Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
Mr. Levine: Used to be an ice cream stand there.
Chris: Oh, that's where they sell crack now.
Mr. Levine: That's where Jerry and Becky Rosenthal got married.
Chris: Yeah. Now that's where Petey Pete got Tisha-T pregnant.
Mr. Levine: That's where Jacob Cohen got shot 30 years ago.
Chris: Oh. That's where this guy is about to get shot right now.
Woman with Gun: Eat lead! [shoots a guy]
Chris: Oh, that's where they sell crack now.
Mr. Levine: That's where Jerry and Becky Rosenthal got married.
Chris: Yeah. Now that's where Petey Pete got Tisha-T pregnant.
Mr. Levine: That's where Jacob Cohen got shot 30 years ago.
Chris: Oh. That's where this guy is about to get shot right now.
Woman with Gun: Eat lead! [shoots a guy]
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: Mr. Levine, it's me, Chris! Let me in! LET ME IN!!
Mr. Levine: Hey, hey, hey! Last time I let you in, I went to the hospital, almost got shipped to the farm... but you did me a favor, I saw my daughter, and me and Doc patched it up. You happy? Now, beat it!
Narrator: And with that, Mr. Levine taught me everything I needed to know about white people.
Mr. Levine: Hey, hey, hey! Last time I let you in, I went to the hospital, almost got shipped to the farm... but you did me a favor, I saw my daughter, and me and Doc patched it up. You happy? Now, beat it!
Narrator: And with that, Mr. Levine taught me everything I needed to know about white people.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: In professional sports, the best athletes get a sneaker contract.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: While Tonya tried to get into Drew's group, my mom tried to get into a pair of jeans. [Rochelle tries hard to put on a pair of jeans] She sweated less during childbirth.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I was hopin' to get a varsity letter, but I was afraid I would get three of them: D.O.A.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Referee: The Tessio Tigers do not have a wrestler to compete in this weight class, and therefore, the Tattaglia Sleeping Fish win by default!
Coach Brantley: Look at you with your win by forfeit, huh? You're just one step away from getting that varsity letter.
Narrator: I'm glad my neck still works.
Coach Brantley: Look at you with your win by forfeit, huh? You're just one step away from getting that varsity letter.
Narrator: I'm glad my neck still works.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: I made extra if anybody wants seconds.
Narrator: Nobody wanted firsts.
Narrator: Nobody wanted firsts.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: The only one who was eatin' instead of drinkin' was my father.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: What difference could a pound make? None, unless I could fight somebody. [Chris gets beat down] Not even Don King could fix that match.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Coach Brantley: I could give you a letter, but you get "L" for loser.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Tonya: I'm takin' the girls and startin' my own group.
Narrator: Called TMA: Too Much Attitude.
Narrator: Called TMA: Too Much Attitude.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Julius: So I've been spendin' money on shakes while you've been wastin' money on food?!
Narrator: Only my father would think food was a waste of money.
Everyone: Yes.
Julius: I work two jobs and you let me leave the house with nothin' on my stomach but a fish juice shake?!
Narrator: Not cool unless your husband's a shark.
Julius: If this is how you do it and you tryin' to get skinny, I'd rather have you fat.
Narrator: That's what Kirstie Alley's man said to her.
Narrator: Only my father would think food was a waste of money.
Everyone: Yes.
Julius: I work two jobs and you let me leave the house with nothin' on my stomach but a fish juice shake?!
Narrator: Not cool unless your husband's a shark.
Julius: If this is how you do it and you tryin' to get skinny, I'd rather have you fat.
Narrator: That's what Kirstie Alley's man said to her.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: Rice, rice, rice. Do you think all I knows is rice? I was there when George Washington Carver shucked that first peanut. I make yams and corn and cotton, but all America wants is them little grains of rice. I gives and I gives till I can't gives no more.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ms. Morello: Chris, you're excused from all of your classes. Professor Lee will be taking them for you.
Chris: Is he smart?
Ms. Morello: Chris, he's Asian. If you could turn his smart into black, he'd be darker than Yaphet Kotto in a pot of chocolate.
Chris: Cool.
Narrator: If Yaphet Kotto fell into your pot of chocolate, how would you know?
Chris: Is he smart?
Ms. Morello: Chris, he's Asian. If you could turn his smart into black, he'd be darker than Yaphet Kotto in a pot of chocolate.
Chris: Cool.
Narrator: If Yaphet Kotto fell into your pot of chocolate, how would you know?
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Drew: Aren't you gonna do something?
Princess Latifah: Why don't you do something?
Drew: 'Cause I'm the one auditioning you.
Princess Latifah: No one talks to Princess Latifah like that! Next!
Princess Latifah: Why don't you do something?
Drew: 'Cause I'm the one auditioning you.
Princess Latifah: No one talks to Princess Latifah like that! Next!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: While Drew was takin' his first step towards the charts, I was makin' my first step toward the mat.
Coach Brantley: Since this is your first day on the mat, I'm gonna walk you through some moves. You watch wrestling on TV?
Chris: All the time. Hulk Hogan, André the Giant, the Iron Sheik. I love all those guys.
Coach Brantley: It's too bad, 'cause all that crap is fake.
Coach Brantley: Since this is your first day on the mat, I'm gonna walk you through some moves. You watch wrestling on TV?
Chris: All the time. Hulk Hogan, André the Giant, the Iron Sheik. I love all those guys.
Coach Brantley: It's too bad, 'cause all that crap is fake.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: They call me the Black Plague.
Rochelle: Isn't that an insult?
Julius: I'm just glad you winnin'. We don't wanna know the things they call Jackie Robinson.
Narrator: If you really wanna know, ask Michael Richards or Don Imus.
Rochelle: Isn't that an insult?
Julius: I'm just glad you winnin'. We don't wanna know the things they call Jackie Robinson.
Narrator: If you really wanna know, ask Michael Richards or Don Imus.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Jerome: Little dude from across the street's friend who lives across town!
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: How are we supposed to get in?
Narrator: Easy. Just wait three more years.
Narrator: Easy. Just wait three more years.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Rochelle: [to Julius] Don't worry. You're not having a party.
Narrator: That's what the Democrats said to Hillary [Clinton].
Narrator: That's what the Democrats said to Hillary [Clinton].
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Back at school, I was more depressed than the Fat Boys at a finger sandwich party.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Chris: You got the IDs?
Greg: Is Janet Jackson in control?
Narrator: Yeah, but Michael isn't.
Greg: Is Janet Jackson in control?
Narrator: Yeah, but Michael isn't.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: Drew couldn't see through his hand, but he could see through Ryan's BS.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Ryan: Gimme my 50 back.
Narrator: That's what 50's girlfriend said to Vivica Fox.
Narrator: That's what 50's girlfriend said to Vivica Fox.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: I didn't know what's more surprisin': my mother givin' my father the cold shoulder or my father givin' me cold cash.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Mr. Thurman: You got a big future ahead of you.
Narrator: A super-sized future.
Narrator: A super-sized future.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris
Narrator: At Hansel and Gretel, my mother laid down the law like the Big Bad Wolf.
TV Show: Everybody Hates Chris