King of the Hill Quotes

Nancy Gribble: (on TV) The temperature is a pleasant 70 degrees. And on a more personal note, I'd like to wish my friend Hank Hill a quick recovery from his embarrassing consti-

TV Show: King of the Hill
C. Everett Koop: -pation.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: (While constipated and watching his dog poo outside) Showoff.
Hank Hill: "Don't touch me. I'm on the John."

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?

TV Show: King of the Hill
Minh Souphanousinphone: Kahn, for once try not to piss off neighbor.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: So are you Chinese or Japanese?
Minh Souphanousinphone: No, we are Laotian.
Bill Dauterive: The ocean? What ocean?
Kahn Souphanousinphone: From Laos, stupid! It's a landlocked country in South East Asia between Vietnam and Thailand, population approximately 4.7 million!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: So are you Chinese or Japanese?
Kahn Souphanousinphone: : D'oh!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: They'll use a blowdart; that's their way. You'll just think its a mosquito bite until you die, then you'll know.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Kahn Souphanousinphone: : I could just stay home, order a bucket of chicken and watch Hee Haw; same thing [as going to the Hills' for dinner].

TV Show: King of the Hill
Minh Souphanousinphone: : Thank you for Boggle lesson, Peggy Hill. Maybe next weekend I teach you mahjong. Bring your checkbook!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Cotton Hill: Bobby, I'm proud of what you did at school today....So I'm buyin' you a hooker!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Cotton Hill: Well, you know me-- I'm larger than life.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby Hill: [Speaking to Joseph about Connie]: Oow. She's moody. Must be PBS.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: (crying) I am so stupid!
Hank Hill: Aw, you're not stupid. Heck, you're smarter than me.
Peggy Hill: Oh, big deal.
Hank Hill: Well, you're smarter than anyone else in Arlen.
Peggy Hill: Well, whoop-dee-do. I am the smartest hillbilly in Hillbillytown.
Hank Hill: I-I'm trying Peggy. I just... hey, you know, Coach always used to say something that would fire us up when we were behind.
Peggy Hill: Yeah, what?
Hank Hill: LOSER! YOU'RE A LOSER! ARE YOU FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF?! WELL, YOU SHOULD BE CAUSE YOU ARE DIRT! YOU MAKE ME SICK YOU BIG BABY! BABY WANT A BOTTLE?! A BIG DIRT BOTTLE?!
Peggy Hill: (crying) Why are you yelling at me?
Hank Hill: Uh, well, I'm trying to be your coach. I... It's... It's inspiring.
Peggy Hill: Well, thank you, cause I feel worse than ever.
Hank Hill: Well, it worked for the team.
Peggy Hill: No, It didn't. You went to State and lost.
Hank Hill: Ah, jeez. I think I need one of those $8 beers.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Is this John occupied? Esta es Juan occupado?
Bobby Hill: Si.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Joseph Gribble: Dad, I'm sorry! I'll never smoke again.
Dale Gribble: Whoa, hold on, son! I want you to keep an open mind so you can make an informed decision. If you want, you can read a bloated government report on smoking or go straight to the horse's mouth and get the facts from the tobacco industry.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Dangit Bobby, if you're gonna do something wrong, do it right!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Uh, I got to go do some stuff. I think I might have left the blender turned on.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Uh, Hank, there is a "tile" in the bathroom that I think we missed.
Hank Hill: Really? Well, I better check that out.
Hank goes into the bathroom, sees a cigarette, smokes a few puffs, then returns to the kitchen.
Hank Hill: Heh-heh-heh. Well, I found the "tile" — thank you very much, Peggy — and I looked at it but there's still some more "tile" for you to look at.
Peggy Hill: You know, I think I will save the rest of my "tile" for after breakfast.
Bobby Hill: Will you stop talking?! If it's so dirty go clean it, and if it's clean you can shut up!
He stubs out his breakfast sausage as if it were a cigarette and leaves the table.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: (at a cold turkey support group meeting, glaring at the counselor) I got the strangest feeling someone's gonna kick his ass.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Kick the Butt Club Counselor: Hey, there, why don't you tell us your name and how long you've been smoking.
Hank Hill: Uh, I'd rather not.
Kick the Butt Club Counselor: I understand. It's not easy to admit we're weak.
Hank Hill: You're calling me weak! Look at your little bird arms, they're no bigger than a cigarette. I could smoke them things.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Luanne: Halloween is a satanic holiday. It was invented by the Dru-ish.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Kick the Butt Club Counselor: It's beautiful how you came out to support your daddy.
Bobby Hill: I'm a smoker, too.
Everyone gasps.
Kick the Butt Club Counselor: How long have you been addicted to cigarettes?
Bobby Hill: Since my dad let me smoke a whole carton.
Hank Hill: Wait a minute, I didn't let him, I made him. It was a punishment.
Bill Dautrieve: Can I get a new buddy?
Audience member: What is wrong with him?
Kick the Butt Club Counselor: You are sick, sir! You shouldn't be allowed to have children!
Hank Hill: Now hold on a minute here. I didn't bring my family here to be yelled at. I don't think I like this club. You all whine too much, and the coffee's bad. I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to take a thirteenth step... down off your high horse!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Luanne Platter: Here's to three of the bravest individuals in all of Arlen. To the Hills and their tobacco-free future!
Hank Hill: My God, are you still talking?
Bobby Hill: Why's my potato got skin on it? I hate skin!
Peggy Hill: I will not sit here and have my work insulted. Do you think the potatoes just fly into the bowl?!
Luanne Platter: I know y'all don't mean none of those harsh words. It's just the nicotine withdrawal.
Hank Hill: Why is she still talking?!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Look at us. At each other's throats. And after all we've been through. This family has survived fires and twisters and every strain of flu the orient could throw at us. Well, we are not going to be done in by a lousy tobacco leaf.

TV Show: King of the Hill
Kahn Souphanousinphone: Put on shoes, hillbilly!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Kahn Souphanousinphone: Where I come from we got this thing called karma. You do something bad, it come back and bite you in the ass! Big, white, stubborn ass!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby Hill: (Hypnotized by the Queen) ...YES... ...MY... ...QUEEN...

TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: (Said to Dale Gribble after he mistakenly thought Dale had died from a poisonous ant attack) You gave your life to save my son. I guess that makes us even for you ruinin' my lawn. What am I saying? Of course, it makes us even!

TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby: (Talking to a mannequin head) "You look really special tonight."

TV Show: King of the Hill