Metalocalypse Quotes
Thunderbolt Murderface: [robotic voice] My body is a lifeless shell. Please, please, kill me. Please kill me. I have not had an erection for 30 years. I just used my underpants as a restroom. Please kill me. Dear God, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [contemplatively] It appears the yard wolves has grown up. Are we finally finished with thes colds dead winters?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: You should know that we don't really let anybody in here.
Dr. Jonathan Twinkletits: Relax, Tonto, don't get all neurotic on me, jeez. I'm just going to observe you all. Now I want you all to be yourselves. Act like I'm not here, go!
Pickles the Drummer: Don't worry, I've been tryin' to do that since yeh got here.
Dr. Twinkletits: Well then it shouldn't be a problem then, should it, SMARTASS?!
Pickles: Dude, no hitting.
Dr. Jonathan Twinkletits: Relax, Tonto, don't get all neurotic on me, jeez. I'm just going to observe you all. Now I want you all to be yourselves. Act like I'm not here, go!
Pickles the Drummer: Don't worry, I've been tryin' to do that since yeh got here.
Dr. Twinkletits: Well then it shouldn't be a problem then, should it, SMARTASS?!
Pickles: Dude, no hitting.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Do it again, Toki. Take 164.
Skwisgaar: Just... let me record it. Each take gets worse! He's slowly learning how to unplay the guitar.
Toki Wartooth: I can hear that. The talkback mike is on.
Skwisgaar: Pickle, please let me know when the talkback mike is on so that Mr. Sensitives don'ts goes to crysbabies house for vacation?
Toki: I can stills hear you.
Skwisgaar: So, what do you want? A be-able-to-hear-things award?!
Toki: Eh, not really. Doesn't sound like a greats award, to be honest.
Skwisgaar: Just... let me record it. Each take gets worse! He's slowly learning how to unplay the guitar.
Toki Wartooth: I can hear that. The talkback mike is on.
Skwisgaar: Pickle, please let me know when the talkback mike is on so that Mr. Sensitives don'ts goes to crysbabies house for vacation?
Toki: I can stills hear you.
Skwisgaar: So, what do you want? A be-able-to-hear-things award?!
Toki: Eh, not really. Doesn't sound like a greats award, to be honest.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Television Narrator: ... with considerable pressure, the hard and marble-like lens can jettison back into their own eyes, blinding them.
Nathan: Huh...I didn't know that.
William Murderface: I did. [sticks food into his mouth with his knife; Twinkletits enters the room]
Twinkletits: Band meetin' everyone, BAND MEETIN'!
Pickles: Dude, you may be a therapist, but you can't call a band meeting!
Twinkletits: Yes I can! For the purpose of these exercises, I am a band member! To reward Toki for great work today, I should like to give him something that the rest of you may one day earn.
Nathan: Huh...I didn't know that.
William Murderface: I did. [sticks food into his mouth with his knife; Twinkletits enters the room]
Twinkletits: Band meetin' everyone, BAND MEETIN'!
Pickles: Dude, you may be a therapist, but you can't call a band meeting!
Twinkletits: Yes I can! For the purpose of these exercises, I am a band member! To reward Toki for great work today, I should like to give him something that the rest of you may one day earn.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Twinkletits: [whispers] The banana sticker! [heavenly chorus sounds]
Murderface: How come he gets a banana sticker? Don't I get one?
Twinkletits: No, Murderface, you do not get a banana sticker, not until you have proven yourself! Until then, these banana stickers shall remain locked in here.
Murderface: How come he gets a banana sticker? Don't I get one?
Twinkletits: No, Murderface, you do not get a banana sticker, not until you have proven yourself! Until then, these banana stickers shall remain locked in here.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Twinkletits: What happened back there?
Murderface: I don't care.
Twinkletits: Hey, I've got an idea. [Removes glasses.] Let's rock talk!
Murderface: No!
Twinkletits: C'mon, don't you wanna get in touch with you know, your - your inner dude?
Murderface: No thanks, I hate that guy.
Twinkletits: Now we're getting somewhere! Let's rock talk about that!
Murderface: I don't wanna.
Twinkletits: Hmm. What a shame, you know. Guess I'll just have to, you know, hold onto all these banana stickers, I got like a million -
Murderface: [eyes widen] Okay, I'll rock talk.
Twinkletits: Good. I want you to tell me about young Murderface. Tell me a nice story about when Murderface was just a little tiny boy.
Murderface: Well, okay, here goes.
Murderface: I don't care.
Twinkletits: Hey, I've got an idea. [Removes glasses.] Let's rock talk!
Murderface: No!
Twinkletits: C'mon, don't you wanna get in touch with you know, your - your inner dude?
Murderface: No thanks, I hate that guy.
Twinkletits: Now we're getting somewhere! Let's rock talk about that!
Murderface: I don't wanna.
Twinkletits: Hmm. What a shame, you know. Guess I'll just have to, you know, hold onto all these banana stickers, I got like a million -
Murderface: [eyes widen] Okay, I'll rock talk.
Twinkletits: Good. I want you to tell me about young Murderface. Tell me a nice story about when Murderface was just a little tiny boy.
Murderface: Well, okay, here goes.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
William's Father: And now I kill myself! First my left leg! Good! [voice gets more anguished] Now the right! [voice gets even more anguished and lower] Now the arm! [voice gets lower and more halting] NOW MY FAAAACE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Twinkletits: Hey, ah, this is John Twinkletits, ah. Remember me? I was in the Amazlingtons with you. Just want to let you that I'm in another band and we're called Dethklok. No big whoop. No big whoop. Just give me a call back whenever you can, but then again you probably can't BECAUSE I KILLED YOU.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: I'm telling you he's crazy.
Murderface: How could you say something like that? He's a genius.
Nathan: Alright, this is getting completely out of control. Twinkletits thinks he's in our band. I think we gotta fire 'em.
Toki: Wait, we can do that?
Nathan: Yeah. I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.
Skiwsgaar: Can we's fires ourselves?
Nathan: Yeah, no, I... I found that out too.
Pickles: Can we give ourselves a raise?
Nathan: Yeah, I mean I think so. Don't quote me on that, but I think we can.
Pickles: Oh, dude, then I, you know I give myself a raise right now.
Skiwsgaar: Ja, I give me a raise too.
Toki: I give myself a solid gold telephone.
Murderface: I give myself a bunch of boats. Wit' a bunch of... Vietnamese people on 'em... on fire.
Pickles: Dudes. I just thought about something. If we fire Twinkletits, then we ain't gonna see no more banana stickers.
Murderface: How could you say something like that? He's a genius.
Nathan: Alright, this is getting completely out of control. Twinkletits thinks he's in our band. I think we gotta fire 'em.
Toki: Wait, we can do that?
Nathan: Yeah. I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.
Skiwsgaar: Can we's fires ourselves?
Nathan: Yeah, no, I... I found that out too.
Pickles: Can we give ourselves a raise?
Nathan: Yeah, I mean I think so. Don't quote me on that, but I think we can.
Pickles: Oh, dude, then I, you know I give myself a raise right now.
Skiwsgaar: Ja, I give me a raise too.
Toki: I give myself a solid gold telephone.
Murderface: I give myself a bunch of boats. Wit' a bunch of... Vietnamese people on 'em... on fire.
Pickles: Dudes. I just thought about something. If we fire Twinkletits, then we ain't gonna see no more banana stickers.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Hey! We been thinkin', not very hard, but... You're fired! Yeah. We hate you.
Twinkletits: I'm sorry, what?
Murderface: Hey it's not that bad. You know I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other, but you're amazing, you're a real dick. And I appreciate that, but we never want to see you again, you ugly idiot dick!
Twinkletits: Hold on for a second, I am your therapist.
Skiwsgaar: I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache.
Twinkletits: Don'ts you wants a banana sticker?
Nathan: We won't be needing your banana stickers.
Twinkletits: I'm sorry, what?
Murderface: Hey it's not that bad. You know I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other, but you're amazing, you're a real dick. And I appreciate that, but we never want to see you again, you ugly idiot dick!
Twinkletits: Hold on for a second, I am your therapist.
Skiwsgaar: I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache.
Twinkletits: Don'ts you wants a banana sticker?
Nathan: We won't be needing your banana stickers.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so...
Twinkletits: You sons of bitches! HOW DARE YOU! I AM the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick you out! YOU'RE ALL FIRED, you buncha stupid pussies! I'LL KILL YOU! [slips on a banana sticker and flies out the window] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [he falls several stories and lands on the ground] I'm still alive! I'm still- [the yard wolves appear] AUUGGGHH ...
Twinkletits: You sons of bitches! HOW DARE YOU! I AM the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick you out! YOU'RE ALL FIRED, you buncha stupid pussies! I'LL KILL YOU! [slips on a banana sticker and flies out the window] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [he falls several stories and lands on the ground] I'm still alive! I'm still- [the yard wolves appear] AUUGGGHH ...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Look. The wol-e-ves eat him.
Skwisgaar: Yes, Toki, and his body will nourish the wolves.
Toki: I believe the cycle of learning is complete.
Skwisgaar: Indeeds. Alls of us should learns a lesson.
Pickles: Yeah. And what lesson might that be?
Skwisgaar: I haves no idea. But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten, look at that right there.
Nathan: [videotaping Twinkletits getting eaten by the wolves] I loved him. I ... can say that now.
William: Now that he's dead, it's much easier to say emotional things about him.
Pickles: Guys, maybe this is weird to say, but am I the only one who is being made to feel hungry by watching this?
Nathan: [pause] Let's eat!
Skwisgaar: Yes, Toki, and his body will nourish the wolves.
Toki: I believe the cycle of learning is complete.
Skwisgaar: Indeeds. Alls of us should learns a lesson.
Pickles: Yeah. And what lesson might that be?
Skwisgaar: I haves no idea. But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten, look at that right there.
Nathan: [videotaping Twinkletits getting eaten by the wolves] I loved him. I ... can say that now.
William: Now that he's dead, it's much easier to say emotional things about him.
Pickles: Guys, maybe this is weird to say, but am I the only one who is being made to feel hungry by watching this?
Nathan: [pause] Let's eat!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Narrator: [reading a letter by Pickles] Antonio shot heroin into his balls again this morning. He says this time, it was an accident. I'm sure we'll have the usual difficulties on stage tonight. I know I sound like a broken record, but I need heavier music.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: Hey! We were watching that.
Pickles the Drummer: Dude, right, so you could make fun of me, I know.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: No way, to compliments you, you were such a beautifuls lady back then. Maybe, yous all favor us with a few make-ups tips.
Pickles the Drummer: Dude, right, so you could make fun of me, I know.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: No way, to compliments you, you were such a beautifuls lady back then. Maybe, yous all favor us with a few make-ups tips.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles the Drummer: Eh hahaha. That's really funny.
William Murderface: It's exciting! Turn it back on! I wanna see what happens!
Pickles: What do you mean? I'm here! That's what happened! That's the end of the story.
William: Well it's boring when you say it.
Pickles: I know.
Toki Wartooth: Pickle? [sigh] this Snakes 'N' Barrel, it's not my cup of tea. It sucks!
Pickles: Well, it's not a nice thing to say, Toki.
Toki: Not my fault it sucks.
William Murderface: It's exciting! Turn it back on! I wanna see what happens!
Pickles: What do you mean? I'm here! That's what happened! That's the end of the story.
William: Well it's boring when you say it.
Pickles: I know.
Toki Wartooth: Pickle? [sigh] this Snakes 'N' Barrel, it's not my cup of tea. It sucks!
Pickles: Well, it's not a nice thing to say, Toki.
Toki: Not my fault it sucks.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Charles Ofdensen: Snakes 'N' Barrels' record sales have gone through the roof since the documentary began airing, and there's interest of a reunion tour -
Pickles: Okay.
Pickles: Okay.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: What if Pickles never comes back? Boy, that'd be totally messed up.
Nathan: Oh come on guys, it's not like this is anyones first band. You'll probably all want to go reunite with your old bands at some point.
Toki: Dethklok is my first band.
Nathan: Oh. Well, one day, you'll want to reunite with us.
Toki: Why? We already together.
Nathan: Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
Skwisgaar: Actuallys, I thinks that's exactlys what that means.
Nathan: Seriously?
Skwisgaar: You can'ts reunite with a bands that has not brokeds up. They won't let you.
Toki: That sucks. Psch, great.
Nathan: Wait, could we have a "Not Reunion" tour, where we, you know, just come out and like, you know, do a regular show?
Skwisgaar: No, I looked into it.
Nathan: Well that's pretty lame.
Skwisgaar: Well, that's showbiz.
Nathan: Oh come on guys, it's not like this is anyones first band. You'll probably all want to go reunite with your old bands at some point.
Toki: Dethklok is my first band.
Nathan: Oh. Well, one day, you'll want to reunite with us.
Toki: Why? We already together.
Nathan: Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
Skwisgaar: Actuallys, I thinks that's exactlys what that means.
Nathan: Seriously?
Skwisgaar: You can'ts reunite with a bands that has not brokeds up. They won't let you.
Toki: That sucks. Psch, great.
Nathan: Wait, could we have a "Not Reunion" tour, where we, you know, just come out and like, you know, do a regular show?
Skwisgaar: No, I looked into it.
Nathan: Well that's pretty lame.
Skwisgaar: Well, that's showbiz.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Okay, I know you're all sober now, and I can totally respect that, so I'm going to resist the urge to do drugs and drink around you. I will still do them, but I will excuse myself and go to a different room.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Stop! Stop! Stop! For the love of god. Sweet lord. Have you people forgotten how to play? That sounded awful.
Sammy "Candynose" Twinskins: No way man, we're better than ever.
Pickles: Dude. You're sitting on the outside of the drumkit.
Sammy: No I ain't. Oh wait, you're right. Sorry. That's why it felt weird.
Sammy "Candynose" Twinskins: No way man, we're better than ever.
Pickles: Dude. You're sitting on the outside of the drumkit.
Sammy: No I ain't. Oh wait, you're right. Sorry. That's why it felt weird.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Hey Bullets, what's this thing you're wearing, what is this?
Snizzy "Snazz" Bullets: It's an invention of mine. It's a strapless guitar that also functions as a girdle. Its called a gu-girdle-itar.
Snizzy "Snazz" Bullets: It's an invention of mine. It's a strapless guitar that also functions as a girdle. Its called a gu-girdle-itar.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Hey... good luck on your show tonight.
Pickles: Oh, hey, thanks. I gotta get ready back here, if you don't mind.
Skwisgaar: Go gets them. Haves a really great show... do that for me.
Pickles: ...Yeah, I gotta, you know get ready -
William: Just don't forget about us... [raises his beer bottle] He's a good kid!
Pickles: Ohhh, you're acting weird.
Nathan: We just, you know, umm, we care about you.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, if you gets a problems with thats, then, well I guess that's just sad.
Pickles: Oh God, I'm not leaving Dethklok, I've told you this a billion times, okay? I'm just doing this for fun!
Nathan: Yeah, well, it's not brutal you know... Snakes 'N' Barrels isn't brutal.
Pickles: I know.
Nathan: Okay.
Pickles: Okay.
Nathan: Just do a great job! And don't leave us! I gotta get going, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! ...I'm having a hard time expressing myself.
Pickles: Will you guys get the hell out of here? I'm supposed to be going over the songs.
Skwisgaar: Oh ja? Well then where's your stupid band?
Pickles: [gasp] I don't even know where they are!
Pickles: Oh, hey, thanks. I gotta get ready back here, if you don't mind.
Skwisgaar: Go gets them. Haves a really great show... do that for me.
Pickles: ...Yeah, I gotta, you know get ready -
William: Just don't forget about us... [raises his beer bottle] He's a good kid!
Pickles: Ohhh, you're acting weird.
Nathan: We just, you know, umm, we care about you.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, if you gets a problems with thats, then, well I guess that's just sad.
Pickles: Oh God, I'm not leaving Dethklok, I've told you this a billion times, okay? I'm just doing this for fun!
Nathan: Yeah, well, it's not brutal you know... Snakes 'N' Barrels isn't brutal.
Pickles: I know.
Nathan: Okay.
Pickles: Okay.
Nathan: Just do a great job! And don't leave us! I gotta get going, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! ...I'm having a hard time expressing myself.
Pickles: Will you guys get the hell out of here? I'm supposed to be going over the songs.
Skwisgaar: Oh ja? Well then where's your stupid band?
Pickles: [gasp] I don't even know where they are!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Romumilif Chesterfield: You guys want to try some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake? You're gonna get so high your minds will blow chunks into the Milky Way. And what better way to celebrate the reunion than with a good old fashioned Milky Way chunk blow, hmmm?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Okay, let's uh... kick ass tonight!
Sammy: Oh wait, I almost forgot, we got some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake from a dude.
Pickles: Oh, come on guys, I don't wanna encourage any kinda dr- okay, I'll do it!
Sammy: Oh wait, I almost forgot, we got some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake from a dude.
Pickles: Oh, come on guys, I don't wanna encourage any kinda dr- okay, I'll do it!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
TV Announcer: Apparently, Snakes 'N Barrels were giving psychotropic drugs that have erased their memories, except for Pickles which the drugs had no effect on whatsoever.
Pickles: I grew up smokin' government weed everyday you know, I had kiddie glaucoma, don't ask me! I'm immune to just about everything.
Pickles: I grew up smokin' government weed everyday you know, I had kiddie glaucoma, don't ask me! I'm immune to just about everything.
TV Show: Metalocalypse