Daria Quotes

Daria: Let's head down. I want to live to see what this place looks like after it's obliterated.
Jane: You know, being a post-apocalyptic town is going to be cool. Other towns will be scared of us.
Daria: I'm sure they already are.

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Vincent: Oh, honey? Don't drink from that big bottle in the kitchen; it's silver nitrate.
Jane: It's poisonous?
Vincent: Yeah, and I need it for my prints.

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Amanda: Courtney and Adrian are coming for a visit. Isn't that great?
Trent: Does Summer know?
Amanda: She should, shouldn't she?
Trent: Well, she's kind of their mother.

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Quinn: I'm training to become a doctor so if Daddy has another heart attack, I'll be here to save him.
Daria: Dr. Quinn, medicine moron.
Quinn: A heart doctor. If Dad died I would've been freaked out for, like, years.
Jake: That's the spirit, sweetie. Avenge my death.
Daria: You're not dying, dad.
Jake: Avenge me!
Helen: Jake, you're gonna give yourself a- never mind....

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Quinn: Ugh! This is SO frustrating! Daria, have you ever read this book?
Daria: Thrombocytopenic Complications After Stent Placement Post-Coronary Artery Angioplasty. Maybe you should start off with something easier. Many coloring books feature hearts. And rainbows.

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Jake: [Laying in the hospital bed] I want you to avenge me Daria
Daria: Dad, you're not dying
Jake: AVENGE ME!

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Quinn: Good, they're gone. We're all alone.
Daria: Uh, excuse me, but I'm here.
Quinn: Oh, all right, you can stay. But if you could be really, really quiet, that would be great.

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Quinn: What's wrong?
Daria: A cute cowboy stole our money!
[commercial bumper music begins, then is interrupted]
Quinn: Um, actually, that's not entirely true.

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Tiffany: We're dressed this way for Fashion Club solidarity.
Sandi: One of us has a problem. That's all you need to know.
Mr. O'Neill: Oh, dear! What kind of problem?
Sandi: A private problem.
Stacy: It's a neck zit!
Quinn: Stacy!
Tiffany: Don't worry, Quinn. They still don't know it's you.
[Quinn screams and runs off]
Stacy: Uh-oh.
Tiffany: Did I say the wrong thing?
Sandi: Don't worry about it.

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Jane: So you finally convinced your dad that you're not a communist?
Daria: Yeah, I'm showing him how much I love money by hitting him up for it every chance I get.

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Mr. DeMartino: Ms. Li, I implore you-!
Ms. Li: Please, Mr. DeMartino! I haven't heard anyone try so hard to squirm out of a school event since Helen Morgendorffer made up that ridiculous excuse about being allergic to crepe paper.

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Mr. DeMartino: Daria, take my chips.
Daria: Excuse me?
Mr. DeMartino: You know, as a thank you for making me want to kill myself a little less than the processed sausages who call themselves your classmates.
Jane: You're not one of those "young people are our greatest hope" guys, are you?

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Mr O'Neill: Tranquilizers?! Jane, have you considered homeopathy?
Jane: I'm going to stick with guys for now, but thanks for asking.

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Tom: You like convertibles?
Jane: Sofas?
Tom: Cars.
Jane: Why, you got one?
Tom: Um.... no, but the roof of my car is rusting through.

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Trent: Listen, I got to get to rehearsal. I'm late.
Daria: How do you know? You don't wear a watch.
Trent: I'm always late. That's why I don't wear a watch. They depress me.
Daria: You know, Trent, somehow that makes perfect sense.

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Helen: No, no, absolutely not! It's unethical, it's immoral, it may well be illegal. I'll have no part of it. [pause] Okay, I'll do it.

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Brittany: I'm here with my friend Jane, who respects my intelligence.
Jane: She's embellishing a little.

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Jane: I had a bad experience on that hill with the Girl Scouts. We kept marching and singing and marching and singing about some freak named John Jacob Jingleheimer somebody.
Daria: You were a Girl Scout?
Jane: Not after the deprogramming.

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Ms. Li: The fool! He'll never make it down in his condition. I'm going after him.
Jane: Wow, that's kind of heroic.
Daria: He's got her video camera.
Jane: Oh, yeah.

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Daria: Gee, this won't end badly.
Jane: You know, we are the ones who told him to get a motorcycle.
Daria: Hey, if we told him to jump off a bridge, would he do that?
Jane: Dunno. We'll try that next time.

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Daria: You know, if you break up Brittany's attempt at thought, it looks like a Mystik Spiral song.
Jane: [grabs Daria's notepad] "Armpits have feelings, but not for me. Now what do I do with lips emp-ty?" Eh. Are you sure you don't want to replace "lips" with "skull?"
Daria: It's a work in progress.

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Brittany: Kevvy? What's that A doing on your paper?
Mr. DeMartino: Why Brittany, that's the most intelligent question you've asked all year.
Brittany: Thanks!

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Mr DeMartino: I think one of you, Kevin, snuck into the classroom last night, Kevin, which would account for the JIMMY LOCK ON MY FILING CABINET, KEVIN!
Daria: But who does he really suspect?
Jane: That Jimmy guy?

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Mr. O'Neill: Okay then. Jodie?
Jodie: I failed to convince my mother and father to let me have this summer off.
Mr. O'Neill: Excellent! And see, you've learned that failure isn't so bad now, is it?
Jodie: No, I've learned that my parents would rather I dropped from exhaustion than missed the opportunity to shred some congressman's incriminating phone bills.

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Jane: You could try failing at being sarcastic.
Daria: [sarcastically] Yeah, like that'll work.

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Tad: I also like it when they throw candy from the floats.
Daria: Since when do you eat candy? You told me it was poison.
Tad: Oh, it is, but every piece I catch is one cavity some other boy or girl will never get. That's what makes it so rewarding.
Daria: Tad, when you brush your teeth, do you ever scrub right through to your brain?

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Tom: It is a stunning array of pod people. It's times like these I'm glad I don't go to your school.
Daria: Uh-huh. And I suppose your ivy-choked prep school is any better? Wait a minute. Was I just defending Lawndale?
Tom: You know, I think you were.
Daria: We never had this conversation.
Tom: What conversation?

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Helen: No dating while we're out of town.
Quinn: Mo-om!
Helen: The boys of Lawndale will just have to suffer.

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Helen: Now Sandi, a freckle or a line here or there is no sin. A few lines in a woman's face show character.
Sandi: Hm.
Helen: Except for the mean little one some people get at the corner of their mouth from scowling too much.
Sandi: Shall I pluck your eyebrows now?

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Helen: Excuse me, but what's going on here?
Doctor: We analyzed your daughter's questionnaire and, well, we're a little concerned.
Helen: [reading] Favorite pastime. Changing water into wine?
Daria: I knew I should have gone with the burning bush.

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