Life on Mars Quotes

Ray Carling: Chris, yer a div. Get in.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: If it was to do with football, he'd have serious injuries.
Gene Hunt: He's dead. That's quite serious.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: There will never be a woman prime minister as long as I have a hole in my arse.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Oi! Referee! Has anyone ever told you you need glasses, you dozy git? Next time, I run you over!

TV Show: Life on Mars
Ray Carling: I think it was a heart attack.
Gene Hunt: Then it must've exploded out of his arse, there's blood all down his back.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Time to liven things up a bit. Hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed. You ask my missus.
Sam Tyler: I'm not sure that's ethical.
Gene Hunt: It's not. It's vodka.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Test Card Girl: Why did you promise him, Sam? Daddies always let you down, don't they?

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Juries love all that. Makes 'em feel like Columbo.

TV Show: Life on Mars
[To Peter Bond, a football fan who has beat Colin Clay, a fellow supporter, to death in order to provoke a riot between opposing supporters]
Sam Tyler: You know nothing about football! [Punches Bond, winding him] I used to go to football with my dad. United and City fans used to walk to the match together. Our next door neighbour, he had a City flag up in his window. Kids used to play together in the street - red and blue. But then people like you came along and you took it away from us.
Peter Bond: A good punch up's all part of the game! It's about pride. Pride in your team. Being the best!
Sam Tyler: No it isn't! This is how it starts and then it escalates. It gets on the telly and in the press, and then other fans from other clubs start trying to out do each other. And then it becomes about hate! And then it's nothing to do with football any more! It's about gangs and scumbags like you roaming the country seeing who can cause the most trouble. And then we overreact, and we have to put up perimeter fences and we treat the fans like animals! Forty, fifty thousand people herded into pens! And then how long before something happens, eh? How long before something terrible happens and we are dragging bodies out?

TV Show: Life on Mars
[Snatching Bond's ticket for the match away from him]
Peter Bond: That's mine!
Sam Tyler: This doesn't belong to you. This belongs to decent people, who work hard all week and take their kids to the match on a Saturday! People like Colin Clay!

TV Show: Life on Mars
[After the case has been resolved, proving both Gene and Sam equally correct about the crime]
Gene Hunt: I'm ready anytime.
Sam Tyler: [Bewildered] For what?
Gene Hunt: An apology. Was this or was this not about football?
Sam Tyler: Was the killer drinking with him in the Trafford Arms?
Gene Hunt: Don't make excuses; I'm right, you're wrong, admit it. Was this about about football?
Sam Tyler: Not in the way you thought.
Gene Hunt: Still about football!
Sam Tyler: The only reason we caught him was because I persuaded you to go undercover! All you were doing before that was dragging hooligans in!
Gene Hunt: Still about football!
Sam Tyler: [Frustrated] You just will not be proved wrong, will you?! You know, that's very childish!
Gene Hunt: No it is not.
Sam Tyler: [Childishly] Is!
Gene Hunt: [Equally childishly] Isn't!

TV Show: Life on Mars
[Ray walks into shot, wearing a Manchester United scarf and freezes once he sees Sam and Gene]
Sam Tyler: I thought he had flu?
Gene Hunt: Sergeant!
[Ray makes a run for it]
Gene Hunt: [chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: We need to start a dialog with the hostage taker.
Gene Hunt: We need the hostage taker in handcuffs or dead on the floor

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.
Gene Hunt: Fair enough.
Sam Tyler: Call it the doughnut.
Gene Hunt: Jam or custard?
Sam Tyler: Now you're just being silly.
Gene Hunt: I'm not the one calling it a doughnut

TV Show: Life on Mars
Hugo Barton: [runs towards the team] Excuse me!
Sam Tyler: Excuse me sir, can you go back behind the cordon, please.
Hugo Barton: Hugo Barton. I'm a reporter from the Gazette.
Gene Hunt: Oh, terrific. [shouts at the hostage taker] Oi! We've got another one for you!
Sam Tyler: Guv.
Hugo Barton: He walked in about 40 minutes ago; he was just ahead of me. He pulled a gun; he means business.
Gene Hunt: Y'know, I'd listen to the snot in my hankie before I'd listen to you.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: I'M ALIVE!

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: His only way of talking to the outside world will be through-
Gene Hunt: Us
Sam Tyler: Me. I'm the negotiator.
Gene Hunt: I'll make you a hat.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: I reckon we can take him, I'll jump on him, you take his gun and Cartwright can jump up and down on his knackers.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Always trust the Gene Genie!

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Now is not the time to have a one night stand with your conscience.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: You so much as belch out of line and I'll have your scrotum on a barbed wire plate.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Nelson: I set the rules here.

TV Show: Life on Mars
[just caught by DCI Hunt]
Billy Kemble: Oh, bollocks.
Gene Hunt: My thoughts exactly. [knees Kemble in aforementioned spot]

TV Show: Life on Mars
[to Sam]
Gene Hunt: You're never happy unless you're making my life complicated, are ya.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Andrea Kemble: He your boss? What would I get for smacking him one?
Sam Tyler: A round of applause from half our station.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: If we can't police ourselves, how are the public supposed to trust us?
Gene Hunt: The public don't give a damn what we do, as long as we get results.
Sam Tyler: You're wrong.

TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: [yelling] GET ME OUT OF HERE!

TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: I don't know... [pause] ... who the biggest dickhead is round here. [to Ray Carling] You, for what happened... [to Sam] You, for your holier than thou act... or me, for having any of you on my team.

TV Show: Life on Mars
[Reading a title of a pornographic film]
Gene Hunt: Once Upon A Time In Her Vest? [disgusted] You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American Western?

TV Show: Life on Mars
[To Annie, touching her cheek]
Sam Tyler: Just so that you know. I don't hate everything about this place.

TV Show: Life on Mars