Dave the Barbarian Quotes
Storyteller: And lo, the filthy pixies do rampage wildly through Udrogoth, destroying everything in their path, and getting nasty sticky little fingerprints all over the place!
Peasant Woman: [looks at her apron] Darn it! That's gonna need dry cleaning!
Peasant Woman: [looks at her apron] Darn it! That's gonna need dry cleaning!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade megaphone using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Irmoplotz: Sorry, I-I don't like to wear my glasses when I'm committing unspeakable acts of evil. They make me look bookish.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: I'm sure many of you are wondering why I tied a squirrel to a megaphone. Well, goodbye!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Yes, Ned's depressing little life seems pointless, indeed. Until one fateful day, when a firey comet hits Ned's zipper! Seconds later, a secret experimental laser bombards the zipper with hyper-violet mercury rays! Then, it is doused with mysterious chemicals, stuck by the mystical powers of the Norse gods, bitten by a radioactive grasshopper, and taught the arcane apocolyptic of cloud men's mind by an inscrutable monk!
Ned: Wow! That hardly Ever happens!
Ned: Wow! That hardly Ever happens!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[The Udrogothian family meets Ned Frischman]
Candy: Just imagine, some day, humankind will wear its pants up that high.
Candy: Just imagine, some day, humankind will wear its pants up that high.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Ned: Behold! With the touch of a button, I open garage doors... Without leaving my car!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Ned goes to the present day to buy "Game Guys" for the people of Udrogoth]
Numb Clerk: Do you require assistance loading these into your tear in the space-time continuum?
Numb Clerk: Do you require assistance loading these into your tear in the space-time continuum?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: And lo, the people of Udrogoth are swiftly captivated by the Game Guy's hot colors, multilevel mode, and overall playability.
Sentry on the Left: Hey, shouldn't we watching for invaders?
Sentry on the Right: Soon as I get to level 6.
An Invading Warrior: Hey, shouldn't we be invading?
Another Invading Warrior: Soon as I get to level 6.
Sentry on the Left: Hey, shouldn't we watching for invaders?
Sentry on the Right: Soon as I get to level 6.
An Invading Warrior: Hey, shouldn't we be invading?
Another Invading Warrior: Soon as I get to level 6.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Twinkle the Marvel Horse tries to convince Candy to let him play.]
Twinkle: Shall I tell you of last night's dream? Dark forms came to me, whispering of unspeakable atrocities.
Twinkle: Shall I tell you of last night's dream? Dark forms came to me, whispering of unspeakable atrocities.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: Yes, to earn their batteries, the people of Udrogoth did labor mightily for Ned Frischman, constructing a sphinx of gold, Mount Frischmore, Big Ned's Putt-Putt Fun House, and the Great Pyramid... Of Ned.
Candy: [Sitting on top of a block for the pyramid while others push.] Let me explain again: I am doing actual work! Me! I don't think you understand how completely and utterly wrong this is!
Candy: [Sitting on top of a block for the pyramid while others push.] Let me explain again: I am doing actual work! Me! I don't think you understand how completely and utterly wrong this is!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Storyteller: But of all the tasks imposed on the people, the most difficult went to Dave: to create a sandwich in Ned's name!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Candy, I'd like you to read this book on the Dangers of magic broccoli-
Candy: No books! Books make The Can hurt in place where thinks come from!
Candy: No books! Books make The Can hurt in place where thinks come from!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Galder the Hot: Hey, The Can? Remember we made a picnic date? I just... wanted to cancel that.
Candy: Why hearty boy do this?
Galder the Hot: 'Cause the... the sun broke.
Candy: Why hearty boy do this?
Galder the Hot: 'Cause the... the sun broke.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Dave: Hrm... mayonnaise or mustard? I know! A perfect blend of both. I'll call it: mayotard!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Faffy, Lula, and Twinkle rise as "The Thumbless Few" to overthrow Ned]
Twinkle: For years, they have mocked us. "Oh! Oh! Look at them! They have no thumbs! Let us taunt them!" But now, who's gonna save the kingdom's bacon, huh?
Twinkle: For years, they have mocked us. "Oh! Oh! Look at them! They have no thumbs! Let us taunt them!" But now, who's gonna save the kingdom's bacon, huh?
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Ned steps on a pedal attached to the Great Pyramid of Ned, and the top opens up.]
Ned: How's that for futuristic know-how, eh? Can any of the other pyramids do that? No, no, I don't think so!
Ned: How's that for futuristic know-how, eh? Can any of the other pyramids do that? No, no, I don't think so!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Lula's "trick" to getting to level 7]
Lula: Go to level 6 and ask directions.
Lula: Go to level 6 and ask directions.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Ned: One day I will return to the past, and my impact will be so great, the Barbarians will be called "Frischbarians!" Or, "barbariNeds!" Or maybe, "NedabariFrischians!"
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Yar the Trainer: Lay on this bench, and I drop this giant boulder on you. If you can move it, you'll be stronger!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Yar the Trainer: You tie your calves into this machine, and this wild boar tries to tear them off. If you keep your legs, you'll be stronger!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Yar the Trainer: We throw you in a cage with a couple of abominable snowmen, and if you get out alive, you'll be stronger!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Candy eats more than one piece of magic broccoli, making her more muscular.]
Fang: Holy country-style potato salad, Candy, you're huge!
Fang: Holy country-style potato salad, Candy, you're huge!
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
Candy: You know, Candy don't sound tough enough. From now on, you call me... "The Can."
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[After Candy shows off her strength by picking up an Ox and kicking it like a football.]
Biceptia: Uhh, you win.
Biceptia: Uhh, you win.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian
[Fang tries to wrestle Candy.]
Candy: Fang good necklace! Pretty!
Dave: Stop it, Fang! Violence won't help- wow, you're right, she does make a good necklace.
Candy: Fang good necklace! Pretty!
Dave: Stop it, Fang! Violence won't help- wow, you're right, she does make a good necklace.
TV Show: Dave the Barbarian