30 Rock Quotes
Liz: No, we don't have a crazy..thing
Dennis: Yeah we do! We're like Ross and Rachel, but just not gay...
Dennis: Yeah we do! We're like Ross and Rachel, but just not gay...
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: Oh no Sir, I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name.
Jack: That's Republican. We count those.
Jack: That's Republican. We count those.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: Black people, don't vote! Did you know that in the amount of time it takes to vote you could play three games of pool? Three! Now that's fresh.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? [pointing both thumbs at herself] This moi.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I just need him awake for a few minutes, can't you... inject something directly into his heart?
Dr. Spaceman: Oh, I'd like nothing better. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different.
Dr. Spaceman: Oh, I'd like nothing better. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but apparently that's some signal in Chelsea.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: This isn't my first rodeo, Lemon.
Liz: Well, I've been to a rodeo to. It was a cat rodeo, in a gay guy's apartment.
Liz: Well, I've been to a rodeo to. It was a cat rodeo, in a gay guy's apartment.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!!
Tracy: Lutz made us do it.
Lutz: No, it was Frank.
Kenneth: THAT'S IT! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon. Because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Tracy: Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth!
Liz: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!
Tracy: Lutz made us do it.
Lutz: No, it was Frank.
Kenneth: THAT'S IT! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon. Because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Tracy: Please ask my permission before you quote me, Kenneth!
Liz: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad, you'll have a chin. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: Alcohol? This smells like Hill-people milk. I've been drinking this since I was a baby!"
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: [as water pours from the ceiling] The ceiling appears to be leaking.
Cooter: No, it's not. We looked into it and it's not.
Cooter: No, it's not. We looked into it and it's not.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Random Congressman at meeting: I can't support that. Dam is a swear word. I'd support it if instead of dam we called it a "god finger".
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider them erotica.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Bev: What was your reason for wanting to adopt?
Liz: Thank you, for that question, Bev. The world is a troubled place, and so many children in need of adoption worldwide...
Bev: Infertility? or Other.
Liz: Other.
Liz: Thank you, for that question, Bev. The world is a troubled place, and so many children in need of adoption worldwide...
Bev: Infertility? or Other.
Liz: Other.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: [Excited about cable TV] There's a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what's on the other channels!
Jack: I know, Kenneth. It's okay.
Kenneth: I'm glad I'm not a white man, Mr. Donaghy. ...Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?
Jack: You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
Jack: I know, Kenneth. It's okay.
Kenneth: I'm glad I'm not a white man, Mr. Donaghy. ...Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?
Jack: You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jeffrey: Okay, I'm Jeffrey. I am a mediator, and you two are having a dispute. Now why is that?
Jenna: Because Tracy thinks he can treat me unfairly because I'm a woman.
Tracy: What? Please, we are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars! White people stole jazz, rock 'n roll, Will Smith, and heart disease! Now they think they can take my hard-earned money.
Jenna: Because Tracy thinks he can treat me unfairly because I'm a woman.
Tracy: What? Please, we are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars! White people stole jazz, rock 'n roll, Will Smith, and heart disease! Now they think they can take my hard-earned money.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: No, listen to me. She's not fun, she's just crazy. Like, grab-a-cop's-gun crazy.
Jack: Lemon, having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and you for what feels like infinity, I'm going to go with Claire on this one.
Jack: Lemon, having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and you for what feels like infinity, I'm going to go with Claire on this one.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: What is wrong with you men? You're like junkies why can't you just say no?
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into... never mind.
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into... never mind.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: You’re breaking union rules. Our insurance doesn’t cover any of this. And you’re potentially infringing on Warner Brothersintellectual property. Shut this down!
Tracy: I want a different answer. Where’s Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there’s no more Jack. He’s dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!
Tracy: I want a different answer. Where’s Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there’s no more Jack. He’s dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: I've had to send more money home lately. There are problems on the farm. After years of inbreeding the pigs are getting violent and the pig shield around the house has worn thin.
Jack: Kenneth, how much money do you have in your savings?
Kenneth: Well, let's see. [looks in his coffee can] Eighty thousand dollars!
Jack: If you don't include Confederate money?
Kenneth: Four thousand dollars!
Jack: Kenneth, how much money do you have in your savings?
Kenneth: Well, let's see. [looks in his coffee can] Eighty thousand dollars!
Jack: If you don't include Confederate money?
Kenneth: Four thousand dollars!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: [after seeing "Tracy" sitting in the middle of the hallway] Tracy, get out of the hallway.
Tracy: [jumps out from around the corner] OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan JapaneseSex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.
Tracy: [jumps out from around the corner] OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan JapaneseSex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Gavin Volure: He's gonna' do it! Gavin Volure's gonna' jump!
Jack Donaghy: Don't Gavin! That's gotta be fifteen, sixteen feet!
Jack Donaghy: Don't Gavin! That's gotta be fifteen, sixteen feet!
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: Oh, Miss Lemon. You have several messages. Aw, let's see, that company running the bike tour in South Carolina says no singles. Uh, your credit card called they want to make sure you're the one buying cream soda in bulk.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?
TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: We need to get these guys! Don't you know the Postmaster General?
Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. If I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd return Joan Baez's phone calls.
Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. If I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd return Joan Baez's phone calls.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo—
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: They do that a lot in movies: An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Ongoing train wreck aside, I love this idea; it's great synergy. By putting a TV actress into the movie world we can promote both. It's like how we're including a Heroes DVD with every missile system we sell.
TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, Ms. Maroney. You wanted to see me?
Jenna: Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.
Tracy: We didn't know what to get them, but then I had a brain storm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.
Jenna: But after he stabilized we decided we'd get them all hot soup.
Tracy: So... go do that.
Kenneth: Oh, all the other pages have gone home sick, I can't make any runs right now. Maybe the two of you could go get the soup.
[long pause]
Jenna: I don't understand.
Kenneth: Well, I'm saying you could get your wallet...
Tracy: My what?!
Kenneth: ...and go downstairs to the basement...
Tracy: No!
Kenneth: ...and you go to the soup place, and bring the soup back up here...
Tracy: With what? My arms?
Kenneth: ...make sure to take your IDs with you.
Tracy: That'll be the worst part!
Jenna: Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.
Tracy: We didn't know what to get them, but then I had a brain storm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.
Jenna: But after he stabilized we decided we'd get them all hot soup.
Tracy: So... go do that.
Kenneth: Oh, all the other pages have gone home sick, I can't make any runs right now. Maybe the two of you could go get the soup.
[long pause]
Jenna: I don't understand.
Kenneth: Well, I'm saying you could get your wallet...
Tracy: My what?!
Kenneth: ...and go downstairs to the basement...
Tracy: No!
Kenneth: ...and you go to the soup place, and bring the soup back up here...
Tracy: With what? My arms?
Kenneth: ...make sure to take your IDs with you.
Tracy: That'll be the worst part!
TV Show: 30 Rock