Oh, that's a very nice shoe. You like that shoe, Sergeant?
Sergeant: It's very nice, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: It's practically new. That's terrific. I'm looking for a pair of shoes just like this. See, I like them rounded toes. It's French style. The French thought of that. [looks inside shoe] Oh. Made in Italy. Well, what's the difference? I like them.
Sergeant: It's very nice, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: It's practically new. That's terrific. I'm looking for a pair of shoes just like this. See, I like them rounded toes. It's French style. The French thought of that. [looks inside shoe] Oh. Made in Italy. Well, what's the difference? I like them.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Good Evening, Ma'am. My name is Lt. Columbo, Homicide. I'd like to speak to Paul Gerard. Is he home?
Eve: I'm not sure.
Lt. Columbo: Is it a big house or is he just out to the police?
Eve: I'm not sure.
Lt. Columbo: Is it a big house or is he just out to the police?
TV Show: Columbo
Mr. Ozu: Tell me, Lieutentant, do you have a suspect yet?
Lt. Columbo: Oh, I have my eye on someone...
Lt. Columbo: Oh, I have my eye on someone...
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Oh, one more thing. Gee, I almost forgot what I came here to ask you.
Paul Gerard: Fortunately you remembered.
Lt. Columbo: As you're an expert on restaurants, sir, I wanted to ask you. Do you know anything about the Restaurant Developers Association?
Paul Gerard: I don't know anything about it, Lieutenant. I've never heard of it. [turning to Eve] Have you?
Eve: No. No, Lieutenant, I'm sorry.
Lt. Columbo: Well, that's alright, ma'am. As the Chinese say, "There's more than one fish in the sea."
Paul Gerard: Fortunately you remembered.
Lt. Columbo: As you're an expert on restaurants, sir, I wanted to ask you. Do you know anything about the Restaurant Developers Association?
Paul Gerard: I don't know anything about it, Lieutenant. I've never heard of it. [turning to Eve] Have you?
Eve: No. No, Lieutenant, I'm sorry.
Lt. Columbo: Well, that's alright, ma'am. As the Chinese say, "There's more than one fish in the sea."
TV Show: Columbo
Paul Gerard: When did you first suspect me?
Lt. Columbo: Well, after it happened, sir, about two minutes after I met you.
Paul Gerard: That can't be possible.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, you made it perfectly clear, sir, the very first night when you decided to come to the restaurant directly after you were informed that Vittorio was poisoned.
Paul Gerard: I was instructed to come here by the police.
Lt. Columbo: And you came, sir.
Paul Gerard: Yes.
Lt. Columbo: After eating dinner with a man that had been poisoned. You didn't go to a doctor. You came because the police instructed you. You didn't go to a hospital. You didn't even ask to have your stomach pumped. Mr. Gerard, that's the damnedest example of good citizenship I've ever seen.
Lt. Columbo: Well, after it happened, sir, about two minutes after I met you.
Paul Gerard: That can't be possible.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, you made it perfectly clear, sir, the very first night when you decided to come to the restaurant directly after you were informed that Vittorio was poisoned.
Paul Gerard: I was instructed to come here by the police.
Lt. Columbo: And you came, sir.
Paul Gerard: Yes.
Lt. Columbo: After eating dinner with a man that had been poisoned. You didn't go to a doctor. You came because the police instructed you. You didn't go to a hospital. You didn't even ask to have your stomach pumped. Mr. Gerard, that's the damnedest example of good citizenship I've ever seen.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: In those days everything was bad for your eyes. Not wearing mittens was bad for your eyes. Wearing rubbers in the house, that would strike you blind right on the spot.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Either there was no motive at all like in those crazy kind of murders that you read about in the newspaper. Or there was a very good motive, one that makes terrific sense. And that's what keeps going around in my mind-- motive.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Well, there's something that I don't understand, ma'am, and maybe I should. Uh, I probably should. Lord knows I'm not the brightest guy on the force. Another detective, he could cut right through this.
TV Show: Columbo
Eric Mason: You're a fascinating man, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: To a psychologist, sir?
Eric Mason: You pass yourself off as a puppy in a raincoat happily running around the yard digging holes all up in the garden, only you're laying a mine field and wagging your tail.
Lt. Columbo: To a psychologist, sir?
Eric Mason: You pass yourself off as a puppy in a raincoat happily running around the yard digging holes all up in the garden, only you're laying a mine field and wagging your tail.
TV Show: Columbo
Eric Mason: Very good, Lieutenant. Remarkable, really. You take control very well, all the way. I'd swear you'd taken my course.
Lt. Columbo: Oh no, sir. Oh no, never. It's just that I enjoy the pleasure of the game.
Lt. Columbo: Oh no, sir. Oh no, never. It's just that I enjoy the pleasure of the game.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Very simple case. Not that I'm particularly bright, sir. I must say I found you disappointing, I mean your incompetence. You left enough clues to sink a ship.
TV Show: Columbo
Eric Mason: Really, you have a morbid streak, Lieutenant. I should have suspected that.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Thank you very much, sir. I'll explain to Mrs. Columbo how my condition is work dominated.
Eric Mason: Well, I think she might have guessed.
Eric Mason: Well, I think she might have guessed.
TV Show: Columbo
Joe Devlin: Do you know these lines, Lieutenant? They're by Lewis Carroll. "You can charge me with murder or want of sense. We are all of us weak at times. But the slightest approach to a false pretense was never among my crimes."
Lt. Columbo: Well, sir, you pretended to raise money to help the Irish victims and all the while you were planning to make more victims. Wasn't that a pretense, sir?
Joe Devlin: Politics makes liars of us all, Lieutenant.
Lt. Columbo: Well, sir, you pretended to raise money to help the Irish victims and all the while you were planning to make more victims. Wasn't that a pretense, sir?
Joe Devlin: Politics makes liars of us all, Lieutenant.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: There once was a fella named Finnegan, Who escaped from a jail, so to sin again He broke laws by the dozen, He even stole from his cousin, So the jail he broke outta he's in again.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: A grand noble bird is the pelican. His beak hold more than his belly can. He swoops through the sky with an abundant supply. I'll be darned if I know what the hell he can!
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Excuse me sir. I couldn't resist trying your pinball machine. I guess I tried a little too hard. But that's an old problem with me sir — the way I keep steering and pushing and pulling at things. Someday, the whole sky's gonna light up and it's gonna say, "Tilt". And that's gonna be the end of the world!
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: Always remember, it's a trick. Keep that in mind and you can figure out how it's done.
TV Show: Columbo
Lt. Columbo: [referring to the workship, and demonstrating one of the tricks] The whole place is one big magic trick. You can't believe anything you see.
TV Show: Columbo
Max Dyson: "Elliott Blake?" I've been reading about you. European journals. When did you change your name?
Elliott Blake: When I got out, Max. Three years ago.
Max Dyson: A hundred and twenty degrees in the shade, or an afternoon of poker in the Ungandan prison.
Elliott Blake: I read that in your book "Dyson on Mind Reading". You're giving away our secrets, Max.
Max Dyson: We survived in the African slammer, together. You were a very good student.
Elliott Blake: Why not? You taught me everything you know. Everthing I know.
Elliott Blake: When I got out, Max. Three years ago.
Max Dyson: A hundred and twenty degrees in the shade, or an afternoon of poker in the Ungandan prison.
Elliott Blake: I read that in your book "Dyson on Mind Reading". You're giving away our secrets, Max.
Max Dyson: We survived in the African slammer, together. You were a very good student.
Elliott Blake: Why not? You taught me everything you know. Everthing I know.
TV Show: Columbo
Elliott Blake: Out Mr. Harrow is not impressed by statistics. This man is the market for miracles. I have the power to astonish him, you, and the entire world, Paula, but I am NOT a dancing dog in a carnival.
TV Show: Columbo
Dr. Paula Hall: [referring to Mr. Harrow] Elliott, he will be back tomorrow. We have to show him more. God, we never should have started this!
Elliott Blake: We "started" this for you. To maintain your funding, my dearest doctor.
Elliott Blake: We "started" this for you. To maintain your funding, my dearest doctor.
TV Show: Columbo
Mr. Harrow: The Soviet Union is deeply engaged in psychic research for intelligence purposes. Now, either they're a pack of fools, or we're missing a very important vet.
Dr. Paula Hall: Our position is obvious, Mr. Harrow. In terms of practical results, Elliott's scores are the highest ever recorded at this institute.
Mr. Harrow: In that case, the next time we suspect a double agent in our midst, I'll frighten him to death with your test scores.
Dr. Paula Hall: Our position is obvious, Mr. Harrow. In terms of practical results, Elliott's scores are the highest ever recorded at this institute.
Mr. Harrow: In that case, the next time we suspect a double agent in our midst, I'll frighten him to death with your test scores.
TV Show: Columbo
Elliott Blake: Exactly what do you want of me?
Mr. Harrow: Hard proof of your abilities.
Elliott Blake: The impossible on demand.
Mr. Harrow: That's a fair description.
Colonel Eckherdt: For a subject of your qualifications
Elliott Blake: What flavor impossible?
Mr. Harrow: In general terms, a demonstration that you can telepathically and precisely intercept the thoughts and actions of an enemy. Fair enough?
Mr. Harrow: Hard proof of your abilities.
Elliott Blake: The impossible on demand.
Mr. Harrow: That's a fair description.
Colonel Eckherdt: For a subject of your qualifications
Elliott Blake: What flavor impossible?
Mr. Harrow: In general terms, a demonstration that you can telepathically and precisely intercept the thoughts and actions of an enemy. Fair enough?
TV Show: Columbo
Mr. Harrow: I'm sure you're both familiar with Max Dyson.
Max Dyson: April Fool, Paula. Say hello to the boogeyman.
Dr. Paula Hall: THIS is your authority? A fake magician?
Max Dyson: Fake? I'm a magician, "Max the Magnificent", a pretty good mentalist in my time. I certainly learned all the tricks.
Max Dyson: April Fool, Paula. Say hello to the boogeyman.
Dr. Paula Hall: THIS is your authority? A fake magician?
Max Dyson: Fake? I'm a magician, "Max the Magnificent", a pretty good mentalist in my time. I certainly learned all the tricks.
TV Show: Columbo