Entourage Quotes

Drama: You know, Eddie Burns offered me Brothers McMullen. True story. But I took a TV show instead.
Turtle: Was that when you did your full-frontal "Red Shoe Diary?"
Drama: No. That's when I did my three-episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.
Turtle: Nice choice.

TV Show: Entourage
[Barbara crashes the Gold Standard Agency's emergency meeting after Terrence denies Ari his settlement money]
Ari: [upon seeing Babs] Hey Babs, the Traitorous Skanks Anonymous meeting is next door.
Babs: Let's talk.
[Ari and Babs go to adjacent room]
Ari: Can't believe that you set me up after all I've done for you.
Babs: Ari, I need you to see your cards.
Ari: You've seen 'em.
Babs: How much do you need?
Ari: [flabbergasted] What?
Babs: Come on, I want to be partners.
Ari: Why?
Babs: Because I believe in you, and because I can't work with my ex-husband anymore.
Ari: No shot, this is my deal.
Babs: Ari, you have no money and I have too much.
Ari: So what do you want?
Babs: To fuck...Kidding. I want 60% of my name on top.
Ari: I'd rather fuck.
Babs: Fifty-five.
Ari: Forty-five
Babs: Fifty-one.
Ari: Forty-nine.
[Ari and Babs return to meeting]
Ari: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...[raises Babs' left arm] MILLER-GOLD! Huh!!? [agents cheer; to Babs] We sound like a fucking beer.

TV Show: Entourage
Eric: Hey, jerkoff. You signed him up to judge a stripper contest.
Turtle: Really? Titties?
Eric: It's a stripper contest.
Turtle: Nice.

TV Show: Entourage
Turtle: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.
Drama: Strippers — why?
Turtle: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers — how?" and "Thank you"?
Vince: Thank you.

TV Show: Entourage
[Turtle is irritated with Saigon's absence for an important meeting]
Turtle: Where the hell is Saigon!?
Drama: Maybe he got clipped in a drive-by.

TV Show: Entourage
Eric: Remember me?
Ari: One never forgets their first love, E.

TV Show: Entourage
[Vince accompanies Turtle to buying a new pair of shoes and see a long line of people outside the store]
Vince Chase: I don't get it, all these people are in line for sneakers?
Turtle: Yeah, some have even camped out all night.
Vince: For sneakers?
Turtle: Vince, these ain't just sneakers. These are limited-edition Fukijamas.
Vince: [surprised] Fuki-what?
Turtle: Ha...Vince, you know sometimes, you're so cultureless? Fukijama is one of the most famous graffiti artists in the world. Every year, Nike commissions him to do a limited drop; 200 pairs this year. After that, he destroys the pattern and never to be made again.
Vince: They're holding a pair for you?
Turtle: Nah, they refuse to do so. It's an unwritten law in America - bring a movie star, go right to the front of the line.
Vince: Turtle, are you nuts? They'll kill us if we go to the front of the line.
Turtle: They'll be thrilled just to get a glimpse of you.
Vince: I'm not cutting, Turtle.
Bystander: [clenches fist] Better to be a man of the people, Aquaman.
Turtle: Vince, these are limited-
Vince: Back of the line, Turtle. You're lucky I'm even willing to wait.

TV Show: Entourage
[E's phone is ringing just before he and Ari meet a studio exec to sell Bob Ryan's Ramones film script]
Ari: [mimics voice prompt] If you need to put your phone on vibrate, it's your first meeting, Press 1.

TV Show: Entourage
[Ari has failed to get back the I Wanna Be Sedated screenplay from Alan Gray for Vince. Dana Gordon tries to tell him something]
Dana Gordon: I'm gonna tell you something that you swear it's not gonna come back to me.
Ari: As always, hand over heart. You know that.
Dana Gordon: Ari, please.
Ari: I swear.
Dana Gordon: Alan's not gonna make this movie. He bought it just to spite Vince, and he's gonna stick it in a drawer.
Ari: Jesus, he really is crazy.
Dana Gordon: Mm-hmm
Ari: Why are you telling me this?
Dana Gordon: Because I hate working for him and I want out. And Ari, come on, I mean, I love this movie. I grew up on the Ramones, and I love it for Vince, so get me on as a producer.
Ari: How? It's Alan's movie.
Dana Gordon: No. Not yet it isn't. They're still negotiating Bob's perk package, so just make sure Bob doesn't sign those papers.
Ari Gold: Dana, (kisses her forehead), I have NEVER cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me right now in the car, i'm game.
Dana Gordon: (smiles) Rain check, Ari.

TV Show: Entourage
[Ari tries one last gamble to retain Vince as his client after he discovers Vince looking at other agencies. It flops.]
Ari: Vince, what are you doing?
Vince: Ari, I didn't need the whole dog-and-pony show. I really thought you were different from everyone else.
Ari: Vince, I am
Vince: Ari, you do things your own way and you don't give a shit what we think about it.
Ari: I do give a shit. You should have seen me today begging and pleading to get that movie back, but it's gone. The past is the past, let's look to the future.
Vince: You're unreal. I mean, even after you fuck up like this, you can't even muster the strength to just, as my friend, look me in the face and say "I'm sorry."
Ari: That's all you wanted?
Vince: That's all I wanted.
Ari: Then I'm sorry, Vin.
Vince: It's too late.
Ari: Vince
E: Ari, you're fired.
Vince: [to Turtle and Drama] Let's roll.

TV Show: Entourage
Ari: Everybody stop. I didn't go to the Lakers game because they're playing the fucking Bobcats. And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate. How to answer a question without a question. Basic Humanity 101. Which, I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. Or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me — I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with. And just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number, like wife #1 and therapist #7. Good day.
Mrs. Ari: You're really only our fifth.

TV Show: Entourage
Ari: You shitty dime-store therapist. A man's life is on the line here, and all you give a fuck about is beating some stupid club record that will do what for you? Give you five minutes of pleasure while you fuck your underpaid, emasculated husband tonight? How the fuck does he afford this place anyway? Isn't he a guidance counselor at a high school?

TV Show: Entourage
[The final scene of Medellin has completed its first and only take]
Billy Walsh: Cut! [walks to E] Start off, suit, I need another one. [E is flabbergasted] Ahh, I'm fucking with you, it was perfect! [crew cheers]
Vince: [surveying aftermath] Guys, we did.
E: Yeah, who would've thought that two kids from Queens could have pulled this off, but we did, it's gonna fucking amazing.
Vince: You know, I've never felt so good about a movie after making this one. I know it.
Documentary Narrator: Billy, think you've made a good film?
Walsh: [looks to narrator] Hey, it's gonna be a genius or its gonna fucking suck. 'Til I see the first cut, I have no idea. You know what? Neither does anybody else.[walks away]

TV Show: Entourage
[E has just seen a trailer for Medellin at Billy Walsh's post-production lab]
E: Wow, this looks great.
Technician: Yeah, if only the movie looked so good.
E: What?
Technician: I didn't say anything. [turns off editing machine and leaves]

TV Show: Entourage
[On the way home from dinner, Ari and Mrs Ari discover that a screenplay M Night Shyamalan gave to Ari for reading has disappeared. They stop the car to find it.]
Ari: [having checked out the backseat] Jesus, the valet probably stole it.
Mrs Ari: don't be racist.
Ari: Valets steal shit, alright? Just because they're Hispanic, doesn't mean I'm a racist. You know what happens if this gets out? If someone puts Night's new ending on the Internet, MY LIFE IS OVER!
Mrs Ari: Nobody's gonna know you did it.
Ari: Yes they will, because Night, that little sick fuck, printed my name [pounds roof with every word] on every fucking page!

TV Show: Entourage
[Ray the Bouncer talks to Vince about something]
Ray: Yo, Vin.
Vince: Hey! [clasps hands]
Ray: This is delicate.
Vince: What's that?
Ray: You know your boy you came in with? [referring to Beverly Hills mayor]
Vince: Yeah, what about him?
Ray: He's about to suck face with a tranny.
Vince: What? Come on!
Drama: That's no tranny, that's Annika!
Ray: Annika's got a bigger stuff than you, Drama.

TV Show: Entourage
[Eric answers the phone in his new office.]
Eric: Eric Murphy.
Ari: Like the new office number, "E"? You know, it spells 274-COCK.
Eric: It does not!
Ari: No, it doesn't, but I made you look!

TV Show: Entourage
[A proposal meeting for Mary J. Blige as a client with MGA has been disrupted by a fight between Jensen twins Jim and Jeff. Ari summons the two to his office and demands the truth]
Jim Jensen: He fucked my wife, Ari.
Ari Gold: No, he did not. [stammers, to Jeff] You did? You fucked his wife? [Jeff nods] As you?
Jeff Jensen: What?
Ari: Did you pretend to be him [gestures to Jim] or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?
Jim: [To Ari] You think this is funny?
Ari: No, I think this is disgusting!

TV Show: Entourage
[Ari tries to convince studio head Richard Wimmer about the potential of Billy Walsh's Silo script, but Dana Gordon is determined to see Walsh and Vince fired from the project because it is not the script Walsh was paid to write.]
Richard Wimmer: I'm gonna tear your head off, Ari.
Ari Gold: Please don't, because I have [shows script] your summer movie. [begins to explain script] From the director of Medellin and Queens Boulevard comes Silo. It is the story of a group of non-unionized farm hands who band together to survive a nuclear attack after discovering an underground society. It is ready to shoot, Billy Walsh is on board, Vinnie Chase is on board, and if you're not, Fox, Universal, and Sony are.
Dana Gordon: He's bluffing.
Wimmer: What's it matter? There's a summer movie in there, we pack up our shit and go home.

TV Show: Entourage
[E and Anna Faris are on the phone.]
E: You know that we've been on the phone for like, 97 minutes?
Anna Faris: Well, I needed something to pass the time before the Pussycat Dolls comes on.
E: You're obsessed, you know that?
Anna Faris: Hey, some people have drugs or alcohol in times of sadness, I have reality TV.

TV Show: Entourage
[The boys decided not to join Sidney Pollack on his private flight to Cannes because of a lack of space and Vince's determination to bring everybody, until Kanye West's team appears at the departure lounge]
Kanye West: [to Vince] Where you headed?
Vince: Nowhere.
Turtle: We got no plane, man.
Kanye: We're headed to London, we're chilling out for a second.
Turtle: How much room you got?
Kanye: We got a little room. [points to large private jet]

TV Show: Entourage
[Drama and a French girl who picked him up at Yair Marx's boat talk about Viking Quest, which is a big hit in France]
Drama: [Laughs] That's amazing. I didn't know that episode aired, we got cancelled in the middle of shooting it.
Jacqueline: Well, it aired here. I've seen that scene a hundred times.
Drama: A hundred? Come on.
Jacqueline: I'm not exaggerate! My whole family, especially my father, loved Viking Quest. At 9pm every Thursday, we'd be like, [speaks French dialogue]
Drama: Really?
Jacqueline: Oui! He put on my brother in the uniform that you wore on the show for his birthday. He's so funny, though his muscles are not as big as yours.
Drama: That's amazing.
Jacqueline: Amazing is meeting you. Here.
Drama: Yeah.
Jacqueline: So shall we go back to your hotel?

TV Show: Entourage
[Medellin has finished screening, and the heckles have started flying]
Dana Gordon: Thanks for not selling me this movie Ari, it's the one nicest thing you've ever done for me. [to Yair Marx, whose beside Ari] Congratulations Yair, I hear it's all yours.
Yair Marx: I didn't sign anything.
Ari: What are you talking about?
Marx: That's the worst piece of shit I've ever seen!
Ari: Yair, we had a deal.
Marx: Sue me, my company's based out of Dubai. [puts on shades] Good luck.
Gordon: Sorry, Ari.
Billy Walsh: [in front of screen] Hey! Where the fuck are you French faggots going!?? Show some respect! Go below the line people, and watch the credit! What, no Q and A?
Harvey Weingard: [sits beside Ari] It ain't easy making a movie.
Ari: You come to gloat now Harvey?
Weingard: No, no. I just came to say that he's right. It's genius.
Ari: You want to buy it?
Weingard: I will - for one dollar.

TV Show: Entourage
[Ari's fuming over Richard Roeper's review of Medellin and lets out steam on the staff]
Ari: Attention everyone please! Listen up! No one mentions Richard Roeper again. Not today, not ever. By doing so, you are simply announcing that on Sunday night instead of doing your job, reading scripts, you’re watching TV. The NEXT PERSON to mention Richard Roeper will be fired. [annoyed with phone at Lloyd's desk] And Lloyd, you will also be fired if you don’t answer THE FUCKING PHONE!!!
Lloyd: [answers phone] Ari Gold's office?
Employee: [talks to Ari on the way back to his office] I liked Medellin, Ari-
Ari: Then you’re a fucking idiot.

TV Show: Entourage
[At the MGA conference room, two police officers just tied down Ari to his seat.]
Officer Nickerson: Mr Gold, if you cooperate, we'll make this as pleasant an experience as we can for you.
[His partner, Officer Morgan suddenly plays music from his evidence kit]
Ari Gold: Wait a minute. What is this, who are you guys?
Officer Morgan: BHPD, Boner Patrol. [The officers take off their clothes and start dancing around Ari]
Ari: Oh come on.
Nickerson: You're about to get your stiff inspected.
Assistant: Oh my God.
Ari: Lloyd, LLOOOOYD!!! [colleagues in and out of the conference room start laughing]
TI: [stands up and leaves] I'm out of here, Ari.
Ari: Hold on, TI!
TI: Call me when you're done with your entertainment.
Ari: Lloyd, you speak their language, MAKE IT STOP!
Lloyd: It'll be over soon Ari, just close your eyes, and think of pussy!

TV Show: Entourage
Drama: Just us men and our souls. And a bag of shrooms.

TV Show: Entourage
Turtle: Where's Arnold?
Drama: He's right there. I've been watching him.
Turtle: That's a rock! Are you kidding me?

TV Show: Entourage
Eric: Wow, golf on a Wednesday, huh, Ari? In the next life I wanna come back as you.
Ari: I wish I could return the compliment, E. But I'd rather come back as one of Michael Vick's dogs.

TV Show: Entourage
Drama: [after closing the door on the trailer where an extra stands waiting in bikini] Who's that?
Turtle: It's an extra. You're her favorite character.
Drama: What am I supposed to do with her?
Turtle: Fuck her! What do you think?
Drama: You think I need you to pick up extras for me to bang?
Turtle: Well, I did have to charm about 20 of them before I found one that would say yes.
Drama: Do you know how stupid this is?
Turtle: I thought it'd make you happy?
Drama: No, it doesn't make me happy. I can't have an extra in my trailer. I got sexual harassment lawsuits coming out my ass as it is.
Turtle: I never heard about those.
Drama: I don't tell you everything.

TV Show: Entourage
[Ari chances upon Vince and the gang going on a private jet while he flies to Geneva with John Ellis]
Ari Gold: I can see that you're saving money by flying private again.
Vincent Chase: Not our dime. It's theirs. [gestures to Dolce and Gabbana models]
Ari: Nice dime.
Vince: Where you headed?
Ari: We're going to Geneva. That's Alan's boss right there. [points to John Ellis boarding the plane]
Vince: Yeah?
Ari: Yeah!
Vince: Ah, you're going to Geneva for me? [Notices Ari speechless] Something wrong?
Ari: Yeah. Listen, Vinnie, um, you're the only one in this town that I'm telling this to - I'm in a position where I can get you any job that we want for the rest of your career.
Vince: How so?
Ari: They're offering me Alan's position. They want me to run the studio.
Vince: Wow.
Ari: It just came out of the blue. What do you think?
Vince: Ah I, I think I'd like us to finish what we started together, but...I think you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

TV Show: Entourage