Wild Wild West Quotes

Artemus Gordon: What are they doing?
James T. West: They're trying to break out and get to the doctor. I guess they want to kill him. We'd better go down and stop them.
Artemus Gordon: Ahhh... Why?
James T. West: Must be some reason.
Artemus Gordon: I can't think of any.
James T. West: It is a problem.
Artemus Gordon: Um-hmmm... [the door burst open. Arcularis begins to cry out and scream]
James T. West: Say... do you suppose that woman could be conditioned so that she'd never nag, never complain, never be anything but sweet and warm and understanding? Kind?
James T. West: You've got a reasonal. [they race for Arcularis's lab]

Movie: Wild Wild West
[they have gotten stuck back to gether with collar magnets. Trying to free each other, they end up in an even worse fix]
Artemus Gordon: What did you do?
Capt. James West: I didn't do shit!
Artemus Gordon: [accusing] Yes, you did! You've somehow reversed the polarity of your magnet!
Capt. James West: Hey! I-did-not-do-shit!

Movie: Wild Wild West
Artemus: [pointing to a young lady peddling toys for charity] Since when are you interested in, uh, toys?
Jim West: Toys, no. Dolls, yes.

TV Show: Wild, Wild West
Artemus: [dressed as a preacher] And now for a little song that I wrote myself, entitled, 'Never Make Friends With the Devil, Brother; His Pitchfork Will Get You in the End.'

TV Show: Wild, Wild West
Artemus: What’s that, another gadget? What happens when you twist that?
[sound of chain being ripped from mortar]
Artemus: I see... it comes out of the wall.

TV Show: Wild, Wild West
Artemus: [when organizing a duel] If I may make a suggestion... You're a Count. So why don't you count?

TV Show: Wild, Wild West
Taney: ... The devil!
Artemus: No, sir. Secret service.

TV Show: Wild, Wild West