Daria Quotes

Daria: Brittany, a deal. The mouse for Kevin.
Brittany: Deal.
Daria & Brittany: [thinking] Sucker.
Brittany: Let's go, Kevin.
Kevin: Daria, I can still come over and watch the Pigskin Channel, right?
Daria & Brittany: [thinking] Jerk.

TV Show: Daria
After studying about cults in school, Daria gets an hands-on encounter when she babysits Tad and Tricia Gupty, a couple of sickeningly sweet children she decideds to de-brainwash.

TV Show: Daria
Mr. DeMartino: While we continue our discussion of CULTS, can anyone give me another example of a group using cohesive techniques such as peer pressure, chanting, and SOCIAL ISOLATION to achieve control over its members? Brittany?
Brittany: Cheerleading?
Mr. DeMartino: Ah Brittany, sometimes despite a complete lack of INSIGHT, you stumble upon an interesting answer.
Brittany: Wow, and I didn't even read the chapter.
Jane: She'll never have to worry about mind control.
Daria: Yeah, but she'll have to watch out for ferrets building a nest in her head.

TV Show: Daria
Daria: Do you always do exactly what adults tell you?
Tad: Yes!
Daria: Do you always believe everything they say?
Tricia: Yup!
Daria: But what if two adults say exactly opposite things?
Tad: [starts to cry]
Daria: [Tricia pulls her hair] Ouch!
Tricia: You're mean!

TV Show: Daria
Tad & Tricia: I can hope and I can dream and I am full of- full of- full of- full of self esteem.

TV Show: Daria
Jane: Hello?
Daria: Hey, Grandma, it's time for your damn pill.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn becomes obsessed with getting plastic surgery after a Fashion Club hopeful shows up to school with a new nose.

TV Show: Daria
Dr. Shar: Quinn, honey, I like your attitude. You're open to life's possibilities.
Quinn: I try to be.
Dr. Shar: But you, Daria, I hate to see such a young lady like yourself give up at such an early age.
Daria: I don't consider rejecting the Dr. Frankenstein approach "giving up."
Dr. Shar: It puts a frown on my face, and I don't like having a frown on my face!
Daria: Maybe you can inject collagen into your lips in the shape of a smile.
Dr. Shar: This is for you, Daria. [Hands Daria a box] Open it when you've got some free time. Then I want you to examine it, get comfortable with it, and think about it. Change your attitude, hun! Change your life.
Daria: It's not leftover nose pieces, is it?
Dr. Shar: Humor may lift your spirits, Daria, but it takes a professional to lift your buttocks. [laughs and slaps Daria on the back] Doctor's joke! Have a nice day, girls, and remember, money can make anybody beautiful.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: I'm a mess, and it's gonna cost six-thousand dollars to fix!
Daria: You're not really gonna take that woman seriously, are you? She earns her living making people feel bad about their looks.
Quinn: You're just mad because she figured you out. Dr. Shar is really smart about people.
Daria: [opens box Dr. Shar previously handed to her] Oh yeah, she's got my number, all right. "Dr. Shar's Pre-Implant Temporary Bust Augmentations: For evaluational purposes only." She knew just what I needed: practice boobs.

TV Show: Daria
Daria and Quinn are sentenced to a month of house arrest after the Morgendorffers experiment with Family Court.

TV Show: Daria
Daria: There's no sadder sight on this earth, than a football player trying to think.
Jane: Who said that?
Daria: I believe it was Jefferson.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: Well, everybody knows that late curfews should be go to people who can use them: attractive and popular people with lots of friends.
Daria: Wow! Who said that? Thomas Jefferson? Or was it Barbie?
Jake: It can't be Jefferson.
Quinn: Of course not. No pin-headed historical person could ever make that much sense.

TV Show: Daria
Jane: Daria thinks the name "Mystic Spiral" sounds like a Doors cover band that plays brew pubs. Don't you, Daria?
Daria: That's not exactly what I-
Trent: Hmm, maybe you're right. Would it help if we spelled mystic with two y's?
Daria: [To herself] And I'll spell my name D-A-R-Y-A, and be crowned Miss America. [aloud] It might.

TV Show: Daria
Jesse: This is like that R.E.M.video. Except you can't read anyone's mind.
Daria: [subtitle] Thank God.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: So Cinderella said, "I can't go to the ball in these rags." And her fairy godmother waved her wand and behold, she was wearing a gown of silver and gold. Big clunky silver and gold sequins, like you wouldn't wear to one of those seventies nostalgia proms, much less a formal party at a palace. And when she went to check out herself in the mirror, the one that usually made her look thin, instead she looked bloated!
Helen: Quinn, honey, is this really a scary story?
Quinn: Wait! I haven't gotten to the shoes yet!

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: This is really scary, Daria.
Daria: All right, let's not get panicked. We're going to look at the situation calmly and objectively. Agreed?
Quinn: OK.
Daria: We're out in the middle of nowhere, nobody knows we're here, we have no way to contact anyone, and our parents have gone insane.
Quinn: Yes.
Daria: [pause] This is really scary, Quinn.
Quinn: But why did they go insane?
Daria: Judging by dad's woodland skills, I'd say it was the berries.
Quinn: It couldn't have been the berries.
Daria: That's what I think, because you ate the berries and you seem fine.
Quinn: No, I mean because those weren't the glitter berries.
Daria: Glitter berries?
Quinn: You know, the glitter berries! The ones that fill your mouth with beautiful sparkling glitter when you bite into them. Those are the ones that make you act weird. I mean until you spread your shimmering wings and fly away. Daria, you don't have a mirror do you? I wanna check my makeup.
Daria: You're not wearing makeup.
Quinn: I'm not?! Oh, no! [reaches down and rubs dirt on her face]
Daria: Quinn, maybe you better take it easy for a while.

TV Show: Daria
Helen: [Comes running in, loopy off the berries] Girls! Have you seen your father's Spirit Animal? We were talking to him and suddenly he scampered off!
Daria: Scampered?

TV Show: Daria
Mack: I know all about it. Jodie's giving the speech about the new goal post, remember?
Kevin: Oh yeah! Does she need any help with ideas for that? Like, from a quarterback's point of view.
Mack: Gee. I'll ask her. When there aren't any sharp objects around.

TV Show: Daria
Sandi: So like, what's your advice?
Daria: Find some other way to feel. Then you won't feel sad. Good luck.
Sandi: That's what I get for ten dollars? Are you kidding?
Daria: See, it's working already.
Sandi: [pause] Thanks.

TV Show: Daria
Brittany: I wanted to tell her I've got a great idea for a poster!
Daria: Me, too. Mine's going to be about cheerleading.
Brittany: Oh, no! Now what'll I do?

TV Show: Daria
Marianne: Helen? It's your daughter's teacher.
Helen: Tell them I'll make sure Quinn turns in the assignment on Monday, oh and, try to find out what the assignment is and if you could get started making notes on it.
Marianne: It's your other daughter, I think.
Helen: Daria? Well then, tell them I'll talk to her about her attitude and try to find out who she insulted and what she said.

TV Show: Daria
Daria: I can't shoot my own mother. Not with paint anyway.

TV Show: Daria
Sandi: Gee, if everyone's on Quinn's side, maybe Quinn should be president of the Fashion Club.
Quinn: Don't be silly; I would never try to be president. As long as you were around.

TV Show: Daria
Daria: Did you just spend two hours dressing up to go the door for one minute and dump your date?
Quinn: Daria, if you look your best when you blow a guy off, it makes them feel like you care.
Daria: Well, that advice should prove very helpful. Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth.
Quinn: Thanks.

TV Show: Daria
Kevin: Babe, I've got a plan.
Britanny: I bet you do, you.... you.... high school Casablanca!

TV Show: Daria
Brittany: What about you? Are you in a play or something?
Daria: Yes. I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln, after she went crazy.
Brittany: I didn't know she went crazy.
Jane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.
Brittany: Wow!
Jodie: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish outfitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.
Brittany: You mean the bullet didn't kill him?

TV Show: Daria
Lurman: I'm sorry, what did you say you do? I thought I heard "intelligence", but that can't be right.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: Daria, you can't leave me here with those, those... yuppies!
Daria: Yuppies are from the '80s.
Quinn: So what do you call people in funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff?
Daria: Trekkies.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: Ethan?
Ethan: Yeah?
Quinn: You never told me whether you thought I was.... you know.... cute?
Ethan: Oh. Well sure, you're cute.
Quinn: Thanks.
Ethan: In a, you know, shallow, superficial way.
Quinn: [no trace of irony] Thanks.

TV Show: Daria
Quinn: I can't wait to see it. I just hope I don't sound stupid or anything. Not that I would.
Daria: Perish the thought.
Quinn: I just, I know that sometimes certain types of people, jealous people, might think, who does she think she is? Because I sometimes think that. But I can't let myself go on too long thinking that.
Daria: Or anything else.
Quinn: I mean, sometimes I'm walking down the hall with Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany and suddenly I'm outside of myself watching, and it's like, who are these girls? Can't they talk about anything besides guys, and clothes, and cars, but then, what would we talk about? You have to be good at something. You're good at your reading and writing and stuff and you're good at your little paintings.
Jane: They are minuscule, aren't they.
Quinn: I figure, being attractive and popular, that's what I'm good at. Maybe it's not that important, but you know, it's what I can do. [leaves]
Daria: Aw, hell.
Jane: Yeah.

TV Show: Daria