The Golden Girls Quotes
Blanche: Well then everything was just a misunderstanding, and Norman really did dump me for a fat woman!
Sophia: No kidding, fatter than you?
Sophia: No kidding, fatter than you?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [to Marguerite] So what's all this about you putting a curse on my daughter?
Dorothy: [doomed] We're all gonna be turned into kumquats.
Dorothy: [doomed] We're all gonna be turned into kumquats.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [about Dorothy's joke] Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: The way to relax when you have to speak in front of a group of people is to imagine what they all look like naked.
Rose: Really?
Dorothy: Yep. And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh.
Blanche: [stares at Rose for a few seconds, shrugs, and then begins staring at Dorothy, then bursts out laughing hysterically. After a few seconds Rose starts to laugh too. Dorothy, exasperated, exits the room.]
Rose: Really?
Dorothy: Yep. And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh.
Blanche: [stares at Rose for a few seconds, shrugs, and then begins staring at Dorothy, then bursts out laughing hysterically. After a few seconds Rose starts to laugh too. Dorothy, exasperated, exits the room.]
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: What if you were giving a eulogy for me, Dorothy? What would you say?
Dorothy: Well... I think I'd say that you were a kind, generous and loving person, and one of the best friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Nothing about my looks?
Dorothy: Okay, I'd say you were one of the prettiest friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Only "one of"?
Dorothy: The, Blanche! The prettiest. ... What would you say about me?
Blanche: Dorothy...
Dorothy: I told you, you can tell me.
Blanche: Well, I think I'd say that... I always felt safe having you in the house. And I'd say that I always enjoyed talking to you when I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I'd say that I always looked up to you, like an older sister.
Dorothy: Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing: I would also say you're fat.
Dorothy: Well... I think I'd say that you were a kind, generous and loving person, and one of the best friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Nothing about my looks?
Dorothy: Okay, I'd say you were one of the prettiest friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Only "one of"?
Dorothy: The, Blanche! The prettiest. ... What would you say about me?
Blanche: Dorothy...
Dorothy: I told you, you can tell me.
Blanche: Well, I think I'd say that... I always felt safe having you in the house. And I'd say that I always enjoyed talking to you when I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I'd say that I always looked up to you, like an older sister.
Dorothy: Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing: I would also say you're fat.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Night after night I had this awful dream that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men!
Dorothy: Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second thought...
Dorothy: Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second thought...
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Girls, I have some bad news. I am not going to be able to go with you [to the funeral].
Rose: Why not?
Dorothy: It's Ma. She's sick. I'm going to have to take her to the hospital.
Blanche: Oh, Doro-... wait a minute! She - she left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago!
Dorothy: She called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. Right now she is doubled over with cramps, crying out with pain and... [Sophia enters the house, looking perfectly healthy]... making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper!
Rose: Are you all right, Sophia?
Sophia: Of course I'm all right. It's just that halfway to the contest, I realized I forgot the wine.
Rose: For your mussels marinara?
Sophia: No, for me. I always drink wine during cooking contests and My Sister Sam.
Rose: Dorothy, Sophia's not sick! She didn't eat a bad cannoli! So whoever called and said that was just making the whole thing up.
Rose: Why not?
Dorothy: It's Ma. She's sick. I'm going to have to take her to the hospital.
Blanche: Oh, Doro-... wait a minute! She - she left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago!
Dorothy: She called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. Right now she is doubled over with cramps, crying out with pain and... [Sophia enters the house, looking perfectly healthy]... making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper!
Rose: Are you all right, Sophia?
Sophia: Of course I'm all right. It's just that halfway to the contest, I realized I forgot the wine.
Rose: For your mussels marinara?
Sophia: No, for me. I always drink wine during cooking contests and My Sister Sam.
Rose: Dorothy, Sophia's not sick! She didn't eat a bad cannoli! So whoever called and said that was just making the whole thing up.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Rose, I take it that no member of your family was ever a returning champion on Jeopardy!.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I'm concerned about nuclear war!
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: [Singing to the tune of "Thanks for the Memory"] "Thanks for the Medicare / For Blue Cross and Blue Shield / For a hip that finally healed / Remember, on prescriptions, generic is a steal / We thank you so much!" Okay, what did you think? Now don't hold back, I can take the criticism.
Blanche: Depressing.
Dorothy: Awful.
Rose: Stinky.
Sophia: [Unplugging her boombox and storming out] Go to hell, all of ya!
Blanche: Depressing.
Dorothy: Awful.
Rose: Stinky.
Sophia: [Unplugging her boombox and storming out] Go to hell, all of ya!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy! I've just been speaking to that good looking reporter over there who just got back from Russia, and he told me some very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime, and they don't have many attractive women – do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [about the article in the paper about her supposed affair with Gil Kessler] You girls don't believe this. Well, I mean, I'm not denying that's me in the photograph but I am denying that anything happened. I just dropped off his folder.
Dorothy: Then why does it say here that you were in his house for two hours?
Blanche: We were just talking.
Rose: Then why does it say the explosion was so great it shattered windows in the building next door?
Dorothy: Rose, that's an article about an earthquake in Guatemala!
Dorothy: Then why does it say here that you were in his house for two hours?
Blanche: We were just talking.
Rose: Then why does it say the explosion was so great it shattered windows in the building next door?
Dorothy: Rose, that's an article about an earthquake in Guatemala!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: My backside is spread all across the front page! How could they do that?
Sophia: They probably used a wide-angle lens.
Sophia: They probably used a wide-angle lens.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ma, ma, you promised you'd stay in your room 'til the meeting was over.
Sophia: Who am I, ALF?
Sophia: Who am I, ALF?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: [examining photo in newspaper of Gil Kessler's alleged "mistress"] Wait a minute, that looks like Blanche's red dress!
Sophia: And those look like Blanche's red shoes!
Dorothy: And aren't they her diamond earrings and gold bracelet?
Rose: That little floozy stole Blanche's clothes!!!
Dorothy: It's like having Agatha Christie right here in our kitchen.
Sophia: And those look like Blanche's red shoes!
Dorothy: And aren't they her diamond earrings and gold bracelet?
Rose: That little floozy stole Blanche's clothes!!!
Dorothy: It's like having Agatha Christie right here in our kitchen.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [walks up to Blanche holding newspaper] Blanche, it's YOU!
Blanche: Oh, you're gettin' so good at that, Rose. [points at Dorothy] Now who's that over there?
Blanche: Oh, you're gettin' so good at that, Rose. [points at Dorothy] Now who's that over there?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Look at this picture of Kessler, Dorothy. There's a secret behind those eyes. Trust my hunch on this one, I'm never wrong.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Ma, remember your hunch about your nephew Angelo? You said one day he'd be pope!
Sophia: Dorothy, you gotta pay attention! I said one day he'd sell dope! What do you think he went to Attica for? The volleyball program?
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Ma, remember your hunch about your nephew Angelo? You said one day he'd be pope!
Sophia: Dorothy, you gotta pay attention! I said one day he'd sell dope! What do you think he went to Attica for? The volleyball program?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Dorothy, quick, turn on the television. Gil's press conference is about to start.
Rose: Gosh, I'm nervous. I hope they're not too hard on him.
Dorothy: Well, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Look at all of those reporters.
Blanche: Yeah! There's Charlie Thompson, and Fred Leone, and Mike Devlin!
[All of the girls give Blanche a funny look]
Blanche: I had lunch at the Press Club once.
Rose: Only once? Gosh, it took me two years to learn everybody's name on Eight is Enough!
Rose: Gosh, I'm nervous. I hope they're not too hard on him.
Dorothy: Well, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Look at all of those reporters.
Blanche: Yeah! There's Charlie Thompson, and Fred Leone, and Mike Devlin!
[All of the girls give Blanche a funny look]
Blanche: I had lunch at the Press Club once.
Rose: Only once? Gosh, it took me two years to learn everybody's name on Eight is Enough!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [answers the telephone]) Hello. Yes, this is Blanche Devereaux. Yes, that Blanche Devereaux, and no, I did not! Absolutely not! I will tell it to a judge! I will yell it from the highest mountaintops! I will swear to it on a stack of Bibles! [hangs up telephone] Now did that sound like a liar?
Dorothy: No. It sounded like Jim and Tammy Faye on Nightline!
Dorothy: No. It sounded like Jim and Tammy Faye on Nightline!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I'm still confused about the operation that Gil Kessler had. Is the man asleep during it?
Dorothy: I think so.
Rose: And what about the parts they put on? Do they test them first?
Dorothy: Of course, Rose. You know, like windshield wipers.
Rose: So they work?
Dorothy: I assume so, yes.
Rose: [Brief pause] ...What are they made of?
Dorothy: [irritated]Silly Putty, Rose!
Dorothy: I think so.
Rose: And what about the parts they put on? Do they test them first?
Dorothy: Of course, Rose. You know, like windshield wipers.
Rose: So they work?
Dorothy: I assume so, yes.
Rose: [Brief pause] ...What are they made of?
Dorothy: [irritated]Silly Putty, Rose!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I don't normally speak to people who call me a liar.
Dorothy: Oh come on Blanche, we're in public now. There's no reason to be hostile.
Blanche: Oh, yes there is. I don't like you.
Dorothy: And horizontal stripes make you look like Roger Ebert!
Dorothy: Oh come on Blanche, we're in public now. There's no reason to be hostile.
Blanche: Oh, yes there is. I don't like you.
Dorothy: And horizontal stripes make you look like Roger Ebert!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Drink this. It's a secret potion from the old country, guaranteed to put you to sleep.
Rose: Looks like milk.
Sophia: Trust me, Rose. Drink it, slowly. That's right, down the hatch. [unbeknownst to Rose, Sophia takes a saucepan from the cupboard] We call this Sicilian Sominex. Now, you might feel a slight tingling. But believe me, you'll sleep like a baby. [walks up to Rose from behind and raises saucepan]
Rose: I don't feel any tingling. When's it going to hit me?
[Blanche walks in]
Blanche: Sophia! What are you doin'?
Sophia: [Freezes with the saucepan in her hand] ...I was making a souffle, and it got away from me!
Rose: Looks like milk.
Sophia: Trust me, Rose. Drink it, slowly. That's right, down the hatch. [unbeknownst to Rose, Sophia takes a saucepan from the cupboard] We call this Sicilian Sominex. Now, you might feel a slight tingling. But believe me, you'll sleep like a baby. [walks up to Rose from behind and raises saucepan]
Rose: I don't feel any tingling. When's it going to hit me?
[Blanche walks in]
Blanche: Sophia! What are you doin'?
Sophia: [Freezes with the saucepan in her hand] ...I was making a souffle, and it got away from me!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stan: [after Sophia opens the door] Hi Sophia. I have a surprise for Dorothy!
Sophia: What? Now that you're off the blood pressure medicine its working again?
Sophia: What? Now that you're off the blood pressure medicine its working again?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Ted: Hello Mrs. Petrillo. I'm Stan's brother, Ted. You remember? We danced together at the wedding?
Sophia: Where were you when they got divorced? I was looking for someone to dance with then.
Sophia: Where were you when they got divorced? I was looking for someone to dance with then.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Floozy.
Blanche: Tramp.
Dorothy: I, I am a tramp? Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns? "Join the Navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" "Join the Army, be all you can be and sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" [raising voice] The Marines are looking for a few good men who have NOT slept with Blanche Devereaux!
Blanche: Tramp.
Dorothy: I, I am a tramp? Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns? "Join the Navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" "Join the Army, be all you can be and sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" [raising voice] The Marines are looking for a few good men who have NOT slept with Blanche Devereaux!
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Where did you come from?
Blanche: Oh, I was hiding behind the drapes.
Dorothy: What is this, Hamlet?
Blanche: Oh, I was hiding behind the drapes.
Dorothy: What is this, Hamlet?
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Stan: So Blanche, is Ted over here?
Blanche: What?
Stan: Oh I get it, he's in the shower.
Blanche: Stanley, your brother isn't here.
Stan: Come on Blanche. Did you get it with Ted?
Blanche: What?
Stan: You know. Cha-cha-cha, tango,tango,ole, ole
Rose: Nobody here speaks Spanish Stan.
Stan: Oh I got it, right, I can play dumb.
Sophia: Play, you could manage the team.
Blanche: What?
Stan: Oh I get it, he's in the shower.
Blanche: Stanley, your brother isn't here.
Stan: Come on Blanche. Did you get it with Ted?
Blanche: What?
Stan: You know. Cha-cha-cha, tango,tango,ole, ole
Rose: Nobody here speaks Spanish Stan.
Stan: Oh I got it, right, I can play dumb.
Sophia: Play, you could manage the team.
TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: Rose tells us you're gettin' married.
Sven: Yes, and I hope I'm good at it. I don't have that much experience vith vomen.
Blanche: A big, strong, handsome thing like you? Get out of here!
Sven: Vell, it vas nice meeting all of you. [runs out front door]
Rose: [following Sven] It was an expression, Sven!
Blanche: [to Dorothy] You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I think Rose got the brains in that family.
Sven: Yes, and I hope I'm good at it. I don't have that much experience vith vomen.
Blanche: A big, strong, handsome thing like you? Get out of here!
Sven: Vell, it vas nice meeting all of you. [runs out front door]
Rose: [following Sven] It was an expression, Sven!
Blanche: [to Dorothy] You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I think Rose got the brains in that family.
TV Show: The Golden Girls