Press Gang Quotes

Lynda: Kenny, just do as I tell you!
Kenny: That is the nature of our friendship.

TV Show: Press Gang
Colin: Don't throw the ash tray.

TV Show: Press Gang
Matt Kerr: [to Lynda] You are a lady of unexpected depths Lynda, to which you regularly sink.

TV Show: Press Gang
Lynda: I expected a serious interview. What I didn't expect was to find myself talking to an improbable looking domestic pet that has somehow acquired the power of speech!

TV Show: Press Gang
Lynda [on a Children's TV show]: Strangely enough, I don't feel like taking advice from a man who spends his time behind a sofa with his arm up an artificial cat.

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Sarah: Do you really think it's reasonable to keep punishing people for not being Kenny?
Lynda: Well, they're not, are they?

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Sarah: We’re going to need to find someone who can stand sitting here, which isn’t an easy trick.
Lynda: Have we tried everyone?
Sarah: Everyone who was willing.
Lynda: That didn’t seem to take long.

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Lynda: I'm grateful. In fact, I'm so grateful I could kill you.

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Frazz: Sex and violence. I love children's television.

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Colin: Look, someone's going to do a biggy on this story. At least if it's us, it will be done with tact, taste and discretion. With free Spike and Lynda dolls!

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Julie [to Lynda]: They [guys] do tend to see you as a ruthless, ambitious, monomaniac.

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Frazz: I don't like socialising with fictional characters.

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Spike': My ego got so big, it left me.

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Spike': [to Lynda] You're talking sane... I must be dreaming.

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Colin: One minute, it’s all nice and normal and then suddenly everything’s dead! It’s like that school zoo trip all over again…

TV Show: Press Gang
Lynda: Okay - it's like this. There's a tribe living by a river, and in the river there are crocodiles. The tribe has one particular piece of wisdom passed down through the generations. It goes like this: if you happen to meet a crocodile, don't stick your head in its mouth. Every now and then - and who knows the reason - people ignore this advice. Which is sad. Because they die. But very stupid because they were warned. They had a choice. The moral of this story is - you can't afford to be stupid. There are crocodiles.

TV Show: Press Gang
Frazz: Tell me something, Lynda. Given that we were already twenty-one goals behind, given that we were two players down because you personally sent them off for being consistently late on deadlines. Given those things, don't you think it was an unusual tactic to suddenly score against your own side and concuss your team captain?
Lynda: Well, it had the benefit of surprise.

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Lynda: If someone's in my toilet, I want to know what they're doing!
Spike: She has a passion for detail.

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Julie: You're late!
Lynda: You're fired! I win.

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Lynda: Julie, about your taste in men...
Julie: Yeah?
Lynda: Get some!

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Spike: Why has it taken me this long to realise you are just as big a monster as you seem to be?

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Frazz: If you explain just one thing. Why do you insist on constantly scoring against us? I mean, five times in one match!
Lynda: It was personal. Spike and I are fighting and you had him in goal.

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Frazz: Colin, can I make one general point about the game of football?
Colin: Hey, coach, shoot! I do still regard myself as a beginner.
Frazz: No matter how badly your team are doing, you are not - under any circumstances - allowed to change sides!

TV Show: Press Gang
Lynda: Have you had a look at the world lately? Just how dumb do you think it is safe to be around here? There's plenty of stuff going on that kills you and you don't get warned at all. So sticking your head in a crocodile you were told about is not calculated to get my sympathy.

TV Show: Press Gang
Lynda [to Spike]: Too late, you said you loved me. And you've now said that eight times more than me, so I'm definitely winning in this relationship!

TV Show: Press Gang