Dave the Barbarian Quotes
[Dave cooks kitten-shaped apricot pancakes for Fang.]
Fang: Gormet cooking is not barbariany!
Dave: Uncle Oswidge, Fang's being mean to breakfast!
Fang: Gormet cooking is not barbariany!
Dave: Uncle Oswidge, Fang's being mean to breakfast!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: I never wanted to be a Barbarian!
Fang: You did when you were ten!
Dave: Only because I thought it meant a librarian who also cuts hair.
Oswidge: Don't make me turn you two into cabages again!
Fang: You did when you were ten!
Dave: Only because I thought it meant a librarian who also cuts hair.
Oswidge: Don't make me turn you two into cabages again!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Bogmelon: Just got a big shipment of snakes... You want one?
Snake: Please, buy me!
Candy: Actually, I'm looking for one of those hats with antlers on it.
Bogmelon: We got that.
Snake: I'm a hat! Please buy me!
Candy: Look, anything that can say it's a hat isn't a hat, okay?
Bogmelon: Oh, a hat! You want a hat! We got that.
Snake: I'm a hat!
Snake: Please, buy me!
Candy: Actually, I'm looking for one of those hats with antlers on it.
Bogmelon: We got that.
Snake: I'm a hat! Please buy me!
Candy: Look, anything that can say it's a hat isn't a hat, okay?
Bogmelon: Oh, a hat! You want a hat! We got that.
Snake: I'm a hat!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave volunteers to help Candy get a hat.]
Dave: Oh! I can help with that! I love hats! Whaddya need? A cap? A derby? A plumed velvet tricorne with satin trim and those little sparkly dangly bits that hang down, they're all dangly and sparkly and-
Dave: Oh! I can help with that! I love hats! Whaddya need? A cap? A derby? A plumed velvet tricorne with satin trim and those little sparkly dangly bits that hang down, they're all dangly and sparkly and-
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Oswidge: I call upon thee to summon images of Throktar and Glimia, wheresoever they may be!
Cauldron of Summoning: Please deposit ten drekles for the first five minutes.
Cauldron of Summoning: Please deposit ten drekles for the first five minutes.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Glimia: We destroyed the evil citadel of Naccar the Obliterator yesterday.
Throktar: They had a lovely gift shop. We got you a spoon!
Throktar: They had a lovely gift shop. We got you a spoon!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Throktar: Whoops, gotta go. Giant man-eating cockroaches have come to rip out our entrails.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[The Royal Family enters the Desert of Peculiar Smells.]
Oswidge: Smells kinda like a cross between rotten bananas and being hit in the face with a shovel.
Oswidge: Smells kinda like a cross between rotten bananas and being hit in the face with a shovel.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Chuckles: I'm the master of evil! The master of evil! I can't help it if I have an adorably curly little tail.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Chuckles the Silly Piggy summons a sand monster.]
Chuckles: And now, my fiendish sand monster shall destroy- I, I'm, I'm sorry, but are you chewing gum while I'm delivering my villainous threats? That is so rude! Spit it out, little mister!
Chuckles: And now, my fiendish sand monster shall destroy- I, I'm, I'm sorry, but are you chewing gum while I'm delivering my villainous threats? That is so rude! Spit it out, little mister!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Dave runs away from the sand monster, accidentally running around the entire world.]
Polar Bear: If it ain't fish, I'm not interested.
Polar Bear: If it ain't fish, I'm not interested.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: My enchanted sword will change your tune, villain!
Lula: What? What are you looking at? What? What!?
Dave: I guess I was hoping for, I don't know, like some kind of magical energy blast?
Lula: And you couldn't say something!? What am I, a mind reader!?
[Lula shoots a magical energy blast at Chuckles, who shoots an energy blast from his amulet.]
Dave: Ha! It seems we are evenly matched!
Chuckles: Not really. Mine's still set on low. Bye-bye! [He turns a dial on the amulet to "high."] You shall perish beneath the might of my mighty... Mightiness!
Lula: What? What are you looking at? What? What!?
Dave: I guess I was hoping for, I don't know, like some kind of magical energy blast?
Lula: And you couldn't say something!? What am I, a mind reader!?
[Lula shoots a magical energy blast at Chuckles, who shoots an energy blast from his amulet.]
Dave: Ha! It seems we are evenly matched!
Chuckles: Not really. Mine's still set on low. Bye-bye! [He turns a dial on the amulet to "high."] You shall perish beneath the might of my mighty... Mightiness!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Throktar Hallucination: I'm just a hallucination brought on by stress! Well, gotta go! The annual hallucination costume party's tonight. [Disappears, then reappears in a tutu, laughing.] I'm going as a fairy princess!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Chuckles: Normally, I hate pathetic grovelling. But on you, it worked.
Dave: I'll give you anything. Look, using my world-renowned artistry, I've made you this origami hat!
Chuckles: Oooh, I love that! And with antlers! Very fetching!
Dave: I'll give you anything. Look, using my world-renowned artistry, I've made you this origami hat!
Chuckles: Oooh, I love that! And with antlers! Very fetching!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Chuckles: I'm not a moose! I'm a pig wearing an origami hat with antlers!
Moose-Eating Thunder Hawk: Yeah, yeah, I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that story.
Moose-Eating Thunder Hawk: Yeah, yeah, I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that story.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy asks for fashion advice from Fang.]
Fang: I don't give a rabid weasel's snout what you wear to some stupid dance.
Candy: You don't understand! One fashion mistake, and the other girls will rip me to shreds!
Fang: Cool!
Candy: No, I mean, really, rip me to shreds.
Fang: Cooooool!
Fang: I don't give a rabid weasel's snout what you wear to some stupid dance.
Candy: You don't understand! One fashion mistake, and the other girls will rip me to shreds!
Fang: Cool!
Candy: No, I mean, really, rip me to shreds.
Fang: Cooooool!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Oswidge: I just heard I'm going to emcee the ball! And the emcee always eats first! [Licks lips.] They're gonna have those nutlogs I like!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: I just heard I'll be working the hat check room at the ball. So many hats... It's like a... A beautiful dream.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy screams at the sight of her zit.]
Dave: What is it!? A monstrous ogre!? An ogreous monster!? Tell me quick so I'll know the best way to run away!
Dave: What is it!? A monstrous ogre!? An ogreous monster!? Tell me quick so I'll know the best way to run away!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Oswidge: A little magic, I'll have that hideous thing off your face faster than you can say, "get this hideous thing off my face."
Candy: Get this hideous thing-
Oswidge: Gitripozene!
Candy: Get this hideous thing-
Oswidge: Gitripozene!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Uncle Oswidge turns Candy into a stack of magazines.]
Dave: Hey, look! It's the Pillaging Illustrated swimsuit issue!
Candy: Move your hand one inch closer, and you'll be pulling back a stump.
Dave: Hey, look! It's the Pillaging Illustrated swimsuit issue!
Candy: Move your hand one inch closer, and you'll be pulling back a stump.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Candy: Uncle Oswidge, I could kiss you! If you weren't so short, and old, and ugly, and smelly.
Oswidge: I'm not that short.
Oswidge: I'm not that short.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[The Zit kidnaps Candy.]
Candy: Hank! Do something!
Pank: [Looking at his pants.] Uh... I think I just did.
Candy: Hank! Do something!
Pank: [Looking at his pants.] Uh... I think I just did.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Okay, I'll do it. But only if I don't have to fight the monster.
Fang: Of course you have to fight the monster! What're you gonna do, bake him a pie!?
Dave: But everybody loves pie!
Fang: Of course you have to fight the monster! What're you gonna do, bake him a pie!?
Dave: But everybody loves pie!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Ted: You know what I hate most about eating people?
Stu: When their shoes get caught in your teeth?
Ted: Bingo!
Stu: When their shoes get caught in your teeth?
Ted: Bingo!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Zit: I am Sebacious D. Wisehop. But you may can call me, "Zit."
Candy: I'm Princess Candy.
Zit: I know, I used to be on your forehead.
Candy: Why did you grab me?
Zit: Because I'm a monster! An evil, bloodthirsty, uncivilized monster! Who's totally in love with you!
Candy: I'm Princess Candy.
Zit: I know, I used to be on your forehead.
Candy: Why did you grab me?
Zit: Because I'm a monster! An evil, bloodthirsty, uncivilized monster! Who's totally in love with you!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian