Californication Quotes
Hank Moody: [catching Charlie photographing his secretary] Holy Fuck-nuts!
Charlie Runkle: Shit! [falls over]
Charlie Runkle: Shit! [falls over]
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: (to Meredith) Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: 'B' to the 'I' to the double 'L'. What's up, my nig nog?
Bill Lewis: I need to talk to you.
Hank Moody: Well, you should have called. I wouldn't have answered, but you could've left a message, which I would have quickly erased.
Bill Lewis: I need to talk to you.
Hank Moody: Well, you should have called. I wouldn't have answered, but you could've left a message, which I would have quickly erased.
TV Show: Californication
Radio show host: What's your latest obsession?
Hank Moody: Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.
Radio show host: Yet you're part of the problem, I mean you're out there blogging with the best of them.
Hank Moody: Hence my self-loathing.
Hank Moody: Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.
Radio show host: Yet you're part of the problem, I mean you're out there blogging with the best of them.
Hank Moody: Hence my self-loathing.
TV Show: Californication
Marcy Runkle: You can have the ass if you want.
Charlie Runkle: You can keep it.
Charlie Runkle: You can keep it.
TV Show: Californication
Mia Gross: : Rome is burning, he said, as he poured himself another drink. Yet, here I am knee deep in a river of pussy. Here it comes, she thought. Another self indulgent, whiskey soaked, diatribe about how fucking great everything was in the past. And how all us poor souls born too late to see the Stones at - wherever, or snort the good coke like that they had at Studio 54 - well, we all just missed out on practically everything worth living for. And the worst part was, she agreed with him. Here we are, she thought, at the edge of the world - the very edge of western civilization and all of us are so desperate to feel something... anything... that we keep falling into each other and fucking our way toward the end of days.
TV Show: Californication
Hank Moody: All those things that weren't supposed to happen? They happened. But what happens next is up to you.
TV Show: Californication
Karen: With you, you can't figure out who you want to be. You know? It's your indecision that paralyzes you and hurts us, Hank. I can feel your restlessness. I mean, a moment like this yeah you want me, you want us and then that moment passes. Then you become like this ghost. Fourteen years ago, "I love you" was more than enough. It was almost revolutionary. And now... I don't know. They're just words. I mean, I know you mean them, but Hank I don't know what they mean to you.
TV Show: Californication
Charlie: If you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor with a cougar fetish back to my house...
TV Show: Californication
Charlie: A rape fantasy? That is just sick Marcy.
Marcy: Sick? I'm sick? After some of the twisted and depraved shit I have seen you do?
Marcy: Sick? I'm sick? After some of the twisted and depraved shit I have seen you do?
TV Show: Californication
Hank: I’m warning you; tomorrow I’m going to be pretty pissed at you. Tonight, I’m just high-fiving Jesus that you’re okay.
Becca: I’m sorry about the car.
Hank: It’s just a car…
Becca: You love that car.
Hank: No, I love you
Becca: I love you too and I’m scared
Hank: Why?
Becca: I don’t want you to be guilty. I don’t want people to look at you that way. I want them to know how great you can be.
Hank: You shouldn’t be thinking about that. That’s too much for your brain. All you should be thinking about is boys and rock ‘n roll and stealing your old man’s car keys. But not anymore because I’ll chop your hands off. Okay?
Becca: It was a nice day wasn’t it?
Hank: It was. It was really nice. It was the perfect day.
Becca: Right up until I ruined it.
Hank: You didn’t ruin anything. You just made a mistake. A really terrible mistake, we all do. Look at me, I take a breath and make a mistake. Then we just get back up and shoot for another perfect day.
Becca: I’m going to be thinking good thoughts dad, on Monday.
Hank: Thank you.
Becca: I’m sorry about the car.
Hank: It’s just a car…
Becca: You love that car.
Hank: No, I love you
Becca: I love you too and I’m scared
Hank: Why?
Becca: I don’t want you to be guilty. I don’t want people to look at you that way. I want them to know how great you can be.
Hank: You shouldn’t be thinking about that. That’s too much for your brain. All you should be thinking about is boys and rock ‘n roll and stealing your old man’s car keys. But not anymore because I’ll chop your hands off. Okay?
Becca: It was a nice day wasn’t it?
Hank: It was. It was really nice. It was the perfect day.
Becca: Right up until I ruined it.
Hank: You didn’t ruin anything. You just made a mistake. A really terrible mistake, we all do. Look at me, I take a breath and make a mistake. Then we just get back up and shoot for another perfect day.
Becca: I’m going to be thinking good thoughts dad, on Monday.
Hank: Thank you.
TV Show: Californication
Hank: How the fuck did we get here?
Karen: I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s your fault.
Hank: Undoubtedly, I am currently accepting blame for everything: volcanoes, earthquakes, oil spills, steroids, rap music… it’s all my fault.
Karen: You tricked me, you know? You tricked me, I would hear the doorbell ring and I would be running towards it. I’d be thinking, “I don’t even like this guy, this is just some stupid fling.” Then I would open the door and all of those thoughts would disappear, because I’d see your smile and I was a goner. I trusted that smile.
Hank: He was a good guy, that smile. I don’t see him around much anymore. I miss him.
Karen: Strange, it changed so fast. Once you were my future, then you were my misery…
Hank: Nice…
Karen: Now you’re almost my past
Hank: Almost…
Karen: I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s your fault.
Hank: Undoubtedly, I am currently accepting blame for everything: volcanoes, earthquakes, oil spills, steroids, rap music… it’s all my fault.
Karen: You tricked me, you know? You tricked me, I would hear the doorbell ring and I would be running towards it. I’d be thinking, “I don’t even like this guy, this is just some stupid fling.” Then I would open the door and all of those thoughts would disappear, because I’d see your smile and I was a goner. I trusted that smile.
Hank: He was a good guy, that smile. I don’t see him around much anymore. I miss him.
Karen: Strange, it changed so fast. Once you were my future, then you were my misery…
Hank: Nice…
Karen: Now you’re almost my past
Hank: Almost…
TV Show: Californication
Lew Ashby: "Remember, at the end of the day, it's all about her."
Hank Moody: "Who?"
Lew Ashby: "You know"
Hank Moody: "Who?"
Lew Ashby: "You know"
TV Show: Californication