Chef! Quotes

Gareth: DIE! COINS OF EVIL!!! DIE!!!

TV Show: Chef!
Cyril: She's got lots of good qualities.
Gareth: Like?
Cyril: Well... She's ever so pretty.
Gareth: Do you know I was forgetting the prettiness factor? Yes I remember when Gustave started working here. It wasn't that he was a great chef and he'd worked in some of the finest kitchens in the world, oh no we wanted him because he was so bloody PRETTY!
Cyril: But he's ugly.
Gareth: AHHHH!
CyrilAlright, keep yer hair on son. [leaves]
Gareth: I am not your son. I will never ever be your son. Cyril have you got 50p? Cyril? Dad?

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth: Ignore it, ignore it.
Customer 1: Oh waiter.
Gareth: WAITER!
Customer 2: We ordered two large brandies. Pull your finger out mate.

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth: You know I can't decide what this is. Either your being very rude in gaining my attention or you're auditioning for a part in West Side Story or your being very rude in trying to gain my attention.
Customer 1: What?
Gareth: [grabbing mobile] Bye Dave. [Throws mobile into coffee pot and shakes it up]

TV Show: Chef!
Barry White: [The record is stuck] I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby. [Gareth stops record]
Gareth: Thanks Barry. [Kisses record]

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth: [sings whilst starting to cry] I can't live if living is without you. I can't give, I can't give anymore [starting to sob like a baby and voice goes high pitched] I can't live if living is without you. I can't give, I can't give any more. Ohhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh![Stops singing and just sobs like a baby]
Cyril: [watching from the back] I think I'll knock this small talk lark on the head.

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth: Would you mind signing for this Langoustine Mr Balesteros?

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth: She was kissing a man. We're talking first degree snogging here Cyril.

TV Show: Chef!
Cyril: Savannah.
Gareth: Cyril. [takes flowers and cuts off heads with cleaver]
Gareth: I'm not a cruel man Cyril.
Cyril: Yes you are.
Gareth: Sometimes one needs to get ones point across in a short space of time. Cyril Savannahy does not want to be and never will be your valentine, your sweetheart or your squidgy love bundle.
Cyril: But we snogged.

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth Blackstock: This isn't a bill, this is grievous bodily invoicing!

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth Blackstock: You're charging me so much money, you could afford to eat in my restaurant!

TV Show: Chef!
Gareth Blackstock: Do not misunderstand me Mrs Courtney, do not take this the wrong way, this IS personal, I WANT to be rude, I an HOPING to cause offence. I have a lifelong abhorence for violence inflicted upon women, Mrs Courtney, but I am taking urgent consideration for making an exception in YOUR case. I have just seen your bill, It is for the sort of money which rarely changes hands without the aid of a gun and a getaway car. There a names at Lloyds sitting around in darkened rooms with loaded revolvers who owe less than this. IT'S A DISGRACE!!!! You are chaging me so much money YOU COULD AFFORD TO EAT IN MY RESTAURANT!!!!

TV Show: Chef!