Extras Quotes
GUY: What's wrong with going for a meal with me?
Andy: Nothing, a bit weird... but--
GUY: What's weird about a couple of mates having a meal together?
Andy: Well, we're not really friends that's the point--
Guy: But that's how we become friends. We go for a meal.
Andy: But I go out for meals with people that are already friends, I don't go to people willy-nilly and go, "Oi, mate, I don't know you from Adam, but do you want to go out for the weekend? You might be a mental case, but let's find out." It's mad. Do you know what I mean?
Guy: No. [walks away sadly]
Andy: Nothing, a bit weird... but--
GUY: What's weird about a couple of mates having a meal together?
Andy: Well, we're not really friends that's the point--
Guy: But that's how we become friends. We go for a meal.
Andy: But I go out for meals with people that are already friends, I don't go to people willy-nilly and go, "Oi, mate, I don't know you from Adam, but do you want to go out for the weekend? You might be a mental case, but let's find out." It's mad. Do you know what I mean?
Guy: No. [walks away sadly]
TV Show: Extras
Dan: I'm just trying to get into TV. I mean, to be honest, there's not a lot of black faces needed on television.
Maggie: No. [pause] "Crime Watch."
Dan: What?
Maggie: The reconstructions on "Crime Watch", they always need black actors... [pause] or white actors. They need black actors and white actors. Depending on who's committing the crime that day. I mean there's criminals--black criminals. Certainly, there's white criminals as well as black criminals... [silence]
Maggie: No. [pause] "Crime Watch."
Dan: What?
Maggie: The reconstructions on "Crime Watch", they always need black actors... [pause] or white actors. They need black actors and white actors. Depending on who's committing the crime that day. I mean there's criminals--black criminals. Certainly, there's white criminals as well as black criminals... [silence]
TV Show: Extras
Andy: He doesn't think you're a racist.
Maggie: He does! He's just seen me say to a black woman, "You're not allowed to sit on this bus." It's like that whole racism-on-a-bus incident all over again.
Andy: What, the Rosa Parks incident??
Maggie: It wasn't in a park, it was on a bus.
Andy: Sure.
Maggie: He does! He's just seen me say to a black woman, "You're not allowed to sit on this bus." It's like that whole racism-on-a-bus incident all over again.
Andy: What, the Rosa Parks incident??
Maggie: It wasn't in a park, it was on a bus.
Andy: Sure.
TV Show: Extras
Andy: Well, there is that test I can give you.
Maggie: What test?
Andy: The racism test they give you when you join the Council to make sure you're not a racist.
Maggie: I've never heard of it.
Andy: Yeah, do you want to do it? Just ten questions-- You've got to answer totally honestly, okay? Just relax, you've got nothing to worry about... unless you are a racist... Okay, question one: Who would rather see with their shirt off? Brad Pitt or Sir Trevor McDonald?
Maggie: Brad Pitt, obviously.
Andy: Obviously?
Maggie: What?
Andy: I can't say anything until the end. Right, question two. This is about racial awareness, cause often you catch out a real racist because they don't know or care about any black issues. Who is the prime minister of Great Britain?
Maggie: Tony Blair.
Andy: Correct. Who is the Prime Minister of Namibia?
Maggie: [stressed] I don't know...
Andy: Ooh, you knew the white one... Okay, um, oh dear... Who is the Queen of England?
Maggie: Queen Elizabeth II.
Andy: Correct. Who is the President of Djibouti?
Maggie: Oh, this is ridiculous! I've never even heard of blubbin' Djibouti!
Andy: Oh! Please do not ridicule the totally valid African language, please. Alright, next question. Who would you rather have waiting for you when you get home tonight: Johnny Depp or OJ Simpson?
Maggie: Johnny Depp, because of the murder thing.
Andy: Because of the murder thing? I think you'll find that OJ Simpson was acquitted, but in your eyes because he's black, he's still guilty.
Maggie: What test?
Andy: The racism test they give you when you join the Council to make sure you're not a racist.
Maggie: I've never heard of it.
Andy: Yeah, do you want to do it? Just ten questions-- You've got to answer totally honestly, okay? Just relax, you've got nothing to worry about... unless you are a racist... Okay, question one: Who would rather see with their shirt off? Brad Pitt or Sir Trevor McDonald?
Maggie: Brad Pitt, obviously.
Andy: Obviously?
Maggie: What?
Andy: I can't say anything until the end. Right, question two. This is about racial awareness, cause often you catch out a real racist because they don't know or care about any black issues. Who is the prime minister of Great Britain?
Maggie: Tony Blair.
Andy: Correct. Who is the Prime Minister of Namibia?
Maggie: [stressed] I don't know...
Andy: Ooh, you knew the white one... Okay, um, oh dear... Who is the Queen of England?
Maggie: Queen Elizabeth II.
Andy: Correct. Who is the President of Djibouti?
Maggie: Oh, this is ridiculous! I've never even heard of blubbin' Djibouti!
Andy: Oh! Please do not ridicule the totally valid African language, please. Alright, next question. Who would you rather have waiting for you when you get home tonight: Johnny Depp or OJ Simpson?
Maggie: Johnny Depp, because of the murder thing.
Andy: Because of the murder thing? I think you'll find that OJ Simpson was acquitted, but in your eyes because he's black, he's still guilty.
TV Show: Extras
Andy: What's your story about, if you don't mind me asking?
Stewart: Well, how best to explain this? You've seen me in X-Men?
Andy: Yeah.
Stewart: The character I am, Professor Charles Xavier, if you remember, can control things with the power of his mind; make people do things and see things. So I thought, what if you could do that for real? I mean, not in a comic book world, but in the real world.
Andy: Alright.
Stewart: So, in my film, I play a man who controls the world with his mind.
Andy: Right. That's interesting.
Stewart: For instance, I'm walking along, and I see this beautiful girl, and I think I'd like to see her naked, and so all her clothes fall off.
Andy: All her clothes fall off?
Stewart: Mmm. Yes. And she's scrabbling around to get them back on again, but even before she can get her knickers on, I've seen everything. I've seen it all.
Andy: Ok... So, comedy, is it?
Stewart: No. It's about what would happen if these things were possible.
Andy: What's the story though?
Stewart: Well, I do other stuff, like I'm riding my bike in the park, and this policewoman says, "Oi! You can't ride your bike on the grass." And I go, "Oh no?", and her uniform falls off, and she goes "Aaaah!", and she's trying to cover up, but I've seen everything anyway, and I get on my bike and ride off. On the grass.
Andy: So, it's mainly about seeing ladies' tits?
Stewart: Mainly. And I do other stuff. Like I go to the World Cup Final and it's Germany vs. England. And I wish I were playing and suddenly I am! And I score the winning goal. They carry me into the dressing room, and there's Rooney and Beckham and then Posh Spice walks in and --
Andy: Her clothes fall off?
Stewart: Instantly.
Andy: Sure.
Stewart: Well, how best to explain this? You've seen me in X-Men?
Andy: Yeah.
Stewart: The character I am, Professor Charles Xavier, if you remember, can control things with the power of his mind; make people do things and see things. So I thought, what if you could do that for real? I mean, not in a comic book world, but in the real world.
Andy: Alright.
Stewart: So, in my film, I play a man who controls the world with his mind.
Andy: Right. That's interesting.
Stewart: For instance, I'm walking along, and I see this beautiful girl, and I think I'd like to see her naked, and so all her clothes fall off.
Andy: All her clothes fall off?
Stewart: Mmm. Yes. And she's scrabbling around to get them back on again, but even before she can get her knickers on, I've seen everything. I've seen it all.
Andy: Ok... So, comedy, is it?
Stewart: No. It's about what would happen if these things were possible.
Andy: What's the story though?
Stewart: Well, I do other stuff, like I'm riding my bike in the park, and this policewoman says, "Oi! You can't ride your bike on the grass." And I go, "Oh no?", and her uniform falls off, and she goes "Aaaah!", and she's trying to cover up, but I've seen everything anyway, and I get on my bike and ride off. On the grass.
Andy: So, it's mainly about seeing ladies' tits?
Stewart: Mainly. And I do other stuff. Like I go to the World Cup Final and it's Germany vs. England. And I wish I were playing and suddenly I am! And I score the winning goal. They carry me into the dressing room, and there's Rooney and Beckham and then Posh Spice walks in and --
Andy: Her clothes fall off?
Stewart: Instantly.
Andy: Sure.
TV Show: Extras
Stewart: You're not married, you haven't got a girlfriend... and you've never watched Star Trek? Good Lord...
TV Show: Extras
Stewart: Hello Maggie. This is Patrick Stewart. And the reason you're hearing my rich, sexy voice is that Andy isn't man enough to apologise himself, so he's asked me to do it.
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: September 14, 2006
Guest Star(s): Orlando Bloom, Keith Chegwin & Sophia Myles
Guest Star(s): Orlando Bloom, Keith Chegwin & Sophia Myles
TV Show: Extras
Chegwin: 14 years at the BBC. Swap Shop. Cheggers challenge. Still run by Jews and Queers, is it?
Andy: Jews and queers?! I think there are a few Jewish people, and some gay people, yeah.
Chegwin: [sarcastically] 'Gay!' I forgot, not allowed to say queer nowadays, are you? Suggests something abnormal. What could be more normal than shoving your cock up a blokes arse? Let's face it; If god had wanted a cock up an arse, he wouldn't have given us beaver. Men have knobs. Women have fannies. Pop knob in fanny. Not up the arse.
Andy: . Should really be taking notes.
Chegwin: What?
Andy: Nothing. It's all good advice.
Andy: Jews and queers?! I think there are a few Jewish people, and some gay people, yeah.
Chegwin: [sarcastically] 'Gay!' I forgot, not allowed to say queer nowadays, are you? Suggests something abnormal. What could be more normal than shoving your cock up a blokes arse? Let's face it; If god had wanted a cock up an arse, he wouldn't have given us beaver. Men have knobs. Women have fannies. Pop knob in fanny. Not up the arse.
Andy: . Should really be taking notes.
Chegwin: What?
Andy: Nothing. It's all good advice.
TV Show: Extras
Andy: I'm an entertainer too.
Bowie: What do you do?
Andy: I'm in a sitcom.
Maggie: It's called 'When The Whistle Blows'. Have you seen it?
Bowie: I haven't, no, is it any good?
Heckler: [off-screen] Na. It's shit.
Bowie: What do you do?
Andy: I'm in a sitcom.
Maggie: It's called 'When The Whistle Blows'. Have you seen it?
Bowie: I haven't, no, is it any good?
Heckler: [off-screen] Na. It's shit.
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: September 28, 2006
Guest Star(s): Warwick Davis, Daniel Radcliffe & Diana Rigg
Guest Star(s): Warwick Davis, Daniel Radcliffe & Diana Rigg
TV Show: Extras
Radcliffe: You married?
Make-Up Artist: Yeah
Radcliffe: Don't stop me. A ring don't mean a thing.
Make-Up Artist: Yeah
Radcliffe: Don't stop me. A ring don't mean a thing.
TV Show: Extras
Darren: The papers don't look good
Andy: Oh what's it say?
[Holds up newspaper]
Darren: "Bully kicks midget in face".
Andy: Accurate...
[Puts down paper and holds up another]
Darren: "Pick on someone your own size, fatty".
Andy: At least it can't get worse.
[Puts down paper and holds up another]
Darren: Yeah, look at this one; "Suicide bombers get Lotto funding'".
Andy: Well what's that got to do with it?
Darren: Nothing, it's just shocking though innit, what goes on.
Andy: Oh what's it say?
[Holds up newspaper]
Darren: "Bully kicks midget in face".
Andy: Accurate...
[Puts down paper and holds up another]
Darren: "Pick on someone your own size, fatty".
Andy: At least it can't get worse.
[Puts down paper and holds up another]
Darren: Yeah, look at this one; "Suicide bombers get Lotto funding'".
Andy: Well what's that got to do with it?
Darren: Nothing, it's just shocking though innit, what goes on.
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: October 5, 2006
Guest Star(s): Richard Briers, Ronnie Corbett, Stephen Fry, Chris Martin, Davina McCall, Patricia Potter & Moira Stuart
Guest Star(s): Richard Briers, Ronnie Corbett, Stephen Fry, Chris Martin, Davina McCall, Patricia Potter & Moira Stuart
TV Show: Extras
Darren: Calm down, [holds up muffin] muffin?
Andy: No.
Darren: Have a lovely bit of muffin.
Andy: I don't want any.
Darren: Do you mind if I have a little bit of muffin?
Andy: No.
Darren: Thank you, [into intercom] Bar?
Shaun: [through intercom] Yo?
Darren: I'm having the muffin.
Shaun: [through intercom] I'll come through.
Andy: Why is this an event?
Darren: It's exciting. [bites into muffin]
[Shaun enters]
Shaun: Alright, Andy?
Andy: Alright, Shaun.
[they shake hands]
Darren: Lovely bit of muffin.
Shaun: [to muffin] Hello, you.
[Shaun bites into the muffin while it's still in Darren's hand]
Andy: Why's he eating like that?
Darren: Yeah, why are you eating it like that?
Shaun: Me hands, been cleaning out the toilets, got no gloves.
Andy: You... you shook my hand when you came in.
Shaun: Well that's politeness innit?
Darren: He's just being polite.
Andy: No.
Darren: Have a lovely bit of muffin.
Andy: I don't want any.
Darren: Do you mind if I have a little bit of muffin?
Andy: No.
Darren: Thank you, [into intercom] Bar?
Shaun: [through intercom] Yo?
Darren: I'm having the muffin.
Shaun: [through intercom] I'll come through.
Andy: Why is this an event?
Darren: It's exciting. [bites into muffin]
[Shaun enters]
Shaun: Alright, Andy?
Andy: Alright, Shaun.
[they shake hands]
Darren: Lovely bit of muffin.
Shaun: [to muffin] Hello, you.
[Shaun bites into the muffin while it's still in Darren's hand]
Andy: Why's he eating like that?
Darren: Yeah, why are you eating it like that?
Shaun: Me hands, been cleaning out the toilets, got no gloves.
Andy: You... you shook my hand when you came in.
Shaun: Well that's politeness innit?
Darren: He's just being polite.
TV Show: Extras
[after being caught taking drugs in the toilets]
Corbett: [to Darren] It's your fault.
Darren: Why's it my fault?
Corbett: They saw your head over the cubicle door.
Andy: They saw your head under the cubicle door, so...
[security guard enters]
Security Guard: Well, well, well, the Three Stooges.
[Andy laughs]
...Is something funny?
Andy: Your joke, it was...
Security Guard: Shut up. Corbett it's always bloody Corbett. See, I expected it from him, but you,[to Andy] you're the new kid on the block. How'd you fall in with this crowd?
[Andy mumbles]
...Is this it? Or is there any more?
[Corbett pulls a bag from his pocket]
Corbett: Just a bit of whizz, you know? To blow away the cob-webs.
Security Guard: Hand it over. Where'd you get it?
Corbett: Don't remember.
Security Guard: Don't piss me about. Where'd you get it?
Corbett: Don't remember.
Security Guard: Was it Moira Stuart?
Corbett: I can't say.
Security Guard: We don't want you, just give us a name and you can walk free.
Corbett: You don't get it, mate, do you? I don't remember.
Security Guard: Alright. Here's something you will remember, you're banned from BAFTA, you can never win a BAFTA now.
Andy: What? Me as well?
Security Guard: Yeah, all of you.
Andy: Oh...
Security Guard: You can never attend any of our varied events, you can't come to the film BAFTAs, you can't come to the TV BAFTAs, you can't even come to the children's BAFTAs.
Corbett: What about the Welsh BAFTAs?
Security Guard: Would you attend the Welsh BAFTAs if you were asked?
Corbett:
Corbett: [to Darren] It's your fault.
Darren: Why's it my fault?
Corbett: They saw your head over the cubicle door.
Andy: They saw your head under the cubicle door, so...
[security guard enters]
Security Guard: Well, well, well, the Three Stooges.
[Andy laughs]
...Is something funny?
Andy: Your joke, it was...
Security Guard: Shut up. Corbett it's always bloody Corbett. See, I expected it from him, but you,[to Andy] you're the new kid on the block. How'd you fall in with this crowd?
[Andy mumbles]
...Is this it? Or is there any more?
[Corbett pulls a bag from his pocket]
Corbett: Just a bit of whizz, you know? To blow away the cob-webs.
Security Guard: Hand it over. Where'd you get it?
Corbett: Don't remember.
Security Guard: Don't piss me about. Where'd you get it?
Corbett: Don't remember.
Security Guard: Was it Moira Stuart?
Corbett: I can't say.
Security Guard: We don't want you, just give us a name and you can walk free.
Corbett: You don't get it, mate, do you? I don't remember.
Security Guard: Alright. Here's something you will remember, you're banned from BAFTA, you can never win a BAFTA now.
Andy: What? Me as well?
Security Guard: Yeah, all of you.
Andy: Oh...
Security Guard: You can never attend any of our varied events, you can't come to the film BAFTAs, you can't come to the TV BAFTAs, you can't even come to the children's BAFTAs.
Corbett: What about the Welsh BAFTAs?
Security Guard: Would you attend the Welsh BAFTAs if you were asked?
Corbett:
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: October 12, 2006
Guest Star(s): Germaine Greer, 'Dr' Mark Kermode, Mark Lawson & Ian McKellen
Guest Star(s): Germaine Greer, 'Dr' Mark Kermode, Mark Lawson & Ian McKellen
TV Show: Extras
McKellen: Peter Jackson comes from New Zealand, says to me, "Sir Ian, I want you to be Gandalf the wizard." And I say to him, "You are aware that I am not really a wizard..." And he said, "Yes, I’m aware of that. What I want you to do is use your acting skills to portray the wizard for the duration of the film." So I said, "Okay." And then I said to myself, "Hmm, how do I do that?" And this is what I did: I imagined what it would be like to be a wizard, and then I pretended and acted in that way on the day... And how did I know what to say? The words were written down for me in a script. How did I know where to stand? People told me. If we were to draw a graph of my process, of my method, it would be something like this: Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian. Action. WIZARD! "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Cut! Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian.
TV Show: Extras
McKellen: How will you know what to say? Well the words will be in the script...and you will learn the words! You would not have the script on the night and that goes for everybody, there will be no scripts on the night! You learn the words!
TV Show: Extras
[Andy walks into Darren's office; Darren is sitting at his desk]
Andy: Moron
[Darren looks around]
Darren: You talking to me?
Andy: Yes, I'm talking to you! Didn't you read the play?
Darren: What play?
Andy: The play I'm in, the play that you got me a part in. It's a gay play. I've got to play a gay, with another gay. Acting all gay. All through the play... it's so gay.
Andy: Moron
[Darren looks around]
Darren: You talking to me?
Andy: Yes, I'm talking to you! Didn't you read the play?
Darren: What play?
Andy: The play I'm in, the play that you got me a part in. It's a gay play. I've got to play a gay, with another gay. Acting all gay. All through the play... it's so gay.
TV Show: Extras
[after trying to push his own 'waste' through the u-bend in the toilet using a whisk]
Darren: Oh, that's just mashing it up.
Darren: Oh, that's just mashing it up.
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: October 19, 2006
Guest Star(s): Robert Lindsay, Robert De Niro & Jonathan Ross
Guest Star(s): Robert Lindsay, Robert De Niro & Jonathan Ross
TV Show: Extras
[after Mother with sick son gets Andy to promise to visit him in hospital]
Lindsay: Bit weird isn't it?
Andy: Bit presumptuous.
Lindsay: No, I mean it's a bit weird she didn't ask me.
Lindsay: Bit weird isn't it?
Andy: Bit presumptuous.
Lindsay: No, I mean it's a bit weird she didn't ask me.
TV Show: Extras
Original Air Date: December 27, 2007
Guest Star(s): Lionel Blair, Dean Gaffney, Toby Foster, Hale & Pace, George Michael, Clive Owen, Gordon Ramsay, Lisa Scott-Lee, Chico Slimani, June Sarpong, Vernon Kay, Karl Pilkington, and David Tennant
Guest Star(s): Lionel Blair, Dean Gaffney, Toby Foster, Hale & Pace, George Michael, Clive Owen, Gordon Ramsay, Lisa Scott-Lee, Chico Slimani, June Sarpong, Vernon Kay, Karl Pilkington, and David Tennant
TV Show: Extras
[as they pass the TV displays in the department store]
Maggie: Look, it's Greg in a film!
Andy: Oh, come on, we can't watch telly in the day.
Maggie: No, wait, I want to see! [the clip plays on, showing Greg dueling with Clive Owen] I love Clive Owen.
Andy: [scoffs] Clive. Good name for a film star. Clive...
Maggie: [as the clip ends and Jonathan Ross begins interviewing the actors] Greg seems good in it!
Andy: [shrugging] Bit part.
Ross: I'm joined by Clive Owen and Greg Lindley-Jones, the two leads in the film...
Maggie: He's one of the leads!
Andy: In a terrible film.
Ross: ...I thought the film was brilliant...
Maggie: He thought it was brilliant!
Andy: Oh, I can hear!
Maggie: Look, it's Greg in a film!
Andy: Oh, come on, we can't watch telly in the day.
Maggie: No, wait, I want to see! [the clip plays on, showing Greg dueling with Clive Owen] I love Clive Owen.
Andy: [scoffs] Clive. Good name for a film star. Clive...
Maggie: [as the clip ends and Jonathan Ross begins interviewing the actors] Greg seems good in it!
Andy: [shrugging] Bit part.
Ross: I'm joined by Clive Owen and Greg Lindley-Jones, the two leads in the film...
Maggie: He's one of the leads!
Andy: In a terrible film.
Ross: ...I thought the film was brilliant...
Maggie: He thought it was brilliant!
Andy: Oh, I can hear!
TV Show: Extras