Jersey Shore Quotes
Ronnie: Right away I know it's either Snooki or Jenni, but then I read the letter and I see the word "wisely," and I know Snooki doesn't use that kinda vocabulary.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": [to Angelina] Clean the house, you dirty mess...Please hit the f--kin' treadmill! You know what, don't even hit the treadmill, hit the elliptical, it's better for you.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Do you know what gay guys do? They're not attracted to vagina, they're attracted to asshole.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Jen, you're fuckin' retarded for agreeing with Angelina, and Angelina, shut the fuck up, cuz who are you?
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Pauly D: We noticed beached whales at the beach...oh no, I'm sorry, it was Angelina and her friend Gina.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Pauly D: Rocio seems mad cool, she's definitely not a ho, she's definitely not a stalker...she's cool.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Angelina got it in with Vinny 'cause she's a loosey-goose, and then she had sex with Jose the next day...WHORE...just sayin'.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": Everybody loves a guy who gets girls...and then everybody doesn't like a girl that is a ho...and it's Angelina.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Vinny: My v-neck is so fresh that I skip t-shirt time, like it defied the rules of t-shirt time.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": To call me fake, it's just blasphemy to talk against the leader like that, in other countries you get hung for that type of shit.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Ronnie: Standing in one corner, 4 foot 9, 2 inches with the poof, 'Snooki' Polizzi... standing in the other corner at 322 lbs, the Staten Island Dump!
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: What I would love to find is a guido, juicehead with my style who's not a cheater 'cause I'm not gonna go on Match.com again.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Pauly D: This guy definitely wrote down a fake number 'cause who the hell would want Angelina to call them after that?
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Deena: [On Sammi] Bitch, I will smack that fucking grin right off your face, seriously! She's laughing at me.
Mike "The Situation": She's not laughing at you.
[Sammi laughs in background]
Deena: She is.
Mike "The Situation": No, she's not.
Sammi: I definitely am!
Mike "The Situation": She's not laughing at you.
[Sammi laughs in background]
Deena: She is.
Mike "The Situation": No, she's not.
Sammi: I definitely am!
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Even though we're tiny bitches, I don't give a sh-t...I will fuckin' attack you like a squirrel monkey.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: I have Vinny in the house now, maybe I don't need the vibrator. We'll see...
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Ronnie: Snooki walks in the door with this Gremlin look-a-like and she says she's the new roommate.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
J-Woww: [on Ronnie and Sammi] I hope they get a fuckin' incurable disease living up there.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Honestly, like who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, and I will hide in a bush. I do fucked up shit, I don't even know what's wrong with me.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Vinny: Oh my god, this girl at the club is beyond the word stalker. She is a parasite and I am the host.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: This is the first night that we're going out to a club. Fuckin' Ron and Sam aren't coming out, SHOCKER...shocker. So what are they gonna do? They're gonna look at each other's eyes and say "I love you, baby," all night? We're in fuckin' Seaside, bitch! Let's go to fuckin' Karma.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Vinny: I personally like fake boobs.
Pauly D: You like 'em like you like your girl's eyes, cockeyed.
Pauly D: You like 'em like you like your girl's eyes, cockeyed.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Old people, they lose their sex life and that's not a fun time. That's why people always get divorced.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: [at work] If I wanna have a beer, I'm allowed to have a beer. This isn't like Law School, this is a T-Shirt Shop.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": Deena calls herself The Holiday and I like to call her the Holiday Inn, so 6 minutes and 53 seconds into Karma, the Holiday Inn closed early tonight.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Mike "The Situation": It's like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken and then you're left with salt and pepper.
TV Show: Jersey Shore
Snooki: Every time I get really excited like if we go to a club, I have to poop. If we go to a party, I have to poop, if I go on a date, like this, with a hot guy, I have to poop.
TV Show: Jersey Shore