Friends Quotes
Rachel: Ah. All this time he was in love with me. [Moving near Joey] What else did he say? He wanted to ask me out for a coffee?
Joey: Given that he is desperately in love with you, I'd bet he would like to have a cup of coffee.
Joey: Given that he is desperately in love with you, I'd bet he would like to have a cup of coffee.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Monica: From here to airport?
Chandler: Yes..!
Monica: From here to airport?
Chandler: Yes..!
TV Show: Friends
Monica: What you gonna say to him?
Rachel: I don't know, maybe if i see him i will know.
Phoebe: (Picks up Ross's photo and walks to Rach) How about now? (Phoebes keeps Ross's photo up her face and acts like Ross) Does this help?
Rachel: No. (Walks out)
Chandler: (yells) HEY. I LOVE YOU TOO.! Deal with me first.
Rachel: I don't know, maybe if i see him i will know.
Phoebe: (Picks up Ross's photo and walks to Rach) How about now? (Phoebes keeps Ross's photo up her face and acts like Ross) Does this help?
Rachel: No. (Walks out)
Chandler: (yells) HEY. I LOVE YOU TOO.! Deal with me first.
TV Show: Friends
[Ross and Julie have just arrived from China]
Julie: We've gotta get some sleep.
Ross: Yeah, it's really 6: 00 tomorrow night our time.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
Julie: We've gotta get some sleep.
Ross: Yeah, it's really 6: 00 tomorrow night our time.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: When I saw them at the airport, I thought I hit rockbottom, but today its like, rock bottom, 50 feet of crap and then me.
[Chandler walks in and slams the door behind]
Chandler: Can I talk to you for a second.
Joey: Sure.
[Ross comes near]
Ross: What's up guys?
Chandler: Joey's tailor(pauses for a moment).. took advantage of me.
Ross: WHAT??
Joey: Frank? No No. I have been going to the man for like 12 years.
Chandler: He was taking the inseam. Was running up my leg and there was definite...... Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants. Ross would you tell him, that is how tailors make pants?
Ross: Yes yes.. IN PRISON..!!
Joey: Oh.. [Thinks for a while] Oh.. My... God..
[Chandler walks in and slams the door behind]
Chandler: Can I talk to you for a second.
Joey: Sure.
[Ross comes near]
Ross: What's up guys?
Chandler: Joey's tailor(pauses for a moment).. took advantage of me.
Ross: WHAT??
Joey: Frank? No No. I have been going to the man for like 12 years.
Chandler: He was taking the inseam. Was running up my leg and there was definite...... Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants. Ross would you tell him, that is how tailors make pants?
Ross: Yes yes.. IN PRISON..!!
Joey: Oh.. [Thinks for a while] Oh.. My... God..
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [to Monica] Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
TV Show: Friends
[Monica wants to hide from Rachel the fact that she went shopping with Julie, so she creates an alibi.]
Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: We were shopping and we had lunch.
Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.
Rachel: [enters] Hey, guys. What's up?
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.
Rachel: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Phoebe: Umm, we went shopping for, umm, for... fur.
Rachel: You went shopping for fur?
Phoebe: Yes... [realizes what she said] And then I realized I'm against that... and, uh, so then we bought some... [Monica is pointing at her chest behind Rachel's back] uhh, boobs.
Rachel: You bought boobs?
[Monica is yanking on her bra strap behind Rachel's back.]
Phoebe: Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me and we were shopping all day.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: We were shopping and we had lunch.
Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
Monica: You had a salad.
Phoebe: Oh. No wonder I don't feel full.
Rachel: [enters] Hey, guys. What's up?
Phoebe: I went shopping with Monica all day and I had a salad.
Rachel: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Phoebe: Umm, we went shopping for, umm, for... fur.
Rachel: You went shopping for fur?
Phoebe: Yes... [realizes what she said] And then I realized I'm against that... and, uh, so then we bought some... [Monica is pointing at her chest behind Rachel's back] uhh, boobs.
Rachel: You bought boobs?
[Monica is yanking on her bra strap behind Rachel's back.]
Phoebe: Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
TV Show: Friends
[Monica, not yet dressed for Ross's event, arrives shortly before they need to leave.]
Ross: It starts at eight. We can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not, want to wait!
Ross: It starts at eight. We can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not, want to wait!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: How can you not be going?
Rachel: Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.
Rachel: Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Okay, y'know there's a lot of things I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean that they aren't true. Like...the Bermuda Triangle. Or crop circles. Or evolution.
Ross: Whoa, whoa...you don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: Nope, not really.
[Phoebe reaches for a plate of cookies, Ross moves the plate away]
Ross: You don't believe in evolution?!
Phoebe: No, I think it's a good story... y'know, Darwin, monkeys... but I just don't buy it.
Ross: Evolution is not something for you to buy, evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Phoebe: Oh, okay — don't get me started on gravity.
Ross: You, uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that, you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know. Lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[They hear a knock at the door.]
Chandler: Uh-oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed. Quick, Pheebs, up on the ceiling!
Ross: Whoa, whoa...you don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: Nope, not really.
[Phoebe reaches for a plate of cookies, Ross moves the plate away]
Ross: You don't believe in evolution?!
Phoebe: No, I think it's a good story... y'know, Darwin, monkeys... but I just don't buy it.
Ross: Evolution is not something for you to buy, evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Phoebe: Oh, okay — don't get me started on gravity.
Ross: You, uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that, you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know. Lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[They hear a knock at the door.]
Chandler: Uh-oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed. Quick, Pheebs, up on the ceiling!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [to Chandler] You're not gonna end up alone.
Phoebe: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
Monica: You made it!
Phoebe: You're there!
Rachel: You are ready to make a commitment!
Chandler: Whoa! Don't know about that.
Phoebe: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
Monica: You made it!
Phoebe: You're there!
Rachel: You are ready to make a commitment!
Chandler: Whoa! Don't know about that.
TV Show: Friends
Pheobe: I wasn't in love with him, and I was just helping out a friend.
Monica: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month! AND I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
[everyone gasps and turns to Pheobe]:
Monica: Well? Didn't you?
Pheobe: I might've...
Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Pheobe: Oh, come on, like you tell me everything?
Monica: What have I not told you?
Pheobe: [smiling] Oh, I dunno, um, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!
Monica: WHAT?! Wait a minute! Who told you?!
[everyone's gasped and is running for the window except Chandler. Monica turns to him]:
Monica: You are dead meat.
Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Monica: [smiles] Oh, it's not big. Not at all. Kinda on the same lines as, say, I don't know, having a THIRD NIPPLE!
[everyone gasps from the window before coming to rush around Chandler]:
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: [to Monica] You bitch.
Ross: Whip it out, whip it out!
Chandler: Come on, there's nothing to see! It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless!
Rachel: Oh, as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: I can't believe you- you told me it was a nubbin!
Ross: Joey, what'd you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I dunno, you see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.
everyone: Lemme see it! Show us! I wanna see!
Chandler: JOEY WAS IN A PORNO MOVIE!
[Everyone gasps including Joey, angrily pointing at Chandler]:
Chandler: If I'm go
Monica: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month! AND I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
[everyone gasps and turns to Pheobe]:
Monica: Well? Didn't you?
Pheobe: I might've...
Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Pheobe: Oh, come on, like you tell me everything?
Monica: What have I not told you?
Pheobe: [smiling] Oh, I dunno, um, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace!
Monica: WHAT?! Wait a minute! Who told you?!
[everyone's gasped and is running for the window except Chandler. Monica turns to him]:
Monica: You are dead meat.
Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
Monica: [smiles] Oh, it's not big. Not at all. Kinda on the same lines as, say, I don't know, having a THIRD NIPPLE!
[everyone gasps from the window before coming to rush around Chandler]:
Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
Chandler: [to Monica] You bitch.
Ross: Whip it out, whip it out!
Chandler: Come on, there's nothing to see! It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless!
Rachel: Oh, as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
Joey: I can't believe you- you told me it was a nubbin!
Ross: Joey, what'd you think a nubbin was?
Joey: I dunno, you see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was.
everyone: Lemme see it! Show us! I wanna see!
Chandler: JOEY WAS IN A PORNO MOVIE!
[Everyone gasps including Joey, angrily pointing at Chandler]:
Chandler: If I'm go
TV Show: Friends
[Everyone is watching Joey's porno movie.]
Julie: So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right... oh, never mind.
Chandler: Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Julie: So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right... oh, never mind.
Chandler: Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh. See, I had to tell her that your number was my number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number, because she thinks that my number is Bob's number!
Ross: Hey, tell me again what I do when Mr. Roper calls?
Chandler: Oh. See, I had to tell her that your number was my number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number, because she thinks that my number is Bob's number!
Ross: Hey, tell me again what I do when Mr. Roper calls?
TV Show: Friends
[Ross, Chandler and Monica bought tickets for Hootie and the Blowfish concert for themselves and the others.]
Phoebe: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Rachel: Me neither.
Joey: Me, too.
Monica: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler: Why did you look at me when you said that?
Phoebe: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Rachel: Me neither.
Joey: Me, too.
Monica: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler: Why did you look at me when you said that?
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [singing]I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget
TV Show: Friends
[Joey and Chandler are babysitting Ben.]
Joey: It's a known fact that women love babies, all right? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack of babes over there.
Caroline: Hello.
Joey and Chandler: Hello.
Caroline: And who is this little cutie-pie?
Chandler: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
Joey: You wanna smell him?
Caroline: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
Joey: It's a known fact that women love babies, all right? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack of babes over there.
Caroline: Hello.
Joey and Chandler: Hello.
Caroline: And who is this little cutie-pie?
Chandler: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
Joey: You wanna smell him?
Caroline: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
TV Show: Friends
[Joey and Chandler are trying to find Ben with two possible babies to choose from, one wearing a duck shirt, the other clowns, by flipping a coin]
Joey: Let's do ducks for heads, cause ducks have heads
Chandler: (after a pause) What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
Joey: Let's do ducks for heads, cause ducks have heads
Chandler: (after a pause) What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. You wanna work out? I can remake you.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.
TV Show: Friends
[Ross confronts Rachel at Central Perk just as she is closing the cafe]
Ross: I didn't get a cat!
Rachel: Oh...that's interesting.
Ross: No, it's not 'interesting'! It's very not interesting! It's 100% the opposite of interesting!
Rachel: I got it!
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you!
Rachel: I was doing great before I found out about you! Do you think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?!
Ross: You should have said something before I met her!
Rachel: I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?!
Ross: There was never a good time!
Rachel: Oh, you only had a year! We only hung out every night!
Ross: Not...every night! And it's not like I didn't try, but things got in the way! Like Italian guys, or ex-fiancees, or...Italian guys!
Rachel: There was one Italian guy! Do you have a point?!
Ross: The point is, I don't need this right now! It's too late! I'm with somebody else! I'm happy! This ship has sailed!
Rachel: So are you just going to put away feelings or whatever it was you felt for me?!
Ross: I've been doing it since the 9th Grade, I've gotten pretty good at it!
Rachel: Okay, go ahead and do that! I don't need your stupid ship! [Ross leaves, and she walks up to the door to shut it] And you know what? Now I've got closure!!
Ross: I didn't get a cat!
Rachel: Oh...that's interesting.
Ross: No, it's not 'interesting'! It's very not interesting! It's 100% the opposite of interesting!
Rachel: I got it!
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you!
Rachel: I was doing great before I found out about you! Do you think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?!
Ross: You should have said something before I met her!
Rachel: I didn't know then! And how come you never said anything to me?!
Ross: There was never a good time!
Rachel: Oh, you only had a year! We only hung out every night!
Ross: Not...every night! And it's not like I didn't try, but things got in the way! Like Italian guys, or ex-fiancees, or...Italian guys!
Rachel: There was one Italian guy! Do you have a point?!
Ross: The point is, I don't need this right now! It's too late! I'm with somebody else! I'm happy! This ship has sailed!
Rachel: So are you just going to put away feelings or whatever it was you felt for me?!
Ross: I've been doing it since the 9th Grade, I've gotten pretty good at it!
Rachel: Okay, go ahead and do that! I don't need your stupid ship! [Ross leaves, and she walks up to the door to shut it] And you know what? Now I've got closure!!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
TV Show: Friends
[The gang is decorating the Christmas tree]
Chandler: I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody see him, but he'd be drunk, so he'd stumble, crash into something, and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?
Chandler: I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody see him, but he'd be drunk, so he'd stumble, crash into something, and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?
TV Show: Friends
[The gang is exchanging Christmas gifts]
Chandler: Ok, I guess that just leaves the gifts from Joey and Chandler.
Chandler: Ok, I guess that just leaves the gifts from Joey and Chandler.
TV Show: Friends
[Joey has just gotten two terrible reviews of his acting in a play.]
Joey: I've been doing this for ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
Ross: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just... paying your dues.
Joey: No, no, no, it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from the paper] "In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of..." continued on page 153... "sucking."
Joey: I've been doing this for ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
Ross: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just... paying your dues.
Joey: No, no, no, it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from the paper] "In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiani was able to achieve brilliant new levels of..." continued on page 153... "sucking."
TV Show: Friends
Joey: My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
Phoebe: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.
Chandler: Hey, yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.
Phoebe: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.
Chandler: Hey, yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: [about Ross and Russ] See? They're as different as night and... later that night.
TV Show: Friends