Metalocalypse Quotes
Charles: I've grown quite accustomed to working with Dethklok, and, uh, you'd probably have to kill me to get them away from me. This is good brandy. Really good brandy.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: [to Pickles] Don't give Murderface any firecrackers, we just have to hold them.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: Hey, can I have a firecracker?
Pickles: You know what? I think there's some over there. [points to a blank patch of grass]
Murderface: Where? I don't see any. [bends over muttering, Nathan lights a firecracker, and sets it in the pants of Murderface] There's no firecrackers. [the firecracker explodes] AHHH! THAT FUCKING HURTS!
Nathan: They're down there somewhere, just keep looking.
Murderface: Alright. [bends over again, Nathan lights another firecracker, sets it in Murderface's pants and it explodes] AHHHH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DID IT AGAIN!
Nathan: Murderface.
Mrderface: [slight pause] What?
Nathan: You gotta find these firecrackers, they're down there somewhere.
Pickles: Yeah, they're in the grass, look!
Murderface: I can't see 'em.
Pickles: Smash your face into the grass and look hard. [Murderface looks some more, while Nathan lights yet another firecracker and sets it in Murderface's pants] There you go, now you got it. [it explodes]
Murderface: OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER, OW THAT HURT!
Pickles: You know what? I think there's some over there. [points to a blank patch of grass]
Murderface: Where? I don't see any. [bends over muttering, Nathan lights a firecracker, and sets it in the pants of Murderface] There's no firecrackers. [the firecracker explodes] AHHH! THAT FUCKING HURTS!
Nathan: They're down there somewhere, just keep looking.
Murderface: Alright. [bends over again, Nathan lights another firecracker, sets it in Murderface's pants and it explodes] AHHHH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DID IT AGAIN!
Nathan: Murderface.
Mrderface: [slight pause] What?
Nathan: You gotta find these firecrackers, they're down there somewhere.
Pickles: Yeah, they're in the grass, look!
Murderface: I can't see 'em.
Pickles: Smash your face into the grass and look hard. [Murderface looks some more, while Nathan lights yet another firecracker and sets it in Murderface's pants] There you go, now you got it. [it explodes]
Murderface: OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER, OW THAT HURT!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Sos your dads gots the bigs K. Cancers. [Toki is in a frozen state] Just gonna stares at me ffor a while or uhhh... Looks I don't know whats to say. Ands you're starings ats me. I'm just looking at ou and ou just stands there likes a fish. [walks to Toki] Hey Toki. Let's hears you say somethings positives.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Yeah, it's nots so bad after alls.
Skwisgaar: There you go!
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Who needs a fathers anyways?
Skwisgaar: That's right! I don't really gots a dads, do I?
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Yeah, you never knows your fathers.
Skwisgaar: That's right, Toki! I never....[slightly depressed now] never really...uh...oh. I don'ts..I don'ts have a father.
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Oh come on, Skwisgaar. Yous can cheers up.
Skwisgaar: [angry] I DON'T WANTS TO! I WANTS TO BES IN A BADS MOODS! GETS OUT OF HERE!
Skwisgaar: There you go!
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Who needs a fathers anyways?
Skwisgaar: That's right! I don't really gots a dads, do I?
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Yeah, you never knows your fathers.
Skwisgaar: That's right, Toki! I never....[slightly depressed now] never really...uh...oh. I don'ts..I don'ts have a father.
Skwisgaar's Impersonation: Oh come on, Skwisgaar. Yous can cheers up.
Skwisgaar: [angry] I DON'T WANTS TO! I WANTS TO BES IN A BADS MOODS! GETS OUT OF HERE!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: You know, Toki's kind of in a fragile state of mind right now. He could really use your support.
Murderface: Ah, don't let him fool you. He's tough as nails.
Pickles: Come on, you don't think Toki's gonna freak out or anything, you know, like do something-- should we hide the guns?
Ofdensen: Well I ouldn't go that far,I think he's just a little sad.
Murderface: He's gonna kill himself?
Pickles: No, I mean he might kill us.
Murderface: He's the one to do that, he's a strange-- I don't trust him.
Nathan: He's fucked in the head.
Murderface: He's fucked in the head. I don't trust him and--
Toki: [walks in] Hello.
The Band: AHHHH!
Nathan: Don't fucking do that to me.
Murderface: Ah, don't let him fool you. He's tough as nails.
Pickles: Come on, you don't think Toki's gonna freak out or anything, you know, like do something-- should we hide the guns?
Ofdensen: Well I ouldn't go that far,I think he's just a little sad.
Murderface: He's gonna kill himself?
Pickles: No, I mean he might kill us.
Murderface: He's the one to do that, he's a strange-- I don't trust him.
Nathan: He's fucked in the head.
Murderface: He's fucked in the head. I don't trust him and--
Toki: [walks in] Hello.
The Band: AHHHH!
Nathan: Don't fucking do that to me.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Gots to go to Norway now, sees my dad die... Sees ya.
Skwisgaar: See yous laters Tokis, haves a greats time.
Pickles: Oh yeah, and say hi to your dad from us. I mean, if doesn't die before you get there. Well, y'know, say hi to his corpse I guess. Y'know? Idon't know.
Nathan: Yeah, no matter what happens, say hi.
Skwisgaar: See yous laters Tokis, haves a greats time.
Pickles: Oh yeah, and say hi to your dad from us. I mean, if doesn't die before you get there. Well, y'know, say hi to his corpse I guess. Y'know? Idon't know.
Nathan: Yeah, no matter what happens, say hi.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: Okay. Off to the recording room. Chop chop. Let's go. To the studio. Let's go. Get up. We gotta record. [etc]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: That's my bass playing hand!
Pickles: [with sarcasm] Uh-oh! There goes the band!
Pickles: [with sarcasm] Uh-oh! There goes the band!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: You know I actually am looking forward to going to Norway. It is the birth place of Black Metal. It's gonna be fun..[to Toki]..I mean aside from your dad...dying slowly from cancer....how you doing with that by the way?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: My dad's dead. He killed my mom then he killed himself, didn't affect me at all.
Pickles: How's it gonna affect you? You were just a baby.
Murderface: I was never a baby! I had to become a man then and there!
Nathan: You're still a baby now.
Murderface: A baby with a man's heart! I'm...a warrior.
Pickles: My dad is just like a stare and say nothing weirdo, and if he died...well, ya know? What are you gonna do about it?
Nathan: I actually get a long with my dad. You know, we drink a lot of beer and we go hunting. If he died...whoa...That'd be fucked up. But hey. [nudges Toki] It's your dad that's gonna die. My dad's safe!
Pickles: How's it gonna affect you? You were just a baby.
Murderface: I was never a baby! I had to become a man then and there!
Nathan: You're still a baby now.
Murderface: A baby with a man's heart! I'm...a warrior.
Pickles: My dad is just like a stare and say nothing weirdo, and if he died...well, ya know? What are you gonna do about it?
Nathan: I actually get a long with my dad. You know, we drink a lot of beer and we go hunting. If he died...whoa...That'd be fucked up. But hey. [nudges Toki] It's your dad that's gonna die. My dad's safe!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Stampingston: Toki Wartooth's father is on his deathbed. Gentlemen, our psychological death expert, Dr. Ralphus Galgensmelter.
Galgensmelter: Toki Wartooth has become a messenger of death. Everything he touches with his love will die! FOR he brings death with him like a blackened cloud, hovering in the cold. Night. Sky. Like the Grim Reaper himself, his guitar is his scythe. He...cascades into the open window of your child's cradle, to suck the very life...from your baby's breath.
Crozier: What a load of horseshit.
Galgensmelter: How dare you, General! You're like a withering toad, eating flies on your lilypad!
Stampingston: Dr. Galgensmelter! Please behave yourself! What does this all mean?
Galgensmelter: Toki Wartooth has repressed his feelings for his father. His father's death could ignite long dormant emotions. He will spin out of control, into a vortex of madness! He will bring death to us all! He will bring death, to us all. Thank you.
Galgensmelter: Toki Wartooth has become a messenger of death. Everything he touches with his love will die! FOR he brings death with him like a blackened cloud, hovering in the cold. Night. Sky. Like the Grim Reaper himself, his guitar is his scythe. He...cascades into the open window of your child's cradle, to suck the very life...from your baby's breath.
Crozier: What a load of horseshit.
Galgensmelter: How dare you, General! You're like a withering toad, eating flies on your lilypad!
Stampingston: Dr. Galgensmelter! Please behave yourself! What does this all mean?
Galgensmelter: Toki Wartooth has repressed his feelings for his father. His father's death could ignite long dormant emotions. He will spin out of control, into a vortex of madness! He will bring death to us all! He will bring death, to us all. Thank you.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: This is my olds friend Vrunkus Snorge.
Vrunkus: Well, if it isn't the commercially successfuls Toki Wartooth.
Nathan: Guy seems like an asshole.
Vrunkus: I am pagans dropped in this conservative hell that is Norway.
Pickles: Man, what the fuck are you listenin' to?
Vrunkus: This ams a demo tape from my band Hestekuk, what means a horse's dick. Do you like it?
Pickles: I dunno, it's okay.
Vrunkus: Then I hate it!
Nathan: Hey, where's all the Dethklok albums?
Vrunkus: I don't sell them. [scoffs] Too digital.
Vrunkus: Well, if it isn't the commercially successfuls Toki Wartooth.
Nathan: Guy seems like an asshole.
Vrunkus: I am pagans dropped in this conservative hell that is Norway.
Pickles: Man, what the fuck are you listenin' to?
Vrunkus: This ams a demo tape from my band Hestekuk, what means a horse's dick. Do you like it?
Pickles: I dunno, it's okay.
Vrunkus: Then I hate it!
Nathan: Hey, where's all the Dethklok albums?
Vrunkus: I don't sell them. [scoffs] Too digital.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [reading a pamphlet about Norway] Hey did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world?!
Nathan: Wait a minute, you mean the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway?
Murderface: Yeah.
Nathan: Oh my God, that's lame! This place is lame.
Murderface: Admit it Toki, Norway's not brutal.
Nathan: Danbury, Connecticut is more brutal.
Pickles: Yeah, dude. Tomohawk, Wisconsin, it's way more brutal. At least we got crystal meth!
Nathan: Wait a minute, you mean the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway?
Murderface: Yeah.
Nathan: Oh my God, that's lame! This place is lame.
Murderface: Admit it Toki, Norway's not brutal.
Nathan: Danbury, Connecticut is more brutal.
Pickles: Yeah, dude. Tomohawk, Wisconsin, it's way more brutal. At least we got crystal meth!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Chesterfield: My drug is still alive in the systems of the now sober, members of Snakes N' Barrells. I however, have a grave warning: There is a long-term side effect, a terrible and desructive side-effect. With enough stimulus, the drug living in their fat cells will ignite.
Stampingston: Spontaneous human combustion!
Dr. Chesterfield: Not quite. Blue phosphorous snakes will shoot forth from the orifices of the users, and they will go mad with rage.
Orlaag: All of their orifices?
Stampingston: Spontaneous human combustion!
Dr. Chesterfield: Not quite. Blue phosphorous snakes will shoot forth from the orifices of the users, and they will go mad with rage.
Orlaag: All of their orifices?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: What do you want like a shot or whatever?
Skwisgaar: Yeah, whatsevers gets us drunks the fastest.
Nathan: [to the guys behind the counter] You, hey you! Right there, vodka, two doubles.
Skwisgaar: Gives to us deh bottles.
Nathan: ...'cause we got lots of cash.
Clerk 1: Fellas, it doesn't actually work that wan, man.
Clerk 2: Not that way man.
Clerk 1: But I'll tell you what. [whispering] You guys like shots?
Nathan: Uh, yeah sure fine.
Clerk 2: How 'bout this guys? How about a totally cool shot of ice-cold mountain water?
Clerk 1: Oooh.
Clerk 2: Chilled with, cucumber slices?
Clerk 1: Or maybe you're feeling zazzy? How 'bout some of this, sparkling cherry-applesauce drink?
Clerk 2: How 'bout you,Tonto? You look like you have a taste for things south of the border. You like margaritas?
Nathan: [muttered] Uh-huh.
Clerk 1: I think that's a yes!
Clerk 2: If you love margaritas, why not try some...lemonade?
Nathan: This is bullshit! Don't fuck with us! You got alcohol?
Clerk 1: We have something better!
Nathan: What would that be?
Clerk 2: An apple, God's alcohol.
Nathan: [leans over the counter and starts beckoning them] Hey could you come here really quickly? Both of you come here, I just wanna tell you something...
Clerk 2: [both clerks lean over the counter] I'm right here.
Clerk 1: What's going on?
Nathan: I just wanna tell you something...
Clerk 2: Closer?
Nathan: Yeah, a little bit, little bit closer.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, whatsevers gets us drunks the fastest.
Nathan: [to the guys behind the counter] You, hey you! Right there, vodka, two doubles.
Skwisgaar: Gives to us deh bottles.
Nathan: ...'cause we got lots of cash.
Clerk 1: Fellas, it doesn't actually work that wan, man.
Clerk 2: Not that way man.
Clerk 1: But I'll tell you what. [whispering] You guys like shots?
Nathan: Uh, yeah sure fine.
Clerk 2: How 'bout this guys? How about a totally cool shot of ice-cold mountain water?
Clerk 1: Oooh.
Clerk 2: Chilled with, cucumber slices?
Clerk 1: Or maybe you're feeling zazzy? How 'bout some of this, sparkling cherry-applesauce drink?
Clerk 2: How 'bout you,Tonto? You look like you have a taste for things south of the border. You like margaritas?
Nathan: [muttered] Uh-huh.
Clerk 1: I think that's a yes!
Clerk 2: If you love margaritas, why not try some...lemonade?
Nathan: This is bullshit! Don't fuck with us! You got alcohol?
Clerk 1: We have something better!
Nathan: What would that be?
Clerk 2: An apple, God's alcohol.
Nathan: [leans over the counter and starts beckoning them] Hey could you come here really quickly? Both of you come here, I just wanna tell you something...
Clerk 2: [both clerks lean over the counter] I'm right here.
Clerk 1: What's going on?
Nathan: I just wanna tell you something...
Clerk 2: Closer?
Nathan: Yeah, a little bit, little bit closer.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Clerks: Ow ow ow ow ow!
Nathan: [pulls them to his face] Don't ever fuck with me and alcohol, got it?
Nathan: [pulls them to his face] Don't ever fuck with me and alcohol, got it?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: There you are, you scumbag!
Toki: [stomping the annoying fan's face into the ground]I'LL KILL YOU!!![Murderface gapes in astonishment and fear. Toki turns towards him with an insane look]WHATS THE FUCKS DO YOU WANT, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!
Murderface: .... What's up bro? What's happenin', huh?
Toki: [stomping the annoying fan's face into the ground]I'LL KILL YOU!!![Murderface gapes in astonishment and fear. Toki turns towards him with an insane look]WHATS THE FUCKS DO YOU WANT, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!
Murderface: .... What's up bro? What's happenin', huh?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: So wait, just so i understand, you're all passing on Takin' it Easy?
Nathan: Yeah, We pass.
Murderface: I can't even begin to believe that. You know what! Fuck YOU! I'm keeping that song for Planet Piss.
Toki: So I'ms in Planet Piss now?
Murderface: NO! Fuck you, you're not in Planet Piss! You fucking greedy asshole! No.\
Toki: I'll fucking sues you Murderface! Thats mine!
Nathan: Yeah, We pass.
Murderface: I can't even begin to believe that. You know what! Fuck YOU! I'm keeping that song for Planet Piss.
Toki: So I'ms in Planet Piss now?
Murderface: NO! Fuck you, you're not in Planet Piss! You fucking greedy asshole! No.\
Toki: I'll fucking sues you Murderface! Thats mine!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Muderface: What?! What are you fucking doing!? (inaudiable) Are you going to throw a basket of hot towels on me?!?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Yes I'm going to throws the basket of hot towels at you!
Murderface: I don't think you should!
Toki: Why not?
Murderface: Because, those towels are really hot!! Don't fucking throw hot towels you lunatic!!
Murderface: I don't think you should!
Toki: Why not?
Murderface: Because, those towels are really hot!! Don't fucking throw hot towels you lunatic!!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Knubbler: Sorry guys, wrap for the day. Cuttin' ya loose, we'll be back.
Nathan: Where you going? You getting food? Get Indian!
Toki: Oh, gets sushi!
Pickles: Get some fucking French toast this time, you cocksmokers!
Murderface: I'm sick of French toast!
Knubbler: We're not getting food, guys.
Murderface: Why not?!
Skwisgaar: We are goings to records my guitar part, and it may be the most dangerous things I ams ever dones.
Toki: Then whys you dos it?
Skwisgaar: Because I ams a tones-chaser.
Nathan: That'd be funny if he said he was a squirrel-chaser. That'd be funnier, you know. Pickles, squirrel-chaser!
Pickles: [clearly annoyed] Yeah, I know.
Nathan: Where you going? You getting food? Get Indian!
Toki: Oh, gets sushi!
Pickles: Get some fucking French toast this time, you cocksmokers!
Murderface: I'm sick of French toast!
Knubbler: We're not getting food, guys.
Murderface: Why not?!
Skwisgaar: We are goings to records my guitar part, and it may be the most dangerous things I ams ever dones.
Toki: Then whys you dos it?
Skwisgaar: Because I ams a tones-chaser.
Nathan: That'd be funny if he said he was a squirrel-chaser. That'd be funnier, you know. Pickles, squirrel-chaser!
Pickles: [clearly annoyed] Yeah, I know.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Okay so this ams the buttons that makes it records, and this ams the button that makes it stops records, and this ams the button that will makes it erase all of Skwisgaar's guitar tracks. [pushes the delete button]OH NO, WHATS HAS I DONE?!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: I can'ts plays it! It's too damns hard! Skwisgaars always makes it so hard! Damns you stupid, slow, stubby fingers, don'ts looks at me! Awww shucks...whats am I goings to do!?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Hey Knubblers, still jazzed about hows greats dat recordings went. Mind playing me a couple of deh tracks?
Toki: [with great worry]uh why's do dat? Hey, let's alls gets lunch - my treats! Let's get out of this stuffy place. Let's get outta--let's just get outs of this room! Come on! GOS! GO!
Knubbler: Here you go, Skwisgaar. [pushes play, the track starts playing Toki's version of the solo]
'Skwisgaar: WHAT THE FUCKS IS DAT SOUND?! SOMESTHING IS WRONGS HERE! ISOLATES MY GUITARS TRACKS! [the solo is playing very bad; Skwisgaar glares at Toki]
Toki: AHH! I'M SORRY'S, IT'S MY FAULT! I FUCKS IT ALL UP! Don'ts kicks me outs of deh band, I'lls do anything! I'LL SUCKS YOUR DICK!
Skwisgaar: Toki! Pulls yourselfs together!
Toki: I fucks it all up!
Knubbler: Shit Skwisgaar, I really should have backed those sessions up.
Toki: YEAH YOU SHOULDA BACKS THOSE SESSIONS UP!
Knubbler: You'd do well as keep quiet, all right?! Shit SKwisgaar...you know what this means right?
Toki: [with great worry]uh why's do dat? Hey, let's alls gets lunch - my treats! Let's get out of this stuffy place. Let's get outta--let's just get outs of this room! Come on! GOS! GO!
Knubbler: Here you go, Skwisgaar. [pushes play, the track starts playing Toki's version of the solo]
'Skwisgaar: WHAT THE FUCKS IS DAT SOUND?! SOMESTHING IS WRONGS HERE! ISOLATES MY GUITARS TRACKS! [the solo is playing very bad; Skwisgaar glares at Toki]
Toki: AHH! I'M SORRY'S, IT'S MY FAULT! I FUCKS IT ALL UP! Don'ts kicks me outs of deh band, I'lls do anything! I'LL SUCKS YOUR DICK!
Skwisgaar: Toki! Pulls yourselfs together!
Toki: I fucks it all up!
Knubbler: Shit Skwisgaar, I really should have backed those sessions up.
Toki: YEAH YOU SHOULDA BACKS THOSE SESSIONS UP!
Knubbler: You'd do well as keep quiet, all right?! Shit SKwisgaar...you know what this means right?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [in a tantrum about Dethklok passing on 'Takin' it Easy.'] You know what? Fuck you all! THat's right! [flips them off individually] Fuck you! Fuck you! AND FUCK YOU! What are you doing, Pickles? [camera cuts to Pickles' camera phone shot recording Murderface on his tantrum]ARE YOU FUCKING RECORDING ME ON YOUR CAMERA-PHONE, MOTHERFUCKER?!
Pickles: [puts it away] Yeah, sorry I will put that away it's not appropriate.
Pickles: [puts it away] Yeah, sorry I will put that away it's not appropriate.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Are you drinking straights vodkas right now?
Toki: Don't worrys about it.
Skwisgaar: Toki, it's like noons.
Toki: Oh thanks Bigs Bens, nows I knows whats times it is. I knows what I'ms doing.
Skwisgaar: Toki, drinkings ain't a contest, you know that?
Toki: Get offs my back!
Toki: Don't worrys about it.
Skwisgaar: Toki, it's like noons.
Toki: Oh thanks Bigs Bens, nows I knows whats times it is. I knows what I'ms doing.
Skwisgaar: Toki, drinkings ain't a contest, you know that?
Toki: Get offs my back!
TV Show: Metalocalypse