Genarro Russo: You all have a disease, and the only thing that will cure it is sucking my dick!... just kidding.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genarro Russo: [after obviously getting a blowjob from the princess off-screen]That was the best blowjob I've ever heard!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: I wonder what self-realisation would mean for a guy like me.
Princess Barbara: It'd propably be pretty ironic. What does 'ironic' mean anymore?
Aladdin: 'Ironic' is what comes after modern. Everything after modern is ironic. Including all of E-history.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: I'm not stupid, im just inconclusive!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Swedish Roommate: What were you saying before about vaginal theory?
Aladdin: [Drunk and high, having sex with a different swedish roommate]Vaginal theory. Here it goes: A pussy is a vagina that comes pre-moistened, and as it dries out turns into a vagina again.
British Druggie Guy: I'm watching that pussy turn into a vagina right before my very own eyes, mate!
Aladdin: A twat is something a 3-year-old has and a cunt is a mans mouth where a vagina should be.
Cunt: [From between Swedish Roommate's legs]You stupid cunts, cunts all of you! Hahaha, right mate?
Swedish Roommate: Well, technically that's just your perception of the pieces.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: In the future, bad people should be encouraged to kill themselves.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Uncle Gary: As I said... this is a very special place. Miners discovered things here, magical things. Underneath this ground is the stuff that makes up everything, you know... the real star stuff! Something I learned back in the days when I was talking real fast in Cairo: [throws something into the campfire; shapes appear in the flames]
Uncle Gary: We start by globing the circle, then cubing the globe, and finally: triangulating the cubic globe. Mi mi rama oh niha niha!
Aladdin: What's it for?
Uncle Gary: It's the Cave Computer! It's a sacred intelligence that begins and does not begin with everlasting and neverlasting colored chords. In the left corner... that's you. That's me. And at the bottom... that's what's down there.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Uncle Gary: A planet where gender is no longer binary... nor is technology.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Are aliens natural?
Uncle Gary: Sure! All technology is natural! Look... God equals humans devided by nature plus aliens!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Are aliens natural?
Uncle Gary: Sure! All technology is natural! Look... God = Humans/Nature+Aliens!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Ms. President: We actually don't look at all what we think we do. The lamp is 5-dimensional. In the 5-dimensional view of things, we're all one person, one great person with an invisible string connecting all of our hands. All our hands are actually the same hand.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Uncle Gary: As i said... this is a very special place. Miners discovered things here, magical things. Underneath this ground is the stuff that makes up everything, you know... the real star stuff! Something I learned back in the days when I was talking real fast in Cairo: [throws something into a campfire, shapes appear in the flames]
Uncle Gary: We start by globing the circle, then cubing the globe, and finally: triangulating the cubic globe. Mi mi rama oh niha niha!
Aladdin: What's it for?
Uncle Gary: It's the Cave Computer! It's a sacred intelligence that begins and does not begin with everlasting and neverlasting colored chords. In the left corner... that's you. That's me. And at the bottom... that's what's down there.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Ralph: In general, our stance on creative endeavors is that everyone is amazing. So we have a strict no-masterpiece-policy.
Emily: Huh. I can deal with that. So... what's your stance on monogamy?

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Emily: Why are you smiling? You're still ugly!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Mom: See, guys? All the nothingness we've been doing is finally having some effect!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Farmer Dave: You remind me of somebody who's about to get fired.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Ms. President: Aladdin, are you ok?
Aladdin: I honestly feel like I'm deaf to my own soul.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Ms. President: Artists are people who are constantly on the search why people like them.

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genarro Russo: We have internet evidence that he pursued being gay... and failed!

Movie / TV: Adam Green's Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[last lines]
Genie: Made you look.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Cassim has not showed up at the wedding]

Aladdin: Where IS he?
[Genie changes into Pumbaa from the Lion King]

Genie: Hakuna Matata.
[Changes back]

Genie: WHOA. I was having an out-of-movie experience.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Princess Budhur: [dreamily raising hands] Aladd-i-i-i-n!
The Sultan: [imitating her, also dreamily raising hands] Aladd-i-i-i-n!
The Sultan: [abruptly shaking this impression] What Aladdin are you talking about, daughter of ours?

Movie / TV: Volshebnaya lampa Aladdina
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Princess Jasmine: It all so magical.
Aladdin: Yeah.
Princess Jasmine: It's a shame Abu had to miss this.
Aladdin: Nah. He hates fireworks, and he really doesn't like flying either... That is, um... Oh, no.
Princess Jasmine: [takes off Aladdin's turban] You are the boy from the market place. I knew it! Why did you lie to me?
Aladdin: Jasmine, I'm sorry!
Princess Jasmine: Did you think I was stupid?
Aladdin: No!
Princess Jasmine: Did you think I wouldn't find out?
Aladdin: No! I mean, I was hoping you wouldn't... that's not what I meant...
Princess Jasmine: Who are you? Tell me the truth.
Aladdin: The truth? The truth... The truth is I sometimes pass myself off as a commoner to escape the pressures of palace life. But I really am a prince.
Princess Jasmine: Why didn't you tell me?
Aladdin: Well, a prince walking around the marketplace? Sounds a little strange, doesn't it?
Princess Jasmine: Not that strange.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Nefir Hasenuf: The ancient prophecies have been fulfilled!
Iago: Oh, oh. Ancient prophecies never predict anything good.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: Meet your match, Zorro!
Cassim: Good birdie. Polly want a little...?
Iago: Say cracker and I let you have it on principle!

Movie / TV: Aladdin and the King of Thieves (V)
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: Allow me to introduce...
[Cassim laughs]

Cassim: The King of Thieves.
[Genie shrieks, then calls on a cell phone]

Genie: All units, we have a Code Red.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: Three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: [after elephants run over the Magic Carpet] Oh, they trampled the carpet! That's a little redundant. So this isn't a bad day for you really, is it?

Movie / TV: Aladdin and the King of Thieves (V)
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: [singing] They're finally getting married!
Sultan of Agrabah: [singing] They're finally getting married!
Thieves: [singing] They're finally getting married!
Iago: [singing] Look at all these presents!
Princess Jasmine: [singing] We're finally getting married!
Abu the Monkey: [squeaking] You're finally getting married!
Aladdin: [singing] I'm finally getting married!

Movie / TV: Aladdin and the King of Thieves (V)
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: [after the villian wishes the deliverer was dead] Let's say that's your last wish, but Genie won't grant it. Genie doesn't kill, Genie rules! Next time you get the lamp,read the manual. [Goes back in lamp]

Movie / TV: A Kid in Aladdins Palace
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: If you're Al's dad, and the King of Thieves, I just wanna know one thing.
Cassim: Yeah?
Genie: Will you be having the chicken or the sea bass?

Movie / TV: Aladdin and the King of Thieves (V)
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: There's gotta be a way out of here. On the other hand, maybe there isn't. On the other hand, no, that's- that's three hands, that doesn't work.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
Princess Jasmine: [disappointed] Oh, it's wonderful.
Aladdin: I wonder what it'd be like to live there, and have servants and valets.
Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
Aladdin: That's better than here. You're always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
Princess Jasmine: You're not free to make your own choices.
Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so...
Princess Jasmine: You're just...
Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: ...trapped.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Where is my father?

The Magic Oracle: [points off into the distance] Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. Your father is trapped within their world.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

"Popeye/Aladdin: A wish? [Under his breath] Popeye/Aladdin: Wish, wish, I can have a wish huh? [Normal] Popeye/Aladdin: Well I wish I was out of here. Can you shows me the entrance to the exit?
Genie: You bet. [Makes a giant hole in the wall of the cave that has an escalator leading out] Popeye/Aladdin: Wow, an escalavator.

Movie / TV: Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Princess Jasmine is in disguise, and hanging out with Aladdin; the guards capture him]

Princess Jasmine: Let him go.

Razoul: Looky here, men. A street *mouse*.
[throws her down]

Princess Jasmine: Unhand him,
[pulls off the hood of her cloak]

Princess Jasmine: by order of the Princess.

Razoul: Princess Jasmine.

Aladdin: The Princess?

Razoul: What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?

Princess Jasmine: That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him.

Razoul: Well, I would, Princess, except that my orders come from Jafar. You'll have to take it up with him.

Princess Jasmine: Believe me, I will.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Genie, I wish for your freedom.

Genie: One bona fide prince pedigree coming up. I - what?

Aladdin: [He holds the lamp up to Genie] Genie, you're free!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Princess Jasmine: Father, I choose Prince Ali!

Jafar: Prince Ali left!
[shows Aladdin standing in the doorway to the balcony]

Aladdin: Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!

Princess Jasmine: Prince Ali!

Iago: How in the he -
[back to parrot-ese]

Iago: - uh, awk!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[as a female tour guide]

Genie: Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you. Goodbye, now. Goodbye. Goodbye, thank you. Goodbye.
[back to normal]

Genie: Well, how about *that*, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?

Aladdin: Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes...

Genie: Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by one, boy!

Aladdin: Ah, no, I never actually wished to get out of the cave. Heh. You did that on your own.
[the Genie's mouth drops]

Genie: Oh. Well I feel sheepish.
[turns into a sheep]

Genie: All right, you baaaaaad boy. But no more freebies.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you're very...

Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!... Punctual!

Aladdin: Punctual!

Princess Jasmine: Punctual?

Genie: Sorry.

Aladdin: Uh... uh... beautiful!

Genie: Nice recovery.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Abu goes crazy and leaps onto Aladdin's head]

Aladdin: Abu, this is no time to panic!
[sees that they're about to hit a wall]

Aladdin: Start panicking!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: So, three wishes. I want them to be good... what would you wish for?

Genie: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case... ah, forget it.

Aladdin: What?

Genie: No, I can't. I...

Aladdin: Come on, tell me.

Genie: [sigh] Freedom.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth.

Iago: Squeeze him, Jafar. Squeeze him like a...
[the Genie slaps Iago into the air]

Jafar: Without the genie, boy, you're nothing.

Aladdin: The genie. The genie! The genie has more power than you'll ever have.

Jafar: What?

Aladdin: He gave you your power. He can take it away.

Genie: Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?

Aladdin: Face it, Jafar. You're still just second best.

Jafar: You're right. His power does exceed my own. But not for long.

Genie: The boy is crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. One too many hits with the snake.

Jafar: Slave, I make my third wish. I wish to be an all-powerful genie.

Genie: All right. Your wish is my command. Way to go, Al.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Woman: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Aladdin?

Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Razoul: Gotcha!

Aladdin: I'm in trouble.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you're very...

Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!... Punctual!

Aladdin: Punctual!

Princess Jasmine: Punctual?

Genie: Sorry.

Aladdin: Uh... uh... beautiful!

Genie: Nice recovery.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: You know mother, I kind of wonder why the sultan's going through all this trouble to stop everyone from seeing what his daughter looks like.

Aladdin's mother: Aladdin, don't even think about it.

Aladdin: I know, I know. Death beneath the hoofs of stampeding camels, blah, blah, blah.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

"Popeye/Aladdin: A wish?
[Under his breath]
Popeye/Aladdin: Wish, wish, I can have a wish huh?
[Normal]
Popeye/Aladdin: Well I wish I was out of here. Can you shows me the entrance to the exit?

Genie: You bet.
[Makes a giant hole in the wall of the cave that has an escalator leading out]
Popeye/Aladdin: Wow, an escalavator.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!

Jafar: Now where were we? Ah, yes - abject humiliation!
[He zaps Jasmine and the Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him. He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitty-cat]

Jafar: Down, boy! Oh, princess,
[lifts Jasmine's chin with his staff]

Jafar: there's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.

Aladdin: [Flying towards him on carpet] Jafar! Get your hands off her!

Jafar: [zaps Aladdin, Carpet flies away. Singing] Prince Ali, yes, it is he, but not as you know him. Read my lips and come to grips with reality
[brings Aladdin and Jasmine closer in the air]

Jafar: Yes, meet a blast from your past, whose lies were too good to last! Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!
[zaps Ali back to Aladdin as he says it]

Iago: Or should we say Aladdin?

Princess Jasmine: [shocked] Ali

Aladdin: Jasmine, I tried to tell you.

Jafar: [still singing] So Ali turns out to be merely Aladdin
[turns Abu back to his normal self]

Jafar: Just a con, need I go on? Take it from me his personality flaws give me adequate cause to send him packing on a one-way trip
[sends Aladdin and Abu in a pillar, carpet flies in after the,]

Jafar: so his prospects take a terminal dip his assets frozen, the venue chosen is the ends of the earth,
[sends the pillar in the air]

Jafar: whoopee! So long,

Iago: Good bye, see ya!

Jafar: [sings] Ex-Prince Ali!
[laughs maniacly]

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!

Jafar: Now where were we? Ah, yes - abject humiliation!
[He zaps Jasmine and the Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him. He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitty-cat]

Jafar: Down, boy! Oh, princess,
[lifts Jasmine's chin with his staff]

Jafar: there's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.

Aladdin: [Flying towards him on carpet] Jafar! Get your hands off her!

Jafar: [zaps Aladdin, Carpet flies away. Singing] Prince Ali, yes, it is he, but not as you know him. Read my lips and come to grips with reality
[brings Aladdin and Jasmine closer in the air]

Jafar: Yes, meet a blast from your past, whose lies were too good to last! Say hello to your precious Prince Ali!
[zaps Ali back to Aladdin as he says it]

Iago: Or should we say Aladdin?

Princess Jasmine: [shocked] Ali

Aladdin: Jasmine, I tried to tell you.

Jafar: [still singing] So Ali turns out to be merely Aladdin
[turns Abu back to his normal self]

Jafar: Just a con, need I go on? Take it from me his personality flaws give me adequate cause to send him packing on a one-way trip
[sends Aladdin and Abu in a pillar, carpet flies in after the,]

Jafar: so his prospects take a terminal dip his assets frozen, the venue chosen is the ends of the earth,
[sends the pillar in the air]

Jafar: whoopee! So long,

Iago: Good bye, see ya!

Jafar: [sings] Ex-Prince Ali!
[laughs maniacly]

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Abu goes crazy and leaps onto Aladdin's head]

Aladdin: Abu, this is no time to panic!
[sees that they're about to hit a wall]

Aladdin: Start panicking!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: You little fool. You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth.

Iago: Squeeze him, Jafar. Squeeze him like a...
[the Genie slaps Iago into the air]

Jafar: Without the genie, boy, you're nothing.

Aladdin: The genie. The genie! The genie has more power than you'll ever have.

Jafar: What?

Aladdin: He gave you your power. He can take it away.

Genie: Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?

Aladdin: Face it, Jafar. You're still just second best.

Jafar: You're right. His power does exceed my own. But not for long.

Genie: The boy is crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. One too many hits with the snake.

Jafar: Slave, I make my third wish. I wish to be an all-powerful genie.

Genie: All right. Your wish is my command. Way to go, Al.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine.
[He takes a bite out of the apple she is holding]

Jafar: A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world.
[He waves his finger and a crown appears]

Jafar: What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my queen...

Princess Jasmine: [picks up a glass of wine and throws it in his face] Never!

Jafar: I'll teach you some respect!
[She falls back as he raises his hand to slap her. Then he stops]

Jafar: No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with me.
[Jasmine gasps, meanwhile Aladdin races back into town on carpet]

Genie: [as Buckley] Ah, master - there are a few addendas, some quid pro quo...

Jafar: Don't talk back to me, you stupid blue lout! You will do what I order you to do, slave!
[Jasmine looks up and sees Aladdin in the window, motioning her to play along.She stands and puts the crown on her head]

Princess Jasmine: Jafar! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.

Genie: [his jaw drops]

Jafar: That's better.
[He pulls the Genie's jaw up like a shade]

Jafar: Now, pussycat, tell me more about... myself.

Princess Jasmine: You're tall, well dressed...
[Jafar walks over to her. Aladdin jumps down with Abu and Genie sees them]

Genie: Al! Al, little buddy!

Aladdin: Shh!

Genie: [Literally zips his mouth shut, then unzips it] Al, I can't help you - I work for senor psychopath, now.
[His head turns into Jafar's, then back]

Aladdin: Hey - I'm a street rat, remember?
[He rezips Genie's mouth]

Aladdin: I'll improvise.
[He slides down a pile of coins and hides close to Jafar and Jasmine. Jafar's back is to Aladdin]

Jafar: Go on.

Princess Jasmine: And your beard... is so... twisted!
[She has her arms around him. She pretends to twist with her finger, but she is actually motioning for Aladdin to come over. He makes his move. Iago sees him]

Iago: [gasps] Jaf - mmmmmm!
[Abu grabs him and covers his mouth]

Jafar: And the street rat?

Princess Jasmine: What street rat?
[They are about to kiss when Iago manages to knock over a bowl. Jafar turns to look, but Jasmine grabs him back and kisses him. Aladdin, Abu, and Iago look disgusted]

Abu the Monkey: Yuck!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: Without the genie, boy, you're nothing!

Aladdin: The genie!
[Has an idea]

Aladdin: The genie! The genie has more power than you'll ever have!

Jafar: What!

Aladdin: He gave you your power, he can take it away!

Genie: Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?

Aladdin: Face it, Jafar - you're still just second best!

Jafar: You're right! His power does exceed my own! But not for long!
[he circles around the Genie]

Genie: The boy is crazy. He's a little punch drunk. One too many hits with the snake
[His hand turns into a snake and he hits his head with it]

Jafar: Slave, I make my third wish! I wish to be an all powerful genie!

Genie: [Reluctantly] All right, your wish is my command. Way to go, Al.
[Genie zaps Jafar with the last Genie brand lightning bolt. Jafar's snake form dissipates and he turns into a genie. Jasmine's raised hand disappear under the sand. Aladdin runs over and finally smashes the glass. Sand and Jasmine pour out]

Jafar: Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!

Princess Jasmine: [to Aladdin] What have you done?

Aladdin: Trust me!
[a black lamp appears at Jafar's base. Jafar is busy conjuring]

Jafar: The universe is mine to command, to control!

Aladdin: Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something?

Jafar: [looks down questioningly]

Aladdin: You wanted to be a genie, you got it! And everything that goes with it!
[Shackles appear on Jafar's wrists]

Jafar: No! No!

Iago: I'm gettin' out of here! Come on, you're the genie, I don't want -
[Iago tries to fly away, but is sucked in with Jafar]

Aladdin: Phenomenal cosmic powers! Itty bitty living space.

Genie: Al, you little genius, you!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Princess Leila: Father, isn't it going a bit far to make everyone in the city stay inside just because I wish to visit the bathhouse?

Sultan: No man I have ever met is worthy to look upon your face, Leila. Until I find a husband suitable for you you shall remain shielded from all men's eyes.

Princess Leila: It seems a bit foolish if you ask me.

Sultan: Foolish? Why if anyone in the kingdom but you dared to call me foolish I would have their head.

Princess Leila: And I do so like having my head. It's nice to know there are some advantages to being your daughter.

Sultan: You do make me laugh, my sweet Leila. You're the joy of your old father's heart.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Nefir Hasenuf: The ancient prophecies have been fulfilled!

Iago: Oh, oh. Ancient prophecies never predict anything good.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Genie changes Iago into a woman]

Genie: (suggestively) This is a good look for you, and it could be permanent.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

King of Quirkistan: VIZIER! VIZIER!

Vizier: You have bellowed for me, your highness?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out! I gotta start packing, your highness! Only essentials, we gotta travel light. I'll bring the guns, the weapons, the knives...
[suddenly comes across a photo of himself and Jafar as he is rummaging through his posessions]

Iago: And how about this picture? I don't know, I think I'm making a weird face in it?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Prince Achmed is storming out of the Palace after being rejected by Princess Jasmine]

Prince Achmed: Oh, I've never been a so insulted Prince!

Sultan: Achmed, you're-you're not leaving so soon, are you?

Prince Achmed: [walks away, pants at the butt area are ripped off, revealing spotted underwear] Good luck marrying her off!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Sultan: Jasmine? Jasmine? Jasmine?
[suddenly a tiger rears up in front of the sultan with a rag in his mouth]

Sultan: Confound it, Rajah!
[takes rag out of mouth]

Sultan: So! This is why Prince Achmed stormed out?

Princess Jasmine: Oh, father. Rajah was just playing with him. Weren't you, Rajah? You were just playing with that over-dressed, self-absorbed Prince Achmed, weren't you?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Merchant: Ooh, look at this. I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. Pbbtt! Ah, still fresh.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: Patience Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.

Iago: Oh there's a big surprise! That's an incredible - I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die of not surprise!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: What would you wish of me?
[as Arnold Schwarzenegger]

Genie: The ever impressive...
[as if trapped in a box]

Genie: ... the long-contained...
[as SeÒor Wences]

Genie: ... the often immitated, but never...
[multiplies himself]

Genie: ... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... Genie of the Lamp!
[as Ed Sullivan]

Genie: Right here, direct from the lamp. Right here for your very much wish-fulfillment. Thank you.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Princess Jasmine: Please, try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends.
[Rajah grumbles]

Princess Jasmine: Except you, Rajah. I've never even been outside the palace walls.

Sultan: But, Jasmine, you're a princess.

Princess Jasmine: Then maybe I don't wanna be a princess anymore.

Sultan: [exasperated] Ooooh! I-I-
[to Rajah]

Sultan: Allah forbid you should have any daughters!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[last lines]

Genie: Made you look.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[leaving to go travel the world]

Genie: I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Iago is disguised as a flamingo. He turns around and finds a real flamingo smiling in his face]

Iago: You got a problem...
[he trips the flamingo with his stilts]

Iago: ...pinky?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: You free sometime next century, say eightish?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Nefir Hasenuf: The ancient prophecies have been fulfilled!

Iago: Oh, oh. Ancient prophecies never predict anything good.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Mechanikles: They are completely at my mercy!

Abis Mal: Ahem. You mean our mercy. Just wanted to make sure that both of our mercies are involved. This is a multi-mercy operation.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Abanazar rubs his ring to summon its Genie]

Scheherezade: Your wish is my command, O Master.

Abanazar: Tell me, Sheherezade... what is it like being my slave?

Scheherezade: Master, 'tis cold within the ring.

Abanazar: Well then, I ought to keep my hands in my pockets more often!

Scheherezade: 'Tis but a *little* thing...

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Merchant: [singing] So it goes, short and sweet / they were wed down the street / may their marriage be truly blessed / Happy end to the tale and tomorrow's a sale / So I'd better go home and rest / Here's a kiss and a hug / sure you don't need a rug? / I assure you, the price is right / Well, salaam, worthy friend / come back soon, that's the end / 'Til another Arabian Night!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: [as Bing Crosby] I'm sure Ali Baba and the boy are on the road to Agrabah right now. Isn't that right, Bob?

Genie: [as Bob Hope] That's right, Bing. How 'bout this town? Is it wild or what? It's like one giant sand trap, and me without my wedgie. Hey, let's give a big hand for Brooke Shields.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: Three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: Bad new, Al. The boutonnieres clash with the cummerbunds!

Aladdin: [Referencing to the crowd of guest] Genie, isn't it a little late for that?

Genie: What? What are you trying to say? Out with it! What-wha...

Genie: [Finally notices crowd] ... hehe. They're he-e-ere. OH NO-HO-HO-HO!

Genie: [Transforms into The White Rabbit from "Alice In Wonderland"] I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!
[Runs out of room]

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Limitations?

Genie: Uh, Rule #1: I can't kill anybody.
[Slices his own head off with his finger and catches it in his hand]

Genie: So don't ask. Rule #2:
[Puts his head back on his shoulders]

Genie: I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else.
[Kisses Alladdin with really big lips]

Genie: You little put'em there.
[Lays flat on his back]

Genie: Rule #3:
[Rises looking like a zombie, with raspy voice]

Genie: I can't bring people back from the dead... it's not a pretty picture,
[Shakes Alladdin]

Genie: and I don't like doing it!
[Reverts to normal]

Genie: And other than that... you got it!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: Just where did you say you were from?

Aladdin: Oh, uh-uh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure.

Jafar: Try me.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jasmine: I was raised a princess, Aladdin, and a princess knows the needs of the people outweigh her own.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: There's gotta be a way out of here. On the other hand, maybe there isn't. On the other hand, no, that's- that's three hands, that doesn't work.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Razoul: [to Aladdin] We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: They haven't built a bath house Aladdin can't break into...

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: [singing] Riffraff. Street Rat. I don't buy that! If only they'd look closer... Would they see a poor boy? No sir-ee! They'd find out there's so much more to me!

Aladdin: [sighs, no longer singing] Someday, Abu, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: [singing] Let's not be too hasty!

Heavyset Harlem: [scoops Aladdin up in her arms and sings] Still I think he's rather tasty!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin 'Al': [singing] There's a party here in Agrabah, and the party's all for me. / Just look, you guys, at where we are, and how our dreams have come to be.

Princess Jasmine: [singing] There's a party here in Agrabah, and I can't believe it's true. / After all this waiting, here we are. We'll finally get to say, "I do".

Aladdin 'Al': I never ever had a real family.

Princess Jasmine: I never ever had a real true friend.

Aladdin 'Al', Princess Jasmine: Someone who could just understand me...

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: So, three wishes. I want them to be good... what would you wish for?

Genie: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case... ah, forget it.

Aladdin: What?

Genie: No, I can't. I...

Aladdin: Come on, tell me.

Genie: [sigh] Freedom.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Woman: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Aladdin?

Aladdin: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Razoul: Gotcha!

Aladdin: I'm in trouble.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: You know mother, I kind of wonder why the sultan's going through all this trouble to stop everyone from seeing what his daughter looks like.

Aladdin's mother: Aladdin, don't even think about it.

Aladdin: I know, I know. Death beneath the hoofs of stampeding camels, blah, blah, blah.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: [after Aladdin vanquishes Arbutus] Jasmine we did it!
[he notices Jasmine looks upset]

Aladdin: Jasmine? What?

Princess Jasmine: Oh, Aladdin. I know you meant to do the right thing, but Arbutus was not a monster. He was just different.

Iago: Yeah, he was a beast!

Aladdin: Iago! Jasmine, I don't understand.

Princess Jasmine: He loved his garden the way you and father love me.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?

Princess Jasmine: [disappointed] Oh, it's wonderful.

Aladdin: I wonder what it'd be like to live there, and have servants and valets.

Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.

Aladdin: That's better than here. You're always scraping for food and ducking the guards.

Princess Jasmine: You're not free to make your own choices.

Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so...

Princess Jasmine: You're just...

Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: ...trapped.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: [saving Jasmine from an irate merchant] Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her. I've been looking all over for you.

Princess Jasmine: [whispering] What are you doing?

Aladdin: [whispering] Just play along.

Man in market: You, uh, know this girl?

Aladdin: Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy.

Man in market: She said she knew the sultan.

Aladdin: She thinks the monkey is the sultan.

Princess Jasmine: [bowing to Abu] Oh, wise sultan, how may I serve you?

Aladdin: Tragic, isn't it? But, no harm done. Now, come along, sis. Time to go see the doctor.

Princess Jasmine: [to a camel] Oh, hello, doctor. How are you?

Aladdin: No, no, no. Not that one.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Genie turns into a butterfly]

Genie: I feel so... pretty!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Iago: Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. Jafar. Jafar! Get a grip!
[Jafar grabs Iago by the throat]

Iago: Ack! Good grip.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Jafar: Sire, I must intercede on Jasmine's behalf. This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?

Aladdin: Your majesty, I am Prince Ali Ababwa. Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter.

Princess Jasmine: How dare you? All of you! Standing around deciding my future. I am not a prize to be won!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Guard: You won't get away so easy.

Aladdin: You think that was easy?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: So what'll it be, master?

Aladdin: You're gonna grant me any 3 wishes I want, right?

Genie: [imitating William F. Buckley] Uh, ah, almost. There are a few, uh, provisos. Ah, a couple of quid pro quo.

Aladdin: Like?

Genie: [normally] Uh, rule #1, I can't kill anybody.
[cuts his head off]

Genie: So don't ask. A-rule #2!
[fixes his head]

Genie: I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else.
[smooches Aladdin]

Genie: You little punim there. RULE #3!
[turns into a slimy Genie, and imitating Peter Lorre]

Genie: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!
[he returns to normal]

Genie: Other than that, you got it!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: [as tailor] First, that fez-and-vest combo is much too third-century. These patches. What are we trying to say? Beggar? No. Let's work with me here.
[after taking measurements, turns Aladdin's rags into fine clothes]

Genie: Ooh, I like it! Muy macho!

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Aladdin: All this for a loaf of bread?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Razoul: [to Aladdin] We just keep running into each other, don't we, street rat?

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

[Aladdin has nearly drowned, and his unconscious body falls and rubs on the lamp]

Genie: [appearing as a guy in a bathtub] Never fails! You get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp.
[squeaks rubber duckie]

Genie: Hello?
[sees Aladdin]

Genie: Al? Al! Kid! Snap out of it! Oh, you can't cheat on this one. I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say, "Genie, I want you to save my life," got it? Okay!
[shakes Aladdin]

Genie: C'mon, Aladdin!
[Aladdin's head droops]

Genie: I'll take that as a yes.
[he changes into a submarine and pulls Aladdin out of the sea]

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav

Genie: Al, no problem. You've still got one wish left. Just say the word and you're a prince again.

Aladdin: But Genie, what about your freedom?

Genie: Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. This is love. Al, you're not gonna find another girl like her in a million years. Believe me, I know. I've looked.

Movie / TV: Aladdin
 | Comment  |  + My Fav