American Dad! Quotes
Hayley: [significantly fatter] Thank God we're going home. I think I gained the African 20. Seriously, I threw away more food than I ate.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: In the words of every sitcom character in the early 90's, and everyone in the Midwest through the rest of the 90's, "Don't go there."
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Steve, camp is an amazing place. You get to swim in the lake, drink bug juice, ring the bell if you win the Camp-A-Lympics. Oh, and then there's "camp love." It's such an intense experience, like winning the Grammy for Best R&B performance, duo, or group.
Steve: Dad, for the last time, you were not in Boyz II Men.
Stan: (sings) Whatever.
Steve: Dad, for the last time, you were not in Boyz II Men.
Stan: (sings) Whatever.
TV Show: American Dad!
Hayley: What's wrong with you? You look horrible.
Klaus: I've had this flu for, like, 2 weeks. I started to feel better on Tuesday, but then I pushed it and now I have this darker mucus and...
Hayley: I was talking to Steve.
Klaus [sarcastically]: Are you sure you don't want to be a nurse, Hayley? You're so caring!
Klaus: I've had this flu for, like, 2 weeks. I started to feel better on Tuesday, but then I pushed it and now I have this darker mucus and...
Hayley: I was talking to Steve.
Klaus [sarcastically]: Are you sure you don't want to be a nurse, Hayley? You're so caring!
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: Good news, I found a camp that still has an opening.
Steve: Dad, I don't want to go to camp. It's hot and there's always something crawling in your sleeping bag, like a spider or a counselor. Just let me tend to my posies. (leaves)
Francine: Stan, he doesn't want to go to camp.
Stan: But I spent my summers at camp, and I had the time of my life. I want him to have that same experience. And besides, gardening's gay.
Francine: I'll have you know, James Coburn had a garden.
Stan: I'm sick of your lies about Coburn!
Steve: Dad, I don't want to go to camp. It's hot and there's always something crawling in your sleeping bag, like a spider or a counselor. Just let me tend to my posies. (leaves)
Francine: Stan, he doesn't want to go to camp.
Stan: But I spent my summers at camp, and I had the time of my life. I want him to have that same experience. And besides, gardening's gay.
Francine: I'll have you know, James Coburn had a garden.
Stan: I'm sick of your lies about Coburn!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: (smells plant) Ahh, basil and snail poison; the sweet smell of summer.
Klaus: Hey, you should plant some of those, uh... I don't know what you call them here... Hitler melons.
Klaus: Hey, you should plant some of those, uh... I don't know what you call them here... Hitler melons.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Just so we're clear, you will not return home from Africa without my son.
Hayley: I'm going with you. If I can just hold a refugee's hand and look them in the eye, they'll know someone cares.
Stan: (laughs) Okay, Bono, settle down.
Hayley: I'm going with you. If I can just hold a refugee's hand and look them in the eye, they'll know someone cares.
Stan: (laughs) Okay, Bono, settle down.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Dad, you have to help me get Makeva back.
Stan: But I don't know what to do.
Steve: (slaps Stan; mockingly) "I don't know what to do." You can act like a man!
Stan: There's no hitting at Camp Refoogee.
Steve: Look, the Bawango rebels ruined our camp and took one of your campers. Are you going to let them get away with that?
(The refugees gather around Stan)
Stan: Don't move, Steve. Just give them your credit card and we'll cancel it when we get home.
Steve: Dad, these are your campers. They're rallying around you.
Stan: Oh, yes, right, right. Thanks, fellas.
Stan: But I don't know what to do.
Steve: (slaps Stan; mockingly) "I don't know what to do." You can act like a man!
Stan: There's no hitting at Camp Refoogee.
Steve: Look, the Bawango rebels ruined our camp and took one of your campers. Are you going to let them get away with that?
(The refugees gather around Stan)
Stan: Don't move, Steve. Just give them your credit card and we'll cancel it when we get home.
Steve: Dad, these are your campers. They're rallying around you.
Stan: Oh, yes, right, right. Thanks, fellas.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Dad, they just kidnapped Makeva!
Stan: All right, I understand "kidnapped." But what is "Makeva"? Ugh, I bet that little girl they stole could have told me.
Stan: All right, I understand "kidnapped." But what is "Makeva"? Ugh, I bet that little girl they stole could have told me.
TV Show: American Dad!
Stan: I hate the last day of camp. You better write me when you get home, H-Rod.
Hot Rod: We don't have homes. The rebels destroyed everything.
Stan: Oh, right. I guess I don't like thinking about your horrible situation. (steps on soapbox; to the camera) Just like the rest of the world. Shame on you!
Hot Rod: We don't have homes. The rebels destroyed everything.
Stan: Oh, right. I guess I don't like thinking about your horrible situation. (steps on soapbox; to the camera) Just like the rest of the world. Shame on you!
TV Show: American Dad!
Debbie: Welcome to my sanctuary. Look at them scurrying around like ants. Go ahead, exercise all you want. You'll never escape the smoky death of times magnifying glass.
Steve: Wow, that's a little dark.
Debbie: Not at all. Life is a banquet and death is dessert.
Steve: I love dessert!
Steve: Wow, that's a little dark.
Debbie: Not at all. Life is a banquet and death is dessert.
Steve: I love dessert!
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: Here she comes.
Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
Steve: No, Dad, that's...
Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
Steve: No, that's...
Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
Stan: To the panic room!
Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
Steve: No, Dad, that's...
Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
Steve: No, that's...
Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
Stan: To the panic room!
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: Stan, you're being ridiculous. We have a guest out there.
Stan: Please, Francine, show some panic. Our son is dating a fatty.
Hayley: Dad, that's awful. Plus-size women drive our economy with their purchases of Garfield books and Haagen-Dazs.
Francine: You apologize to your son.
Stan: For what? You brought fat into our house.
Steve: You'd like Debbie if you got to know her, Dad. There's a lot more to her than you think.
Stan: There's more of her?!
Stan: Please, Francine, show some panic. Our son is dating a fatty.
Hayley: Dad, that's awful. Plus-size women drive our economy with their purchases of Garfield books and Haagen-Dazs.
Francine: You apologize to your son.
Stan: For what? You brought fat into our house.
Steve: You'd like Debbie if you got to know her, Dad. There's a lot more to her than you think.
Stan: There's more of her?!
TV Show: American Dad!
Klaus: Ja. Your suit is stuffed tighter than, um, some funny German word. Uh, sorry. I'm kinda running out of fish shtick. [gasp] Oh, and just like that I'm back!
TV Show: American Dad!
Bullock: Oh, look. Miss Pinkerton fainted at the market buying canned salmon for her puss-puss. Get up, Smith! I have no choice but to suspend you until you deal with your weight problem.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: No, no, Debbie. This break-up has nothing to do with my dad at all. It's just... you know, this is a really bad time for me. The Ghostbusters box set just came out. What, with that and the new Doom being released, I don't know I can give you the time you need. Forget me, big beautiful creature! [cries]
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Hey Algernon, what's wrong with you? Can't you get an idea without saying it out loud?
TV Show: American Dad!
[after receiving a delivery of film reels from Hayley]
Hayley: [reading the inside covers]Porky's? Meatballs II? Enjoy your crap-fest.
Roger: Oh, go read The Bell Jar, you poser!
Hayley: [reading the inside covers]Porky's? Meatballs II? Enjoy your crap-fest.
Roger: Oh, go read The Bell Jar, you poser!
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Oh my god, we're a broken home and I'm too drunk and they're to dumb to channel it into art.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: Aw, Steve, your first gropefest. You won't truly appreciate the awkwardness of this moment until you're fondly reminiscing as a 35-year-old homosexual.
TV Show: American Dad!
Repo Man: Here to repo the cars.
Steve: You can't do that. We're about to become men.
Repo Man: Well you may have planned on becoming men through sexual conquest, but perhaps an equally valid preparation for adulthood would be a night filled with disappointment and compromise.
Steve: You can't do that. We're about to become men.
Repo Man: Well you may have planned on becoming men through sexual conquest, but perhaps an equally valid preparation for adulthood would be a night filled with disappointment and compromise.
TV Show: American Dad!
Steve: So then it's cool to alienate gays?
Stan: Yes, it is, son. Gays are the new Blacks.
Stan: Yes, it is, son. Gays are the new Blacks.
TV Show: American Dad!
[Steve is playing Dragonscuffle while Klaus is watching]
Klaus: Please, let me play!
Steve: I don't think you're ready yet.
Klaus: Not ready? I've been watching you for four years!
Steve: Night time. [covers his bowl with a cloth]
Klaus: I'm not a parrot. That trick won't work on- [snores]
Klaus: Please, let me play!
Steve: I don't think you're ready yet.
Klaus: Not ready? I've been watching you for four years!
Steve: Night time. [covers his bowl with a cloth]
Klaus: I'm not a parrot. That trick won't work on- [snores]
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: When you're locked in a cadillac sinking to the bottom of the ocean, you either learn about cars or you die.
TV Show: American Dad!
Hayley: I was so sick of Jeff, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I have to figure out a way to win him back from my stupid brother.
Klaus: Your brother is not the problem. The problem is Agathor. Kill him and you'll get Jeff back.
Hayley: Oh, my God! You know how to kill him?
Klaus: The question isn't can I kill him. The question is: Do you like me?
Hayley: Not really.
Klaus: [disappointed] Oh. Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.
Klaus: Your brother is not the problem. The problem is Agathor. Kill him and you'll get Jeff back.
Hayley: Oh, my God! You know how to kill him?
Klaus: The question isn't can I kill him. The question is: Do you like me?
Hayley: Not really.
Klaus: [disappointed] Oh. Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.
TV Show: American Dad!
Francine: It's so cute that Steve has a little girlfriend.
Stan: Well, don't tell Debbie about her because she'll eat her.
Stan: Well, don't tell Debbie about her because she'll eat her.
TV Show: American Dad!
Roger: You just earned yourself a week of detention!
Hayley: There's no detention in college.
Roger: Oh. Right. Well, then I'm taking away fifty points from Gryffindor!!
Hayley: There's no detention in college.
Roger: Oh. Right. Well, then I'm taking away fifty points from Gryffindor!!
TV Show: American Dad!
Grandson: Wait, someone accidentally ordered a woman in the mail? Grandpa, is this the same story?
Grandpa Klaus: No, it is a little side story. I'm using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.
Grandson: Are we part of the story, Grandpa?
Grandpa Klaus: Oh nononono. No, we are a "framing device".
Grandpa Klaus: No, it is a little side story. I'm using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.
Grandson: Are we part of the story, Grandpa?
Grandpa Klaus: Oh nononono. No, we are a "framing device".
TV Show: American Dad!