Everwood Quotes

Nina: [about her son] How was he?
Dr. Brown: Well, I'd say he was a little angel, but there were too many witnesses.
Nina: Oh boy!
Dr. Brown: Well, I learned how to make a cape, how to unclog a toilet and how to remove a chewy cookie from a VCR.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: How come you're so smart?
Ephram: I'm not, believe me. If I was, I'd be wearing a warmer jacket right now… and I wouldn't be telling you to go back to your boyfriend.

TV Show: Everwood
Bright: I've always been fond of you. I'm just, you know…shy.
Ephram: Name one thing you like about me.
Bright: One thing, how ‘bout a thousand. You're sensitive. You're extremely clean…

TV Show: Everwood
Colin: Bright told me about you.
Ephram: Look, I don't know what Bright told you but he's running on empty as far as brain cells are concerned.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Brown: [about Colin] You two friends now?
Ephram: Kind of. It turns out we have some things in common.
Dr. Brown: You mean Amy?
Ephram: Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy.
Dr. Brown: So, why aren't you sitting with him?
Ephram: Because of Amy.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: What's going on between you and Colin. I mean...why are you being all buddy-buddy with him?
Ephram: I'm not being buddy-buddy with anyone, alright. He approached me.
Amy: He did!. . .I mean, he did? Why?
Ephram: I don't know. Maybe he thinks I'm pretty.

TV Show: Everwood
Wendell: Dude, what are you doing? The popular table beckons.
Ephram: So?
Wendell: So? You can't say no. That's like saying no to free comics. Or saying no to making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. Such things just aren't done.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Brown: When will you be home?
Ephram: Usual time. Unless the schoolyard pusher has some good stuff.

TV Show: Everwood
Ephram: Why can't you go look for him?
Bright: Because I'm on the team.
Ephram: Is that what they call this wooden plank?
Bright: Look just go find him, nutsack.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Abbott: Carl used to be Everwood's version of Tom Cruise. I suppose that appeals to a certain woman, you know the type. Rugged...athletic...young.
Dr. Brown: Why don't you ask him out, Harold?

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Brown: [At the basketball game] Why is the Abbott kid waving at you?
Ephram: I don't know. Probably needs help counting the points.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Brown: Are you dilated yet?
Rev. Keyes: I'm not sure, but everything has a rainbow halo around it. You look like Jesus.
Dr. Brown: I get that a lot.

TV Show: Everwood
Gemma: I like hanging out with your brother. He doesn't have a lot of facial hair so I can kiss him for a long time without breaking out.
Amy: Yeah I saw.

TV Show: Everwood
Bright: [about the ski trip] I gotta go! It's...it's a church thing...to cleanse my soul.
Dr. Abbott: Oh please! I delivered a baby that was the product of last year's bacchanal. It's just an excuse for your friends to drink and exchange hickeys. It does more damage to the Catholic church's reputation than the crusades.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: I didn't know you were going on the ski trip.
Bright: Well Gemma's goin'. And I go where the booty goes [Imitates whip cracking]
Amy: Later in my life, when I am in therapy you'll be able to take most of the credit.

TV Show: Everwood
Colin: Where do you think Bright and Gemma are?
Amy: Probably groping each other somewhere on a gondola.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Brown: [in a letter to Julia] Dear Valentine, come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only, I would enjoy the simple things. The things that, in the end, when time steals the rest away, are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a rowboat and read poetry to you until you fall asleep and I would never think about the hours. Dear Valentine, if I had one day with you and you only... I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair... Every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day... Don't you see? My heart beats only for you. Dear Valentine, these are the things I remember of my love. A warm hand, a warm breath. Your warm mouth. Your arms around mine... I remember feeling safe, cease-less. Like one person. The two of us still, at rest, entwined... I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your heart? Where did they go? All the things we think and feel but don't say. Dear Valentine... These are the things I never told you. These are the things I need you to know. That I loved you always. And my love was so big, it lives still after you're gone. I'd like to tell you that I would do it differently. That if I had one more day I would do everything right. But I know that isn't true. I'd make all the same mistakes. That is except one. I wouldn't say goodbye.

TV Show: Everwood
Laynie: Okay, I challenge you. To an "I Hate Everwood" contest. I'll go first. I hate the fact that the egg rolls at Gino Chang's smell like lasagna.
Ephram: I hate that everything here is a 'fest'. Thaw Fest, Fly Fest, Pie Fest. What does that all mean? And what's so festive about catching some fish or watching some guy melt?
Laynie: I hate that they call it 'Main' Street. It's the only street in town. They should just call it 'Street'.
Ephram: Do you have a subway map of another city covering one wall of your room?
Laynie: Do you choose colleges based on how far they are from here?
Ephram: Have you ever had a dream that you were trapped underground in a sewer full of mice and woke up disappointed to discover that you were still in Everwood?
Laynie: Do you have a packed bag and a plane ticket in your room?
Ephram: C'mon.
Laynie: If you don't believe me I'll show it to you.
Ephram: No, I believe you. I still have the bag packed...I just haven't bought the ticket yet.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: Ephram? What are you doing here.
Laynie: I found him after school at the post office hanging around the outbound mail box. I think someone was trying to return him.
Ephram: I wish.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: Laynie's cool, isn't she?
Ephram: Huh?
Amy: Laynie. The two of you looked like you were getting along the other day. That's... that's so great.
Ephram: Well, I'm glad you approve. Why are you so interested in me and Laynie anyway?
Amy: I don't know. She's my friend... you're my friend.
Ephram: Well, we did receive mail together. To which I went back to her place where I believe we shared a beverage or two. At which point I obviously felt it was time to ask for her hand in marriage.

TV Show: Everwood
Amy: What is it you like about him?
Laynie: He's that guy that you'd want to hang out with even if you weren't dating him, and he's cute in that kinda way that's sorta like... you know in the movies that guy you want the girl to end up with that everybody pretends isn't cute, but really is.

TV Show: Everwood
Laynie: Nightmare, isn't it?
Ephram: What's going on, except my exact version of 'hell on earth'?
Laynie: Spoils of war. The result of a commercially financed assault against the unattached individual.
Ephram: Valentine's Day?
Laynie: Week after is always the hardest. These newbie couples have the lifespan of a monarch butterfly. By Friday, the halls will be littered with their crispy corpses.

TV Show: Everwood
Laynie: Okay, number one... how'd you get us in here. Two, how did you find this place. And three... how'd you get us in here?
Ephram: I have connections.
Laynie: Mob ties?
Ephram: I'm all kinds of dangerous.

TV Show: Everwood
Laynie: I don't know how to break this to you...
Ephram: You're married?
Laynie: No.
Ephram: You're leaving the country?
Laynie: "Stop!
Ephram: You're marrying Bright, then leaving the country?

TV Show: Everwood
Matt: So, where's this date taking place?
Ephram: I don't know. I'm still working on it.
Matt: Okay, not a problem. So what are your options?
Ephram: I live in Everwood. Its either the $1.50 movie theater or the $3.00 movie theater, both of which are currently playing Lilo and Stitch.
Matt: Ever hear of Ezekiel's?
Ephram: No, but it sounds religious which doesn't exactly spell out 'action' in my mind.

TV Show: Everwood
Laynie: You looked so uncomfortable the other day. Like I embarrassed you or something.
Ephram: Look, I'm gonna mess up because that's just what I do. But at least give me a chance to mess up. I mean, I'm capable of such stupidity that you'd be wasting my talent by ending this now.

TV Show: Everwood
[flashback]
Ephram: [about Dr. Brown] Why don't you just leave him? We don't need him, he-he doesn't do anything. We could move away from here. I could help take care of Delia.
Julia: We do need him. I need him, Ephram. I know you don't understand but I love your father very much. I couldn't imagine my life without him. And I'm telling you, this family wouldn't work without him.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Abbott: I was worried about your friend.
Amy: My boyfriend! Boy-friend!! God, I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! It's so obvious what you're doing.
Dr. Abbott: Wh-what are you talking about?
Amy: Oh please, you're trying to keep Colin and me apart. You're not worried about Colin's health. The only thing you're worried about is that I might be growing up too fast and you don't like it. Well, that's just too damn bad! Isn't it?

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Abbott: It's an impossible predicament. I mean, they don't want us to treat them like children but then when you try to talk to them like an adult, they act like...
Dr. Brown: Teenagers.

TV Show: Everwood
Dr. Abbott: My child won't talk to me anymore. Apparently, I've broken a sacred trust by simply voicing an honest concern.
Dr. Brown: If it makes you feel any better, Ephram's not talking to me right now, either.
Dr. Abbott: Big deal. He never talks to you. You're used to it.

TV Show: Everwood