All in the Family Quotes
Archie: You wanna put your mother and me through the same kind of shame? Besmooze the family name like that?
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie: Three Men in a Tub, they had a water shortage in them days. So everything in Fairyland was in threes, you know, except the dwarfs. There was seven of them 'cause they was little and the wolf was after them so the wolf came running after them and boy he had one hell of a breath. He blew down their house and they had to find another joint so they run through the woods and they run into Goldilocks and she took them all in to live with her and there's nothin' wrong with that because she was a nice girl and they're old anyway. So they got another house but the wolf came along and blew that one down too so then they run through the woods again and they come to a brick house and that belonged to Disney so they all moved in there and started working for him.
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie Bunker: Here's something we can see in Disney World. They got an all bear band.
Edith Bunker: They got a naked band at Disney World?
Edith Bunker: They got a naked band at Disney World?
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie Bunker: I couldn't go to that thing even if I wanted to. We're supposed to be busy in here tonight.
Harry Snowden: I can handle it. I think you should go to the school show.
Archie Bunker: I hate school shows. I've hated school shows ever since I was this high. God, will I never forget. There was always some kid pounding a piano, and there was always some four-eyed sissy torturing a violin, a fat slob reciting "Trees", and then there was always the black kid singing, "My Yiddishe Mome".
Harry Snowden: I can handle it. I think you should go to the school show.
Archie Bunker: I hate school shows. I've hated school shows ever since I was this high. God, will I never forget. There was always some kid pounding a piano, and there was always some four-eyed sissy torturing a violin, a fat slob reciting "Trees", and then there was always the black kid singing, "My Yiddishe Mome".
TV Show: All in the Family
Edith Bunker: Mike is family.
Archie Bunker: Gloria is family. What's standing behind me is an accident of marriage.
Archie Bunker: Gloria is family. What's standing behind me is an accident of marriage.
TV Show: All in the Family
Mike Stivic: What were you saying about colored families having no love?
Archie Bunker: Why is it you can remember everything except how to work?
Archie Bunker: Why is it you can remember everything except how to work?
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie (Carroll O'Connor) and Edith (Jean Stapleton) singing during the opening credits of every show: Boy, the way Glenn Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade. Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days. And you knew who you were then, girls were girls and men were men. Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight. Gee, our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days.
- Those Were The Days, written by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse.
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie saying to anyone: "Get away from me, you!" and "Don't breathe on me."
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie: "It says so right there in the Bible, Meathead. 'In pain shall youse give birth.'" To what Mike said: "God said 'youse'?"
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie to Edith: : "Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you."
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie: : "Look, Archie Bunker ain't bigoted! I'm always the first to say, "It ain't your fault you're colored!""
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie to Gloria: : "Ever since you were little, people kept asking me what kind of man should marry my daughter. I always said that it doesn't matter, so long as he loves her...and he's white. But now there's one more thing: He can't be that guy!"
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie to Mike: : "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Polock!"
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie to Edith: : "(affectionately) You're a pip, you know that? A real pip."
TV Show: All in the Family
Edith to Archie: "No! I don't want to go to Florida! I don't want to go anywhere! And if you want to make a phone call, you make it yourself! (Edith drops phone purposely)"
TV Show: All in the Family
Edith to Gloria: "I got a lump in my breast."Gloria to Edith: "What did you say?"Edith to Gloria: "I got a lump."Gloria, making Edith feel better: "Oh."
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie: "Give me something to take a taste out of my mouth. (tastes coffee) What did you make, an instant coffee?"Edith: "No, it's fresh perk."Archie: "Well, it tastes like instant."Edith: "It's fresh perk though."Archie: "OK, it's fresh perk, but it tastes like instant."Edith: "I heard you, but it's fresh perk."Archie: "I had said it was fresh perk."
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie to Mike: : "Listen. Anybody gives my grandson a Polock crack, and I'll give him one of these right across the kisser. I'm so tired of people running down other people's culture. Now, your Irish micks...your Irish micks are real big on that. That's why the Mafia came up with that word, to take heat off of the dagos."
TV Show: All in the Family
"Why should a man work hard his whole life if he is just going to come up equal?"-Archie Bunker in reference to equality.
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie Bunker(on why "Goddam" is not a curse word): "You got God, right? The most powerful bein' in the universe, and a dam, that's a thing that holds back water, right? So!...If God were to make a dam, it would be the greatest dam in the entire universe! Thus, a "Goddam"! There ya go!
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie Bunker(studying a sample voting ballot sent to his home): O'Grady, Goldberg, Giovanni, Johnson?... You got a Mick, a Hebe, a Wop, and an ordinary American!... That's what I'd call a balanced ticket!
TV Show: All in the Family
Archie Bunker: So youse tellin' me Frank does all the cookin'?
Irene Lorenzo: Yeah, so?
Archie Bunker: So, aren't ya worried 'bout what people might think?
Irene Lorenzo: What, that I'm a bad cook?
Archie Bunker: No, that yer husband's a fag!
Irene Lorenzo: Yeah, so?
Archie Bunker: So, aren't ya worried 'bout what people might think?
Irene Lorenzo: What, that I'm a bad cook?
Archie Bunker: No, that yer husband's a fag!
TV Show: All in the Family