King of the Hill Quotes
Hank: (Shouting to Bobby stumbling around on the roof) It's a roof! Not American Bandstand!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Did a woman ruin the Supreme Court?
Hank Hill: Yes, and that woman's name was Earl Warren.
Hank Hill: Yes, and that woman's name was Earl Warren.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby Hill: (about an athletic cup) This cup has holes in it. How am I supposed to drink out of this?
TV Show: King of the Hill
Doug the basketball coach: Bounce a ball in hockey?! Well that's a mandatory drug test right there!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Wrestling Coach: Shouldn't you be teaching the girls about their monthlies?
TV Show: King of the Hill
Clark Peters: Hey, Bobby, if you don't beat Connie, we don't know what we'll do. So you better beat her!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bill: I'm all for lady's wrestling. Except when they do it in pudding. That's just demeaning to the human beings who make pudding.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Gary Kazner: There's a uh, what are those things called?--A semi, a demi, a coupla-dozen-wheelers.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bill: I would never join a religion that restricted my diet. I don't want to get into heaven that way.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank: It seems the other eye compensates by shutting itself down. It's one of nature's wonders.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Honey, marriage is about trust and she...well she betrayed him. It was like a knife in his heart when she stuck that fork in his back.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Leanne Platter: Oh, you have such a lovely home here. Of course if somebody turned on a fire hose it would all be ruined.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Hey, Leanne. How's that job search coming along?
Leanne Platter: Not so good. My best reference just went in for chemical castration.
Leanne Platter: Not so good. My best reference just went in for chemical castration.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank: It says here I owe $40 and that can't be true. I always bring back my tapes. Look for yourself, I've returned The Great Santini 23 times.
Store Clerk: Okay, Hank Hill, June 23rd. Yeah, you rented and never returned Cuffs & Collars.
Hank: I've never even heard of that. Have you?
Peggy: Nuh-uh. Unless it's got the name Merchan, Ivory, or Billy Crystal above the title. I am not interested.
Bobby: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. They're buying me a movie for my birthday. That's why we're here, right?
Luanne: Really, Bobby. They haven't said anything.
Hank: Bobby, you ever heard of a movie called Cuffs & Collars?
Bobby: Ooh, I think that's the one with the two cops who don't get along, but then they do, but it's too late, cause he's dead, but not really.
Hank: So you've seen it?
Bobby: No.
Hank: How about you, Luanne.
Luanne: (nods no)
Bobby: Oh no. You're not getting a movie, Bobby (laughs). You are so smooth.
Hank: No, we didn't rent it. So if you could please erase the $40 and penalize yourself whatever you think is fair, we'll be on our way.
Store Clerk: I am sorry, but the computer won't let me erase anything until you either return the tape or pay the $40.
Hank: I told you I didn't rent the tape, now who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I wanna know whose ass to kick!
Store Clerk: I'm not calling you a liar, sir.
Hank: Fine. Now where's the ass on this thing?
Peggy: (sighs) I need a dryer, Hank. Just pay for the tape.
Hank: Absolutely not. I won't pay for someone else's screw up. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that tape was sitting on the shelf right now. Where would Cuff's & Collars be, Action Adventure, Action Comedy, Action Action?
Store Clerk
Store Clerk: Okay, Hank Hill, June 23rd. Yeah, you rented and never returned Cuffs & Collars.
Hank: I've never even heard of that. Have you?
Peggy: Nuh-uh. Unless it's got the name Merchan, Ivory, or Billy Crystal above the title. I am not interested.
Bobby: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. They're buying me a movie for my birthday. That's why we're here, right?
Luanne: Really, Bobby. They haven't said anything.
Hank: Bobby, you ever heard of a movie called Cuffs & Collars?
Bobby: Ooh, I think that's the one with the two cops who don't get along, but then they do, but it's too late, cause he's dead, but not really.
Hank: So you've seen it?
Bobby: No.
Hank: How about you, Luanne.
Luanne: (nods no)
Bobby: Oh no. You're not getting a movie, Bobby (laughs). You are so smooth.
Hank: No, we didn't rent it. So if you could please erase the $40 and penalize yourself whatever you think is fair, we'll be on our way.
Store Clerk: I am sorry, but the computer won't let me erase anything until you either return the tape or pay the $40.
Hank: I told you I didn't rent the tape, now who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I wanna know whose ass to kick!
Store Clerk: I'm not calling you a liar, sir.
Hank: Fine. Now where's the ass on this thing?
Peggy: (sighs) I need a dryer, Hank. Just pay for the tape.
Hank: Absolutely not. I won't pay for someone else's screw up. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that tape was sitting on the shelf right now. Where would Cuff's & Collars be, Action Adventure, Action Comedy, Action Action?
Store Clerk
TV Show: King of the Hill
Boomhauer: I'll tell you what, man, you talkin' about dang ol' cuffs and collars, man, it's all, like, chik-a-chik-a-pa-chik-a.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: Computers don't make mistakes. What they do, they do on purpose. Right now, your information's being fed into every computer mainframe, satellite, laptop, and supermarket scanner that make up the Global conspiracy known as...The Beast.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: Who's not a quitter? My dead friend Hank Hill or my new friend Rusty Shackleford?
TV Show: King of the Hill
Luanne Platter Kleinschmidt: Mama got outta prison! (excitedly runs to the garage)
Peggy Hill: (gasps and drops Ladybird's food dish in shock) Oh, I knew it! I just knew it! I told them medium security would not be enough to hold that woman!
Luanne Platter: No, she didn't escape, She was released! She's coming to visit on Saturday!
Hank Hill: Uh...she's coming here?
Luanne Platter: Oh, I can't wait to tell Daddy! Oh, we're gonna be a family again! (excitedly exits the garage)
Peggy Hill: I will tongue-kiss Bill before I let that tramp in my house!
Bobby Hill: Whoa.
Peggy Hill: (gasps and drops Ladybird's food dish in shock) Oh, I knew it! I just knew it! I told them medium security would not be enough to hold that woman!
Luanne Platter: No, she didn't escape, She was released! She's coming to visit on Saturday!
Hank Hill: Uh...she's coming here?
Luanne Platter: Oh, I can't wait to tell Daddy! Oh, we're gonna be a family again! (excitedly exits the garage)
Peggy Hill: I will tongue-kiss Bill before I let that tramp in my house!
Bobby Hill: Whoa.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Yeah, I was all set to start a TV cabinet on Saturday, but it's gonna hafta wait a day. Luanne's mama is coming to visit.
Dale Gribble: (spits out his beer in shock) That woman is a menace to society.
Bill Dauterive: Well, I dunno, I never met the lady, but she did her time.
Boomhauer: I tell you what, ain't no dang ol' lady 'bout her man. She get all liquored up man, all comin' on strong an' pawin' me like a dang ol' animal, man. I tell her "no means no!"
Hank Hill: Yeah, Leanne is bad news I tell you what. Peggy's brother was all set to marry a pretty pharmacist gal until Leanne "entertained" at his bachelor party. [sighs] So he marries Leanne and after 18 years of drunken hell, she stabs him with a fork.
Dale Gribble: (spits out his beer in shock) That woman is a menace to society.
Bill Dauterive: Well, I dunno, I never met the lady, but she did her time.
Boomhauer: I tell you what, ain't no dang ol' lady 'bout her man. She get all liquored up man, all comin' on strong an' pawin' me like a dang ol' animal, man. I tell her "no means no!"
Hank Hill: Yeah, Leanne is bad news I tell you what. Peggy's brother was all set to marry a pretty pharmacist gal until Leanne "entertained" at his bachelor party. [sighs] So he marries Leanne and after 18 years of drunken hell, she stabs him with a fork.
TV Show: King of the Hill